The Cakes
It was a sight so rare that those that saw it could only stop and gawk. It was like finding an entire field of four-leaf clovers. Cupcakes and donuts and all other manner of sweets were forgotten as the patrons as Sugarcube Corner sat slack jawed at the scene playing out before them.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders sitting at a table, enjoying a treat.
No, that wasn't the amazing part. That was actually quite common; Applejack or Rarity or even on occasion Fluttershy were always taking the girls to pastry shop. It was the fact that the CMC were sitting calmly at the table, nibbling on their treats and talking about their day at school. And nothing had exploded.
Twilight Sparkle considered for a moment that it was rather mean spirited to find the little fillies behaving properly to be such a world-shaking event. They were good girls, after all, always meaning to do well. Yes, some of their quests to discover their special talents tended to end in destruction, mayhem, property damage and the release of ancient evils (and that had only happened once if somepony didn't count last week when they had summoned that winged squid creature trying to be Cutie Mark Witches), but they meant well. They just wanted their cutie marks and, like all fillies, were going about it the wrong way. Twilight smiled to herself, remember her own Cutie Mark Quest, including an attempt to use her brother as a sled dog that hadn't gone over too well. Luckily for Twilight (and Shining Armor) she'd become enamored with magic shortly thereafter and all her efforts had gone into learning magic, leaving little time for daredevil acts.
She just hoped the girls would find their passions soon and realize that getting a cutie mark was more about embracing something within you than discovering something new.
It was clear that Rarity and Applejack weren't going to question this lucky break. The two mares were happily chatting with each other while the fillies giggled to themselves over something that had happened in Miss Cheerilee's class. Twilight's friends would occasionally look down to make sure the girls were still behaving themselves but, for once, the CMC were allowing their big sisters to actually enjoy their meal.
"So beautiful, isn't it?" Mrs. Cake said, trotting over to give Twilight another cup of tea.
"And also tragic," Mr. Cake added.
"Beautifully tragic."
"Tragically beautiful."
Twilight looked back and forth at the two bakers, her brow screwed up in utter confusion. "I'm sorry, but what are you talking about?"
"The tragiciful scene over there," Mrs. Cake said, pointing towards the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
"Yes, the tragiciful," Mr. Cake stated in agreement, a smile on his face as he and his wife finally came to a consensus.
"Uh...still not following you." Twilight was beginning to wonder if the Cakes hadn't been cursed into being in an endless loop of gibberish. "I mean, it is just Applejack and Rarity having a snack with their sisters."
"Their sisters and Scootaloo," Mr. Cake said sagely, as if that sentence was the lost wisdom of Starswirl the Bearded. When he saw that Twilight still wasn't following he leaned in close, inspecting her with a critical eye. "You don't know, do you?"
"Know what?" Twilight was beginning to feel utterly exasperated and cursed her sweet tooth for dragging her into Sugarcube Corner. She knew she should have just headed home to have some fruit but nooooo! She had a craving for brownies and now she was going to pay for it.
"About Scootaloo!" Mrs. Cake hissed. "Twilight, don't tell me you don't know about her...past."
"What past?" Twilight said dumbly. It was as if she had walked into a play that had started an hour ago and was trying to play catch-up even as the scene continued.
"You know...her past," Mrs. Cake whispered, giving a quick glance towards the orange pegasus that was currently trying to lick frosting from the tip of her nose. "Her beautiful past."
"But also-"
"I get it!" Twilight snapped, cutting Mr. Cake off. "It's beautiful and tragic and maybe even a bit melancholy."
"No one said anything about it being melancholy." Mr. Cake glanced over at his wife, who nodded in agreement. "That is just silly, Twilight...why would you think that?"
Twilight tilted her head, internally debating if it would be a wise idea to bash her head against the table until she suffered enough brain damage to make the conversation make sense. However, her level-headedness prevailed and Twilight, with as much calm she could muster, forced a smile on her face.
"Why don't you just tell me about Scootaloo's tragiciful past?"
Mrs. Cake looked around, as if she suddenly feared that spies would burst out from under the tables and arrest her for spilling the beans. "Well...I am not one to gossip..."
