- Member Since 3rd Dec, 2020
- offline last seen January 7th
Gambling_Sam
Lost a bet, now a brony who produces in-depth stories.
Gambling_Sam
Joined 3rd Dec, 2020 ·
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Here, you're still publishing your new story! Remember, brother! Your best side is Humor! Use it.
11106165
Thanks, man. Don't worry, I plan on focusing on my strengths while diving deeper into what my other story missed out on.
Thanks for the comment!
Does this story involve war? I mean like building your own empire/kingdom/clan sort of war? If so, count me in.
I could help direct your character in the right direction if you allow me to suggest actions and choices that is. Stop me if I’m going too far on this whole controlling things; love being in charge at times. Especially with strategy.
11106422
This story will have war aspects in it, especially with the whole building and exploration of an old empire...but thats spoilers for later.
Feel free to PM me about this subject if ya want, and even though I have a clear idea on what Mitch will be doing I am still open to talking about it in more detail.
Good start so far. The guy in the tux seemed to be Discord. I think.
11107299
Thanks for the comment, brother!
As for the guy in the tux...we shall see
I greet you, my friend. And this will be my first comment while reading Chapter 1. Although, for some reason, I think that it was necessary to start with the Prologue.
Ahah! He will then shit applesauce for at least a couple of weeks!🤢😅
***
Yes... Yes! I, or rather Heart, have already gone through a similar procedure with the same hasty, mental conclusion. With the words: "I hope I'm not doing anything stupid?" ha ha. 😅 But in the end, as always, everything turns out to be much more interesting and mysterious.
***
To be honest, you were able to surprise me with the quality and more perfect style when writing a POV! You did a good job of plotting and thinking about moving a man to another world. A good description of Discord. You have become better at working with details when writing each paragraph! The only thing I think is that it was worth calling your beginning a Prologue.
Well, we will wait for the next chapter. I hope it will already be bigger in size. Maybe at least 5-6 thousand?
11109583
Thanks for the comment! And I am glad to see you liked this chapter, for I kinda didn't know how it had turned out honestly.
But it worked, and the only reason it's not called prologue is because I'm not a fan of that word. maybe next story
Oh cool, a story that's so far sounding good... here's 3 hopes that it don't turn into a dead story!
11112850
Have no worries, friend! Even with me being a college student, I was able to finish my last story pretty well, so this one shouldn't go dead unless I die first.
11112869
The main thing is not to die from sex! Especially when it's Celestia.🤣
Heh... yeah... I certainly laughed in this chapter. But I have one question!
When will we be able to see the mare!? Lightning Dust. Honestly, I would really like to see something romantic, and of course... you know, my preferences.
pbs.twimg.com/media/FALUZwGUUAEarrb.jpg
11114433
Thanks for the comments, my friend. And don't worry! Romance is going to happen, but these things cant be rushed, and if they are then I take the risk of ruining the flow I have going right now...and I'd rather not do that.
And Lightning dust will be appearing later, not too much later but not right now either
11114457
Of course my friend! I just expressed my expectations of the plot. I perfectly notice your changes in the text. However, I still have a request for you:
Try to write more reflections on behalf of the main character. Give him more adult manners in behavior. For example, trying to make fun of these dogs. Try to make fun of Zephyr Breeze by pointing out his idiotic behavior.
I, hehe, honestly, thought that this Bertha would press him with her udder, for his compliment, and after that she would start kissing him in the hickey! It would be truly funny, and the level of humor would correspond to a mature rating.
By the way, I still remember your promise perfectly! It was in the middle of Harmony Era. You promised me to write at least one chapter, co-authored with me. To get from this experiment, the opportunity to see the plot from a different angle.
cs10.pikabu.ru/post_img/2019/06/21/1/og_og_156107114327539851.jpg
Isn't she beautiful?
11114503
Ah yes! I remember the promise! And don't worry, Mitch himself, as you've noticed, finds hi.self lost in thought at times. Once he gets comfortable and stops being so stressed about his current predicament he's sure to notice and mess with the dogs flaws.
Oh, and when you do co-write a chapter with me, high chance it will be a romantic scene, for that is easily your Forte.
11114516
I also assume that it will be a romantic scene.
