I see the improvement, the content being shown is a lot more focused on where it needs to be. 👍

For punctuation, there's online tools like Grammerly which can help. They're not 100% accurate but anything they can catch is worth fixing.

Other then that...the actual dialogue is a bit off in my opinion. Choosing the right words so the characters sound like themselves is pretty tough. You could always try saying the dialogue out loud to get a better feel for it, but that relies on your ability to sense when something is spoken wrong, so it may not work for everyone. Otherwise, study how the character speaks in the show and try to emulate some of those same patterns. It's tough.

11304929
Thank you for the comment. I am glad that I have shown some improvement. As for the dialogue issue, I will try to see what I can do to fix that but thank you for your advice, and I hope you're enjoying the story so far. I will hopefully continue improving in the next chapter.

You definetly improved, mate. Still not perfect, but you're getting there.

Great chapter. I cannot wait to see what's next. I just hope that Fluttershy will be freed from these repetitive nightmares any day soon...

11305257
Thanks for your comment and glad your still enjoying the story.