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Rarity loves making dresses, and especially wedding dresses.
But the fine line between inspiration and jealously can be so hard to walk – and hardest of all is when they begin bleeding together.
Gold medal winner in the writeoff.me "Cutting Corners" event.
Thank you to Baal Bunny, Terrus Stokkr, and No Raisin for their reviews and feedback.
Cover art by me, messing around in Inkscape.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Let me guess: It's because she enjoys fantasizing about getting married.
10004263
Something like that. Maybe. Or maybe not. It's, uh... well, you'll just have to decide that on your own.
Getting Rarity to speak about what is really on her mind is like getting Twilight to admit there is (ahem) 'adult' material in the library. Good luck!
Gold medal? Awesome! :)
10004440
*nervous Twilight laugh* "Well, of course there's adult material in the library! Everything not in the foal and YA sections. I mean that's most of the library, really."
10004487
Thanks! I'm really proud of this story. It all just suddenly came together for me after a few days of total dry spell. I was worried I wouldn't even have an entry for the writeoff event for a while!
"with however I happy I feel for them"
"with however happy I feel for them"?
"there’s also a such thing as"
"there’s also such a thing as"?
Nice. :)
Glad this came together for you. :)
10004866
Fixed. Thanks.
10004867
You're welcome. :)
Mmmmm.... Cocoa...
Have a very late review!
Envy is an absolute beast to deal with. This story lays out that insight just fine.
I really liked your study of Rarity, bringing out how noone is perfect. I liked that in the end she learned to live with the way she was.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Story Name: Stitches by Winston
Grammar Score: 10 / 10
Pros:
The Characters are portrayed quite well
The theme of the work (dealing with envy) is handled nicely
Grasps the idea of “Show, don’t tell” and puts it to good use.
Cons:
Ending feels a little quick
Some descriptions can last a little long
Notes:
Spoilers ahead:
Fanfiction tends to get a bad reputation. Many seem to think (at least in my experience) that stories written as a fan projects are usually poorly written and messy stories. This one is a perfect counter to that argument. I find that this story can stand on par with popular published works.
The author has a firm grasp of these characters. Rarity is portrayed as a character whose spent her life chasing perfection. She’s envious of her friends’ ability to find love, and wonders if her perfect ideals have kept her from it. Applejack and Rainbow Dash, though given little time to shine, hold their parts well. Applejack knows something is bothering her friend. She understands it has something to do with her and Rainbow’s relationship. Despite this, she’s still willing to offer support to her ailing friend, the way a good friend should. Rainbow Dash only has one line, I think, but the line does still give a hint of her personality: cool, but still respectful for her close friends.
The story centers around Rarity attempting to craft a wedding dress for Rainbow. Issues arise when it hurts her to work on it. The theme of envy presented here is quite easy to believe. Anyone who’s ever felt envious of something knows how it feels. That sense of longing and bitterness that can poison you. Rarity describes it best, explaining that it manifests as a sort of anger. She’s not angry at her friends, but just sort of angry in general. She’s in pain, lashing out, and she doesn’t quite understand why. Her frustration and mounting aggravation are obvious, showing off the author’s skill with writing about deeper subjects.
Any good story needs to paint a picture in the reader’s mind. This story is a little light on setting the scene, offering little details of the rooms around the characters. However, it does focus well on single little details, both with certain items and on the characters themselves. In a more personal story like this, I find that this imagery works just as well, if not better. Notably, the ingenious metaphor of the stitch on the dress being wrong. Literally, the stitch is just off a little bit. Figuratively, it represents Rarity’s own feelings on the situation, conveying her inner turmoil without plainly stating it. For a shorter story, the author conveys quite a bit in just a few images. Another high mark for the story.
As for the downsides, they’re mostly just nitpicky, and don’t mire the story in any serious way. The first issue is the ending. While the final few lines are alright, showing that Rarity is finding the strength to accept her feelings, the wedding itself is quite short, being relegated to only a single paragraph. It’s not too big an issue, especially considering that the wedding is not the focus of the story. Still, I would’ve liked to see just a bit more.
Second nitpick is with some of the descriptions. I can only really find one point in the story where I have this problem and can’t even really declare it a problem as it likely won’t bother many readers. This excerpt is the debate of purple versus gold that rarity has when Applejack arrives. While the idea is genius, paining Applejack’s more golden color as divine, rather than the comparative blandness of purple and its association with royalty. The description lasts for three paragraphs, which feels just a tad too long, in my opinion.
These negatives are honestly quite inconsequential and can’t hold a candle to all that the author does right in this story. In my humble opinion, I offer the story high marks across the board, just shy of the perfection that Rarity seeks. Still great though, I feel I must reiterate that. Definite props to the author, and I intend on looking in on some of your other writing, to see what other tricks you can awe me with.
Enjoy your review!
Rarity, that's what you get for cock-teasing Spike for years 😛