Twilight Sparkle accidently finds a hidden compartment at the Canterlot Library that reveals a book about a history that predates Equestria that even she hasn't heard of before that makes her want to know if it really happened or if it was just some folklore. Looking through the book not only shows a human known as Megan Williams that once came and was seen as a savior, but also the ponies that the said human was with made her feel as if she was almost looking at herself and her friends in seeing how similar they were both by looks and description. However, she is told that it might have been destiny to not only find that book, but meet the very human mentioned and bring her back with her. Will this former savior accept it or just want to move on with her life especially when knowing that it's no longer the way she remembered when she was last there? This is a crossover between G1 and G4.
Cover image: DashieMLPFiM
Good story, though it's a bit rushed. A bit of constructive criticism: Slow the narrative down a little bit, focus on the characters' reactions, show their thought and thought process a bit, use some descriptive language to describe the surroundings and what the characters feel.
10994196
First of all, this is the first time I have actually done a fanfic, so a lot of this is new to me. I will admit that this chapter feels a little too condensed and some of the other characters only get cameos and/or hardly any lines, but this chapter is about Megan being in Equestria for just a day, not several days like another fanfic that already exists. Seeing how it's like this is similar to the episode, Between Dark and Dawn where both of the Royal Sisters are doing a number of things together in one day while singing the song, A lot of Little Things, so think of it like that. The purpose of this chapter was to have the Mane 6 show Megan how much has changed since she left.
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I wasn't trying to be defensive, just explain what the chapter was about. Please don't try to take it the wrong way. I will agree to accept anything that can make my future fanfics better. I wonder if you think that there is anything wrong with this one, because it can still be edited. However, once it does get published, only the who actually makes the fanfic can edit, but I'm not sure if that's totally true. However, I always thought the purpose if these fanfics was to tell stories about this series and that it wouldn't feel as we are still in school having to be graded by a teacher. Perhaps, just typing them out and not already publishing will make that work better if anyone wants to correct them should that be the case.
Why is there an OC in the cover art if this is just a G1/G4 crossover?
11024769
That one is Delta Brony from the Princess Dark Matter series, and I don't know how to remove him, but you can think of him as one the ponies who wanted to be in the picture when Megan returns to Equestria, plus that picture is also my avatar due to being the only good picture of her being with the Mane 6.
Rushed. Very VERY rushed. Internal monologue is not specified clearly. Present tense or past tense, pick one. I have to ask why do you keep saying things like, 'she would go to the library'. Either a character does something or they do not. Make a freaking decision and state it. Don't say what a character is likely to do unless they stop themselves from doing it for dramatic pusposes. This is a rough draft, not a finished work.
11052267
Just about every tense here is present tense especially at the beginning. The very story starts after MLP:FiM ended, which is why the statue of Queen Chrysalis, Lord Tirek, and Cozy Glow being mentioned. Just because this fanfic isn't very long, doesn't mean that it's rushed. Sometimes, having them shorter does get it down to the point more as opposed to be being longer.
11052627
I never mentioned this. And for the record, you need to take critiques as learning opportunities. You want to know where I'm coming from? Read one chapter from my story series. Make it a random one if you want. You will see the difference.
11052925
In all honesty, I'm not exactly sure what defines pacing especially whether it comes to be fast or slow, plus this is a fanfic, not a movie or novel. I will admit that the Explore Equestria might have been too condensed with too many cameos in bit parts. Also, the rest of the Mane 6 are really side characters here as they don't even have any lines after that said chapter with Twilight getting the rest of the lines. Another thing is probably the repetition of descendants first mentioned by Luna and again by Megan, or even having Megan making her claim of how she could have helped save Ponyland originally when the Royal Sisters mentioning and again when Zecora helps her talk to the original ponies, which is also where the other two tags finally have their meaning. Although this isn't mentioned, anything that the sisters knew about Megan's time in Ponyland was either by the book that Twilight wound up discovering and by other ponies who happened to be historians in knowing what happened. They did want her to return, but could never figure out when exactly was the right time to do so until Twilight showed them the book that was about her, which also explains why Luna went into her dreams every now and then to check on her but not get involved, though it could imply that they were also feeling shy in seeing her again being how long it was. Nonetheless, this was made to be the start of my Megan Williams Returns series and there are going to be a couple of more of them. On a side note, on another of my fanfic, someone thought that Megan Williams was an OC, but I won't blame that person for not being as old as I am to know the original MLP series.
