Really loved the first section. You write Tiara very well. Better than Rarity, IMO, but I'm biased -- I might possibly have some very definite ideas about her.
I thought the transition from Tiara fantasizing about Rarity to what she was really doing with Spoon could have been more jarring for Tiara, to highlight the switch. As written, it wasn't completely clear that you didn't just mistakenly refer to Spoon as a unicorn. By the way, in that scene you never quite mentioned Spoon moving down between Tiara's legs -- last we saw, she was kissing her on the neck. It's not a big deal, but it was a little bit confusing. If Tiara was so distracted she didn't notice the move until Spoon started licking, you should draw attention to her failure to pay attention, and note her surprise!
Also, in the line about the awkward chat before Tiara's cutecenera, it looks like "they" refers to Spoon and Tiara until the next sentence says "he".
Fortunately for the unicorn, she had acquired an arsenal of disciplinary spells from from her experiences foalsitting...
This seems excessively convenient. Given that she had an inkling that she might have a use for such spells, perhaps she could have studied a few with Twilight during the intervening weeks, ostensibly for use against Sweetie Belle? Or, if you think you might want to introduce some less innocent-seeming spells, she could have filched a book from the library, though I'd like to see that sort of scene played out.
As the shock on the filly’s face gave way to a frown, she stamped her hoof once on the floor, firmly.
How? It's stuck to the floor.
“And as I said, this is not about what I want. It’s about what I will have.”
When did she say that?
So, this is going to be a BDSM foalcon Tiara redemption fic? Do go on...
I think it would have been better if Rarity hadn't done more than kiss her at the end, but that may just be a matter of taste. Considering what Tiara expected, I think less is more here.
All in all, I think this is a vast improvement over the first chapter. Well done! If there's anything I could complain about, I would like to see Rarity acting more like the mare we see in the show. Tiara certainly needs a firm hand, but she's being all iron fist when I'm expecting some velvet glove.
Let the diamond be polished and put into its place... and as I'm reading this, I am listening to generosity by mandopony, acousticbrony, and eilemonty... seriously... my mind needs a though bleaching I am such a perv Screw it, I am awesome
I still consider you a victim of circumstance, and as such you will be taught, severely if necessary, how to behave like a lady.”
There shouldn't be a quote at the end of this paragraph, because the next one is still Rarity speaking. As it is, it seems like Di is talking in the next paragraph.
This fandom, it has changed me.
Nice chapter. Builds anticipation quite well.
Where is everypony?
Really loved the first section. You write Tiara very well. Better than Rarity, IMO, but I'm biased -- I might possibly have some very definite ideas about her.
I thought the transition from Tiara fantasizing about Rarity to what she was really doing with Spoon could have been more jarring for Tiara, to highlight the switch. As written, it wasn't completely clear that you didn't just mistakenly refer to Spoon as a unicorn. By the way, in that scene you never quite mentioned Spoon moving down between Tiara's legs -- last we saw, she was kissing her on the neck. It's not a big deal, but it was a little bit confusing. If Tiara was so distracted she didn't notice the move until Spoon started licking, you should draw attention to her failure to pay attention, and note her surprise!
Also, in the line about the awkward chat before Tiara's cutecenera, it looks like "they" refers to Spoon and Tiara until the next sentence says "he".
This seems excessively convenient. Given that she had an inkling that she might have a use for such spells, perhaps she could have studied a few with Twilight during the intervening weeks, ostensibly for use against Sweetie Belle? Or, if you think you might want to introduce some less innocent-seeming spells, she could have filched a book from the library, though I'd like to see that sort of scene played out.
How? It's stuck to the floor.
When did she say that?
So, this is going to be a BDSM foalcon Tiara redemption fic? Do go on...
I think it would have been better if Rarity hadn't done more than kiss her at the end, but that may just be a matter of taste. Considering what Tiara expected, I think less is more here.
All in all, I think this is a vast improvement over the first chapter. Well done! If there's anything I could complain about, I would like to see Rarity acting more like the mare we see in the show. Tiara certainly needs a firm hand, but she's being all iron fist when I'm expecting some velvet glove.
even though she pertains to the fic in no way
encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRCybUrrIgidPIpXl7gy3gO3N3cgskXBeWgKXqJVb4C2cYyBdpM
...Oh Snap!!! Sliver and Daimond? together? and now, Diamond wants to cheat! Oh how scandalous!!!!
Let the diamond be polished and put into its place... and as I'm reading this, I am listening to generosity by mandopony, acousticbrony, and eilemonty... seriously... my mind needs a though bleaching
I am such a perv
Screw it, I am awesome
I feel sorry for Silver but still loving this!
There shouldn't be a quote at the end of this paragraph, because the next one is still Rarity speaking. As it is, it seems like Di is talking in the next paragraph.
Only Rarity could charge someone for the privilege of getting raped by her.