okay

11297494

You can probably ignore the footnote updates for now. They're a work in progress.

11297537
of course

I was bored and wanted to read this even in its unrevised state so I did. I'm going to be comparing this to Project Horizons and the ongoing Blue Destiny, as those are the other two Fallout Equestria fics I've enjoyed. I do like this far more than Kkat's original, which I abandoned after like 4 chapters due to reading like a transcription of a game playthrough and not a story.

To start, I actually like the pacing you used. 100k is standard novel length, and it shows that you knew which scenes were important to show. I also liked that Lyra's arc was the focus here, without any expositional bloat. The tone also struck a nice balance between the almost too bleak Project Horizons and the almost too comedic Blue Destiny. Some plot elements were predictable, but that just means you used foreshadowing properly, and not every story needs a million twists. Probably my favorite aspect was Easy Money. He's an incredibly hatable villain, mainly because he had no grand goal beyond making people suffer for cash. Not even Horizons had any that came close.

Pillars here isn't perfect though. Lyra kindof pulled a bunch of knowledge and spells out of her ass at key moments, almost making her come off like a bad Isekai protagonist. And you've written better action scenes elsewhere. If you actually DID revise this, and try to hammer out these kinks while perhaps adding a bit more meat into the pot, it'd be truly excellent.

11415916

That is very useful feedback that I think will help me with my ambition to work on novel-length pieces, whether they are more Fallout: Equestria or something else.

Lyra kindof pulled a bunch of knowledge and spells out of her ass at key moments, almost making her come off like a bad Isekai protagonist.

Okay, when you put it that way, I see what other people have meant. It's a setup/payoff thing, right? Checkov's absurdly powerful shield spell that I just sort of assumed they taught at CSGU and then forgot not everyone has the same headcanons as me .

And problems with setup/payoff are not going to help with:

And you've written better action scenes elsewhere.

I believe you, and this is REALLY a serious question and not me being peevish: Are you able to unpack which ones and why?

Thanks again!

11415992
Regarding the action scenes, I think it's because you kept 'zooming out' to dispassionate tactical surveys of the battlefield instead of focusing on what Lyra was doing and feeling in the moment. Obviously you can't cut ALL of that out, but unless you're jumping between perspective characters it's better to keep that sort of thing sparse once the fighting actually starts.

11416037

That makes sense! Thank you very much.

That was unexpected, not that i mind.

11422529

I am revising this for a likely sequel about Paneer; I'm probably going to add at least a couple of more chapters. More, if I keep doing footnotes.

11422635
okay then

Think I have to reread this story soon.

11422646

Wait til I’m done revising plz! I’m putting the revisions on the front burner. Shouldn’t be too long.

11441485
Honestly? As long as each creature keeps their original role I'm fine with a name change. Hellhounds to Diamondclaws? It's still Diamond dogs, plus it's a completely different section of Equestria. Maybe they just have different names for stuff!

And, done!

This was a very nice story! Granted it's nowhere near the complexity, tragedy, or heart of Fallout: Equestria or Murky Number Seven, but I don't think it's meant to be. This story seems less about finding the good in a rotten wasteland, and more about a pony finding her way in a world that is similar, yet very different to the one she knew. And, in that sense, I say it succeeded!

I loved the many nods to the original novel, I found amusement in the small spins you placed, the primary Minutemares, and the nods to Fallout 4.

Well done, Captain! Have a cookie or 12!

1144212

Granted it's nowhere near the complexity, tragedy, or heart of Fallout: Equestria

Oh, I would never presume! Anyway, I'm very happy you liked it! Thank you for reading!

11442127

Oh, also, I hadn't heard of murky number seven. I've bounced off all the Fo:E fanfic-fanfics I've tried (to the detriment, perhaps, of my understanding of the sub-genera), but that one looks interesting and I'm going to give it a try!

11442303
I should warn you before going in: Murky Number Seven is long and can sometimes be extremely hard to get through. It's very much an exercise in misery, or at least it sometimes feels that way.

HOWEVER.

I'd also like to let you know that it is one of my personal favorites, and I consider it just as good, if not better than the original novel.

Another hidden gem in FoE universe - I did enjoy the story, glad to see that a good stuff still being made.
P.S. Cover image is quite ... repelling. Maybe those new AIs can generate something worthy or author of this image can do a re-take on it...

Fimfiction says our stories are similar do you agree?

11872777

I wouldn't say I feel sympathy for him, but I understand him, you know? He's wrong, but I get it, is maybe a better way to put it. Don't worry, he's absolutely an assface whose unfortunate end you celebrate.

11872851

Oh good!