There is no such thing as a gut feeling, not really. If you suddenly start to feel afraid for no apparent reason, it's very unlikely to be anything serious. But it doesn't make it feel any better does it?
Twilight is up burning the midnight oil again, when suddenly every sense she has tells her that something is terribly wrong. There can't be anything really wrong though, not in reality.
Can there?
A short experiment in atmospheric horror.
Featured in the Royal Canterlot Library on 26/04/19
Now featuring readings by ColonialPone here, and by MrSnarky here.
Chapters (2)
Hm. Not bad. The Lavender Unicorn Syndrome (the unicorn, the librarian etc) was a little jarring and I saw an instance of footsteps instead of hoofsteps, but other than that, it was fairly solid.
Fuck thay was uncomfortable! Literally nothing but my heart is pounding. I'd really like to get some sort of explanation, but as of now it seems like in her studies Twilight somehow accessed a different realm or potentially let something into hers. Or perhaps it was nothing at all but a series of strange coincidences and a gut feeling.
My headset chirped at me there was no audio output and I nearly jumped you bastard.
*Incoherent screeching.*
... *Settles into a corner.*
----
Forreal, this is exactly how the reptilian brain likes to approach things. Sometimes I'll wake up and there's just this... crawling, this knowing, and all you have to just do is stay still, act like you're still asleep, and everything will be fine.
Good unsettling story.
Kinda reminds me of Reading Room #36
A very nice and wonderful story. I also love how you left it up to the reader what it was all about.
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Cheers mate, I looked over the story and edited it slightly to alleviate some of the LUS.
Love your fic 'A Shadow Hangs Overhead' btw
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Thank you for the kind words :)
That's definitely an interesting take, I'm gonna be one of those author's unfortunately and leave it pointedly unresolved, but the accompanying blog post on my profile may give you some context as to why the story is so vague.
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T H E
P O W E R
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T E C H N O L O G Y
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Haha that's a great way of describing it mate, I love playing with the irrational despair you can develop in scenarios like that I'm glad it resonated with you :)
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Thank you kindly, unsettling is definitely what I was going for as opposed to outright terror, glad it seemed to come across.
I've had that on my read later list for ages now, is it a decent fic?
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That's very kind of you, I appreciate it :)
I'm glad you liked the vague ending, I was afraid it may turn some readers off
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Definitely, although it goes deeper into existential horror.
Also, I can recommend A FLEet|ng LIght |n thE DArknEsS by the same author.
This story is somewhat similar-ish to yours.
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It'd be better if the knowing thought that it's obvious you're awake because you're too still wouldn't worm it's way in.
Forreal, I wonder what causes that feeling so randomly in the middle of your sleep cycle - sleep paralysis, a hypnagogic hallucination, or just a dream you held on to as you awoke?
Edit: I also heavily recommend reading Reading Room #36. It's amazing. One of my favorites.
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Yeah the whole premise reminded me of a horror movie called the Banshee Chapter where some people tune in on a radio frequency that causes Lovecraftian creatures to sort of come in on the signal and just mess stuff up.
Yeah I will definitely read your post!
*Edit - I'm an idiot and replied to my own comment. The real horror begins now
That was really good. I want to be able to write like this. It really brought out the fear of the unknown. Or the fear of the known, because surely nothing that happened was unknown! Definitely had me listening for odd little sounds myself, reading this at 2 in the morning.
It could be anything, from nothing at all, to trickster fae, to incomprehensible eldritch being. I honestly don't know which would be worse.
Now that was creepy. Excellent work.
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Thanks very much mate, that's very kind of you to say, it's always lovely to hear something you wrote struck a chord with someone.
Congrats on your feature in the RCL by the way! Got your fic lined up to read and I can't wait
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Whatever the hell it was, I'd bet it's a lot less scary than your avatar! 😛
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Cheers boss, creepiness was definitely the motif I was shooting for above more blatant forms of horror so I'm glad it came across
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Thank you! It was rather unexpected, but a very pleasant surprise when they told me I'd be featured. Thanks for inspiring my story with this one. I feel like yours is very underappreciated. Hope you enjoy mine when you get around to it!
When you say "Hello?" to an empty room and nothing responds, that just means it's trying to trick you into thinking it's not there.
This is one of the best horror stories on this entire site.
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Very high praise indeed! Thanks mate, that's very kind of you to say and I appreciate it
Yooo, congrats on the RCL feature! This story certainly deserves it!
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Cheers mate! It was a nice surprise to be sure
Ok The Seer, I'm gonna read this horror story at 10pm with a window to the outside in my hotel room. If I can't sleep. That means you're story's amazing.
And...
Here...
I...
Go!!
(Gonna regret this)
Hmm
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Ur not the only one. Except I'm on a cottage middle of nowhere so yeah ur not alone
I wanted to sleep tonight
One of the most primal of fears is the fear of the unknown. Very well done, very... visceral.
