"Twilight Sparkle, you are charged with 20 counts of aggravated assault! How do you plead?"
The unicorn looked about, utterly terrified at the sheer hatred she felt being directed her way. The dark courtroom made her feel as if she were in the deepest Tartarus pit. "I... I plead not guilty! I would never hurt a pony!"
"It is not a pony you are charged with hurting!" The judge leaned forward menacingly. "You are charged with assaulting tables!'
"No... no!" Twilight cried out in horror. She looked at the judge, an oak endtable that had a gavel in it's front drawer and a white powder wig sitting on top of it, and began to beg for mercy. "I never meant to hurt a single table!"
"Liar!" her library table cried out. It's front leg was wrapped in a cast. "You assaulted me again and again! And that was after you let your baby dragon stand on me!"
"You struck my baby!" A large table cried out, clutching a sobbing Sugarcube Corner table. "Who would strike a baby? You're a monster!"
Twilight looked around the courtroom, trying to find sometable that was on her side. Oak kitchen tables and dark pine living room tables whispered hateful words from the jury box. "Please, I promise I would never hurt any intelligent creature!" She slammed her hoof down on the defense table before her. "You have to believe me! I don't have it in me to hurt something that can feel!"
"Then why did you just strike our lawyer?" the judge demanded.
"I was on your side!" the defense table whined, trotting away from her.
"Stay away before she attacks again!" a cedar work table exclaimed.
"Wait... I made a mistake!"
"I have heard enough!" the judge roared. "Twilight Sparkle, for your sickening crimes against tablekind, I rule that you will be turned into a table yourself, so that you may feel what we have suffered through!"
"NO!" Twilight screamed, suddenly finding her face stretched and turned hard and flat as her legs were thinned. Her mane and tail disappeared as she was transformed into a simple dining room table.
"Oh Cadence, I can't believe my sister could be so cruel!" Shining Armor cried out in despair, not realizing the table he banged his hoof against was his sister. "She has stained our family name and I don't think I'll ever live down the shame!"
"It will be ok, my love..." Cadence began to nuzzle him. "Would it make you feel better if we did it right here on top of this table?"
"...yes, yes it would."
"NO!" Twilight screamed in a panic as Shining threw his wife on top of her. "It's me! It's me!"
"Twilight! Wake up!"
~MC~MC~MC~
Twilight thrashed about as Rainbow Dash shook her. "No... no Cadence, don't have sex on me!" The unicorn blinked, realizing she was not a table and was safe inside of Rainbow Dash's house. "Uh... just a bad dream." She chuckled weakly.
"Must have been some dream. You were kinda doing that thing you do when you eat a brownie, only your nose wasn't flaring." Rainbow Dash trotted over to the wall. "Now that you are awake, I want your opinion on something." She gestured towards a picture frame that hung on her wall. "What do you think?"
"What... what is that?" Twilight asked.
"Spitfire's autograph... amazing, right?" Rainbow Dash took a few steps back to admire the framed parchment that now hung on her wall.
"Dash, that's not an autograph, it's a restraining order," Twilight said gently, lying on her friend's couch. "It says that you can't come within 20 feet of Spitfire or her house!"
The cyan pegasus shrugged. "Hey, a win is a win."
"How... how is this a win?" Twilight complained.
Rainbow Dash showed no sign of having heard her. "Do you think the frame captures the coolness of the autograph?"
"Again, it’s a restraining order, and no it doesn't because there is no coolness to having a restraining order placed on you for peeping."
The flyer just laughed. "You know, for somepony that dreams about Princess Cadence having sex on top of her you're a bit of a prude." Nodding in satisfaction, Rainbow left the framed court order right where it hung and turned her attention towards her bookish friend. "So, Pinkie Pie and Rarity told me they have been pranking you about Scoots."
"Yes, they have. Unfortunately the rest of the town is crazy and enjoys yanking my chain."
"Well that's what you get for going to those lame brains. You honestly think any of them would know anything about anything?"
"Before all of this, I would have disagreed..." Twilight muttered.
Rainbow Dash puffed out her chest. "I got to tell ya Twi, I'm disappointed. You should have come to see me about Scootaloo first thing. She is my number 1 fan, after all."
"I didn't exactly set out to learn all about Scootaloo, Rainbow Dash. It just kinda happened and by the time I decided to seek out some answers I couldn't find you."
The cyan flyer flew up, placing her front hooves on her hips and striking a dramatic pose. "Well, you don't have to fret anymore! Rainbow Danger Dash is going to clue you in!"
"I thought your middle name was Miriam."
"...Miriam is an ancient pegasi word that means Danger," Rainbow said.
"Sure it does," Twilight said, settling in for another story. "So, what will it be? Will there be time travel involved? If there is, could she go forward instead of backwards?"