Twilight closed her eyes to prevent the Cakes from seeing her over-the-top eye roll. Mrs. Cake was one of the biggest gossips in town...heck, Twilight knew for a fact that, even after they had been featured, the Cakes were still disappointed there would be no more 'Gabby Gums' articles.
"Twilight, are you ok?"
"Just...fine. Please...please just...tell the story," Twilight ground out.
"Well, if you insist," Mrs. Cake said pleasantly. "It all started about 6 years ago..."
~Six Years Ago~
"Now, be sure to keep an eye out on the farm while we are gone, alright young missy!"
Applejack smiled, trotting over to Granny Smith and giving her a hug. "Don't worry; Sweet Apple Acres is in good hooves. I don't want either of ya to worry about me while you're two are off enjoyin' the big city!"
Granny Smith let out a huff of annoyance at the young mare's jest. "This ain't no vacation, Applejack! We're just goin' to get a new plow."
"Eeeeeyup," Big Macintosh said.
Applejack smiled, walking over and giving her big brother a hug as well. "That don't mean ya can't enjoy yourselves. Don't go rushin' back thinking that ya have ta come bail me out. We got another 3 weeks till Applebuck season, so I figure I'll manage just fine if ya two decide to take in a show or do a little sight-seeing in Manehattan."
Granny grumbled something about big cities and all the traffic as she got into the wagon Big Mac was hooked up to. The massive stallion gave his sister one final look before he began to trot off, the wagon rumbling as it pulled away from the house and down the dirt driveway towards the main road.
"I'll see ya in a few days!" Applejack called out, waving her hooves frantically. "Have fun!"
"I'm sorry, but what does Applejack’s family buying a plow have to do with Scootaloo?"
"I'm getting to that, Twilight."
The friendly grin Applejack had been wearing fell from her face the moment her family was out of sight. In its place was a smaller, naughtier grin that spoke of sensual secrets. She rushed back into the house, the door banging as she burst into the kitchen and pulled out the salad she had hidden away. Setting it on the counter, Applejack rummaged through one of the cupboards before finally finding the silk table cloth Granny Smith reserved for special holidays. Tossing it into the air, Applejack grinned as it settled neatly on the table before going over to one of the drawers and pulling out two long candles and a pair of crystal holders, which she set in the middle of the table and lit. Grabbing a couple of bowls, she added those to her setting before snatching two mugs and, from her secret hiding spot behind the oats, a bottle of fine apple cider that she had managed to snag from last year's harvest.
She was just about to give the salad a toss when she heard the door to her house creak open and the sound of dainty hooves tapped against the hardwood.
"Hello Applejack, I just stopped by to say hello and..." Rarity blinked, taking in the sight before her, a grin slowly blossoming on her face. "Well well well, looks like someone has a special night planned."
"Maybe," Applejack said, suddenly very shy.
"Hmmm...is it someone I know?" The fashionista circled about the room, clicking her tongue in approval.
"Maybe..." Applejack murmured, eyes shut and head down. She pawed at the hardwood with her hoof.
Rarity practically purred as she slowly made her way towards Applejack, forcing her chin up and making the farmer look her in the eye. "Not that young stallion we saw the other day, I assume?"
"Nah, he ain't my type,” Applejack murmured.
"What about that nice celery seller? You know the one I mean."
"Not my type either."
"Well then, Applejack, who is your type?"
"You," the farmer said, all sense of modesty leaving her as she passionately pulled Rarity into a soul-searing kiss. The white unicorn moaned, her horn beginning to glow as she surrendered herself to the power of the kiss, their fierce embrace causing the very air around them to feel as if it were going to burst into flames. The meal was forgotten as the farmer dragged her lover to the floor, bringing her-
"WHAT?!?!"
~MC~MC~MC~
Mr. and Mrs. Cake gave a start, staring at Twilight with wide eyes as the unicorn stood there with her mouth hanging open, trying to form a coherent sentence.
"You...you think Rarity and Applejack are in love with each other?"
"Well...yes, of course," Mrs. Cake said, as casually as one would discuss the weather. "I thought you knew."