Loved this mate! Ye definitely have my interest on this one! :D
11115064
Thanks! Glad to hear it!
Yeah, I better see some action. Cause I planned ahead in case you want to hear me later on. When you PM me that is.
11118987
Action is going to happen, but that stuff doesn't just happen.
That, and the kingdom building stuff happens alongside the main plot of the story.
Hello, friend!
I noticed your new chapter almost immediately after you published it. And since it's 8 o'clock in the morning, a day off, I decided to start this morning by reading your chapter.
I admit, from the very beginning I started laughing, and it looks like you were able to catch my hints from past comments. By the way, I will send you images of the "Big Bertha", the largest caliber (420 mm) in the history of the First World War. Killer of Forts.
cdna.artstation.com/p/assets/images/images/003/335/660/large/hleb-bychykhin-02.jpg?1472571824
fs3.fotoload.ru/f/0418/1524861169/d59c536ce1.jpg
Unfortunately, it was difficult for me to imagine exactly what a female minotaur looks like. But I found something, maybe it will help you.
i.pinimg.com/474x/b4/3c/e9/b43ce912680d361b3c0a11b4c9f869dc--minotaur-art-tauren-warrior.jpg
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/437/410/b5a.jpeg
krot.info/uploads/posts/2020-11/1604912417_39-p-minotavr-art-deviantart-45.jpg
My friend, sometimes it seems to me that you still can't get used to and adapt your writing thinking to this world. We are not writing about a simple story, namely about other intelligent beings who have their own concepts, their own laws, their own name for any specific object or thing, clothes and the like. So for example, a pony has a saddle bag!
Although, I probably have to read on to understand your plan.
But still, don't stop paying special attention to such details when you write your story. Considering the logic and anatomy of the character, but do not make a simple fairy tale out of it, but try to explain such details in the plot. Only you do it on behalf of the main character, who, once in this world, conducts such observations and he has a thought process, or he was able to get information from his (friends). These reflections will not be superfluous when writing a plot, at least briefly.
The idea that the character has, in real time, is better of course to write "Oblique" text, but whole reflections can be the size of several paragraphs, they can already be written in plain text.
P.S. Heh-heh! Well, about the lions, of course you went too far! Although it's funny to read... In lions, this is called a Pride (one male and two or three females). But, did you specify 20 females?!!? Leo will die from sex before Heart Path!🤣 But it was really funny to read!
Well, as they say in Russia: "THE HEAT HAS RUSHED!" Понеслась ЖАРА!
i04.fotocdn.net/s114/6a291678916c4d0e/public_pin_l/2591476135.jpg
Well... I read the chapter to the end, and I liked it. The actions and all this trial really had a good effect!
Great chapter, my friend! I am glad that you find the time to continue writing this story, and on behalf of the readers I will say to you: Thank you!
i wonder who is that pony
11120236
Thanks for the comment, brother!
Yeah, there are some areas where I'm still tweaking my writing skills, but hey, it's progress.
Oh! And the first Minotaur picture you sent me is the most accurate to Bertha...just with green fur and bigger cleavage.
11120437
Good thing about this is that pony is an mildly important character, so that will be answered...later
Zephyr is a ok got guy, don’t judge him. Also, what powers did Mitch receive anyways?
11121280
Honestly, the more I look into the guy, the less I dislike him. He reminds me of me in middle school.
As for the powers...you'll see.
ZA WAURDO!
11124442
See, now I'm going to have to find a way to put that in a later chapter.
11124636
KINGUKURIMUZON!!!
Ok, I’m getting a feeling that this is a infamous 2 thing. It makes sense on account of the crystal arm. The power to heal himself and others is also nice. But fighting a creature called a demon wall add weirdness up to 11 in my opinion. That, and are we going to get to the point what the human tends to do? Just asking.😐👐
11129218
Im not sure I understand the question. The Demon Wall was something I pulled from final fantasy, and believed for it to be a cool test for Mitch to overcome. If you want to know more, look up stuff about it.
If you are asking when are we going to get to what is goal in the story is, then that point had already passed. Mitch wants to find the guy who forced him there and get back home...of course, things are never that simple and he will end up fulfilling his contract to D one way or another.
