Soarin'
Twilight groaned. It took all the strength she had to raise her foreleg up to cover her eyes. It felt as if her limbs were weighed down but energy used to complete the task was worth it, as the action allowed her to block out more of the painful light that was attempting to drill into her brain via her eyes.
Never had the unicorn felt so horrible. She would rather go fifteen rounds with a manticore than suffer through the scourge known as 'the hangover'.
"Well, look who is back among the living," a masculine voice said gently. Twilight scowled; didn't any pony know that you weren't suppose to be so cheerful at this time of the day (of course, she didn't know what time it was but that really didn't matter). She attempted to roll away, only for two sets of hooves to quickly grab her and force her to remain on her back. "Careful there! Already took a nasty fall once today.”
"Here, drink this," a mare on the other side of her said, gently pressing a vial to her lips. "A hangover cure we use after a hard night of partying." Twilight's eyes nearly bugged out of her head; it felt as if her skull was swelling and her horn was being yanked out. For 2.3 seconds Twilight Sparkle knew what hell felt like... and then she knew only bliss.
"Oooohhhh," she murmured happily.
"Yeah, that is the best part of being a Wonderbolt."
Finally able to open her eyes without screaming, Twilight looked upon her company: Soarin' and Spitfire of the Wonderbolts. The two of them were out of costume (Something Twilight was grateful for; she'd never had the heart to tell Dash just how ridiculous the getups were) and watching over her, as if they expected her to turn into a phantom right there in front of them.
Looking about her, Twilight realized with a start that she was in Cloudsdale. It was easy to identify the city without even looking out the window; only Cloudsdale used this type of cumulus clouds as part of its architecture (it was a well known fact that San Cloudsisco, for example, used thinner rainbow clouds to make up most of its buildings).
Twilight's pupils shrank when she realized she where she was... and that she didn't have pegasus magic to keep her from falling all the way down to Equestria proper.
"Easy now, don't worry!" Spitfire said, reading Twilight's panicked thoughts. "Your mother cast a cloud-walking spell before she left you with us."
"I'm walking on cloudshine...oooo ooooo...I'm walkin' on cloudshine... and don't it feel good!" Soarin' sang.
Twilight and Spitfire shared a look, rolling their eyes in unision. "Wait, why did she leave me with you? Why not take me to Ponyville?"
"Well..."
~MC~MC~MC~
‘Show me the way to go home! I’m tired and I wanna go to bed!”
Luna grunted, struggling to keep a hold of Twilight’s wiggling form. The unicorn was doing little to help the situation, as she was currently trying to perform the Lindy Hop while singing at the top of her lungs. This wouldn’t have been bad, if not for the fact that they were nearly a mile off the ground.
“I had a little drink about an hour ago and it went straight to my head! Everybody now!” Twilight sang.
“Well, Twilight is a happy drunk. Who knew?” Cadence stated. Tydal, not having wings, had chosen to warp back to Canterlot via the underground waterways, leaving the goddess of the moon and the love princess to take care of the smashed unicorn.
“I’d almost prefer if she were a mean drunk,” Luna complained. “Let’s just drop her off on one of these clouds and let her sleep it off.”
“SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME!”
“Uh, Aunt Luna,” Cadence called out as Luna dropped Twilight onto the cloud… and discovered it was less of being on the cloud than through the cloud.
“MY BABY!”
~MC~MC~MC~
"Yeah, that sounds like my 'mom'," Twilight grumbled. "But that still doesn't explain me being here."
"After they managed to catch you Princess Luna and Cadence realized there was no way they could get you safely back home so they asked us help out. She cast the cloudwalk spell," Soarin' began to hum again and Spitfire ignored him, "and we decided to let you sleep off your buzz. We contacted one of your friends and she will come pick you up and take you home soon."
"Good," Twilight muttered. "Don't suppose I could just hide here for a few extra days."
Soarin' shook his head. "Spitfire already ruled out a threesome."
The yellow pegasus rolled her eyes. "He's been practicing his snappy comebacks since the Princesses brought you here."
"Sounds like he could use more practice," Twilight stated.
Spitfire chuckled at Soarin' as he pouted. "So, what's eating you Twilight?"
"What do you mean?"
