1427827 Allow me to save you the trouble, random user
Funny that you have Lyra to be so playful and silly which is, coincidentally how she is describe on her collectable trading card. Nice update with some plot development and stuff. Keep up the good work man, best regards
1428069 Sweet Celestia......not only does the internet KNOW everything, if I type things into it, it'll DO everything for me as well! This is truly, as Lyra might say, "maaaagic~".
i.imgur.com/eHOPB.jpg Originally, I was going to have Lyra's creepy face in there, but i don't know how to do that . But this is all that you'll get out of me!
Pre chapter: Okay... Time to venture into the next chapter... VERY warily... The comments aren't helping my fears. *** Post chapter: "So on my third day of this experience, I felt up a unicorn." Jesus, what's day four? Spontaneous sex? Seriously, I don't get this. I expected "Hey! What the hell are you?" "Unicorn." "Okay... I'm crazy." "Nope. But hey, let's go do random stuff that normally happens" *Human shows Lyra around and crazy mishaps occur*
Now, that almost happened. Instead, halfway through, you took a detour and said, "I want a love interest.... NOW." So bam, they're like... almost fucking. Far be it from me to berate you for not doing exactly what I want, it's just more like the fact that you're rushing faster than a train. Not the story, of course; the relationship! I didn't want my last comment to come across as serious, but this one sure as hell is. It's like back when iCarly was good, they had that episode where everyone was talking about the HotPocket spinoff and they all said, "Let it cool for 2 minutes. I cannot stress that enough." LET THIS CALM DOWN FOR TWO MINUTES. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. I find it too quick and hypocritical. "I don't find you attractive, but I still wanna shove my hand in your vag." (Read that like Egoraptor would when he's crazy.)
(P.S. Hey commenters! I don't have a boner! *runs away, awaiting a chase*)
1430041 Ya obviously don't realise that this was supposed to be a romance first and a story second. I was asked to write human x Lyra, and that's what I'm doing. It's not supposed to be a giant, epic, 'OMG WAT R HYOOMANS?!' story. I actually intended it to only be three chapters. So... uh yeah. It's a lot less rushed than I initially intended.
A chapter filled with cute Lyra being adorable to solicit naughtiness from Jason. Very cool. One thing of note was how the shower was mentioned at the start but never mentioned as scenery ever again. If you showed the entire part of the chapter after Lyra got into his lap to a reader they wouldn't have any clue where the characters were with the one confusion inducing moment being at the end with why Lyra's hair is mentioned as being wet. In blatant terms: this chapter was very low on scenery based descriptions. Even just making a small note of the sound or feel of the hot water every few paragraphs would be enough to re-engage the reader somewhat.
You've done too much world building to just end this fic before its time. You've gone into the magi-scien-ticity behind the portal, you've gone into great detail on the unique way that a pony would perceive human inventions, you've gone into a bit of Jason's background, and you've given Lyra a wonderfully cute and mischievous personality!
I can completely understand putting clop before plot, but the story allows for a lot of clop if you keep at it. I mean, stopping the story after only a couple of sex-scenes would be like pulling a literary one night stand! You wouldn't run off on cute little Lyra in the middle of the night, would you?
1435001 Don't worry. You aren't a bad writer, you aren't even the problem. If we ever meet again, I'm sure I'll like the other a found of you. This just... isn't my thing.
“Why not?” Lyra asked, tilting her head to the side. “If not here, then I would be having this discussing with some other human. Or maybe even some other you.”
Hey look, it's the Weak Anthropic/Hipponic Principle!
“Silly,” Lyra said, bopping him on the nose again with a hoof. “The law basically states that for any time bridge to exist, it must be made of a material that does not exist in our universe! The wardrobe is made of wood, so it’s an elemental material~ Therefore, it can’t be a time bridge that I’ve made!”
“You remind me of my father... it turns me on...” I literally pushed my chair away from my desk, and Half walked half sprinted to my bed. I'm still gonna read it though 'cause i love your work!
Time to read.
Not expecting this. Well, yes I was. So congrats. That was actually well written.
3.bp.blogspot.com/-Yne7mXqoTu0/T0ZlTNRE8aI/AAAAAAAADA4/0nDGrvrccZQ/s1600/George-Takei-oh-my.jpg
That was interesting
Well....he not looked at her private area after all!
That escalated quickly...
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/353/279/e31.jpg
If I weren't so lazy, this is where I would put the M.Bison "yes" video.
Science and sex very nice
1427700
I know, right? It seemed like too much of a coincidence to me, too.
i LOVE lyras playful demeanor someone i can see myself definitely getting along with xP good read :D
lol that was too cute
I was a bit afraid what would happen when her horn was glowing but thankfully it wasn't too bad!
This story takes all reason and sense and just throws it out the window.
It's crazy and I love it. Make more.
1427827
Allow me to save you the trouble, random user
Funny that you have Lyra to be so playful and silly which is, coincidentally how she is describe on her collectable trading card. Nice update with some plot development and stuff. Keep up the good work man, best regards
1428069 Sweet Celestia......not only does the internet KNOW everything, if I type things into it, it'll DO everything for me as well!
This is truly, as Lyra might say, "maaaagic~".
ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i57/5/9/29/frabz-i-have-the-weirdest-Boner-Right-now-79801e.jpg
Wow, are all ponies this easy or is this just Lyra? Bravo sir, like too see moar.
chzemokid.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/emo-scene-hipster-good-for-you.jpg
1428132
Pffft, you are just silly a.deviantart.net/avatars/a/j/ajliarplz.gif?1
i.imgur.com/eHOPB.jpg
Originally, I was going to have Lyra's creepy face in there, but i don't know how to do that . But this is all that you'll get out of me!
1428344
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/319/140/395.jpg
Well....
