Being Edited By stonedcookie
About a month after the events of Sonic battling his metal counterpart. He tries to relax and forget about what happened. But soon he is yet again called to the President and is told of a crack in time and space. He is told that the only way to close it - is from the other side. Therefore he must travel through so that he can save the land of the sky.
When he gets there, he is stranded because the Tornado crashes. Therefore he and Tails must find a way to get back - or else they will be stuck in this new land forever. But, when he is there - he gets a rival from the land. With his time to spare - he decides its time to settle this once and for all.
Inspiration Music : Andanté - Rainbow High
Authors Note: This is a fiction that I have been wanting to write for a while now. And now that I have been getting my writing skills better I thought that this would be a good time to start. Yes, this Sonic is the one from the Sonic OVA Movie. I thought he was the best one as he kinda fit the bill for what I was going to write. Plus, I created the picture as I wanted that particular thing going on between Rainbow and Sonic. Proper rivalry. So, I hope that you people on the internet will enjoy this story. I will try my best to take my childhood fandom and put it with my modern famdom.
I'll give it a read, but I'm sure that one dislike was from someone who hasn't read the story yet
Seems pretty good so far!
Apart from the occasional error, there wasn't really anything wrong, and I can't wait to see how the other ponies take to Sonic and Tails! This is definately going on my "watch" list.
Alright just finished the story. Pretty good so far, keep going brony
......... Hmm..... Tracking.
By the way, anyone else think that by now Eggman and Sonic have some sort of buddy-buddy rivalry thing?
It is a good idea, I just think this is overdone a bit. Scratch that, it is way overdone.
i will fav to see where this is going
1255744 Actually, this is a concept I have seen done a precious few times, almost to the point of nonexistence. Sure, in just about every other sonic-fic there's a brief rivalry over speed, but like I said, they're brief.
I am enjoying the story, but your writing isn't too great. The roughness of the prose is making it difficult to do more than skim through.
I would strongly suggest enlisting an editor, there is in fact an editors group here on FiMFiction where you can seek one out.
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/500
Here are just some of the errors I found. There are far more.
Missing question mark.
'then" should be "than"
Tense change. "asks" should be "asked" and "leads" should be "led".
"race"
"Sonic's"
"President's"
"built"
"they"
"Of" or "Oh of"
"device"
In addition to the many errors, your writing style has major flaws.
Your descriptions. You say "The room had this and this and this". You need to make those descriptions less of a list and more of a proper observation. Even better work the description into the narration "There was a large window" could be "On the other side of the room bright sunlight streamed through a large window". Don't just give the description, characterize the description. Give the characters' impressions of what they are seeing and experiencing.
Also, when describing action, you need to visualize what the character is doing and provide that information in a less "step by step" way. Leave out information that is obvious. "Tails nodded, showing his look of disappointment on his face." Could be simplified to "Tail's nodded with a disappointed expression." We know it's on his face and that he's showing it.
Vary your language more. Try not to use the same term multiple times a paragraph or repeat names often. A lot of this would admittedly be alleviated by streamlining your descriptive prose, trimming the fat.
Originality?
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1097/Sonic-Rainboom-Redux-
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/10080/2/Sonic-in-Ponyville/I'm-Sonic,-Sonic-the-hedgehog
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/3935/Sonic-Adventure%3A-Equestrians-and-Mobians-Collide
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/44969/1/Dropping-In-2/Chapter-One%3A-Resident-Evil,-Sonic-the-Hedgehog,-and-Cole's-return
Who needs it right?
1256429
To be fair, this fiction uses the personalities of the Sonic characters from the OVA, which in my opinion is the best Sonic adaptation.
Why not...
Sound against Color
The Rivals of Color and Sound
Reflections and Sounds
Speeds of Sounds and Rainbows
Sound and Rainbows
etc.