Ho-lee Yay I used to think, horror ain’t that bad, I can deal with it fine. You my friend, have shattered that idea. So horrifying, Thank you.
Thanks for letting my fear of the unknown latch onto something tonight.
This was a pleasantly intense read. I think there were parts that you drew out a tad more than necessary, but this is solid work.
I don't know if this is what you were aiming for, but this is a pretty dang good metaphor for panic attacks, which fits twilight nicely. Overall, well done.
This? This is the Tirek-damned creepiest single sentence of the whole story so far.
This was horrifyingly tense from beginning to end. This is gonna keep me up tonight, so I guess you succeeded completely as a horror writer. Well done.
Forgot to comment. And add to favorites.
Because I was cowering under my bedcovers.
This story was good. It used the concept of the unknown to generate fear, and that fear latched on. Fear is more scary than anything else, even the most scariest of things. throughout the entire story, my heart was pounding in fear. For once, I was scared reading a horror story.
The Seer, you're story's some good shit. 10/10 would recommend.
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Thanks for the nice comments on the story mate! I'm big on dark and unsettling art so I'm glad this was able to tangibly scare a few people, a horror writers dream to be sure :P
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Hope you had an interesting time reading it in that setting!
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Sorry friend but ya got S P O O K E D
Thanks for the comment!
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Thanks mate! You're very right there, I'm a firm believer that the scariest things are those you don't see
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Very nice that a lot of the recent comments have highlighted the story genuinely frightening
Glad you liked the story mate! Cheers for the comment
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Hope you managed to have a good night regardless! :P
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Thanks for the comment mate, I'll have to keep an eye out for that I do have a habit of saying in 100 words what could be done in 10
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That's a really interesting take man
I wouldn't know much about panic attacks personally but its fascinating that you got that from the story. Big thanks for pointing that out
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I'm really glad you said that because I agree that that was one of the most unpleasant things I put Twilight through
Thanks for the comment :)
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Cheers man that's very nice of you to say!
Glad I was able to give you a scare hope you enjoyed the fic!
Very nice.
Fucking excellent. Incredibly well written, and legitimately scary. Psychological horror is one of my favorite genres, and this is a perfect example of why. It's well-written, it brings you in, and it's terrifying. I love the decision not to reveal what was behind the door; was Twilight just paranoid, or was something really wrong? We don't know, and we don't need to know; a solid answer would've dulled the suspense. I like to think of this as FimFiction's version of one of the greatest horror stories ever written, "Psychosis". Both stories portray the protagonist growing more and more paranoid in the confines of their home, isolated from the rest of the world, with the main difference (besides one being about ponies) being that Psychosis gives the reader an answer (which is the only part of the story I dislike). I'm making this comparison because reading this fic gave me the same feelings of anxiety, confusion, and fright that Psychosis did, and any story that can do that is a good one. 10/10
What? That’s it? You’re just gonna leave us hanging like that? You big tease.
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Thanks mate!
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Wow that's some really high praise mate, I really appreciate it, especially the comparison to Psychosis, I love that piece it's fantastic. In the case of that I honestly quite liked the ending reveal for the simple reason that it kept the reader thinking the protagonist was just insane throughout it, having him turn out to be unwittingly correct as a result of, and not in spite of, his insanity felt like a nice curveball.
Then again I definitely agree with you that not revealing can make the story more unsettling. That was 100% what I was aiming for here and I'm glad you liked it
Thanks for the thoughtful comment
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No resolutions, no relief, no catharsis
All horror
Hey is it OK if I do a reading of this and post it to YouTube. It'll be my first and I don't have a high quality mic but I think this deserves at least a reading.
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Hey mate, of course you can! Thanks a lot!
Make sure to hit me up with a link when you're done, I'm sure it'll be great
9705048 Just asking, would you prefer if it was two separate videos, one for each chapter, or one long video?
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I think that if you're taking the time to do a reading then your opinion on what would be better is a hundred times more important than mine mate, I'm sure however you do it will be really good
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Bam! Chapter 1
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Great job man!
Can't wait for the next chapter
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Reading this through once more, has filled me with fear again. Thanks for that.
Also part 2
. BAM!
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Really good mate, I hope you keep it up with some more fics!
Thanks so much for taking the time to read the story, I really appreciate it
Why am I reading insanely tense atmospheric horror in the dead hours of night?
Because I'm a glutton for punishment.
One nitpick first:
Comma splice.
Otherwise, a very nice atmospheric horror piece, with just the right balance of details and ambiguity. I enjoyed it thoroughly.
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When Twilight opens the door to her shock and relief it's just Spike coming to give her the book she ordered as he had forgot to give it to her in the morning
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That's what I'm talking about
Hope I could spook ya good
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Thanks very much mate! Glad you liked it
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Spoilers for the upcoming sequel 'After I Looked Up The Stars Were Still There But I'd Initially Had Trouble Seeing Them Due To Light Pollution'
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Thank you, for the single most terrifying comment on any horror fic I've ever read.