That was unexpected.
This was a hilarious, and cute chapter.
Well that was interesting, fingering not just a unicorn but a cute unicorn!
Meh.
I get a feeling that the first time Bon Bon sees Jason, he will be inside Lyra.
And Lyra will very casually say: Hi, Bon Bon! This is my human, Jason. Jason, this is my Bon Bon. Say hi!
Pre chapter: Okay... Time to venture into the next chapter... VERY warily...
The comments aren't helping my fears.
***
Post chapter: "So on my third day of this experience, I felt up a unicorn." Jesus, what's day four? Spontaneous sex? Seriously, I don't get this. I expected "Hey! What the hell are you?"
"Unicorn."
"Okay... I'm crazy."
"Nope. But hey, let's go do random stuff that normally happens"
*Human shows Lyra around and crazy mishaps occur*
Now, that almost happened. Instead, halfway through, you took a detour and said, "I want a love interest.... NOW." So bam, they're like... almost fucking. Far be it from me to berate you for not doing exactly what I want, it's just more like the fact that you're rushing faster than a train. Not the story, of course; the relationship! I didn't want my last comment to come across as serious, but this one sure as hell is. It's like back when iCarly was good, they had that episode where everyone was talking about the HotPocket spinoff and they all said, "Let it cool for 2 minutes. I cannot stress that enough." LET THIS CALM DOWN FOR TWO MINUTES. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. I find it too quick and hypocritical. "I don't find you attractive, but I still wanna shove my hand in your vag." (Read that like Egoraptor would when he's crazy.)
(P.S. Hey commenters! I don't have a boner! *runs away, awaiting a chase*)
(P.P.S. And I'm tired, so I'm irritable.)
1430041 Ya obviously don't realise that this was supposed to be a romance first and a story second. I was asked to write human x Lyra, and that's what I'm doing. It's not supposed to be a giant, epic, 'OMG WAT R HYOOMANS?!' story. I actually intended it to only be three chapters. So... uh yeah. It's a lot less rushed than I initially intended.
And yes, day 4 will be spontaneous sex.
1430124
Uh, yay for spontaneous sex?
In all seriousness, bring it on!!
A chapter filled with cute Lyra being adorable to solicit naughtiness from Jason. Very cool. One thing of note was how the shower was mentioned at the start but never mentioned as scenery ever again. If you showed the entire part of the chapter after Lyra got into his lap to a reader they wouldn't have any clue where the characters were with the one confusion inducing moment being at the end with why Lyra's hair is mentioned as being wet. In blatant terms: this chapter was very low on scenery based descriptions. Even just making a small note of the sound or feel of the hot water every few paragraphs would be enough to re-engage the reader somewhat.
1430124
I don't want this to be a short story!
You've done too much world building to just end this fic before its time. You've gone into the magi-scien-ticity behind the portal, you've gone into great detail on the unique way that a pony would perceive human inventions, you've gone into a bit of Jason's background, and you've given Lyra a wonderfully cute and mischievous personality!
I can completely understand putting clop before plot, but the story allows for a lot of clop if you keep at it. I mean, stopping the story after only a couple of sex-scenes would be like pulling a literary one night stand! You wouldn't run off on cute little Lyra in the middle of the night, would you?
1432224
Read my latest journal. The world-building in this fic will not go to waste. It's going to be the basis for an entire universe of HiE/PoE fics
1432226
... Has that been on your page for a while? I feel kind of embarrassed, now.
Also, Yay!
1430124 Well fuck. I'm jumping overboard and I hope the piranhas eat my eyes first.
1434860 Haven't you seen that movie? They attack the giblets first!
1434970 At any rate, I'll be unconscious. Then dead. Guess you could say... I'm sleeping with the fishes.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAH
No seriously, this is dead to me.
1434987 Well I'm sorry I'm not trying to write 'Anthropology' or whatever else.
Bye bye.
1435001 Don't worry. You aren't a bad writer, you aren't even the problem. If we ever meet again, I'm sure I'll like the other a found of you. This just... isn't my thing.
b...b...but but it's taking too long for you to update Ingress look you made Fluttershy cry how could you!? I think you should update this :P
Lol The Science is amazing!!!
Now make a new chapter please and thank you
Well, this is progressing quickly. Then again, maybe ponies are just as promiscuous as we are, or more? Either way, I'd like to see more?
Please, sir... may I have some more?
So far so good. I just hope you update this soon because I'm really enjoying this.
1427783
Still wondering how to do That.encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSYHNxFgeZz9m3kB_9udA_8GvK-kZhglxLWAxpG78PFSI66WqpN
Oh, Thats how.
"You remind me of my father..."
i.imgur.com/ZsnhJ.jpg
Hey look, it's the Weak Anthropic/Hipponic Principle!
Starswirls laws of time travel are wrong, and i have proof! Its so easy to see
Look!
s3.amazonaws.com/d19kay3cfixgff.cloudfront.net/catalog/product/cache/1/image/1001x1001/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/8/8/881-the-tardis_2239_detail.jpg
s3.amazonaws.com/d19kay3cfixgff.cloudfront.net/catalog/product/cache/1/image/1001x1001/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/8/8/881-the-tardis_2239_detail.jpg
I.....I...........
1701209
.. Metabarons?
That.. work, i suppose.
Lyra is a bit overeager and open towards all of this, not sure why.
Its a fun read anyway.
1990348
Does anyone actually know what the TARDIS is made of?
2546899It's made of a type of coral, technically. Ten gives Meta-Crisis Ten a piece so he and Rose can travel too. It's in a deleted scene.
“You remind me of my father... it turns me on...”
I literally pushed my chair away from my desk, and Half walked half sprinted to my bed. I'm still gonna read it though 'cause i love your work!