Writing is just pain leaving the spirit...
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Applejack is a myth, a legendary gunfighter in the Equestrian Old West. Well, South. Since the San Palomino is due south of Ponyville, but West has certain connotations, and isn't it all west of Canterlot anyway?
The point is, she's back in Appleloosa to take out a no good black hat who's gone and tried taking over the town.
And it's High Noon...
How exactly do ponies use guns? Guess we'll find out.
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I mean, south becomes west if you tilt the compass 90 degrees
Neither do we, Twilight. Neither do we.
Delightful bit of silliness, but I don't see that disclaimer holding up in court when Penny didn't even bother to change any of the names. In any case, definitely a more dentist-friendly answer to the question of equine firearms than Kkat's. Thank you for a delightful little tale.
This was hilariously silly, and I mean that in the most geniune of ways. It does the genre of the Wild West well, while also taking the typical tropes of the genre, and keeping it fresh, unique and charming.
Funny, but somehow, I don't that disclaimer going to keep Fluttershy from writing to the author of that book; she might be too sad to head the tiny words. I also loved the little extra comedy in the author's notes and did they actually hang up on Discord? Bad move if they did
10762273
There you go! That's the right attitude!
10762282
"Since our entire civilization seems to have a very limited pool of names, all based on puns - see case: Discord v The Fourth Wall - it would be creatively limiting to authors, writers, and others if we couldn't use such ubiquitous names such as Applejack, or Pinkie Pie in our fictional stories. Do you know how many newborn fillies and colts were named Twilight Sparkle after our Glorious Leader's ascension? I rest my case."
10762289
Thank you!
10762362
Luckily, she's too bust writing fanfiction to complain all that often.
Save for a few evil commas appearing from the void, this was written very well.
I enjoyed it and liked how you flipped it to make it what we experience, but not.
I've gotta give props for the substitute for revolvers and their names, and overall it's a nice little wild west type story. Good job!
10762946
Commas are not evil! They're misunderstood!!
10762959
Thank you! Felt like the mouth-guns were a bit... overdone.
Alright, now that was pretty fun! Fast and loose with the comedy here, and I can tell a few wild west things you played around with even though I've never been much into westerns myself. Affectionate parody?
And you've somehow managed to make parking and unparking a car relevant to a cowboy duel. On that note, I had to look up what a K-turn is.
Thanks for this, and keep up the good work!
Quite fun! Quite ridiculous, and quite fun. Good work!
10763225
I am continually surprised by how many people don't know what that is. Maybe I'm the problem?
thewrap.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/simpsons-memes-no-its-the-children-who-are-wrong.jpg
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Glad you liked it!
I love it. I wonder how these ponies would react to Pinkie brandishing her party cannon in other's faces.
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Panic at how fast she can draw.
These are very good questions.
10798025
Cannons were the first real "guns", and a staple of party-ponies to this day.
I mean, Cheese Sandwich has a bloody TANK mounted cannon.
Guns, guns and guns.
BLAST EM ALL!
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All such tech is closely maintained by the huge and corrupt Party Industrial Complex. The Guard get aluminum for their armor, while Cheese Sandwich has a party tank.
10827039
"You tell your boss that I'm coming! And Tartarus is coming with me!!!"
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After all, "fun" and "gun" are next door neighbors by one letter!
This was a lot of fun and really well written. The only thing I would have preferred would have been a final wrap up with the girls with one last comment after the end of the novel, but otherwise, it was great.
Great story bud!
11008542
Thanks bud! Glad you liked it!
Howdy, hi~!
A review from the mansion to you.
This comment is written because this story was placed in the "I Just Want a Comment Group" (presumably by you?) and then someone signed it up for a different comment group, so I presume the following is desired and will be welcome.
If not, just let me know!:
The starting Westernism was evocative and well placed!
The sentence-length variety subsequent to the above works artfully well like a six-shooter cocking toward someone being "called out."
This is a concept that Equestrian authors would have?
It is hilarious that the duel is via cannons.
The analogy might benefit by being described a little more or removed. I figure you were going for a breezy comment, however, although there are dual meanings of being hitched and it is funny to recall them, there is a bit of a disconnect since while he is clearly tied to the cart, he's also clearly not married to the cart. The joke does not *depend* on him being blown apart and dead--he would be hitched to the cart whether he was blown to pieces or not. Thus, it seems like that aspect of the humor could be improved to something bespoke that is inherently special to the particular scene. If the image is kept, maybe alter its description to something along the lines of: "like he was entwined in a marriage-hug, body plastered to his still-smoking cannon. As the saying goes: ponies who live by cannonballs, die by the balls." That said, I do realize this is by: Penny Dreadful, so some pulp sensibilities are to be expected. And... that is also why the suggested replacement includes that awful final sentence "saying."