Hi my friend! Yes, I noticed your new chapter. To be honest, I expected it to be more, 5-6 thousand words.
I've never seen this before.
Aha... So you decided to give your main character a magical ability! Well, that's a good move! But try not to overdo it. Remember, brother, you have to pay for everything in this life, which you were able to show in the plot. That's right, you need to keep a balance.
Brother, I swear to you, I liked this chapter, especially the second half! Perhaps I will repeat myself, but you really draw conclusions and increase your experience when writing a plot. You're just missing one thing... write your chapters at least 10 thousand words or more. I understand that this step is still a challenge for you, but look at me! Yes, I don't release a new chapter every week, but when reading a chapter, it won't feel like it's just a small piece of cake.
If you can feel confident in yourself, then you can write 2-3 thousand words in one evening. Thus, you write only one scene, after that, you gather your courage and close your eyes, a picture of the world and the whole plot that you describe will appear in front of you. You know your plan, and you feel inspired. Besides, I will always support you! And you will not have time to open your eyes, and you already have a new chapter for 15 thousand words ready.😉
11129585
Yeah, I kinda made up Cow-ish. Oh well, lol.
Believe me, no ones getting powers here without earning them in some way. There shall be no Gsry sues in this story, I swear!
Thanks for the comment and kind words, brother! And don't worry, I'm slowly building up to those bog word chapters!
Out of curiosity do you plan to pair Mitch with a pony, dog, dragon... ect?
11138479
I was wondering when someone would ask that.
Answers: A bit of all three below
A-All the above
B-None of the above
C-Perhaps some of the above, but you shall see.
11138503
You a darn troll....
11138504
Yeah, I am.
But on a more serious note answering this now would kinda be spoilers, but here's 2 hints:
1-NOT a dragon
2-Name isn't one of the tags because you can only have 5 tags and I ran out of them lol
11138525
Well with the title being what it is, im kinda hoping for a diamond dog... to be honest. I also thought that he'd be morphed by that pool but I see that didn't happen I just wonder what the complete list of side effects are gonna be from his soak.
11138529
Yeah, he kinda got dumped into the pool with no telling of what the side effects would be.
And yeah, there will be side effects. One does not simply become a magic man without drawbacks, especially when one gets said magic from a place of literal darkness
11138533
"Oh no, you just grew an extra hand!"
I have my hopes for what happens...
11138535
Well he still has 2 hands, the crystal one simply replaced the acid burned one.
And it will be interesting to say the least.
11138543
I wonder how deep into the body modifications you'll go with the side-effects
11138544
I'm going to try and keep physical change to a minimum, while making most side effects more mental and physiological.
It's hard to explain what I have in store without spoiling, so you'll just have to see
11138549
Which reminds me, did you have a planned update schedule or was it an update as you go?
11138551
I stated in the first or second chapter about a new chapter every one or two weeks, considering I have college and other things. But it shouldn't ever take any longer unless I'm injured or something.
11138555
My bad, I guess I skimmed over yhat
11138556
it's fine lol, I do the same when I'm writing.
I agree with what you wrote, which was well worded or clearly expressed.
But what happens next, my friend? Here I think I'll put on a cap with the inscription "Director".
Firstly, Zephyr POV, it was possible to start with deep thoughts. He is in an unenviable position, and he is uncomfortable. Maybe to cheer himself up a little, he would like to remember a couple of wonderful moments in his life. It is even possible to remember about his first love or some kind of dream that still stands far away from him. He may even remember his relatives, take for example Fluttershy, whom he has not seen for a long time. And in these reflections, you will be able to show the true attitude of Zephyr to this or that character.
(Remember, for example, how I wrote Autumn Blaze POV in chapter 29. It all started with reflections that showed how she felt about her new friends. At the same time, I took each of them separately, which resulted in a good amount of text, and thus the character became more open to the reader)
And while Zephyr is thinking, and sometimes openly expresses his dissatisfaction with his fate, (and this is for a moment, maybe a thousand words, if not more), Rex approaches him, and reminds him that you should not fall into a trance, but it's better to hurry up with collecting firewood.
And now I will have a friendly request to you, which is why I have been trying hard, since the "Era of Harmony", to convey my thought to you.