"No I didn't, I...what am I saying? RARITY AND APPLEJACK-" Twilight looked around, realizing she was getting some curious looks and quickly brought her voice to a whisper, "-are not in love."
Mr. Cake chuckled. "Twilight, you would have to be blind not to see it."
"See what? They are friends!"
"Yes, 'friends'," Mrs. Cake said, air-quoting. She casually gestured towards the two. Applejack was happily munching an apple fritter while Rarity was using her magic to daintily sip her tea while averting her eyes from Applejack's vicious assault on manners and pastry. "Look at them, look at how they sit so far apart, neither of them touching, never paying each other any attention. See how Rarity rolls her eyes and Applejack continues to focus on her food rather than the mare in front of her? That is a sign of love."
Twilight was pretty sure the cracking sound she heard was a gear in her brain snapping it two.
"Mrs. Cake," the unicorn began, trying to talk reason into the older mare, "I have been friends with AJ and Rarity for 2 years now...I think I would know if they were in love."
"Maybe they just hid it because they knew you were a prude."
"I really don't- what do you mean I'm a prude?!" The two bakers merely gave her sympathizing smiles, like one would give a filly when she declared she was 'a big girl!'. "Ok...we're getting off of topic. The point is I've been around them a lot and they've never shown any interest in each other. I mean, the one time we had a slumber party they were at each other's throats. I couldn't even get any sleep after all the ruckus they were making in bed..."
The Cakes gave each other a saucy look.
"NOT LIKE THAT!!!" Twilight screeched, only to blush when everypony turned to stare at her. Twilight lowered her head in utter embarrassment. "Ok...forget it...what does any of this have to do with Scootaloo?"
"If you'd allow me to finish, I would tell you." Mrs. Cake cleared her throat. "Everything was going well for the two lovers-" Twilight gagged a little at that, "-until Applejack's family came home early from their trip..."
~MC~MC~MC~
Applejack looked utterly heartbroken, her head lowered and her lip wobbling as she fought off the large tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She couldn't bring herself to look at Rarity, shame filling her soul as the mare that held her heart was driven from her house and her hooves.
"Ya git on out of here, ya filthy varmint!" Granny Smith shouted.
"But we are in love! Why can't you just accept that?" Rarity cried out, placing her hooves on her heart as if she expected it to burst from her chest at any moment.
Big Macintosh merely shook his mighty head, looking to the sky. "Oh lordy lord, this harlot has done led my innocent little sister to sin! What a terrible day to befall the Apple family!"
"Big Macintosh doesn't talk like that."
"You've obviously never heard him when he is angry."
"Brother, please!" Applejack whimpered. She let out a cry as her brother lashed out, striking her in the face and leave a gash upon her cheek.
"Big Macintosh would never hit his sister! He is as gentle as a kitten! And there is no way Applejack would whimper!"
"Twilight, please, let me finish."
"But-"
Rarity sobbed as she was forced out the door, trying to catch one last glance at her beloved Applejack, only to find her view blocked by the massive form of Big Macintosh. Lowering her head, she stumbled out of the house, her very essence crying out at the injustice of it all. All about her the town folk jeered and pelted her with rocks, calling her all sorts of vile names as Rarity was driven away from Sweet Apple Acres and her beloved-
"Hold on..."
~MC~MC~MC~
"What is it now?" Mrs. Cake asked, a bit annoyed that her rather dramatic retelling of the events of Applejack and Rarity's break up was being interrupted. It was so hard to find a polite audience nowadays.
"Let's assume you are right and Applejack and Rarity were in love." The Cakes nodded their heads, happy that Twilight was finally coming around. "Why would anypony be upset?"
"What's that now?" Mr. Cake said.
"Why would anypony be angry? Gay marriage has been legal in Equestria for 300 years and even before that gays and lesbians were accepted by other ponies! I mean, Mayor Mare has been happily married to her wife for 10 years. So why would the town turn out to jeer Rarity? And what were they even doing there? Did Big Macintosh find Applejack and Rarity together and take the time to send a letter to everypony in town, asking them to wait outside the house and throw rocks at Rarity?"
The Cakes looked down, chewing on their lips and considering Twilight's words. "You know, I'm not really sure. That's just how the story goes."