"How would somepony go forward in time?"
"Magic sword that sends her forward 7 years so she can defeat a dark lord," Twilight said simply.
"...you have problems, Twilight."
~MC~MC~MC~
"Doctor! Doctor!" Nurse Redheart called out, bursting into her boss' office. "Come quick!"
"What's wrong, did you finally discover a pony with a brain?" Doctor Grumpy House asked.
"There is an emergency in the ER!"
Dr. House rolled his eyes. "That's usually why they call it an Emergency Room."
"Doctor, please!"
"Fine!" House grunted, hauling himself up from his chair and limping towards the door. "But you are going to have to listen to me make snarky comments the entire way."
"It's strange... I should hate Doctor House but all I want to do is watch him for 8 seasons."
House looked down at the mangled form of a small orange pegasus filly with a shock of purple hair and tiny wings. Her body was twisted and turned, vital fluids leaking from numerous wounds that littered her chest and limbs. A heart monitor showed that her pulse was very weak and all around her nurses were hurrying about to try and save her life.
"What happened to her?" Doctor House asked.
"A freak weather system descended upon her while she was skipping in a field," Nurse Redheart stated. "She was caught in a cyclone and thrown 30 yards into a grove of trees. She has shrapnel near her heart and internal bleeding. It is a miracle she's alive."
"Who the heck skips through a meadow?" House asked.
"That is a very good question."
Nurse Redheart brushed a few strands of hair out of the filly's eyes. "Is there anything we can do to save her, doctor?"
"Of course there is!" House exclaimed in annoyance. "We can rebuild her."
"Rebuild her?"
"Better. Stronger. Faster. We have the technology. Isn't that right. Doctor Robotnik?"
A large, egg-shaped pony doctor nodded, his overly large mustache bobbing as he nodded in agreement. "Yes... and when she is turned into a cyborg I will use her to get rid of those hedgehogs that are infesting my garden!"
"...on second thought, let's use magic."
"Wow... this is weird."
~MC~MC~MC~
"What was that Twilight?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"I said your story was weird."
"Why do you say that? I recently read an article in the latest edition of The Canterloter that talked about how science is progressing much faster than most ponies realize. There was this one stallion who thought that within 15 years we will be able to surgically implant metal horns and wings on ponies to give them all the abilities of an alicorn. The techs were a little shaky but...Twilight, why are you staring at me like that?"
Twilight's jaw hung loose, eyes nearly popping out of her skull. "You... read that article?"
"Well yeah!" Dash stated. "What's the big deal?"
"You... you hate to read!"
"No, I used to hate to read. And that was mainly because I found most books too pedestrian for my tastes."
Twilight tried to wrap her mind around this new information. "This... this makes no sense! You are a jock, not a nerd!"
"I'm both... I just don't rub ponies' noses in it."
"But... but you dropped out of flight school!"
Rainbow Dash nodded, giving Twiight a incredulous look. "Uh, I kinda had to if I wanted to attend Hoofard. I mean, I wasn't going to be able get my doctorate if I was focused on my flying all the time. Why do you think I have to work so hard to get into the Wonderbolts?"
"You... you have a doctorate?"
The cyan mare stared at Twilight like she had lost it. "Of course I do! I am the head of the weather team, Twilight... do you really think Princess Celestia would trust the weather of a town, even one as small as Ponyville, to a high school dropout?" Dash gave her friend a smug smile. "I am Doctor Rainbow Danger Dash. I have a PhD in weather sciences and a minor in aerodynamics."
If one could have looked inside Twilight's brain at that moment, they would have found all the gears and electrodes shutting down one by one as her systems tried to reboot.
"Now then, back to my story..."
~MC~MC~MC~
"Scootaloo, can you hear me?"
The orange filly weakly opened her eyes and stared at the kind doctor who was kneeling down next to her. His mane was white and puffed up a bit and he had a snowy goatee that encircled his mouth.
"Who... who are you?" she asked.
The doctor smiled. "I am Doctor Gene Splice. Do you know what happened to you?"
"There... there was a storm..." Scootaloo whimpered as her wings twitched and sent a jolt of pain through her body. "I... I don't remember anything..."
"You were badly hurt, Scootaloo. The doctors fear you may never walk again." The filly began to cry and Splice hurried to comfort her. "But Scootaloo, there is hope. I was commissioned by Princess Celestia to begin creating a new breed of pony. As you know, each of the different breeds of pony have their own special abilities: pegasi can fly, unicorns can do magic, and earth ponies possess great strength. But Celestia wishes to create a fourth type: a pony who's special ability is awesomeness."
"You're joking."
"Nope."
"That... makes no sense."
"Who is the doctor here, me or you?"
"...fine."