Close your eyes again and imagine a picture of this world, but only you are in the body of this character, and you start writing him a POV. Your mistake is that the first thing you start with is a dialogue (monologue). From this, the feeling of the character disappears immediately, and the text in the plot becomes a simple filler. Because of this, everything returns to the "Era of Harmony" style again. But, you need to start at least with the fact that you describe a little what you see in front of your eyes. Describe your surroundings and body sensations. Damn it! There may even be some birds flying by, which scared Zephyr a little, with their suddenness. Which is why Rex will show his reaction, and maybe laugh at poor Pegasus. Zephyr also responds to this grin with his reaction, and thus an emotional conversation appears in which your characters will seem more alive.
You know perfectly well that the author who writes in the first person (POV), for this period of time becomes this very character. That is, the author becomes an actor who accepts and gets used to a certain role.
I hope that my thought finally reaches you before the hair on my head turns gray.
P.S. You're talking about having problems with inspiration. But you could write a couple thousand words in one evening without setting yourself this task. You just need to relax and write as if you were Zephyr Breeze. Go to the mirror and look at your back! Imagine that you have pegasus wings, a disheveled mane and stubble on your chin. After that, look at this character again, and feel that you are looking at your photo from your memories. And now you're writing a memoir.
avatars.mds.yandex.net/i?id=2a0000017a197d9fc842b46aef99eeec73c1-4391548-images-thumbs&ref=rim&n=33&w=225&h=150
i.pinimg.com/236x/c3/dc/17/c3dc179d7bd4fabe1114a6a37c79c409--kong-kong-artwork.jpg
derpicdn.net/img/2018/5/13/1731624/large.png
i.pinimg.com/originals/98/b8/9a/98b89ad7a5a035669e6545b06d603b84.png
"Thunder ruin me if I said something wrong!"
Brother, you know perfectly well that swearing by Luna's ass is not the best idea! It's a sin! However, it amused me.
derpicdn.net/img/2012/10/24/131075/large.gif
🤣Ahahaha! I swear, this is the funniest thing I could read! My face hurts from laughing like that... Pfft!
"(p.s: I'm on the fence about the whole Zephyr POV. If it's good, I might do it again soon. If not, then I'll just do Mitch.)"
You already know my opinion on this. Simply put, I didn't even notice the difference in this POV. Even if it was Mitch, it would be the same. So, I strongly recommend using the advice I wrote above.
And you know that I understand you perfectly. However, you should not give up, and you can write Zephyr POV exactly the way need, and to make this character more tangible, this applies not only to his manner of speech.
Honestly, I expected to see something more than 20 minutes of the characters' lives in this chapter. Well, it's not serious at all, writing such a small amount of text in a mature rating and.... again the same style that was in the last story. You've only expanded a little on the details that indicate actions during the dialogue. But that's not enough.
I swear, I am absolutely sure that every chapter can be turned into something more, and not to call such a chapter a filler. But in this chapter there could be a real Action in which Piper and Rex could show their combat and tactical skills (And just for God's sake, do not turn this into an Anime style in which the enemy will tell in detail what he is going to do next!!! I swear, it turns me inside out from this! Ahaha!).
And one more thing that's starting to worry me. Why in the name of all that's holy did you put another human in the plot? Here one is enough above the roof, and it still needs to be revealed and described, to build a world with this character, to build romance and so on.
Well, in general, I described to you in this comment all the details about what I think. The joke about Discord and the Zoo turned out to be very useful.
11138821
Thanks for the comment, friend!
Yeah, To be honest this chapter was meant to be short. It held the job of setting up the scene for the next one, where the four characters are forced into a more perilous situation on the frigid mountains. Though I did originally plan for it to be much longer, school got in the way and I split it with the next one.
As for the second human, I hinted at his arrival in the first chapter, considering he had a similar person come to him like Mitch did. Believe it or not, the character will be a side character, but one that does have his role to play.
Looking back at Zephyrs POV, I know now what I need to add to it when I do it again, and I will do so. Your advice does get to me, brother, it's just whether or not I can figure out how to apply it!
11138915
Oh, and by the way, a joke about a zoo. If of course it is understood correctly, then it was the whole zoo that had to fuck some bitch, so that Discord would appear later! Ahah...