"You weren't there?" Twilight said, her eye twitching.
"Well...no...but we heard about it from somepony that heard it from some other pony whose father’s best friend was there!" Mr. Cake pursed his lips in thought. "That made sense, right?"
"About as much sense as this story," Twilight groused.
"Oh...good!"
Slamming her head against the table was looking better and better.
"Now then," Mrs. Cake said, taking control of the conversation once more, "Big Macintosh, the horrid brute, refused to let Applejack out of his sight for nearly a year. Applejack longed to sneak away to see Rarity but she could never find the chance. Finally, the day came when she was able to get a few hours to herself and she rushed to see her love..."
~MC~MC~MC~
"Oh, my precious diamond!" Applejack exclaimed, nearly collapsing at Rarity's feet as she burst into the unicorn's shop. "How I have longed to see you after these many months. I knew each night, as my dreams brought me visions of you, that our hearts beat together as one and it was that power, the power of our love, that kept me going!"
Rarity placed her hooves over Applejack's, tears in her eyes as she drawled out. "I'll say, sugarcube. I done longed for you many a days now myself."
"Mrs. Cake, I think you got them mixed-"
"My beloved Applejack," Rarity said ("apparently now speaking with the right accent"), pulling the farmer to her hooves, "I too have missed you but...I must admit my pain was not as deep as yours, for I had another to help ease the pain." Before Applejack could allow rage and jealousy to burn through her heart like a thousand flames, Rarity pulled her over to a small bassinet.
Lying inside was a tiny foal, her body orange like Applejack’s but her purple hair all Rarity’s. The little one murmured and reached up, grasping Applejack’s nose with her little hooves, cooing in delight at the sight of this new visitor.
"Applejack...this is our daughter, Scootaloo."
"Nope, no no no, nope nope nope. No…no no no…no no no…just stop!"
~MC~MC~MC~
The Cakes just looked at Twilight, a mixture of exasperation at her constant interruptions and concern as the unicorn finally gave in and smashed her head against the table warring within their hearts.
After a few moments Twilight lifted her head up, bumps already swelling just above her eyes, making it look like she had 4 extra horns. "How...do two mares...have a foal?"
Mr. Cake frowned. "What do you mean?"
"You need a stallion to make a foal."
"You do?" the two asked in utter confusion.
"YES! YOU NEED A STALLION AND A MARE TO MAKE A FOAL!"
Now everypony was staring at Twilight. While not rare like the Cutie Mark Crusaders managing to have a meal without causing utter destruction, seeing Twilight Sparkle blow up was a fun activity. Unbeknownst to the unicorn, several ponies were already placing bets if her mane would catch on fire.
"It was a gift...a gift of love from Celestia," Mrs. Cake said slowly, keep her tone even as she addressed the clearly unstable pony. She had heard rumors that Twilight was unhinged and that Celestia only kept her around out of fear of what she might do. In fact, Mrs. Cake had heard some gossip that Twilight was in fact the daughter of Nightmare Moon and-
"Then why aren't they together raising their daughter?"
“What?” the bakers both asked.
“Why aren’t they raising Scootaloo together. They are able to sit in here right now and chat and no one is pelting them with stones…so why aren’t they raising their daughter together?”
"Because of the shame."
"The shame that comes from a gift of love from our princess?" Twilight ground out.
"Now you're getting it!" Mr. Cake said.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Twilight stalked out of the bakery, muttering to herself about magic babies and fillyfriends and the power of love. Several ponies let out groans before passing bits over to their friends, who happily collected their winnings from their bets.
"What was that all about?" Mr. Cake asked his wife, not understanding why Twilight would freak out over a simple story about the birth of Scootaloo.
Mrs. Cake patted her husband's hoof. "The young mare is just upset...I heard Rainbow Dash and her haven't made love in months."
"Twilight and Rainbow Dash are together?"
"You didn't hear? Oh, it is such a tragic love story...or a lovely tragic story..."
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Ok, so since I am so far ahead in writing my Castle/MLP crossover, I decided to challenge myself and do something different.
