- Member Since 1st Oct, 2021
- offline last seen Oct 22nd, 2023
Anonymous 1234321
I am totally alive and not dead, totally...
Anonymous 1234321
Joined 1st Oct, 2021 ·
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So far I'm liking the story a good first chapter
Can't wait to read the next chapter.
So does this mean that Grogar is the main villain?
11392249
probably not, but he will appear in the future.
Okay, one of the big confusing parts for me is why do Celestia and hunger hate each other so much. I can understand why hunger hates Celestia sees being portrayed to be a paranoid idiotic monster for no apparent reason. Then hunger is a creature of the monarch origin in this world. But there has to be more than that going on. Even if I hate it. Someone I would not purposely buy my soul with them out of spite or hoping they are this going to break the contract and kill themselves. And I would not either listen to the device they give me because I assume they're trying to trick me. I would take their advice into the reason and think over it to see if the smartest decision even if I was dealing with a real demon. But the level of stupidity that Celestia is presented to have is so dumb that she would put her her people, her student and her kingdom in danger this to screw over this single demon or person. I need the reason to fully dislike this version of Celestia seek it. Have a good reason or not but stories were people make someone a villain this because or they're the authority figure so they have to be the villain as well is silly to me. So we might need a flashback or Celestia to explain what the duck going on here.
11398020
Yeah, I should probably explain how this all happened in the next chapter of the diary, after all it's there to explain things that Hunger can't talk about freely, I'll try to explain it in the next interlude to come. (which should happen every 3 chapters)
(PS: if anyone has more questions about something I left out, don't hesitate to ask them, I'll answer them in a chapter of the diary if I see that it doesn't affect the plot too much.)
11398047
Thank you. I have to assume that it has something to do with her sister, but even that is not enough to explain why Celestia hates hunger and demons so much. Her hatred of both of those things is getting put into a level of idiotic because not only did she make a soul contract. She gave him axle legal power, Plus it doesn't seem so put any real thought into the contract it basically restricts him in minor situations, but there are plenty of loopholes for it. Plus the restrictions see put on herself. It doesn't help that she is soothing herself in the hoof as well somehow finding a way to suit hunger in the hook at the same time.
So this is like 45% his fault that he's in this situation
I like this. An interesting story.
This is one of the rare novels that likes Gilda.
11403426
To be fair, I intended to cast Gilda as a side character whom Hunger would exchange letters with while she went to Griffonstone, using a method of instantaneous communication that he wanted to test.
But when I was writing the story and I got carried away by the conversation, she ended up becoming an important character.
Maybe it's because the fact I like a woman that can brake me in two but chose not to do it.
11403629
If the protagonist suffers such persecution, will he take revenge on the pony country with the villains in the future?
11403638
it really depends.
If he judges them as villains with the intention of making things worse than they are now, or that they are pure evil, he will probably try to fight or assist against them.
If they can come to an agreement and he believes they are trustworthy, he will probably choose to turn a blind eye or assist them.
11403644
I don't think the ponies will treat the main character well.The protagonist should turn his anger into strength and be a behind-the-scenes conspirator.
There are too many crises in the pony country in the animation.Twilight Sparkle solves all crises over and over again with her ridiculous friendship.
Sir Humphrey Appleby once said that when a country is going downhill, it is time for someone to step on the accelerator.
When the pony country was in crisis, Perhaps kicking it off the cliff is the most exhilarating act.
This this sounds like a good way to go extinct. Sometimes you need to give people the back. Hoof.
This might be a hot take but from my overall knowledge of the situation so far you can't really blame the ponies. From what I've seen, there's been many fractures in the history between hunger the ponies and Celestia. Plus there is an unknown. A mixture of celestia's paranoia in hunger's paranoia has basically been mixed together to make a stupid soup.
Any "I" that is by itself should be capitalized and the sentence is missing a period.
Why did you make the chapters so long?
11419224
I personally like long chapters, since in other stories at least it bothers me to "turn" the page.
That and writing an interlude every 3 chapters at the end I would run out of ideas... probably.
11419911
I seriously doubt that.
Story is good so far but, badly needs an editor. There are times he/she are flipped, missing letters, or its difficult to understand some sentences.
11432603
true, I will probably take the time to read it again and correct what I notice, but unless an editor magically appears out of nowhere and offers me their services for free, I doubt I'll get one anytime soon.
(I'm not saying editors don't deserve to be paid, I'm just poor.)
Sorry for the strokes that my half baked English may cause you.
Oh yeah, warlocks sell your soul for magic. It's never a bad deal
I'm going to need you all to remember this part right here for later on.
Tried to get through this, but the sheer amount of grammar mistakes, which all happen to be easily corrected, makes it difficult to read. The most common one seems to the the constant use of "whit" when it should be "with", don't know how that was messed up literally every time the word was used in the chapter aside from it being deliberate.
Do you not use any form of editing program before posting? It would clear up like 95% of the problems.
11443872
Yea, In the next characters I notice this problem and I had tried to check them, I will read again this and I will try to fix it so you eyes may not bleed.
I use grammarly, but probably I need premium for it to tell me that I "mixed" with with "with", Since I notice it didn't told me that I wrote it wrong.
Thanks for the feedback.
The ending
This story is so interesting.
This story is continuing right?
11489072
Yeah, I have a chap cooking but I had some problems with my dogs and I have been pretty busy with them.
My dog maybe won't see Monday and I will try to keep her confortable for now, but there should be a update in this history in about a week or less.
Sorry for the hold up.
11489562
Don't be sorry, just give your pup some attention and company. Ignore the comments.
OK, Ive caught up and I have to say that I like this story. The English is kind of rough, but the concept and the way it's been presented is done quite well. Of your two stories currently, I prefer this one. It's a bit more serious than the more humorous, "Simply Anonymous".
However, I would greatly love to see any of your great stories continued. Please consider adding more chapters.
Monk
“Not telling you too much about humanity's special power, but I can give you a big hint! It is pure, concentrated spite.” -Knight Breeze
Yay! Nice to see this back.
Ponies author, the plural is ponies
man havent read it yet but the summary is a jumbled mess and kinda makes my head hurt due to its abhorrent use of English to describe the summary, there are some people saying this story good so im still reading it..... just not right now
11711304
Sorry! my English is better now since I have been writing for a while, but I also don't know If I have enough will power to go fix the mistakes in this story
11715512
no problems bro, no beef here your fine
11398964
I think a bit less because she was probably going to be kill on sight if he didn’t do that
11742636
This probably was a flash of the moment idea but it's been centuries and he hasn't tried to correct it and he's now pissed at her that she acts irrational around him even though because of what he did her irrationality is perfectly justified.
I like this, alot. The Pacing, the story, the steady world building. In the end the fact that your English is a work in progress, was to me inconsequential to the story itself. Thank you for this!
1. Who is Amber?
2. If Hunger is concerned about age difference why is he with Gilda?