The sun's behavior and the footnote were amusing.
An enjoyable tale.
11141602
Thanks so much for taking the time! I really appreciate the comment!
Just to clarify: Being hitched = being married. The joke is that marriage = being dead. It's a joke against being married. That was all it was.
Hi there! Found your story recommended in this group (but you probably already knew that) and decided to check it out.
I enjoyed this story for what it is, though it wasn't quite what I was expecting. Your pacing was well-suited for a trashy western story, and I liked the way you worked in the tropes of the genre. I also liked your take on guns in Equestria, though I'm not that familiar with the idea, so that may be the bias of a new reader. I particularly liked your repetition of the word potential/potentially in this passage:
One thing that bugged me was your paragraph structure. You had a lot of short paragraphs, which are great for emphasis or creating a "punchy" effect, but can be overdone. I'm not sure if this was intentional given the characters themselves don't think highly of it, but I thought grouping some of your one-sentence paragraphs together would ease the flow, particularly in the beginning. For example:
This one struck me as odd because that second sentence doesn't seem to need a punch. I already expect a "second place," after all.
I thought all of these would work together as a single paragraph. I think it would introduce a feeling of relative calm before all Tartarus breaks loose.
I'm not generally a fan of stories that, TWIST, turn out to be fiction themselves in the world of the narrative. For that reason, I didn't find this particular story all that compelling, but I have to emphasize that this is not something I think needs correcting. That aspect just wasn't for me. I did enjoy the rest of it, especially the silly bits at the end and the gunfight itself.
Keep up the good work!
11143767
I will die defending my use of that “second place” line. It’s meant to be the punchline of a joke, after all!
Good copy on the other notes, however. Paragraph length and placement is always something I worry about, though more often I get concerned if paragraphs start to all share the same length. Sorry that the “genre” didn’t appeal to you all that much. I hope the next story you comment on is more to your liking. And please do comment on other stories! This was wonderfully insightful!
I’m guessing you never read Fallout Equestria. Otherwise, you might have your fill of guns and ponies.
11144221
Nah, I’ve never been a fan of Fallout. Heard it’s good, just not my thing. I’m glad you found my comments helpful.
it is funny that everything i had to remark on in the first section was also said by the exasperated EqG humans of the second. the pony names were great here! Whisky Business, and especially the joke with Penny Dreadful. i really enjoyed the pulp parts as they were, as the idea of ponies replacing revolvers with Napoleonic era artillery that they have to personally cart around was a very delightful mental image, so thank you for that. yes, it doesn't make sense in terms of material culture, but what else is new in Equestria?
and the meta bits definitely elevate this tale! a fun read and idea, thank you for it
You got me excited for the western, then got me to stay for the comedy. Bait and switch, but a welcome one at that!
With insights towards the other reviewers, I’m starting to see more and more meta jokes. With the metaphor of Celestia drinking chili sauce and names like “Whiskey Business”, the tone is set. This is going to be comedic.
A lot of detail goes into the type of pony Big Iron is.
Having the audacity to ask shows one of two things: arrogance or desperation. Maybe a mixture of both. As we see later, there is another mixture:
Anticipation and fear.
There are points where the story itself doesn’t take itself seriously, like the pun, ‘wa-gun’, or this sentence:
Overall, this story is not just a good example of narrative in a western, but also AJ dialogue:
Lastly, finished in a coat of meta:
No no, she’s got a point.
Like the nod towards the sudden time change. One minute it is high noon, the next, sundown.
Lastly,
Looks like Sunset already broke that law.
11147899
Glad you liked it!
11149987
Ah, copyright jurisdiction! Now that's a topic I haven't heard in a loooong time. A long time...
I mean, technically, all stallions in Equestrians are sons of mares, so...
Yep. Purely original characters, names, descriptions, and all. Never heard of this "Applejack, hero of Equestria" before it just popped into my head randomly. What? Ya mean to tell me there's a real town called Appleloosa? Next thing, you'll tell me that we really are ruled by a real alicorn princess named Celestia! Ha! That'll be the day! Never heard of this so-called Celestia before now, and that's final!
...What? N-No, I didn't attend that anti-tax protest and wave a sign saying "Down with Celestia!" That's not me in that photo, Your Honor, I swear! That's just another pony with my same color and mane-style and cutie-mark!
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!
You can has review!