Applejack thinks she's figured out who keeps sending her love letters and plans on confronting the offender, only to find out it's not exactly what she'd been thinking.
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So this current series is a series of three ships of the main six with background ponies, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Applejack. These three are "get together" stories for them. There'll be another series where I continue these stories and add in the other main six, probably. I can't guarantee anything since I haven't planned them out! :D
I've added an in story dating system to the stories as the stories are actually somewhat intertwined so for any of you who are reading all of them they'll be easier to line up.
Note on crossover chapters. They are the same chapter in two stories because they are relevant to both. They will say with what story they cross over and have the same (or very similar) titles.
Rainbow Dash and Flitter: Over Protective Sist... Friend
Rarity and Minuette: Time For Fashion
65 views and no likes yet, that's kinda of a shame. I have actually had fun reading so far. It's an interesting pairing and so far has been handled ok. It might be a little rushed, but I feel like done right as the story progresses that can actually be a positive.
A few minor editing issues:
Near the beginning of chapter three you restate Apple Jack putting down the box in the same sentence.
The wording and/or flow of the part in chapter two about taking steps down the stairs is a little unclear. That one could just be me though.
Your biggest problem I think is run on sentences. Use more periods, fewer commas, trying to follow a sentence in too many parts gets difficult, so try writing things there way you might say then, not how you think them. I have a similar problem so I know how hard it can be to police.
Sorry if this comment was too long. Keep up the good work. Welcome to the site and fell free to ask if you need advice
9615490
More sentences! LONGERS SENTENCES!
And yeah, the stairs thing is a bit rough. I'll need to look at the box thing.
As for quick it is, but I kinda feel like that's what happens when the theme is "Coco is in love with AJ" if you look at its sister story with RD and Flitter that's 5 chapters in and still no hint of romance. It all depends on the story itself. ^.^
9615490
I am not a good writer so feel free to give two big middle fingers to my advice and see if you can break Jonathan Coe's record. I will be there starting the slow clap afterward.
Ok, right away I can tell you're freaking cool.
And like I said, the pacing isn't a big issue. In fact I feel like I can imagine Coco's inner dialog that led her to spilling her guts like that, and that thought process does feel like it fits with the pace. The only problem was going straight from that to serious relationship talk. But even that works in context which is actually impressive. So keep doing what you do and try not to break any teeth on this roller coaster
9616260
That was dumb, I replied to myself instead of to you. Well copy paste or something because I'm not writing all that again
9616299
Hehe, well for how fast you get into serious relationship talk depends on the person and the intent. Some people do immediately go into the serious aspect, depends on the situation. Like my brother when he wanted to date his now wife they were a conservative family and he was told that "we don't date, we court." And I really would imagine AJ being in a similar vein, some people date because they find it fun, some date for the purpose of marriage and family.
Hehe, you just replied to yourself because you're so self-centered! :D
And it alerts me whenever someone comments so it doesn't need to be a reply to me specifically.
9616349
I figured, but acknowledging you've been dumb at least makes you look a little less dumb. That makes me more vain then self centered
9616985
Hehe.
I notice a few issues here:
Handwriting
Finger
Otherwise cute!!
OK never mind you knew about the finger thing.
9621039
Hah! At first, I was like "Handwriting is spelled correctly..." then I realized. :D
And actually, I deal with "finger" in the beginning of the next chapter (since there isn't really anything to replace it with, hooves don't have extensions on them!)
9621041
Hehe! I just replied to your other message. :D Ponies just don't have anything to replace the word finger with.
I love how short-sticked Rarity is in this one.
9621096
Hehe, I couldn't not put that ending in.
Err... It's spelled Zecora. Just saying.
9622923
Hehe, whoops. ^.^ There we go, all better.
Why is this rated T?
9623058
Just me being cautious, I'm not sure where the story is going. Like this one is very milk-toast, but the one with Flitter and RD is a bit more serious and they'll have cross overs, and I don't expect this one to stay quite so milk-toast. (But hey, it might.)
9623059
Are we likely to see either a zecora/twilight or a starlight/and I'm guessing trixie? story/ies added to this shipverse?
9623341
That's the plan. Though I left the Starlight question open because this is meant to be at least semi-unusual ships. But Startrix is one of my OTPs so I might not be able to resist.
9623341
Though I wouldn't be lying if I said I wasn't considering setting up a Twilight and Cloud Chaser ship. If you've read the others it's pretty obvious I'm setting up for a Fluttershy Muffins (Derpy) ship, but I'm not entirely sure what I'm gonna do with Pinkie and Twilight. (Not going to lie I've considered throwing in a curveball and shipping Fluttershy with someone else but probably won't end up doing it.)
9623923
Pinkie/doctor hooves (doc who headcannon varient) is about the only background ship I can think of. Discord is only other character that could keep up but hes more of a mane cast member than background.
I can see derpy/fluttershy ship working well, any flutterbat appearance Being considered?
9623968
*GASP!* A straight ship!? Bite your tongue you neanderthal! *Snickers* And I don't like Doctor Who so that drives me away from that idea. :D
9623873
Starlight/tempest shadow depending on how far down the timeline you want to go would be a more unusual pairing you could use
9623974
*Snickers* I actually really hate tempest shadow. I don't find her a pitiable character I find her a reprehensible one. She's Starlight without the "greater good" to fall back on, so she's just a traitor... And a member of the rebel alliance!
9623341
)
Yeah the ZecoTwi could be a good one if the author is confident of his rhyming. (Could also explain how Zecora knew the potion worked
9623976
Pinkie/Luna? Thou trouble hath doubled 😂
9627268
Her rhyming. And I think I did well in this one! (And you don’t know what the position was!... Though it's heavily implied go be naughty it could just be embarrassing, like diarrhea!)
9627480
Hehe! I'm not sure I could pull that off well but that'd be funny!
Or you know, work at Rarity's shop in Ponyville. That will let her spend more time in her other shops and you would have a place to work on your own designs.
Just starting reading this one, rather fun so far. :)
9637346
Hehe, not to spoil the obvious answer but that's probably going to be where that ends up. But thanks for the comment, it reminded me to turn this to E, I kept it T to be safe because some of the others got naughtier (Rarity and Minuette) and some got more serious (Flitter and RD) but this one stayed milk toast the entire time so it doesn't need a T.
9623976
And at the end of the moment vie, she finds herself with a debt like no other and a thousand way to repay it. Guilt, and self-hate, and all those years that she needs to untrain from herself. Can’t go throwing nobles out of windows!
think of it as cradling the robin
I’d say 2+2 doesn’t quite describe Coco sending stuff AJ’s way. The answer is only obvious to Rarity due to knowing her hoofwriting.
I like the idea that Sweetie Belle has caused Rarity’s eardrums to develop callouses.
11500029
Well in theory Applejack knows two fashion ponies. So if her mind went to Rarity first (logical) it should go to the other fashion pony next.