• Member Since 8th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 15th, 2017

asylum1388


T

After an experiment gone wrong, Twilight finds herself stuck in a body that's not hers, in a place she never wanted to be. Now she's in a race against time as Queen Chrysalis sets another one of her terrible schemes in motion, and the stakes couldn't be higher.

Editor: PiquoPie

Coverart commissioned from Evangel-Rising

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 107 )

Well, this was an unexpected surprise! And it's complete, too. I must read... Later.

Well done Asylum! It was awesome!

this was great i would love to see more of this

I liked this story. (The gore tag almost scared me away, but it wasn't that bad.) Then there's the ending. . .

"The nest? B-b-but this isn't how it was supposed to be! Everything was supposed to be back to normal, not messed up forever," Twilight whined.

Of course that's exactly what I like about it. (Well, maybe except for Spike actually being dead. I had been hoping that was just another of Chrysalis's lies.) But here's the more important thing. . . It seems to me that things could have gone back a bit closer-to-normal than they did.

I never understood why everypony was so determined to keep Queen Twilight's true identity a secret. We were told in two different places that the truth was too fantastical for ponies to believe. Seriously? That's your excuse? Given the things we've already seen in this world, Freaky Friday should be just another day of the week. Moreover, we've got a whole series of changelings and ponies who have learned the secret and did, in fact, accept it.

At the end Celestia argued that if it became widely known that a body-swapping spell is possible, then too many ponies would start trying to discover it. That's almost believable -- but in a society that survives the existence of weather control, teleportation, transmutation, time travel, come-to-life spells and age spells, surely they could deal with one more insult to the laws of nature. More than that, it sounds like a rationalization. It sounds like everypony already decided this is going to be secret, and Celestia's just inventing a justification.

The extreme psychological dependence of the changelings upon Queen Twilight at the end seems a little contrived. If they're so devoted to her, though. . . Then why can't she order the hive to integrate with ponies, rather than living in a nest? They don't seem to care where she leads them, as long as she leads them, and the pony way of life is what she knows, so why not adapt the changelings to it rather than adapt her to them? If you do a sequel -- which would be cool -- this would seem to me like an interesting topic to explore, not brush under the rug.

5270922 Okay, that comment made my day.

I was not expecting this, it was rather wonderful.
A villian you love to hate, grey-morality choices to be made, excellent characterisation.

There, now all the boring critiques out of the way.
Woooooow, amazing story, so much fun, it was really interesting to read and guh.

Brilliant, Faved, liked, the works.

5271345 Eventually, maybe. I've got other projects to finish before I start another.

Twilight should really let her friends know when she's doing some crazy new experiment, so if something goes wrong they know to look out for it.

"I'm hurt! A lady never[i/] spreads gossip," Rarity quipped far too innocently, eliciting a chuckle from Twilight. She winked and continued, "The rumor also says that they've asked the castle's kitchens to prepare a special dinner to celebrate. A dinner that coincidentally includes Twilight Sparkle's favorite dish."

What's with the [i/]? And why is the rest of the thing in italics?

5272014

Oh come on, how'd I miss that? Of all the stupid errors to overlook...

What happens if the queen orders the Drones to live their own lives?

5272063
I'm laughing my head off right now

They seriously left the castle completely unguarded? What kind of idiot is this Icewing guy? Your bait isn't gonna work if you leave even sweeter bait behind.

Well, that was a bittersweet ending. The fight between Chrysalis and Twilight feels rushed though, and Chrysalis confessing her love to Twilight came out of nowhere, and then kinda just disappeared again. I agree with some other people that keeping it a secret doesn't make too much sense, but over all it was an enjoyable read, even if it fell a little flat at the end.

This would be pretty upbeat if Spike hadn't been brutally murdered.

Ah, so this is what's been distracting you from CFE!

Enjoyable, though Chrysalis suddenly deciding she loved Twilight was a bit odd.


And I do hope this teaches Celestia a lesson. Every time she ignores Twilight, something awful happens.

5273503
I think they explained in the last chapter. The more feed, or in this case, connected a changleing is to a victim, the more obsesive/hypnotized they are of their victim. And switching bodies with Twilight and in her own body may have made her more connected to Twilight then any Changling ever experince even if feeding on a victim for years, making her new obsession. Shinning Armor doesn't know how lucky he is if that is the case.

