We are writing the year 2100; the world has recovered from the third world war and is finally on the way to a better future; humanity has developed entire new technologies which make it possible to stop the environmental pollution and make life brighter and easier for everyone. 7 years ago a young scientist made a break-through in transportation: he invented teleportation.
Today the machine is finally ready to be used by a human, ex-astronaut Jan Schneider is the first tester; everything goes as planned, but on one sudden day, the machine fails and sends him to a different planet, to a different place, well known as Equestria. But was it really the machine which failed? Or has somebody an eye on him?
Chapters (7)
"7 years ago a young scientist made a break-through in transportation: he invented teleportation."
Ummmm...redundant much?
Overall the concept is pretty interesting, but you're placing SO many infinitives in your story and your absence of any indication of past tense annoyed the crap out of me.
I recommend a spell-checker or editor for your future stories.
1117599
Thanks for the feedback :D
Well, this is my first story at all and english isn't my first language that's kind of a problem for me. I already have a pre-reader (friend) to sort out most of the mistakes, but I will try to improve the next chapter ;)
1117640
Sorry, I didn't know [hindsight is such a bitch to me]
My review was kinda harsh, but thanks for thinking for your fellow viewers with your editing
Hmmm the second one was pretty good though
This sounds good. No wait, better than good. It's ORGASMIC!
Use ALL the memes!!!!!
1142049
I will try
And by the way: the third chapter is finished and currently beeing edited (checked for the awesome errors i produce
)
Not too shabby, I like the concept. Going to have to keep an eye on this. Oddly, the way everything started reminds me of the beginning of Farscape.
Finally I had the time to update, hope you enjoy it
Lots of grammar, and word mistakes. For example
need moar
Le update
Sorry that it took that long... school.... just started.... AGAIN
god damn that was awesome
moar
This took way longer than exspected,
I am currently ill and I've to learn for 5 tests in the next week.
(Sometimes I want to be like Twilight....)
Why yes a heavy sitstorm is coming and i guess shes pushing it -->
1225361 also why her? Why not someone who doesnt go to school and not someone who studies everysecond they can?
I am enjoying this story. Thumbs up!
As a side note, hope ya feel better soon :)
So it begins. The greatest shitstorm of our time.
1226616 Thanks
By the way: just started writing Chapter 6, currently 1000 words....
"So much for 'he can handle it'..." - That cracked me up!
Great chapter! 
NEED MOAR
1- Checking his belongings without consent.... Check
2- Lying to him.... Check
3- Invading privacy by watching his memories/dreams without consent.... Check
4- Keeping him against his will... Waiting for it .
WARNING HEAVY SARCASTIC COMMENT IMMINENT, DON'T TAKE SERIOUSLY
Yeah, I can see him responding all of Twilight's questions, revealing all the secrets of humanity and about all there wars and all that, giving a full report of himself on a sobbing psychologically influenced story, not bothering on trying to find a way back or anything because he is sure, that he will stay forever, and that the most intelligent mind of his planet ''that made the teleportation machine he used to get there by the way'' is too much of a moron to try and track his route and find him, he will give his service to the alien government "because he knows that they are trustworthy like that", not mad at the, so kind aliens, that not only lied to him, but invaded his dreams without his consent whatsoever.
SARCASTIC COMMENT ENDED
Yeah... I can see this is going to go soo well.
I just want to see ONE human that is in Equestria that doesn't give a damn to the ponies after they ask nicely the first time.
And I hope this is it.
1253890 Guess why a heavy shitstorm is incoming
PS: 1k views already
1254240
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I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING!!!!!
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Well umm... how can i say this without cussing but OMFG IM LMFAO RIGHT NOW!!! well anyways he fainted or possibly died (the formost is most likely)
Oddly... We could blame the morphine for lots of the problems! Not like he would be able to tell the difference. Take it from someone who has been on a morphine drip before. Memories are like sand in your hand... just keeps slipping away the tighter you try to hold onto them...
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Describes how this is turning out... Bet Jan wakes up with the bandages back on his face and thinks the whole thing was a fever dream, until it happens again!
1265264 I am currently writing Chapter 7 and your last sentence nearly knocked me out...
ARE YOU USING THE DREAM SPELL???
1268927
Um... Maybe :)
Good chapter, I really liked the last part, it totally made me crack up!
Okay that last part was tiny bit confusing also make them a little longerr
I actually don't understand why Twilight got so flustered when Jan asked how she knew they could fly in space. I mean, he already said the humans had a colony on a different planet called Mars... To have a colony implies that you had some way of getting it there. Since they already figured out that humans don't have magic, with the way Jan reacted, only leaves the ability to travel through space to get there. I suppose Twi is just really bad at being put on the spot.
Anyway, enjoyable chapter. Can't wait to read more!
1357889 I should really stop writing at 3 AM...
1357889 Wait a minute I will rewrite the last part a bit...
1357889 Done, can you re-read it and tell me what you think?
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I like it :) Wonder how they are gonna talk their way out of this?
Good job :)
So far so good.
The only hang up I have is calling Mars - the Mars.
1517139 I will correct that, if you wonder why I worte that:
I am from Germany and we say "Der Mars", der=the.
So Ramuel has studied Gravitons since he was 7?
IT'S A SUE!
FLEE!
