Not the baddest fic but the narrative is too crumpled and there are not enough details. Don't be so hurry and don't be afraid of describe character's feelings and their thoughts instead of a dialogue with themeself. But the idea is pretty good despite a little cliche. I will be waiting for a new chapter And yes, flutterdash forever
11279989 Thank you. Finally, someone offered me some constructive Criticism instead of disliking the story and moving on, I know I am not the best writer, but I will take your words into thought and try and improve. Thank you for sharing something that may help me better my Writing capabilities. I agree. I do have a ways to go to Improve, but I am trying to, I assure you.
I don't have a problem with this story on a high level (i.e. with the shipping and/or fetishes), but the implementation is flawed. Firstly, your pacing is way too fast, relying on exposition dumping to move things along and get your inciting incident over with in 1k words. As for the plot itself, it feels a bit contrived and has some unnecessary and, in my opinion, detrimental details. Why does Fluttershy have to go into the Everfree Forest to get food for Angel? And why did you feel the need to have Fluttershy be mauled by wolves? You could have accomplished the same thing without so much violence. Lastly, you had a noticeable amount of mechanical errors (spelling, grammar, punctuation). They weren't prevalent enough to keep me from reading, but stuff like that is really something you need to iron out before putting your story out there.
11282183 Thank you for the information. I hope to improve on most of what you and Fluffy said in the next chapter. I thank you for trying to give me the advice to help me Improve. I hope to iron out most of the flaws in the next chapter, so thank you for being patient with me. I am trying, and I do hope to improve in the future.
Oh my... Poor Fluttershy. I hope she survives.
Not the baddest fic but the narrative is too crumpled and there are not enough details. Don't be so hurry and don't be afraid of describe character's feelings and their thoughts instead of a dialogue with themeself.
But the idea is pretty good despite a little cliche. I will be waiting for a new chapter
And yes, flutterdash forever
11279989
Thank you. Finally, someone offered me some constructive Criticism instead of disliking the story and moving on, I know I am not the best writer, but I will take your words into thought and try and improve. Thank you for sharing something that may help me better my Writing capabilities. I agree. I do have a ways to go to Improve, but I am trying to, I assure you.
I don't have a problem with this story on a high level (i.e. with the shipping and/or fetishes), but the implementation is flawed. Firstly, your pacing is way too fast, relying on exposition dumping to move things along and get your inciting incident over with in 1k words. As for the plot itself, it feels a bit contrived and has some unnecessary and, in my opinion, detrimental details. Why does Fluttershy have to go into the Everfree Forest to get food for Angel? And why did you feel the need to have Fluttershy be mauled by wolves? You could have accomplished the same thing without so much violence. Lastly, you had a noticeable amount of mechanical errors (spelling, grammar, punctuation). They weren't prevalent enough to keep me from reading, but stuff like that is really something you need to iron out before putting your story out there.
11282183
Thank you for the information. I hope to improve on most of what you and Fluffy said in the next chapter. I thank you for trying to give me the advice to help me Improve. I hope to iron out most of the flaws in the next chapter, so thank you for being patient with me. I am trying, and I do hope to improve in the future.