"We selected you to be the first test subject. We believe that by injecting you with pure awesome sauce (patent pending) your body will realize it is too cool to be paralyzed and will heal itself."
"That... sounds amazing."
"So you will do it?"
"Of course!"
Splice nodded. "Good, because we already put you in the machine."
"What?" Scootaloo exclaimed, finally realizing that she had been laying in a metal capsule. Doctor Splice moved back and slammed the hatch down, locking her in.
"We are going to inject you with some rich, delicious awesomeness that was donated to us." Splice began to turn some nozzles and Scootaloo let out a cry of pain as pure awesome was injected into her bloodstream. "We are at 15% awesome.... 20% awesome... 25% awesome!"
Princess Celestia, who had been observing the test from a shielded viewing room, nodded her head in approval. "Doctor, you have done very well. This will be a new day for ponykind."
"Thank you, princess, for your faith in my research and, more importantly, the concentrated awesome you gave us. If I may ask, who was the donor?"
"A pegasus by the name of Rainbow Dash..."
"ARRRRGGHHH!" Scootaloo screamed, the chamber she was in beginning to buckle.
Splice grew frantic. "No... Rainbow Dash is the most awesome pony in Equestria! My procedure was never designed for that much awesome to be put in a pony-"
The chamber burst open and Scootaloo leapt out. But it was not the weak, broken filly that had been placed in there that emerged. No, Scootaloo now stood as tall as the princess and her body was filled with huge pulsing muscles. Her coat was now an emerald green and she roared as she spread her massive wings.
"SCOOT SMASH!" Scootaloo bellow, grabbing a desk and throwing it at a window, using the opening to make her escape.
"Scootaloo... a normal filly till she was bombarded with awesome. Now, whenever she is around awesomeness a startling metamorphosis occurs. The monster is fueled by coolness, transforming whenever she is around too much awesome. She is must keep moving, town to town, as she seeks to find a way to control the beast within..."
Scootaloo, now once more a small orange filly, slowly hitchhiked down the road. Several pegasi flew overhead but she did not look up. Her body was healed but she could never risk flying again... it would be too awesome.
Her destination was Ponyville, where she hoped she could live in peace in a boring, totally uncool town.
Sadly, one Rainbow Dash had-
"Nope, sorry, that's enough."
~MC~MC~MC~
"Come on Twilight, I was just getting to the good part!" Dash complained.
"I want to see the accreditation of the school that gave you a PhD!" Twilight snapped.
"You saying I'm not smart enough to be a doctor?"
"Not after that story!"
Rainbow huffed in annoyance. "Hey, it makes sense! That's why I can't show Scoots too much love or attention... if she is near my awesomeness she will transform!"
"Your story is a lie, Rainbow Dash," a voice called out.
Twilight and Rainbow Dash turned, eyes going wide as Princess Celestia strolled into the cyan pegasus' living room.
"For I know the true origin of Scootaloo... and it is time for Twilight to know it!"
Some chapters are a pain to write. You struggle, you fight, you find yourself wishing you could just blow it off. You agonize over every choice and every joke, never satisfied.
Other chapters flow perfectly and fall into place like you are just copying the words from someone else
And then... there are chapters that are FUN.
This was a blast to right. It seemed like every few lines I thought of a new joke and it was a blast to write them out and see how the story took shape. This did not go where I expected (I planned it to be more of a sci-fi cloning story) but what I got is a billion times better
As always, any errors let me know and remember to check out the TVtropes page!
House, 6 000 000 dollar man, and Hulk references. And trollestia reckoning
So, Rainbow Dash thinks that Scootaloo's origin is a story that's a cross between House, Sonic The Hedgehog, and The Incredible Hulk.
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And next we get our Hunger Games story from Princess Celestia.
You know, I just came up with the explanation for Luna being Twilight''s mom... TIME TRAVEL! Yes, that is all...
Some arbitrary number preferably in the single didgets
so no got the legend of zelda ocarina of time reference?
Appeal to authority, best fallacy(in fiction)! Good stuff.
The tables threw the book at her... I'm with you sofa, but who chairs this cabinet?
1400067
no one?
1400073 Magic sword 7 years into the future? Yup
1400075
okay
REFERENCES. REFERENCES EVERYWHERE. AS FAR AS THE HORIZON'S EDGE~!
1400067
I got it xD
Yes. this made my shitty day ok again
1400036
you missed Iron Man and Legend of Zelda
rainbow Dash didn't mention anything about her middle name before Twilight said that
SCOOT SMASH!!!! Lol
I think there was a bit of a nod toward The Big Bang Theory (the show) at the start. Sheldon has a similar collection of autographed (signed) restraining orders
[youtube=urUscKh5aeo]
Don't Ask Why It's Sidewards
Doctor Rainbow Danger Dash: Too much awesome.
