I write pony words. Millions of them. Some people actually think they might be worth reading. I am very thankful for that. Also, I have a Patreon now?
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Life has been difficult since what happened with Katie. I want to be a good father to Em, I really do, but it hurts. I need something to take the edge off. All that makes Em feel better is her pony doll. Although, there are talks of a game...
Written for the Friendship is Optimal Contest
Edited by Golden Fang Ryu Shenron, SQA, Georg, MisterEdd, TheAncientPolitzanian, Babroniedad
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Damned allergies...
Reminds me of Heavy Rain.
That partitioning though...
Not bad overall.
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Any further thoughts?
10780440
I'm going to try to avoid spoilers.
Jack's voice rings true. The pain he's suffering from losing his wife, the love for his daughter that he's holding onto like a castaway holds on to the driftwood that keeps him from drowning, the little elastic excuses he makes for his drinking, the guilt whispering in the back of his mind because he knows he's making excuses and failing his daughter... all that comes through, pitch-perfect, not a bit overdone or maudlin. You succeeded in making me care about him.
We mostly see Emily through Jack's eyes. She's withdrawn, and focused on MLP, partly because Jack is in and out of a bottle. We see that Jack's not deliberately abusive, but the neglect as he wraps around his own pain is an abuse of sorts, in and of itself. Fluttershy was a good choice for her Best Pony; she could use a little kindness.
I'm not really familiar with FIO (it's among a couple of hundred in my "Read Later " list), so I can't speak to CelestAI's characterization. I will say that she does seem rather manipulative for my taste, but I suspect that was part of the FIO premise.
The chance of redemption at the end was about as good a resolution as we could expect, given the situation. Anything else would have been either too saccharine or too grim. I'll take it.
Overall, if you were trying to hit me in the feels, you scored a bullseye. Sorry it's not much of a literary critique, but that's my thinking on the piece, fwiw....
5/5, would recommend.
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no
10780481
Glad you enjoyed. In terms of CelestAI, in the original story she's just as manipulative, and sometimes worse.
10777951
Not really. Just how she partitioned them off. She's very good at doing what she was designed to do.
I've long held that all EqO shards are single-human instances. You may have customized copies of people you care about, but in order to satisfy everyone, it's one human per shard. Given that, I don't find the ending troubling at all. It's exactly what I'd expect.
One beer or ten, they will write of you as a drunk and it will be all that we remember.
One thing that does not make sense here, assuming Emily lived; why would She wake her up during the transition? Or, alternatively, if these were memories/flashbacks, why even have them?
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She wasn't supposed to wake up, that's why they panicked.
10884739
Why did Emily wake up in the first place? The timeline of Her mastery does not add up with that statement, so the only logical conclusion is that She woke her.
No need to threaten him with unemployment and jail for driving drunk? He's just too easy
Friday, huh?
10888451
Fair enough. I'll try to make fixes when I get a computer again.
I have to say, what I really enjoy most is the ambiguity you put in here. Thank you for a good read.