1256954 Hmm, I kind of like The Rivals of Color and Sound title. I think I might try that, thank you :3
1256581 Yay! :3
1256252 Thanks for pointing all that out, and yes - I do need to run this by a editor. I do have one, but at the time that I was writing this I wanted to get it online as quickly as possible. Also, he was going to sleep (being three hours in front of me), so I thought I should try my luck. Obviously I wasn't writing well after having barely any sleep the night before, that reflected on my writing. But, I will look into getting it edited. Thanks :3
1256429 Nah, would needs originality nowadays. It's all a thing of the past.
1256030 Alright then, I shall think about continuing.
1255736 I shall try...
1255682 Ok ;3
1257221 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png
1255741
yeah, I think that if Eggman ever actually won, he'd gloat for about a week, then let Sonic loose "by accident" just so he doesn't get bored.
Sonic can outrun rainbow dash without any of his retarted power ups due to the fact that when she breaks the sound barrier she can only go Mach 1, and don't even say that she goes Mach 10 because she doesn't if she did she would be going so fast that A. She would die from lack of oxygen at that speed B. the pressure of going that fast would turn her into dust or a bloody mess or C. It breaks the laws of physics and she can't do that only pinkie pie can, Sonic on the other hand has successfully broken the sound barrier without even trying she actually has to try when she breaks the sound barrier and sonic has wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy more experience he has saved the universe earth and other planets and even a different fucking dimension. So that basically points out why he would win.
Moar plz
1262898
I don't really care about the physics about this (even though I love physics and learning about it), I really want to just give Sonic and Rainbow a rivalry in more then just speed. As there is so much that they can be competitive at. Anyhow, if I had to bet on one of them to win, I wouldn't really be able to choose.
Plus, normal relative physics don't apply to the MLP FiM Universe as they do here. Therefore anything is possible in their world, hence half of the things that happen in the show along with Magic.
1286085
I am considering writing more in the future. But at this moment I am not sure if I should. *looks at the dislike bar cautiously*
dude .............. FUCK THE DISLIKE BAR
1286214 Ok, if you say so. Then do expect more in the future.
those dislikers can suck my cock
1286280
Uhh, I don't really think you need to go that far. Anyhow, none of them have commented to say that they hate it, so I will just have to run on the idea that they hated the concept and didn't read the story. That, or they just didn't like the story. But I am a brony who will happily love and tolerate whoever hates my stories and other work. It just tells me that I might be on the wrong track, and I might need to rethink my approach. Plus, in the end everyone has their opinion - that makes us human. So yeah, no need to have anyone sucking at anyone. Not over this anyway.
Fine
1286153 you like physics well then get a load of this, I've read so many stories about humans going to equestria because twilight brought them there but that my friend is absolute bullshit to travel through dimensions you needs to go at least 5x the speed of light to reach that dimension twilights magic barrier would not be strong enough to withstand that amount of pressure so the person going to equestria A. Grow old at an alarming rate and when he gets there he would be a pile of dust. B. the speeds that he would be traveling at would kill him because it would rip his skin off and pretty much the rest of whatevers left. C. DIMENTIONAL TELEPORTATION IS NOT EVEN POSSIBLE WITHOUT FUCKING DIEING really don't know who came up with the idea but he really needs to work on his physics
1288564
I think you failed to read the other half of my message. Probably the bit which says that relative physics do NOT apply in the MLP FiM Universe. It is as clear as day to see this because a ton of impossible feats are being completed by the ponies, and these feats would be impossible on this planet. Anyhow, you will need to think in another dimension if you want to understand anything about this world. But, from what I have seen and read so far - it seems like you can only think in one dimension. Restricting your ability to think out of the box. But, if you do think out of the small box of Human Physics - you could probably understand and see the bigger picture. Anyhow, having magic in a world can do wonders to its physics and properties.
While I'm thinking about it, that information about the physics and universal transportation : Did you just copy it from some place or write it down from your "high" leveled knowledge of physics. It just got me thinking as I noticed that you have a lack in grammer - but I can easily understand that it is just you typing stuff so fast that you don't have time to correct it or put in grammar as you go.
Apart from that, have a nice day!
