Featured on Equestria Daily - Jan 27 2013
During an expedition to The Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, two ponies stumble upon the origin of the alicorns, the state of Equestrian governance before the Princesses' ascension and the truth behind their father's disappearance.
Blackmailed by Discord, Wallflower and Mayflower are forced to embark on a quest to free the Sun from Princess Celestia's control.
In response, Celestia sends Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash to stop Discord's plans at all costs.
If having Equestria's most powerful unicorn and fastest flyer in hot pursuit weren't enough, the siblings must contend with a rookie agent of the Changeling hive out to prove her worth, an untrustworthy spirit of Chaos bent on his own amusement, and their own strained relationship - all in a game of chess to liberate the sun.
Cover art credit to Man-Eating-Llama
Editor's credit to : notMurphy, ping111, and Letedwend
What a way to start. I'm very intrigued. VERY nice almost un-mention of Twilight.
I must read on...
Dat synopsis...
That was a well done opening in my opinion. I can easily envision what's happening. With the tone of the story set, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
I might PM you later about some questions. Just a little heads up.
Sounds like an interesting plot, I love a good 'chase' story if you know what I mean.
Oh, wow. That beginning was amazing. You've come in strong and you've maintained it. I will definitely be following this.
The way you've introduced the characters is wonderful, and they feel as though they have depth. Whilst I haven't exactly read everything on fimfiction, the plot comes off as original as well.
I'm hooked. +1.
Wait a minute, are you that guy who asked for help in the fic's title in that author support group??
I must read this.
Think how hard it was for me to become an insufferable plothole without the looks.
This is going extremely well. (And the sidebar on lifespans was ingenious, and I'm not just saying so because I once had a pegasus die off at sixty.)
...
wait...
(2:54)
Yeah, ties are evil, plain and simple.
Congratulations, this is going to be brilliant.
I can't help it, this line cracks me up every time
... is it weird that I'd like to see what this tastes like?
I think in comments we are unanimous. You have hooked us but good.
... As Discord plays Celestia's Elements of harmony against His own pawns, most likely fine with any outcome, so long as it's a SHOW.
Gotta love ultimatums.
My gears are turning about just how much Celestia could be covering up. I fear that she may have more to do with their father's disppearance than they're gonna like. I also wonder how you'll cover Luna's descent into Nightmare if you do.
Loving the lore you're building.
Glad to see this one finally up. Looks like you're off to a solid start with the readership, too. :)
1972255>>1970799>>1970388>>1974736
I'm really glad you liked the opener. Here's hoping I can keep this momentum. I do have the entire story outlined and I intend to finish.
1971020
Why yes, that was indeed me.
1970737
Chase sequences have been outlined and will be coming.
1971671
I really enjoyed writing that part. I wanted to explore the theme of great powers and abilities having a price.
1970396
Ha! I had to rewrite it 5+ times!
1972146
Strawberries and basil are an excellent combination, especially when coupled with a balsamic reduction.
1975158
Couldn't have done it without your support.
1973556
Basically what happens when you play chess against yourself.
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/go-home-rainbow-youre-drunk-meme.jpg
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110612214409/gyropedia/images/5/52/RainbowDashAlwaysDressesInStyle.jpg
ARRGGGH!!! TERRIBLE G3 FALSHBACKS!!! MY BRAIN, IT STINGS!!!!!!!!
1977068
Exactly what I was going for. Though, to be truthful, I never watched any of previous generations. Didn't realize they looked like that. Chilling!
Wow, this is pretty damn good. I really like your portrayal of Discord, getting the right combination of silly and diabolical. It's a shame this fic will be completely screwed over by next Saturday.
1977294
Thank you. Basically trying to go for a bastard covered bastard with bastard filling, in my portrayal of Discord. I'm not too worried about canon breaking the story. Kinda why I submitted now. Besides, I can always slap on the alternate universe tag later if it becomes a problem for people.
An excellent story so far. I'll likely be faving and giving a thumbs-up when I finish what you've written so far (I don't like doing either until I finish what's there; been burned when stories turn bad after faving). A couple of things though, struck me as odd. I'm not sure that hang-gliders are designed to do what you had them doing in this story. I may be entirely wrong (having never flown one before), but barrel rolls and propelled flight may be outside of their normal operating envelope.
Also, the cutie marks. A cog is a single tooth within a gear. May want to fix that. And Wallflower's cutie mark description confuses me. How can an arrow be pointing counter-clockwise (a direction of movement over time)? Does that mean it's pointing left? What I'm trying to say is that it's hard to convey counter-clockwise with a static image.
All in all, an enjoyable experience. I just needed to comment on those two things before continuing on.
1979115
http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/cog
Definition of cog
noun
a wheel or bar with a series of projections on its edge, which transfers motion by engaging with projections on another wheel or bar:
the cogs and springs of a watch
1.bp.blogspot.com/_zid4eRSgKBw/TH2VptK7_4I/AAAAAAAAAsw/h_w9X57pgZA/S748/329px-Counterclockwise_arrow.svg.png
You're welcome
1979115
According to the articles I read online, modern hang gliders can indeed do some crazy tricks. You just need to be a skilled pilot. Still pretty dangerous though, and the propulsion canister is a real thing.
Hope you enjoy. If you have any suggestions, feel free to contribute them.
