• Member Since 14th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Seer


E

“Twilight, do you ever wonder what’s out there?” Rarity piped up, "Because I heard there are bears in the woods."


Third place entry of Undome Tinwe's Superstitions Contest in the Quills and Sofas Speedwriting Group.
This was written in approximately half an hour, and this version here has received some expansion.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

There are bears in the woods? All the moans must be keeping ponies up at night.

Way to make me tear up with an emotional fic again, Seer! Truly, you're a master with words. Now I need a tissue.

A part of me hopes that Redheart's answer would be the same as both a friend and a nurse, but I don't really want to know, do I?

Something something does a bear uhhhhhhh in the woods

This was a very powerful story and you accomplish a great deal in so few words. Fantastic work my dude, very well done!

10400042
That is what I immediately thought of upon seeing the title. When I saw that Rarity was one of the protagonists I had imagined that the story would be about Rarity refusing to walk in the woods for fear of stepping in something, because "you know what bears do in the woods, don't you Twilight?"

So Rarity was attacked by a bear? :pinkiecrazy:

The sad horror of ambiguity and being stuck.

10400529
Or it was a car crash and the bear theme is misdirection.

10401997
Ponies don't have cars. I suppose it could be a train crash or a chariot accident...

This was a really well written story. The growing unease in Rarity's part was great. However, I feel like there's a disconnect between Rarity asking about bears, her conversation with Twilight, and her actual predicament and what Twilight was actually doing. I was left wondering why bears in particular. Perhaps if we knew more about what led to Rarity's injury, then we could see connections between Rarity's dreamscape and that.

Harry the Bear dislikes this story :rainbowlaugh:

I felt iffy on this one. On one hand, the opening is fascinating. The exchange between Rarity and Twilight is an atmospheric way to get the mystery spinning and immediately establish that something is not as it seems. The bears that the characters talk about are clearly not just bears, or at least they're not likely to be. Knowing your writing, I expect the ominous payoff to be something closer to A Call Across Rooms or A Wish Come True in taking a more mystical route. The transition to a hospital wasn't badly written by any means, but I couldn't feel like I read one whole story so much as two pieces that were very different in overall tone and subject. The pacing wasn't an issue, and the characterization came across just fine, but the actual events of the story didn't come across as complimentary or cohesive to me. I still liked the story, but I would have enjoyed it more if the result of why Twilight and Rarity were doing/discussing in the first half was where the deception was, and not the whole plot itself.

That was a good story. I loved the feeling of melancholy and the ambiguousness during the dialog between Twilight and Rarity.

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