Well, since you are asking for feedback...

There are some grammar issues, such as not putting dialogue from different characters into different paragraphs. Paragraphs that cover more then one thing and should probably be split up. Random capitalized words in the middle of sentences. But all of that is stuff you'll get better at if you keep reading and writing enough (and like, paying attention while you do so).

But beyond that...there's also a lot of 'telling' in this story.

That night Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy ate Dinner together and talked a bit which only led to them getting closer.

Ideally, this is the kind of thing you don't want to skip over. You want to show us this conversation, have us see what they say, see how the act and react, so we feel it when they get closer. Don't skip over this stuff, this is what your story is about!

It's not like you have to show us every bit of every conversation, but getting a sense for when write out dialogue and when to skip over things is important. In this chapter, for example, the characters have more dialogue with Redheart then with each other. Even if you say the two pegasus talked to each other a lot, we don't get to see that.

Good to see that Fluttershy survived. And it's good to know that Dashie will stay with her until she gets better. Besties gotta stick together after all, and someone like Dashie knows best.

Regarding criticism, to be honest, there are several capital errors, so are punctuation errors, but overall, the plot is great. Can't wait to see what's next.

11296749
Thank you for the Feedback. I will try to add that to the next chapter. Though I am not the best writer, I am trying my best to improve. I will try addressing the issues you stated in the next chapter. I will keep trying to improve. Though I sort of like writing, I also do a lot of role-playing, which is like writing in a sense that kind of inspired my creativity anyway. Thank you, Clean, for the feedback. I will try and address these issues in the next chapter.

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Thank you glad you're enjoying the story even though my grammar is still a work in progress.