1979651
We must be using different dictionaries or something.
There are also cogwheels.
But gears are
These are copypasta'd from Dictionary.com. Now, it might be a British term for a gear, but every source I know of describes cogs as the teeth on a gear. Also, that picture clears up the "counter-clockwise arrow thing. I was picturing a straight arrow, rather than a curved one. Including that in the description might be a good idea. The curved nature, that is, not necessarily the picture itself.
1980171
I did not know that. I would have thought that the airfoil shape would be ruined by a barrel roll, and have never heard of using propellant canisters to get speed. Neat stuff. Awesome story, so far. Can't wait to see what happens next. I really find myself sympathizing with Wallflower, though he'd better be careful about "going with the flow", that he doesn't fall into some sort of trap Discord has planned for him.
I see what you did there. It makes me happy to see something I created take hold like that.
1981139
Okay, I will make some slight edits to clarify those bits, curved arrow makes sense.. I'm just used to saying cog because I played as a Tech Priest in W40K rpgs. Yes, I took Dam Oak leaves. Originally I had written Sword of Damocles, but then you came along and I felt the need to 'borrow it'. Icarus, Damocles, I like using mythological references.
1979651>>1981139
Here we go: a cog.
api.ning.com/files/W1cw20bMpwspzOrZTW*RhND25Rr6cZaGjR8CIL3P2aGWhV6VQg62lC5Cmzj9E9G9cI1AVB6ymyAfHPJ3jj9FPzg7WGbQJtTZ/Cog_512x512.png
1981139>>1981156
OK, ok, for the sake of world peace, let's get this sorted:
A cog, in proper machinist's terms is the word used to refer to one of the teeth of a toothed wheel.
However, in general usage a 'cog' can refer to the entire wheel.
Some dictionaries specify this dichotomy, and some are either vague or ignore common usage.
Wrabbit, your definition was from Dictionary.com. The one I quoted was the Oxford-English dictionary's website. There are dozens of current dictionaries we could turn to ... and that's just counting the ones online.
We could argue about exact definitions or the relative merits of various sources of authority, but in the end it comes down to common usage versus strict interpretation. That, however, is a matter of personal preference, and I won't tell someone that their sense of taste is wrong - that's a meaningless thing to say (like telling someone they shouldn't like strawberries).
I've learned something new today, and to me that's the most important part.
1983304
I apologize if I came off as high-handed; that was not my intention. I just found it odd to refer to a gear as a cog, as I had never heard of it before. Maybe it's a regional thing? In any case, I agree with you that we should let this lie and move on.
Is it bad that I want this version of Celestia to be exposed to all of Equestria?
1973556 I'm in full agreement here.
This can end in a lot of ways, but all of them are awesome.
Glad I got around to this, very engaging start. The Twilight and AJ cameo were nice and subtle, especially AJ's.
2004569
Thanks, wanted to keep the story focused and not do the traditional OC's go around town, and meet every member of the Mane6 thing.
Interesting world building with the lifespan differences.
I like how you've allowed Mayflower to fly. Not sure I've seen hang-gliding ponies before, seems new.
Ooooo, everything about this chapter was fantastic, from the library and meeting Twilight to the cafe and Rainbow to the ruins. Very nice work on the dark Alicorn history, though it does seem fairly suspicious that Celestia would give them the feather if it could eventually reveal the truth about her and her sister. I suspect she is playing a game of her own.
Interesting flashback. More or less as expected, though who knows how edited it was by Discord.
I love Facsimile. Is HiveNet her nickname for the gestalt? That name somewhat threw me off for a minute or two until I realized she was the only one who used it.
2009978
I meant to imply that the younger generation of changelings called it that. I should probably clarify that, but it will be mentioned again in later chapters.
2010005 Oh, that makes sense in the context it was used.
FEATURED ON EQUESTRIADAILY.COM!
Congrats, Seether! You've earned it!
Saw this on EqD and basically thought "Well I'll be damned if that's not the best-sounding thing I've ever heard." Will be reading once I've caught up on my other follows. Sadly, I have a LOT of backlog in my other follows. I blame Skyrim.
*Checks EQD*
Wow, congratulations!
...guess that means you'll have to write a few more chapters, eh?
I really like this story. The OC's are really believable characters and the fact that they are now dragged into the game of chaos and order is quite believable as well. I like the idea of getting to know more about how Celestia and Luna became alicorns and I want to know if this is actually going to lead to Celestia being a tyrant or not. A lot of good themes you have up in the air and the fact that these two have to take on Twilight and Dash is only going to make it more interesting.
Looking forward to more in the future.
Urgh, I hope this isn't going to lead into Celestia being a tyrant. I'll just have to read it and find out, right?
By Primus, the pacing of this story is bloody fantastic. Colour me hooked.
Also, this is Thundercracker.
tfwiki.net/mediawiki/images2/thumb/3/32/Thundercrackerg1guido.jpg/300px-Thundercrackerg1guido.jpg
Sorry, nerd alert.
I saw the synopsis on EqD: color me interested. I shall take a look-see most definitely.
This is going great so far
must read more...
Congrats on getting on EQD, you deserve a moustache.
Sounds very intriguing. Will read when I have the time to!
I thought of this while giving this a looksie.