No offense, I know this is your first story, but you could hire a proofreader to re-edit this story, follow by the rest of the fics, in order to make it better.
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I will admit that writing has never been my strongest subject to this day. Despite what you said, many still find it to be a good fanfic to a certain degree. Sometimes I could never understand why there are those who always have to raise the bar and end up never being able to like something no matter how much work was put into such. Keep in mind that there were even times where it took me longer to complete a fanfic even if it was just going to be one chapter, though part of that had to do with it being late at night or other things, not just having writers block at times. Unfortunately, for someone like me, you can't really expect a masterpiece here. Another thing to remember is that this is supposed to be a fanfic and not a novel.
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It doesn't matter if it's a fanfic, and hiring a proofreader who could edit your chapters from Google Docs isn't that hard.
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Did you at least like this fanfic despite those errors?
11479209
It was okay, but I agree with what 10994196 said.
Hello! Here is the review you requested. Plenty to like about the fic, with an interesting setup, a good conclusion and several nice bits of world-building. It falls down on the actual writing, which is rather rough at times, and on some rather superficial characterisation of G4 canon characters. I obviously do acknowledge that it's an old fic and your first on this site; several of the problems feel like those of writing inexperience more than anything. More at the link above.
11525196
Surprisingly, you didn't mention how they first know about Megan due to Twilight finding a hidden book about her, and it was even later revealed that the Mane 6 are descendants of ponies that Megan once knew. She also knows the Royal Sisters due to them being fillies when she first saw them, and she is even the one responsible for giving them their names. Another thing to note is that Ponyville still has Paradise Estates, which is a remnant of Dream Valley. The reason for why Discord sort of grabbed Megan is mainly due to it being the first time he notices a human, which is new to him. There have been times when Zecora doesn't rhyme, so it's not as if she always does it or has to. In all honesty, I didn't know that there was a comic on how Chrysalis came to be, but there are claims that the comics may not be canon to the show. Speaking of the mention of the crossover comic, it wasn't just that where I felt it was a missed opportunity to not have Megan interact with with the G4 ponies, but I also felt that she should have been in the show itself, which is why I did Unexpected Arrival to give what it would have been like if that really did happen. Nonetheless, I have other fanfics if you want to review them as well in the near future.
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Thanks for your reply. As far as the first bit goes, there's a realistic limit to how many things I can mention with the format I usually use. (This is one reason I linked you to a past example when we were talking in PMs.) The review of this fic was already the longest for that week, so it wasn't really practical to add more details than I did.
As far as reviewing other fics goes, well, I can't commit to anything right now. Never say never! But I'll be honest, when I review multiple fics by the same author I usually prefer the second one to be different. So if you ever write one that doesn't feature Megan and is maybe a pure G4 or G5 story, by all means let me know.
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First of all, I'm not familiar with your format, but it is what it is. When I did start this "Return of Megan Williams" series, I didn't expect it to be that many stories let alone extend to having G5 characters in it. In other words, I outdid myself by making it that long and possibly longer than someone else here who did several fanfics with her in it. Should you find no other fanfics on this website to review, I do have others, though you can always just give a personal review of them for the fun of it either by going to those fanfics or via PM even if you don't plan on placing them on your blog. Still, it would have been nice if some of the comments on your blog was about mine, but I take it that it didn't catch anyone's attention. As for Unexpected Arrival, that one isn't part of this series but part of what I like to call reimagined episodes in what they would have been like if she was to appear in them.
This is old but i think TVs do exist in equstria, since there are arcades in it.
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I know that in G5 Equestria, they definitely do have TVs.
Whatever you say, Charlie Dog.