1289840 well no I read that half of your message I was simply making a point, and no I did not copy and paste that from anywhere I just know it because physics really isn't that hard. My grammar can be is good it's just I really don't like to use it when writing long paragraphs.
1289840 and when you look at it I'm really thinking outside the box due to the fact that we can't travel to that dimension. In my theory we create dimensions just by moving, but due to the fact that it's only different in one minor way, that universe implodes on itself, but from my understanding there is an equestria along with multiple dimensions of that equestria, so basically if we go to equestria there is no telling what version of equestria we will land in. The reason the dimension was created is just because Lauren Faust thought of the idea and turned it into a show, so that's how mlp fim was created just by a simple idea pretty cool huh.
1290142
Well, time to present my theory. :3
First of all, you must do the following things in order to understand how this works. Therefore, you will now think out of the box of human relative physics! Yay!
Step 1 - Get rid of the idea of time. Yes, that thing that goes in a linear direction.
Step 2 - Get ready to eliminate most physics. But this only applies elsewhere - on earth and in this universe : Everything is near to the same.
Step 3 - Read Carefully and good luck! :3
We live in one reality. This reality can be also known as a plane of reality. This single plane can have many sub versions of itself, but in the end only one of them works. Yes, this flushes out the idea of dimensions being created continuously, but it is a lot more realistic. Multiverse theory - that's what your one is like. But now - here comes the next part in my one.
Now that we have established that there can be planes of reality. Now we can expand everything. Now we can just about have everything that we can possibly think about - actually existing. So, My Little Pony Universe. Lets say it exists, for the purpose of this example. Now, what would apply there and how would it work? Easy - nothing would be the same as in our plane. Yes - somethings will be similar and almost the same. But most things will be very much different.
With that in mind - that means that anything can happen in this new reality - even moving at Mach 10 speeds and not being turned into a red mush. And there are three things that immediately prove my theory about separate physics being applied : Pegasi, Unicorns and Pinkie Pie.
First - If we decide to apply the theory of what can fly on pegasi - do you know what would happen? Well, they would fail. They are too heavy and their wings would need to be a lot bigger. So why can they fly? That leads onto my second point.
Unicorns - They have the ability to use and control magic. Magic is the main factor that separates their world from ours. So, maybe this magic has effects on the world that they live in. Even more so to the entire plane of reality. Therefore - goodbye human relative physics and hello pony physics! Isn't that right Pinkie?
Oh yes! But, how am I here? I mean - that isn't even possible. And then I am over there and then I can see the people. OHH! So many people!!!
Yes, that's Pinkie Pie. Breaking the forth wall and making the best baked goods in Equestria.
Now, time to add... well, time I guess to the equation. Lets add normal time to each separate universe. Aaaaaaaaand - done! Now each universe has its own time line. Meaning that if you were to even try and travel between universes - that would mean that you will have to think in the forth dimension! AH HA! Now it is all coming together.
So if you could even travel to another universe - time and space would be different in the separate universes. Meaning that anything is possible in the new universe. Meaning that Sonic Rainbooms are possible. Meaning that you don't create another dimension every time you do something - because that would leave to much varible. And from my understanding of everything - everything likes to be fixed - not random.
Finally, to get to your point (AFTER GOD KNOWS HOW LONG :o) that would mean if you were to travel to Equestria - it wouldn't be the dimension that you would worry about. Because that would be the same - it would be the time.
If you have got this far and still think you are the almighty god of knowlage - then I don't really care. I've got all the knowlage that I will ever need - plus I used some cool grammar! But if you are now unsure - "WHERE'S YOUR GOD NOW" >:3
Anyhow - it's been fun writing this and I hope that you understand it.
Again - have a nice day!
(Wow - 700 words for a comment. That's like writing a tiny part to a story for me :O)
1291676 that my friend is a wonderful theory, seriously you should really tell someone about that, i understood it perfectly all someone really needs is enough brain power and imagination that person can do almost anything. So even in my theory's I guess it's physically possible.
Have a nice day to you to good sir and I hope we get another chance to explain our dimensional theory's again.
1292786
You too good sir.