When he said 'SPAAAACE!' I thought to myself 'someone's been playing portal 2.' But this is the future, so maybe it's portal 4?
moarmoarmoarmoarmoarmoremoarmoar.
Did I say moar? If not:
MOAR!
There are places where grammatical fixes are needed (For example, "bursted" isn't a word. The past tense is still just "burst") but I think the biggest problem is how you're describing Ramuel.
"had already studied with 16 years" is absolute nonsense in English. My best guess is that you meant "graduated from university at the age of 16".
You really need a beta reader who speaks English as their first language. I don't have time to do a full proofread, but here are the suggestions I accumulated before I ran low on time and had to switch back to reading for leisure:
These two phrases are confusing and took quite a bit of thought for me to make sense of:
"could save the victory of" --> "could ensure victory in"
"it's short after 3 o'clock" --> "it's just after 3 o'clock"
Also, you seem to misunderstand how semicolons are used. "Yes, like that; anyway, ..." should be "Yes, like that. Anyway, ..."
A semicolon is used to connect two independent clauses (things which could be complete sentences) when you want a connection similar to using and/but/or but you don't want to actually write them. For example, "I like this; She likes that." (If you just use a period, it's sort of like waiting a minute between the two sentences but without actually waiting. There's no connection.)
Also, "Wait a second, I have to open the shielding of the room." is incorrect because you don't use a comma to join two independent clauses. Use a period ("Wait a second.") or, if you want to convey a pause between the two, use an ellipsis ("Wait a second…"). (And it'd be more natural to say "the shielding on the room")
Same with "I know, you aren't the first one who says that." The most natural way to write it would be "I know. You aren't the first to say that."
Also, you are right to use a comma in "But I mean, what happens if I fall down and get shreddered by these things?" but you need another one. (And it's "shredded", not "shreddered") You're inserting "I mean" inside the perfectly good sentence "But what happens if..." so you need a comma before it too. ("But, I mean, what happens if I fall down and get shredded by these things?")
...but you don't combine periods and ellipses, so "WOW.... oh.... my...." should be "Wow… oh… my…" (three dots, not four). Also, formatting is your friend. Only use all-caps when posting to a site that doesn't allow markup like italics and boldface. Not only does italic or boldface text look better, it's friendlier to screen readers for the blind.
Another mistake is that "10 feet wide plate" should be "10-foot wide plate". Same with "30 feet wide hole". You say "10 feet" when using the length as a state of being (after is/was) or a count ("How long is it? 10 feet.") but you say "10-foot" when using it as an adjective (when putting it immediately before the word as in "I wouldn't touch you with a 39½-foot pole.").
Finally, it would sound more professional and realistic for the identity-verifying PDA to say "Identity verified. General James Sinclair." and "Identity verified. Jan Schneider. Astronaut and Engineer." (As a UI designer, I can say with authority that, for something you're going to be using that often, you don't want it to be long-winded. You want it to provide the relevant details quickly and unambiguously.)
"Why... did she dreamed ...?" should be "Why... did she dream ...?"
It's a quirk of English that we had two ways to put verbs in the past tense and we kept one form from each.
We use subject-auxilliary inversion with "did" as an auxilliary verb for questions ("Did she dream?") but we no longer use "did" as an auxilliary verb with the present-tense form for non-interrogative statements. ("She did dream" is valid but very archaic)
For non-interrogative past-tense statements, we use various verb inflections (such as adding the suffix "-ed" to produce "she dreamed") but I'm not sure we ever used it along with inversion to form questions. ("Dreamed she?" looks and sounds alien to a native English speaker.)
However, when used with an interrogative pronoun like "why?", it makes enough sense that I've seen it used in old poetry. For example, "Why dreamed she?" (However, it feels even more archaic than "She did dream".)
On behalf of my fellow native English speakers, I apologize for our verb conjugations being such a mess. It's partly the Normans' fault for invading England in 1066 and replacing most of the words in Old English (a west germanic language with influences from north germanic languages like the sounds formerly represented by þ.) with whatever partially-understood Old French (a romance language) the Saxon peasants picked up from their Norman lords but it's also partly our own fault for being so eager to borrow foreign words without reworking them to fit our existing grammar and pronunciation rules. (Probably because our verb conjugations and pronunciation are already such a mess that we don't try very hard. That's partly because the inventor of the first English dictionary chose the spellings he favored rather than the ones which made the most sense.)
Also, it's "Starswirl", not "Starswill".
Sorry I couldn't point out more. I got carried away while giving context for my first correct.
2993962
I know: Team Fortress 2, Portal 2, Half-Life 2 episode 2. Maybe the next game they make will be Half-Life 2 episode 2 part 1, followed by Half-Life 2 episode 2 part 2.
Fun Fact: Pikmin 3 is fun. TAKE THAT VALVE!
there is no words that describes how good this is.
1716575
'For those of you who were to be injected with the preying mantis DNA. I got good news and bad news. Bad news is, we're suspending those tests indefinitely. Good news is, we have a much better test for you. Fighting an army of mantis men! Grab a rifle and follow the yellow line, you'll know when the test starts.'
4491267
Oh, wait, Silly Past me, Valve can't count past 2!
2997170
Half-Life 2 Episode Three has been in the works for years.
1517165
Ich kann helfe Proofread.
(Tut Mir Leid, Aber ist mein Deutsch gut? Ich lerne Deutsch in Schule...)