Chrysalis didn't become a Queen by making stupid mistakes, nor by failing to have a backup plan. So when a certain pesky purple pony starts to stick her nose where it doesn't belong, Chrysalis thinks up a plan sure to win her the day.
Twilight Sparkle is an extremely powerful mare filled with platonic love. Platonic love that's necessary in order to power one of the only weapons strong enough to eradicate Chrysalis' swarm. Platonic love that makes both Celestia and Luna hesitate to hurt the little mare. Platonic love that Chrysalis can both eat and twist to her whim.
This day is going to be perfect. If nothing else, Queen Chrysalis is at least going to have one very satisfying snack.
Chapters (3)
This takes off in an interesting start. I'll be tracking this.
Twisted, I like it.
Nice start. I'll be tracking this story
Been a long time since I've seen one of these AUs. Very well written start.
alright lets see where this goes. its interesting so far, and i have to say im looking forward to seeing where Chrysalis plans to go from here, and if she some how loses the ramifications of this.
Oh God. I wonder what Chrysalis will do.
I am eager to see how it goes from there. Tracked.
Oh no! Chrysalis, you fiend!
But seriously, I don’t think I’ve found a fic where Chrysalis subverts Twilight to her side that isn’t a oneshot. If I ever have, it must have been years ago. I look forward to seeing where this goes.
Chrysalis has Twilight under her control?.....Well then, Bender?
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a6/Bender_Rodriguez.png
:Welp, they're boned.
Like to sing a petition for more.
Please continue. I need to know what happens next!
Hey, is this story canceled? I hope not. I really wanted to see where it goes.
Hello! Are you planning to update this anytime soon?
I was really looking forward to see what Chrysalis, under her disguise, was going to do with Twilight next.
Whaa!! Thank you for continuing!! The story’s getting so exciting - I wonder how Chrysalis’ plan is gonna work out. I have a feeling it will go great just because she’s exploiting every loophole surrounding Cadance haha.
I’m looking forward to the rest this :D
You reply to comments by moving your mouse over to the right hand side of the comment you want to reply to and clicking on the >> that appears. Does Thorax still overthrow Chrysalis in this story?
When I first saw the notification, I squealed nearly as hard as Pinkie Pie! Thank you for finally updating this story!
I actually kind of expected Twilight to turn into a brain dead puppet who blindly follows Chrysalis around without any thoughts of her own. But I like where this is going too. As well as with the ending. The reveal at the wedding is gonna be epic!
However, I've noticed a few errors:
I think you meant Pinkie's eyes.
And you wrote studies instead of studied.
Overall I really like where this is going! Keep up the good work and here's hoping I won't have to wait another year for the next chapter!
Until then...
It's alive!
Thank you for the update.
This was well worth the wait! Hoping to see more DroneLight whenever you are ready.
Chrysalis is so evil it's fun. Had to laugh at the petty jab against Rainbow at the end.
Excellent. I was quite disappointed when this story dropped with one chapter and then no updates. Looking forward to more.
Woooo it's still alive!!
Thx so much for updating it, i love the chapter!
A new chapter!
Pretty well written. Chrysalis is going far in her schemes, and Twilight gets pulled in, completely blinded and powerless...
Will Spike and the others be able to free her from the queen's hold? Will they be able to resurrect friendship in her? I can't wait to find out.
Wow, what DIABOLICAL plan!!!! Well done!
While the first chapter was solid, if not quite as interesting as the description made it out to be (I was expecting pure persuasion rather than magic), the second is a total disaster. The first section is completely redundant with the first chapter and only serves to destroy the story's pacing, and the second is utterly wrecked by telling it from Twilight's perspective instead of literally any of her friends. Twilight stopped being a character the moment she got mind raped by Chrysalis because she lost agency over even her own thoughts and is now a puppet that is only capable of being acted on by others. That section should have been about the five remaining girls observing the puppet and starting the process of realizing what happened, but you utterly destroyed the ability to have anything of interest happen by failing to focus on them which ruined the entire scene.
That said, the Chrysalis sections were solid even if you didn't give her the complexity I was hoping for and the general idea of shifting the focus to the others has a lot of potential, especially if you remember Luna exists, but as is this story is in a very bad place.
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You're right about the first segment. the first part of this chapter was the hardest for me to write, and now I see that it probably would have been best just to cut it altogether. Maybe I'll edit that first section out at a later date.
As for the second segment, I actually was planning on having it be in the other fives' perspective, but I decided to go for Twilight instead for a couple of reasons. At this point in the story I personally didn't think that the other girls and Spike really would notice anything off with Twilight. Right now they just think she's mad at them for what happened earlier. Maybe they'd start to suspect something was up after her freak-out at Pinkie's hug and her dismissal of Spike, but honestly I was saving that scene for next chapter. And I decided to go with Twilight's POV for the bulk of this chapter because I wanted to show her thought process after what's been done to her, and show that her brain isn't complete mush. Chrysalis' magic is messing with her head, sure, but there's a part of her that knows something is wrong, and she's still able to make somewhat logical decisions as long as Chrysalis isn't around. Whether I succeeded at that/it was the right decision for the story is up to you and the other readers I suppose, but I at least wanted to explain my thought process behind the decisions I made.
Even if you don't enjoy where the story goes from here on out, I thank you for at least giving it a shot and giving me feedback. I really do appreciate it.
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I'm glad I could help on the first part, but I strongly disagree with your reasoning on the second. Showing the details of how the mind control works isn't relevant since there's really no question about weather she'll be broken out eventually. It only affects the details of how the method they choose to use plays out because it's obvious to anyone with even a hint of literary awareness that you're not going to kill Twilight or permanently wreck her mind. Considering we won't see that for a while, don't know if it's going to center on the girls or Luna, and don't have the kind of technical magic system needed to truly predict how this will work, there's really no value in exploring how it's affecting Twilight's mind. Furthermore, it also combines poorly with the previous segment because we already saw how the magic is affecting Twilight which makes it feel somewhat redundant even though it's an important piece of story progression. Finally, there was more than enough in her actions for the girls to start suspecting "Cadence" did something to her, especially if you added a bit of a concluding conversation after they left the room.
As for the story in general, I've given it a thumbs down for now but will probably try at least one more chapter before fully giving up on it barring a rewrite of this one. Just make sure to let us know if you decide to go that route because it'll be a massive change even if the endpoint is the same.
I know I said it many times in other similar Canterlot Wedding fics. But, I like to say it again.
They should have listen and believed Twilight.
Now, everypony is majority screwed! ( Including their families, and their entire pony race. )
It's alive!
Thank you for the update.
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Yep, it's true.
Because of them...(click here)
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Why thank you.
Well, Equestria is royally screwed now. I actually expected this to be the end of the whole story as I just couldn't see how the ponies will get out of this mess at the end of the chapter. But I'm eagerly awaiting what will happen next!
See you next year!
yes!! I loved this story idea and I'm glad it's still alive.
Well, I tried giving this one more chapter and checked out about a third of the way through. The first part seemed like you were getting things back on track even if it was very rushed and hamfisted, but the second part was a total disaster. Not only did you jump back to Twilight the puppet, once again picking the worst possible perspective because she's an object, not a character, but the things you put in her head were so disconnected from what had come before that I had to go see if you had made edits to restructure the story because of how little sense it makes.
All in all, I'm walking away from this unmitigated disaster of a story.