Spitfire shrugged. "Only two reasons a pony gets as drunk as you were: they want to celebrate or they want to forget. I don't peg you as the forgetting type, so something must have made you want to beat your brain cells till they couldn't tell up from down."
The unicorn sighed, burrowing just a bit further under the covers. "Scootaloo."
"What is a Scootaloo?" Spitfire asked.
"Scootaloo is a who, not a what. She is this little filly and-"
(Author's Note: Ok, we all know the drill, right? I mean, it's not like this is the first chapter you are reading. If it, what the heck is wrong with you? So we are just going to skip over the part where Twilight details the entire plot of this story. If you really feel cheated and want to read a rehash, just... i don't know, go reread the Cakes chapter again. Now then, where was I?)
“But Spitfire, are you sure you want Twilight to join us? That would make it a threesome!” Soarin’ called out.
(Author's Note: Oops, we went a bit too far ahead...let me just rewind this... ok, I think I got it)
Spitfire raised an eyebrow as Twilight finished her tale of woe. "A diaper?"
Twilight hung her head. "Please don't make me go into any further detail. The point is that I am getting rather tired of hearing Scootaloo stories."
"Scootaloo?" Soarin' asked in glee. "I know her origin story! Why didn't you say so sooner?"
Spitfire frowned. "Uh... she has been saying it... she's said the filly's name 10 times now in the past 8 minutes. Also, neither of us have ever met this Scootaloo."
"I'm pretty sure I would remember if she had," Soarin' said with a smirk. "My memory is like a steel grate."
Twilight blinked. "Don't you mean trap?"
"...that too!" The stallion grinned, puffing his chest out a bit. "Yeah, I know all about Scootaloo and I will be happy to tell you all about her!"
Twilight whimpered. "I'm good."
"Come on, let me tell my story!" The Wonderbolt began to hop up and down like Pinkie Pie on a trampoline.
Luckily for Twilight, Spitfire was apparently one of the few ponies in Equestria that wasn't nuts. "Soarin', no. Twilight doesn't want to hear any more stories and we aren't going to force her." The yellow mare helped Twilight out of bed. "Come on, let's get something in your stomach. Considering how much you threw up before we got you in bed your tummy should be pretty empty."
Soarin' just stared at the two as they trotted out of the room. "Well... I'm still going to tell my story!"
"We don't care!" Twilight called out.
"You'll be sorry!"
"No we won't!"
Soarin' huffed. "Their loss. Now then..." he hurried over to the desk that sat across from Spitfire’s bed and hastily drew two crude images: one of Twilight and one of Spitfire. Heading back to the bed, the stallion happily taped each drawing to a pillow before clearing his throat. "What’s that? You changed your mind? Great! Now then...the secret origin of Scootaloo!"
~MC~MC~MC~
High above Equestria, in the clouds that lay on the edge of Cloudsdale, an old pegasus stallion carefully inspected the squirming orange pegasus foal. The newborn let out squeaks of protest as it was poked and jabbed by the elder.
'When she was born, like all pegasi, she was inspected. If she was small or found to have any abnormalities, she would be discarded.'
The old stallion smiled. Never in all his years had he seen a pegasus foal so strong... so well built... so noble in bearing. Clearly, this little filly was destined for great things.
“You will be a great leader, little Razorw-w-w-wACHOO!”
“Squee?” Razorwing squeaked as the stallion’s hooves lost their grip on her, sending the foal falling to the ground below (don’t worry, she didn’t die… all ponies get in this story are big booboos).
“Ew! What is this icky bloody puddle doing here?” Rarity called up from the ground below.
(I SAID ALL THEY GET IS BIG BOOBOOS!)
“Oh crap!” The stallion exclaimed.
“Butterhooves, did you say something?” The stallion’s supervisor trotted over, looking around expectantly. “You said you had an amazing filly that was destined to be our leader… where is she?”
“Uh…” Butterhooves grabbed another orange foal and held her up. “Here she is! Scootaloo! Next leader of the Wonderbolts!”
The little foal stuck her hoof in her mouth and sucked on it.
“Soarin’, please be quiet!”
~MC~MC~MC~
“I am in my room and I can do what I want!” Soarin’ complained.
“You are in my room!” Spitfire hollered from the kitchen.
“You’re just mad that mom likes me better than you!”
