theredbregade
Joined 30th Jan, 2016 ·
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Don't tell me? Is he/"you" gonna be a "antagonist" on the ponies eyes? Due to a very stupid misunderstanding, or on purpose?
We got something to hear on the first chapter seems good so far
11287115
Mebe, Mebe not Uwu
11287121
You mean, "maybe"?
it's a pretty generic start, which isn't bad in itself, however, I do suggest trying to break up your paragraphs more. Large textwalls are somewhat more difficult to read.
11287270
Thanks for the heads up, I type on computer so it looks allot different for me! I'll do a bit of a touch up today!
11287290
its massive blocks on computer as well. You should take a look at some of the more popular fics on the site to try to figure out the formatting. If nothing else, look up the fimfiction discord and ask someone for help in the writing-help chat. They gave me a crash course, just make sure to listen to them if you ask for help.
So, they rebranded the Summer Sun Celebration, then? Because that’s an all night party occurring over the night of the summer solstice (which marks the start of summer). You know, the one culminating in Ol’ Helioplot lofting her gasball into view in front of the crowd?
Ok, bring on the conquests! I’m ready for your path of glory.
Me, on the verge of making an immature joke
meme-arsenal.com/memes/7d90b52132f0deae31e9c6bf43f6757c.jpg
I don’t wanna sound like I’m criticizing, but why is all of your dialogue in italics?
Can you grind meat on those abs
11290157
Ah my bad, old habit of mine when I type in my journal ^^;
Thanks T-B for another great chapter. You've got my interest thus far and I'm excited to see what happens next. Good luck with your next chapter, and as always have fun writing.
11290556
Aw thanks, that means allot!
Let's hope you get some clothes being naked in your first contact in exactly the best
11291167
Hey at least he has a small lake and waterfall to clean off under lol
11291167
Well, ponies are typically naked unless they are anthro, so i dont think they'll care
“Yet another fine edition to the many others within his grim collection”.
Fine edition may work in this context but I believe you probably meant “fine addition” as in adding something to a group.
Other than that, great opening. I look forward to reading the rest
11292311
Ah! Thanks for catching that!
Jonathans/Dezmonds life is suffering confirmed.
Can we have an 'F' in the chat for the poor pants who were barely worn after being made?
Not bad can't wait to see what you do with this.
THOU HATH MISSED A QUOTATION, GOOD SIR!
11294505
Lol thanks XD
I can't wait till he meets Derpy and Dinky
This is what the quote reminded me of:
https://s3-us-west-1.amazonaws.com/soupmemes/ThanosImSorryLi-1549587032557.jpg
Any chance the name was inspired by Code Lyoko?
https://pm1.narvii.com/6318/c17752f40ac3abd8fdadb90ffa798e774e050efc_hq.jpg
11298270
Well I'll be damned, you have a keen eye for references! XD I applaud you for your master of classics
11298220
Lol yep, precious lil beans uwu
The problem with these kinds of stories is they devolve into stats and percentages and pictures. The story, the tale, the plot, becomes a secondary consideration. While this started well, Its devolved into spending 3/4 of the chapter explaining what things are and how they work.
While these have a following and I know for a fact that people love these, I just cant read these. I loose interest because its been three chapters of him just picking stuff up, and nothing happening to advance the plot. Three chapters.
I wont give this a thumbs down because these do have their following, but I'm out.
Monk
Boring read. Annoying protagonist. Delivery leaves me struggling to care about anything that's happening.
11298307
Thank you for your criticism, I appreciate any and all input, negative or positive. I plan to steer gradually from the whole stat buff thing, think of it more like his starting equipment. Getting gear and such before adventuring out into the dangerous world.
From this chapter onward I intend to focus more on story rather than turning it into a gamer style story. If you ever find yourself curious feel free to swing around and check in now and then! :)
>gets canine companion
>doesn't name them Sif
Smh
(Tis a joke)
I really like where this is going! So far, this story has been an amazing read. Can’t wait to see where this goes!
11298594
It makes me ecstatic to see that there are fans so excited to read my work! Feel free to send ideas or opinions my way! This story will have reasonable interaction with fans and all ideas will be taken into consideration!
Hrmmmm...... looks interesting, been running outta stuff to read. ONWARDS!
Gotta admit, the premise of this is something new to me..... I like it, just hope the ponies will be nice
11305418
Omg lol XD
i dont like the comic interactions with the tome known as pwinx, so i hate pwinx!
im just not into whatever pwinx is being comically assisting jonathan.
i apologize to those who likes pwinx........
i hate you pwinx!
so im out............hope the others enjoys reading this.
Still loving this. Keep it up! :)
F
Hmm glad to see the reboot of fallen angel but I’d prefer to see less POV switches and possible focus more on our MC. I understand why your doing it however I myself am not too found of it. But if this is how the story will be until they finally meet I’ll continue to read, as I enjoyed fallen angel and again glad to see its reboot!
11309090
Oh? Thanks for your input! My goal is to make a story that allot of people will enjoy, so I plan to dip a little into both worlds, next chapter will mostly involve our protagonist, this more so sets the stage for him later along the line so no spoilers! ^^ Hope you plan to stick around for a long while!
11309092
Ain’t right to write it off yet. So can guarantee I’ll be round.
For a quick minute I was confused about how Pinkie got into Jonathan's mindscape, but then chalked it up to Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie until I read back and realized it was actually Dezmond.
11312289
How the hell are you finding all these references XD who hired you?- lmao
11312680
I just have a keen eye and memory for things I've seen before and know.
11312691
👏👏👏👏
Rest in pieces, pants. You barely were worn.