Do ponies ever stop talking about sex? That's the biggest question on teenage Sweetie Belle's mind. It seems everypony around her is so obsessed with sex, and she just has no interest in it. To ease her mind, she travels back to Rainbow Falls, where Rarity and Applejack had got married two years earlier.
What she finds hidden beneath the training grounds will transform her outlook on sexuality, and give her fresh insight into those closest to her.
Content Warning for: Sex references, innuendo and moderate sexual harassment.
Chapters (1)
Aww, this was really cute. As soon as I spotted it I knew it was an LGBT pony story, just not sure where it fell. I'm so delighted to see some ace rep and more diverse trans characters. It made this an easy story to enjoy! I'm ace and trans myself, so I did spot some similar feelings to stuff I've felt before in here, and was glad that you skirted a lot of ace misrepresentations. Namely that: asexual doesn't equal aromantic, asexual people can have sex but it's not felt/sought after, and they can still have happy, awesome relationships. I liked how accepting Granny Smith and AJ were, and that we got to see Rarity who is more confident in her identity act as a foil to the young and curious Sweetie Belle.
Also, Rarijack is adorable, so there's always that.
However, some of the trans stuff was a touch confusing and made up the bulk of the story's errors, even though they were minor:
"Foal" is a child. A young male equine is a colt. If Sparky is referring to the binary genders, they shouldn't be saying female and, uh, child. That second one isn't a gender.
Also, it's worth pointing out as a critique and not an error that in a world where clothes are an option instead of a requirement, a non-binary pony could really use this to their advantage to give mixed and androgynous presentation. Clothes matching gender presentation are a huge thing I see among recently out and younger trans folks (usually teens) because it's vital to the visual aspects of transitioning. Obviously, wearing clothes of X gender doesn't make someone X gender, but it's a nice thing to touch upon with how it's framed in Sparky's young mind. I wouldn't mind seeing that Apple Bloom story to complete this, or a sequel where Rarity helps Sparky find the clothes that fit them best.
This one comes across as a more innocent error. Yes, being repulsed by sex characteristics is a thing, and an important part in gender dysphoria. This was very tastefully done in regards to the character being a child, too. However, it's a misconception that non-binary people are a mix of half and half rather than the gender that just isn't binary. Sparky's 'parts' aren't only going to feel right half the time because gender isn't a thing that can really be packaged that way, y'know? Most likely, Sparky will be uncomfortable with the idea that any part of them could be considered female, since it's established that they're AFAB, and instead want something different but not male/female, even if they can't say why (also especially because they are a child).
Honestly? Considering 'non-binary' was used just a couple lines before, I'd just say 'right pony'. 'Enby' is more slang than anything else, and it's something I don't really see used outside of trans circles because it's essentially jargon. It's going to be unfamiliar to some readers as a result, and would instead fit better in a story that has more time to explore this, where there's more of a chance to learn it and connect it with the narrative. Here it's used in a somewhat confusing way. I also didn't realize that non-binary was used once before (and not even that long before, as I pointed out) because 'enby' just popped out. It felt rather awkward. Also, since Sparky is newly out, how would they know that?
In a way, it feels like if I led into a story about asexual characters but only called them 'ace' for the initial introduction and 90% of the story before dropping 'oh btw I'm using it to mean the slang for asexual'. The only other kind of error I saw was 'asexual' being capitalized in an instance where it shouldn't have.
Minor stuff aside, great story! I hope to see more LGBT+ stories from you!
9999916
Thank you for the feedback! I can easily correct those minor errors, so I'm glad they were the only ones that came up. Though in regard to gender dysphoria, I'm aware that being non-binary doesn't necessarily mean they're a mixture of two binary genders. I was writing this more to illustrate Sparky's own battles with dysphoria. It's less intended as a universal statement and more as a method of conveying the concept to an audience, y'know?
All the same, I really appreciate this kind of critique, as I worked hard to ensure the representation was as accurate as possible. Not just from my own placement under the queer umberella, so to speak, but also for those of trans and non-binary people. I will keep it in mind for future stories!
10000483
I usually find explaining non-binary using 'the androgynous gender' as a good shorthand introduction, since 'androgynous' just means mix/neither and it's a base concept most people know.
Interesting and an enjoyable read. I feel like the scene transitions were a little abrupt, but still an upvote. Thanks for writing!