Twilight blinked. “I didn’t know you two were brother and sister.”
“We aren’t. My mom just likes him better.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, she’s a bitch.”
~MC~MC~MC~
“When she was old enough, she was sent out into the wilds, to prove herself. It would only be with her strength and her cunning that she would be able to survive.”
Scootaloo paused, slowly backing towards the cliff face, her eyes staring out into the darkness. Night had fallen upon Equestria and now was when she was the most vulnerable. The snow was cold on her hooves and her wings fluttered slightly as she ever so carefully made her way along the rocky wall, searching for the small crack she knew lay within.
A snarl filled the air and as the moon became free of the cloud cover Scootaloo felt her heart race at the sight of her stalker. Its wooden limbs creaked as it slowly prowled towards her, the splinter-filled mouth hanging open to reveal sharpened teeth that wanted to make their home in her flesh.
“A timber wolf. A foul beast from a darker age. How it had come to be here none could say. The old beast had seen many winters and had believed this to be its last. The younger, stronger wolves had managed to snatch up all the fresh meat and left the old warrior with little.
“But now, its belly rumbling and its energy waning, the beast found a treat. An unsuspecting filly that would do quite well at filling its belly.”
“Do quite well? Really Soarin’?”
“I thought you two didn’t want to hear my story!”
“We don’t, so quiet down! We’re trying to drink coffee and have quiet, boring chit chat that all mares have when they have coffee and we can’t do that when you are telling loud, exciting stories!”
Scootaloo backed into the narrow opening in the cliff face, her hoof slowly reaching down to grasp a long wooden staff. The timberwolf snapped and snarled as he approached her hiding spot, dark eyes gleaming in the moonlight as it gazed upon its next meal.
“She knew what she had to do. The beast was mighty and could easily tear her to shreds… but in this tight place, which isn’t at all a metaphor for something she is going to encounter later in life, the beast’s strength would mean nothing. It would be trapped against the rocky walls, bloated form caught fast, and Scootaloo could, with a single thrust, end the wolf’s life.”
“Thanks for telling it my plan, jerk!” Scootaloo shouted at the sky.
“Wait… what?”
“My plan, genius! I had this entire thing planned out and you just blabbed it out for all to hear.”
“No no, it’s ok! I’m just the narrator… no one heard me.”
“I heard you!” Scootaloo protested.
“So did I,” the timberwolf said.
“Wait, you can talk?”
“Of course I can talk!” the wolf complained. “Everything in this country can talk! The cows talk, the sheep talk… why wouldn’t I talk?”
“Well, I just assumed…”
“And by the way, I don’t appreciate you calling me old. I am only 33… 33 is not old.”
Scootaloo nodded. “So not only are you a racist you are rude too!”
“Oh Soarin, I’m so sorry for insulting your awesome story!”
~MC~MC~MC~
Soarin’ grinned as he held the Spitfire pillow up. “That’s ok. I understand completely.”
“Listen,” the ‘pillow’ said, “I have an idea…”
The Wonderbolt held the pillow to his ear, eyes widening. “But Spitfire, are you sure you want Twilight to join us? That would make it a threesome!” Soarin’ called out.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Twilight was doing her best to ignore the stallion. “Should we do something?” she asked, listening to the bed begin to squeak.
Spitfire took a sip of coffee. “Nah… we’ll just let him play a bit more and then I’ll put him down for his nap.” She sighed softly. “He’ll sleep well tonight.”
“So, how does it feel to be the only sane pegasus in Equestria?” Twilight asked.
The Wonderbolt captain shrugged. “I don’t think that’s fair. I am sure there are a lot of-“
“Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod!”
Twilight and Spitfire leapt back in horror, staring at the window which, at that moment, had a hyperventilating Rainbow Dash’s face smushed against it.
“...I take back my last statement,” Spitfire stated.
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Not much to talk about in this chapter. A bit of a cooldown from Discord and Zecora before we get into the final three chapters.
As always, any mistakes let me know.
The only mistakes I saw were Soarin's chapters, and I have no idea if thy were purposeful or not!
Great story, by the way.
Well good job twilight you found one of the only sane people on the planet. Said catagory even you don't fall into anymore.
Is that... a 300 reference?