The idea behind this is to do an anthology-like series, where each chapter is a different character telling a different origin about Scootaloo. The only rule I place on myself is each one must involve Scootaloo in some form. Each story will be connected by Twilight as she begins her search to figure out just what is Scootaloo's origin.
This chapter was a parody of both the romance and shipping fics that are out there (especially the ones that make two men or two women somehow have a baby together) and the Lifetime Movie of the Week style of telling a story.
Please let me know what you think and if you would like to see more stories. Each chapter will be completely different, focusing on a different genre or archtype. Also, i do have a final chapter that WILL reveal what I believe Scootaloo's true origin to be.
Finally, if you would like to suggest a story type or movie/tv/book that you would like to see me parody in this, please place it in your review. If selected you will be credited at the start of that chapter.
Thanks!
I LOLd so very very hard...
The is gonna go far kid!
LOVE IT!!
Although... you may want to try to find an editor to fix up the minor grammar and wording errors (minor enough that I would have to re-read it to find them).
I would offer, but I'm already working on three stories currently and have another two on my backlog. 
There's never enough time.
1166215
COPS maybe? I dunno, it was the first thing that came to mind for me and it made me laugh a bit just thinking about it.
1168172
I have been trying to edit it as I reread it, and when I do find a mistake, I fix it, so hopefully any issues will be gone soon.
COPS might work for one idea I have...stay tuned.
1168182
I'd suggest putting this in a google docs page. It's spell check is pretty good at ignoring new words like Scootaloo and detecting wrong word choice.
Otherwise, I like it.
1168203
I would, except I've had some...issues with Google Word Doc before, so I tend to use my Word program with a modified spellcheck (some of the 'errors' that people find in my stories are merely artistic choices for how I want a sentence phrased...what can I say, when you get a degree in communications and writing, you tend to thing VERY hard about story flow and will sacrifice perfection in grammar for perfection is flow).
Glad you enjoyed.
Hm... This is pretty ridiculous, but up to now it works. We'll see how the next chapters hold up. Keep it up!
1168243
Finally someone else who feels grammar errors aren't as important as story flow and readability.
1168256
More stories are ruined because a writer is too concerned with following the 'rules' of grammar than the aspect of weaving a narrative. One of my professors once said that grammar rules are only there so people in universities can feel like hot shots...it is better to focus on the flow and let a period fall in the wrong place than have every chapter be academically perfect only for the story to read like a text book.
For example, my BIGGEST pet peeve is word repeating. Don't repeat a character's name twice in two sentences right next to each other or use the same term over and over...mix it up.
While it might get you on one or two people's bad sides, I think it would be hilarious to have the story of Scootaloo's origin being told as the arrival of a prophesied savior. There was no room at the stable, so they had to deliver her in the attic of a friend's inn, etc. Either that or being found in a floating basket of reeds.
Needless to say, I already love this story and am looking forward to wherever you take it.
1168273
Unfortunately EQD doesn't care about that at all. Just a handful of errors will keep you from the prereaders.
1168321
I do have a 'heroic' origin for Scootaloo planned, but it isn't Biblical. I won't say what it is (that will ruin the surprise) but I think it will get a huge laugh.
1168324
Well, I did manage to find 4 errors that I thought I had corrected ( 'Have to hit the save button' grumble grumble) but that should bring this up to snuff.
Absolutely hilarious!
You sir, deserve a cookie! Seriously though, well done!
Soooo many plot holes(I mean in there story, not yours. But I guess it could be your story... you know what nevermind.) Ahahahaha! That was hilarious. Can't wait for more.
I absolutely love this story. I can't wait to see more.
Also this story feels like a bit of a parody of fanfiction involving Scootaloo and the fandom's tendency towards theorizing about Scootaloo's past.
Was that intentional or is that just me over-thinking it?
Gramer ain't what no need for to story for understands reeding to floe the plot.
1166215 Well, I didn't expect to see you here (I just found this story on the front page by accident).
If there is one thing I dislike about this, it's that the Cake's last name was always the plural form, but canonically is the singular form. Aside from being out of canon, it's a bit more awkward to say either mentally or out loud.
As for a parody idea, I suggest looking up the origin story behind Kamen Rider Ichigo.