That was a good story....I would go so far as to say you could write a sequel to this if you so desired....I would read it

5270922 Now I wish it was more like this image. with Twisalis love at the end.:pinkiehappy:

but a good story none the less.

5273503

Enjoyable, though Chrysalis suddenly deciding she loved Twilight was a bit odd.

5272342

Chrysalis confessing her love to Twilight came out of nowhere, and then kinda just disappeared again.

If it was a dog, it would've bit ya:
C1

Chrysalis stood back up, straightening her body into a regal pose. She grinned hungrily and broke into a small menacing chuckle. She stared into Twilight’s eyes, a manic glimmer shining in her own. “You are so very much stronger than I had imagined... You can’t possibly know how much I’ve been wanting this, my Twilight.”

C2

She let the thinly-veiled threat hang in the air for a few seconds, then seized Twilight’s head in her hooves and kissed her forcefully.

C4

"Just let them- I said 'unconditional', Twilight! This 'playing hard to get' was fun and endearing at first, but I am running out of patience. I have won and I want my prize," Chrysalis growled, advancing on Twilight.

A good read. I'd love to read a sequel if you ever write one.
Keep up the great work. Deus tecum.

Nice reading, intresting storie

Goku vs captain Ginyu anyone?

The best thing I find about this, is Twilight killing her own body. Most, if not all other authors would have had something come up, or some other twist where it's a happy ending or out of Twilight's control completely and someone else's choice. But no, Twilight had to make the choice, and she chose. I love that.

I also agree with 5289860 and would love a sequel about the new hive growing. See the drones try to become less dependent and more free will, see the ponies interacting with the changling, maybe some race-hate if you want to be like everyone else, or maybe something more depressing. Mainly, one thing I noticed, is that there are no eggs.... and no males... Twilight could be the changling version of Celestia, immortal unlike the other drones, but there will be no new changelings... and so they will die out on their own... Unless they can be unstarilized and could cross breed with ponies. Or Twilight snatched a male lover (Booo, I vote RD for her lover!) and breeds more threw him. Either way, I would like to see what happens in the future of this story.

5271373

Remember, the vast majority of ponies in the world don't even know of half of the extreme awesomeness we've seen in the show.

As for not living with ponies I took it more as a comment of the ponies not being trustworthy. How they react could easily go awry.

5273503
It wasn't all that sudden, it's just a deranged obsessive sort of love that's hard to understand and easy to overlook because she is insane. You think she's messing with her and then BAM, honest attraction with a complete lack of understanding.

5273729 I hadn't considered that. Hnmm...

5301293 It was mentioned that Chrystalis didn't need to be fertilized, she had been choosing to not make eggs to conserve resources. It's weird but I wouldn't be surprised if nature actually had an animal that worked that way.

5384871

I do think it would be funny, though, if the new "hive" is designed to look like a normal pony village inhabited by pony-disguised changelings. And of course, the changelings don't quite understand how normal ponies behave and interact, despite Twilight's efforts to guide them. Yes, I can imagine visitors wandering into Bugtown and thinking everything looks OK at first, but the closer they look the more... off-kilter... the place seems. :raritywink:

5385467

That does sound amusing.

Any chances on a sequel? Because it would be awesome if Spike would really be alive and escape eqiestria when Chrysalis tried to eat him. Because I dubt she would suceed in shred his skin to even try. And he would return after 50 years and- hohoho, it would be such a jolly continuation!

And make him come into the bug town you were discussing below. I also think that we many options:
-The hive could make a hive in Everfree Forest,
-"Upgrade" the Golden Oaks Library to a much bigger tree with the hive living inside, a bit like the ridiculus castle from the show
-A district in ponyville would also be nice. A small townhall-like building with evrything else underground.
-...anything else actually.

Comment posted by asylum1388 deleted Dec 17th, 2014

5384871
5301293


5384871

It was mentioned that Chrystalis didn't need to be fertilized, she had been choosing to not make eggs to conserve resources. It's weird but I wouldn't be surprised if nature actually had an animal that worked that way.

Hive-based insects do it in a sense. If the hive is low on food, the queen will usually slow down her egg-laying rate, whereas a queen with an abundance will lay more. Thing is, real insects aren't sentient, let alone sapient. They do it out of instinct alone.