The sane thing to do would have been to make up her own ridiculous backstory and tell it to somebody ELSE. It's like a chain letter, you're only safe once you've passed it on.
I can picture rainbow dash perfectly. Her eyes filled with awe/arousal, her tongue desperately trying to lick through the barrier. Her breath fogging up the glass obscuring her vision, her wings upright and proud, twitching too. Her hooves moving her to and fro desperately trying to maintain the glorious vision of her seated idol...and twilight, I guess. So close, yet so far.
On a story note, your Soarin' is quite funny to read.
Y'know, I'm going to be perfectly honest. After all these crazed stories, the only way I can see this ending appropriately is in an in-universe anti-climax. Basically, Twilight finally meets with Scootaloo, she tells Twilight that she is just a normal filly with a normal life, and Twilight goes insane after hearing that Scootaloo's actual origin is very much mundane.
Doctor Whooves will have a hard time fixing the cracks in the skin of the 4th wall once this story is over...
Soarin is a sad, sad stallion.
1390225
and that's how Equestria was made
also sweet celestia, unless you troll us next chapter, Dash is up next... I'm frightened and intrigued by this
I am going to laugh and cry 'I TOLD YOU SO' on the day that this story finally ends and we find out that Scootaloo is just a nice, normal filly with a nice, normal family.
Unless you decide to be an ass and make it one of those endings where she gets ready to tell the story and it goes like
Scootaloo: Where did I come from? Oh thats simple, I- THE END!
Razorwing got a pretty serious booboo...
Oh Soarin'....
I knew you were crazy, but not this crazy.
Also, man, Twi was smashed.
Me Gusta. Good story and love the 300 bits. Scoot just needs the beard. I also agree with Kyo. Scoot's story will be normal. Like Snowflake is her dad (explains the small wings) and like her mom is some orange filly. Will be cool. Ty! ^_^
My god... Soarin is like a ponified fusion of Tucker and Caboose from RvB//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png
Soarin' was freakin' hilarious.
And I love the fact that Twilight has met another pony who's at least as sane as she is... maybe more so. Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash has come to make a muckery of it all.
Can barely wait to see the next chapter. Good stuff.
So close yet so far, now Twilight will have to put up with Rainbow Dash's crazy story, whatever that might be.
Also Luna you have a lot to learn about being a parent, good parents don't try to fly their kids up to a cloud when they are drunk and then forget to cast a simple cloud walking spell.
Is that really a George of the Jungle reference?
This is a far better parody of 300 then meet the spartans, the sad part of it all is that I so read the narrator's voice in my head as the narrator from 300 and then immeaditly began hearing monty python voices for the timber wolf. Please tell me the wolf would complain about the failure of the government system
Only if it had WATCH OUT FOR THAT... cloud.
...someone punch Soarin for me, please.
Seriously, not only is he insane enough to interrupt his own story, he's a clopficcer's dream brought to life. I was like 
the whole time.
At least Spitfire is sane.
Keep dreaming Soarin
Wow...George of the Jungle mixed with Frank Miller's 300 mixed as told by an insane 20 something year old man child (Soarin'). The sad part is he is a member of Equestria's Air-force...well if they let Hudson be a Colonial Marine, they I guess anything is possible. "Now, I really wanna go watch Aliens."
I loved these lines
The best way to read the narration in Soarin's story is to read it using David Wenham's voice (The narrator from 300 and Deadliest Warrior)
I think as long as there are characters and great movies, shows and games, this fic will last for a long time.
Idea: Do a chapter based on the movie: The Room
THIS. IS. CLOUDSDAAAALLLEEEEE!!!
Thanks to this chapter, I now have this stuck in my head
Yeah, I have the same problem with characters talking back.
I love how the Scootaloo Sprites have become an epiphenomenon, Twilight doesn't even have to be in the same room anymore.
.... No, scootaloo won't have a 'normal' story... she'll have some chaotic mish mash of them all put together.
This is Sparta
Also "I'm walking on cloudshine...oooo ooooo...I'm walkin' on cloudshine... and don't it feel good!" Soarin' sang.
I'm walking on sunshine...whooooaaah... I'm walking on sunshine...and I feel great
1390313
Snowflake isn't what we decided to call him! HIS NAME IS ROID RAGE! \o/ YEAH!