You could try a human in Equestria origin, with someone trying to convince Twilight that Scootaloo is actually a shape-shifted human from another dimension.
LMAO! Nice one, can't wait to see more!
teh cakers are shipperrrr
This is bucking brilliant. Take your like and favorite good sir! Take it and eat it!
We demand of this.
This is the single funniest story I've read in awhile
...and Rarity/Applejack scenes made me die
(BTW you're not shipping them for real are you?
) I WANT MOAR!
"Look at them, look at how they sit so far apart, neither of them touching, never paying each other any attention. See how Rarity rolls her eyes and Applejack continues to focus on her food rather than the mare in front of her? That is a sign of love."
Favorite line in this entire chapter, can't wait to see more
Oh my god ! They're so irritating !!!
They haven't made love in months! GUH! No wonder Twilight is so on edge!
This seems to sum up my feeling on gay shipfics. They rustle my jimmies.
I'm liking the idea behind this fic.
I throw my vote in for an origin like John Conner from Terminator or maybe somehing out of Warhammer 40,000.
A 'Scootaloo is the second coming of Kamina' one!
Have her be her own grandmare in one.
With Granny Smith.
That was downright hilarious!!
Yes!, KEEP THE RUMMOR MILL GOING!, I want to hear also about the rummors about Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, The mane 6 and the alicorn sisters!
I want to know how The Doctor will tell the tale about Scootaloo's origins... I´m sure it will involve The Master, Dalakes, Cyberponies, Weeping Pegasi, Princess Celestia, Princeess Luna and a muffin
loved the implications about Twilight being the foal of Nightmare Moon and Celestia(Althought somewhat implied)
I suppose that other rummors will tell that Scootaloo is Rainbow Dash's daughter, and she looks over her from afar while she watch her play with her firend's daughters (Applebloom from Big Mac(who is adopted into the apple family) and Applejack and Sweetie Belle from Rarity and some colt who had a horrible gory death)
OR that she's a Scootabot class robot, paired with a Sweetiebot class robot to protect the savior of ponykind from a Machine-controlled Equestria, Machines created by Twilight Sparkle
PLEASE MAKE AN "END OF PONIES" REFERENCE!
That was awesome. Please write more when you get the chance.
Oh you son of a-
I had an almost exact same freakin' idea just the other day!!!
*sigh*
Back to the drawing board...
this should end well
My entire reaction to Mr. and Mrs. Cake:
This was really funny! The Cakes way of speaking reminds me slightly of the Springs Guide from Ranma 1/2.
1169337 I lol'd about that!
Unreliable narrators! Those are always fun!
I love the idea you have for this. Please keep it up.
One of my theories about Scootaloo is that she is Spitfire's sister,but she was sent to ponyville to live with her aunt.Could you please do one like this?,if it's alright with you?
Please continue it's really interesting!
The cakes are best crack shippers
Twilight's scream at the end makes it complete. For such a wonderful story, Mrs. Cake gets 4 out of 5 facehoofs.
Also, Rarijack...
P.S.
"In fact, Mrs. Cakes had heard some gossip that Twilight was in fact the daughter of Nightmare Moon and-"
Can't wait to read more!
Ah, the Cakes seem to be inveterate shippers! Can't wait to find out what other exciting and Twilight-breaking backstories you have in store for Scootaloo!
In the absense of facts, any number of fantasies race in to fill the gap, as we see here.
I'm personally betting that Scootaloo's "secret origin" will turn out to be completely mundane - the foal of a totally-undistinguished family where both parents work long hours leaving her to more-or-less look after herself. Like a lot of kids in such a situation, of course, she tries to 'sex up' her history just a bit.
Lolwhut. Poor Twilight; this should be interesting.
Must kill stupid c***
Twilight was in fact the daughter of Nightmare Moon and-"
Write this now.1169756>>1169486>>1169312>>1169082>>1169192>>1168731
1169805 Eh, it's been done several times already. I've even seen that Twilight was the secret daughter of Celestia and Luna (who became male for a while because magic happened) and Celestia carried the fetus for like, 900 years or some stupid crap like that.
Basically, I face-hoof hard at most of the non-canon backstories, because so few actually bother to make sense.
1169830where is the nightmare one?