Nice Chapter!
"kind", not "kindly"
Other than that, everything seemed alright...
1400073 It was pretty hard to miss.
1400176
sorry it's just usauly every reference is named the very minuet the chapter is posted so it thought id point out a reference for once.
Shrapnel near her heart? Injection of a rare substance in a metal tank? Big green rage monster?
Marvellous.
Rainbow Dash with a PhD?
AWESOME!
Also Twilight's reaction was hilarious!
I'm really fond of the idea that Dash is actually very well educated in her fields of specialization. Weather control is something that Pegasi have been doing for thousands of years, there's probably a lot of science behind it at this point.
Right near the beginning, where the Judge says "You are charged with assault tables" it should be "assaulting"
Oh shit Trollestria is going to troll her ass. Also I like how Rainbow Dash has a phd.
1400072
I know right? Poor Twilight, it all started because something just had to rug her the wrong way, and now from all the facehoofing, she may walk with a lamp for the rest of her days!
This chapter was hilarious. I dunno if you were referencing captain America with the chamber/serum, but yeah, full of awesome sauce. Twilight needs a doctorate so I can call her Dr. Sparkle as well. Seriously, best chapter yet, although there were a few spelling and grammar errors I noticed, more than usual for your work. The word is doctorate, not doctrine btw. A doctrine is, well, like the Monroe doctrine, a collection of beliefs. It's also used in law.
I'll go back and pick out the errors I saw, just cause I like you so much
"I... I plead not guilt!!!"
"You are charged with assault tables!"
"Would it make you feel better if we did right here on top of this table?"
Probably wanna throw an *it* in between there or change the sentence structure.
Doctor Splice moved back and slammed to hatch down, locking her in.
Didn't see anything else that stood out, besides the doctorate/doctrine thing. Can't wait for Celestia, I feel like her story is going to be a terrible fail-troll.
Legend of Zelda ref.
Niiiiice.
"I... I plead not guilt! --> guilty
"It's strange... i should hate Doctor House --> I
I wasn't going to be able get my doctrine --> doctorate
I have a PhD --> Ph.D.
1400016
Bit of a nitpick, but the word is "doctorate", not "doctrine".
Something tells me that you meant to use doctorate instead of doctrine.
Should be "I"
1400166 Actually, kindly can be used as an adjective
I have corrected all the spelling mistakes. Thank you
This was great. I love the constants...
1) There will be a shit ton of references from all media forms, nothing is safe.
2) Twilight's brownie eating will be vaguely hinted at.
3) Tables!
4) Insanity
5) Cadance and Shining Armor will end up acting like horny teenagers with the possibility of scaring Twilight.
Kudos on making Rainbow Dash smarter than she appears to be on the show. Doctor Rainbow Miriam Dash, that would explain why she lives in a cloud mansion.
I still have hopes for one of the ponies that Twilight runs into will give her an origin story that is the ponified version of The Room.
"Oh, hai Mark...."
"Everyone betray me, I fed up with this world."
"Ha ha ha, what a funny story."
"Hai doggy."
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"I am Doctor Rainbow Danger Dash. I have a PhD in weather sciences and a minor in aerodynamics."
This right here just made my day.
Though, I have to ask, why not just call it Meteorology? That is the word for the study of weather right?
So now every one of the Mane Six has shared their Scootaloo origin story, now we just have Celestia left and then we can learn Scootaloo's REAL story.
Oh wow and I thought the buildup to Dash was horrifying... next chapter.... Luna help us all
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She doesn't study weather... she makes it.
I've see references of:
Doctor House
Sonic The Hedgehog
Six Million Dollar Man
Iron Man
Captain America
The Incredible HULK
The Big Bang Theory
That 70's Show (Browny running gag)
... Just only in this Chapter, Let's see what Trollestia have mixed with The Hunger Games alone!
...wouldn't it be funny if the real explanation for all of this is that everypony's just been watching too many movies and playing too many video games? With the sheer number of references so far, it would definitely explain a lot.
Rainbow Dash actually smart? You don't say?
Funny chapter, though. Loved the table bit; seems Twilight has some serious issues.
And now, enter the Trollestia.
Twilight, Twilight, Twilight...Scootaloo is not Link.
And like several others...I'm sensing an incoming Trollestia. I shall patiently await the next chapter. Okay, somewhat patiently.
I can never think of Twilight eating a brownie the same way again... my face will do funny things.
Celestia is a total troll, we all know what is coming.
Oh dear sweet Celestia. <Insert DIS GON B GUD gif here>
Oh crap, all of those references, all that have been before, and all that are yet to come. /)(\
Is there going to be a Chrysalis chapter?
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