So this is what happens after royalty parties, never saw Twilight for the party type, despite how she dances.
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ls4lkjjGHF1r3xauuo1_500.png
Bahahahaha
1390117 THANK YOU! I have been waitiing forever to hear a 300 story, this was funny as hel but really short...ha, Timerwolf talking, maybe that should be a story so we could learn how they came to be and such...I like that idea. Anyway, poor Soarin, everyone always puts him down be he is funny as hell and I thought Spitfire was a blue furred mare with an orange mane....or am I wrong?
1390117 Rainbow dash is gonna get pissed off.
1390362 lol his coat is a teal like color, kinda like Tucker. that would make Spitfire be Church?
Y'know, for some reason every time this story updated lately, I've been like "Oh boy, this again."
And then every time I read the new chapter I grinned like an idiot and laughed like a madman.
Yes! A chapter with best pony!
Too bad Soarin' took most of the spotlight.
If anyone says "That's a funny way to spell _____" then they are a f*cking moron.
Because I didn't say her name
1390172 Mixed with some "George of the Jungle" as well as some 1950, 1960's dance theme movies.
1390282 I could actually see that happening.
1390117
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/160/114/130022477255.jpg
THAT SHOULD HAVE REMAINED A POSSIBILITY!!!
1392910
It was never a possibility. That was the whole joke.
Shut up, Twilight.
That's because my internet was out. Besides, I'm still waiting for this bastard to reference me in his story. I'll probably be in the last chapter or something, maybe not at all... bastard.
RollyPolly: WAAAAAH! REPLACEMENT GOD SAID A SWEAR!
1393511
Yeah, it will be towards the very end.
1393588
lol totally told you so
Well, that chapter was about as sane as the narration in Portal 2.
That is all.
1390117
the only mistake i noticed was
“Oh Soarin, I’m so sorry for insulting you awesome story!” the you should be your*
and Twi is not sane she talked to her self in a mirror
FOR THE LOLS DAWN
FOR THE LOLS
1392922
Or her supposed draconequis blood counteracts the cloudwalking abilities of an alicorn, since Discord is Discord - it would make sense for Twi to inherit cloudwalking, thusly she didn't inherit it.
1393588 I think I love you.
One thing would have made it better somepony shouting "This is Equestria."
1392907 NO! MUST... RESIST...
That's a fuNO! nonononononononono...That's a funny way to spell *redacted*
1395487 Actually, since Dacooiques and Ponies are of different species, I highly doubt that Discord could sire any kind of foals with any mare, regardless of whether she's an Earth Pony, a Pegasus, a Unicorn or even an Alicorn. Plus, being Petrified for much longer that Luna was Nightmare Moon, it would have been impossible for Discord to do anything anyway (except maybe intrude into creatures' minds to give em nightmares for amusement, which he admitted in his chapter). So that should be ruled out since Twilight is either an adolescent or young 20+ year old pony and couldn't have been born a thousand years ago.
Nightmare Moon on the other hoof, (although trapped on the moon) could've still been able to use magic. She could've used her magic to Kidnap via teleport magic, the first lucky Stallion (or rather unlucky) that catches her eye (Maybe she was in the mood, or maybe it was part of her plan to escape and return to power all along), seduce, manipulate and/or brainwashed him into doing the deed, and then teleport him back down while modifying his memory so that he couldn't recall the event and no one the wiser. once Twilight was born, Nightmare Moon teleported the newborn to Equestria and entrusted her to the first potentially prospective parent/s willing to care for her; in addition, Nightmare Moon might sent some sort of book or letter containing some sort of instructions on "what you must do when you're old enough" with the foal (assuming this was part of her escape plan). What Nightmare Moon didn't think of was the fact of Celestia finding Twilight and taking the filly as her new Apprentice and Protege.
And now that I think about it, whoever put on the illusionary spell on Twilight was thorough enough to block out Pegasus and Earth Pony attributes so that she would act like a Unicorn (not just look like one) and no one would be suspicious (except if someone like say Celestia for instance, have the ability to see through the illusion). If that the case, then I believe I owe you, 1390117, an apology for my previous comment on this thread.
1390225
1390282
But... is that what the author wants us to think? Will it be an anti-climax if everyone is expecting one?