Rainbowshy

FlutterDash1,424 stories ·2,588 members

Fluttershy starts to feel some unexplained feeling towards a certain speedy Pegasus. But does Rainbow Dash return these feelings?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 18 )

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Fluttershy yay

Fluttershy yay #1 · Dec 22nd, 2011 · · ·

This is my first fanfic, so please tell me what you think and give any suggestions you may have that can help me improve my writing.

TimbukTurnip

TimbukTurnip #2 · Dec 22nd, 2011 · · ·

Other than putting a space between each paragraph and piece of dialogue, chaning one of the 'Rainbow Dash screamed' parts to 'Rainbow Dash yelled/bellowed/etc' and removing the first 'in all of Equestria' from when the announcer starts speaking, I can think of no other improvments to be done to your writing.

I'm interested to see where this goes

CamoBadger

CamoBadger #3 · Dec 22nd, 2011 · · ·

I'm enjoying this, good story

The only issue I have is that you seem to use the characters names a bit too much, perhaps try replacing them with something like 'she' or some other pronoun every so often to limit the repetition.

Other than that, great story, definitely going to be tracking this one

Fluttershy

Fluttershy #4 · Dec 22nd, 2011 · · ·

Dawwww.. Nice beginning. I hope to see more chapters in the future.

Fluttershy

Fluttershy yay

Fluttershy yay #5 · Dec 22nd, 2011 · · ·

Thank you all so much for your input I changed the paragraph formatting, and now everything looks more organized than before Hopefully I'll be writing chapter 2 later today or tomorrow