5389045
Possible. I like this world, so I might decide to expand on it.

I won't even consider it before I finish my other story though.

So if Twilight cannot go by her own name anymore, and is not going by Chrysalis (not that I can blame her), exactly what is her new changeling name?

5391595 But nothing holds you back abaut planing it...

Also a nice thing would be if Rarity had a dauther with someone. And the Cutie Mark of that dauther would be the rubric heart Spike gave Rarity. That would be crushing and really a nice love intrest. Aside from that Spike uses Enchanted fire so I figure he can be the dragonic equvilant of a magic using race, like the unicorns. He could find an old dragon soccerer who takes him for apprentice. Also 30 years is a better number if we would try to ship him and Rare's daugther. He could learn to create changeling-like fire to temporaly transform himself into a pony. But those spells would had to be time limited as he couldn't control them after transformation. And the final idea: He should firstly head to Golden Oaks which would be run by... Sunset Shimmer or her kid. Or both.

Well. I did not see that coming.. Jeeez this is awesome so far!:derpyderp1:

5392525 ...Are we discussing the same story?

5395475 The hippothetical sequel.

oh... No, spike's dead.

I quite enjoyed this story, but I didn't really understand the pressing need to hide the bodyswap spell from everyone. It could cause mayhem in the future, yes... but so can a lot of already-existing magic, and it caused Twilight a lot of trouble to pretend to be Chrysalis while working with ponies outside of the loop. Also, it leaves a hole in the cover-up story. Twilight (or Twilight's body, the purple unicorn everyone associates with Twilight) is dead. The cover-story doesn't mention it, but won't ponies realize that she's not exactly... around anymore?

Having said that, I really did enjoy this story, and it's going into my favorites.

Wow. For a genius Twilight really messed up. How do you accidentally switch bodies?

“I know. You are not Queen Chrysalis, but you are in her body. You are the queen,”

That... is some lax security. I mean damn!

I honesty thought the tragedy tag guaranteed that the ending would end much more... tragic. I actually consider this to be a happy ending, except for Spike of course. Glad I was mistaken.

Anyways, this was very enjoyable. A few times I had to suspend my disbelief, but I managed. I give it a 3.8 out of 5.

I'll explain my rating system really quick:
0 stars - Literally beyond comprehension, and almost causes you to die from an aneurysm. Grammar and syntax is akin to a caveman, every word is spelled wrong, the plotline is none existent, the characters are 1 dimensional puppets, and/or I personally want to vomit while gazing at the words.

1 star - That shiver you get when you hear nails on a chalkboard. Grammar and syntax is relatable to a five year old's first scribbles, spelling errors every sentence, the plotline is all over the place, the characters barely interact with anything simulating a personality, and/or I can't bring myself to read much more than a few paragraphs before giving up on the story.

2 stars - Not bad, but you feel no true drive to finish reading. Grammar and sytax are readable but not great, a spelling error every paragraph or so, the plotline is comprehensible but not not very engaging, characters personalities are believable yet dry, and/or I can read the story but I am not very entertained

3 stars - A satisfying meal after being hungry for awhile. The Grammar and sytax are pretty good, spelling errors only take place every few paragraphs or so, the plotline is engaging and well explained, the characters interact exactly how you would expect but not above and beyond, and/or I am entertained enough to read the entire story but don't want for more.

4 stars - Your favorite meal after not eating for days, yet still having room for desert. Grammar and sytax are above average, barely any spelling mistakes per chapter, plotline is very entertaining and has the perfect balance of twists and turns, the characters feel real and not written, and/or I can't stop reading because I am having so much fun and when it ends I almost cry wishing I could have more!

5 stars - Impossibly perfect. Grammar and sytax change their rules to fit this story, spelling errors are none-existent, the plotline transends time and space, the story rewrites your mind to believe you are the characters, and I fall into a coma from trying to comprehend the perfection that is the story.

This was just a summary of how I rate things that I made up on the spot, so expect some inconsistencies. So as you can see, your score of 3.8 is actually really high for me.

I saw this coming a mile off. As sad I am her old body had to go, I'm glad the Changelings ended up with Queen Sparkle!

5788275 Because I can be an idiot at times and honestly didn't think of that...

Are there any sequels? And I ask for permission to make one.

5876718
Possibly and as long as you mark it "Unofficial"

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