Twilight sat with Celestia in the solar alicorn's office, surrounded by paperwork. Unfortunately, the paperwork was piled taller than the ponies present, leading Celestia to groan.
"What are these, Celestia?" Twilight asked.
"Grievances," she sighed. "Ponies and other creatures all across the kingdom can send letters with personal problems they need addressed, and I have to go through each one to see if it's worth investigating. It's very much like day court, only by mail. Look here," she pulled a paper at random from a stack and read it aloud. "'Dear Princess Celestia, your kingdom is far too organized and needs a few upgrades. Please contact Discord's Constructive Destruction to...' Okay, bad example. Discord always slips some jokes in. Honestly it helps with the monotony of it all."
Twilight pulled down another paper. "Huh, this one is from a buisnessmare out in Rainbow Falls of all places. She says she wants a local alchemy shop torn down because of... explosive botanical damage to her nearby jewelry store?"
"Let me see that." Celestia snatched it up and read the paper thoroughly. "Ah, seems she set up shop not realizing exactly why insurance premiums in that section of town are so high. I suppose I'll have to send an inspector over to Alchemiracles to see what Catalyst is up to this time, but enough of that." She selected another parchment and read it. "Says here that an orphanage in manehattan needs a slightly larger stipend from the crown this month due to an unforeseen outbreak of feather flu. I would be more than happy to send some bits their way, it can be quite the money drain when several foals get sick at once. Your turn, my former student."
"Alright! I'll take this one," Twilight beamed.
"Blueblood says-"
"Denied."
"But you haven't even heard what he wants, it might-"
"He wants more money. Denied." Twilight glanced further down the paper. Hidden amidst the confusing legalese was a request for a 500% allowance increase. She quickly lit the paper on fire. "See? I told you, Blueblood just wants money. We should prank my nephew later for that. Now, let's see..."
The hours passed by without much further incident. Proposals were denied, proposals were accepted, and many were debated over before being sent to a secure area where they could be negotiated on by both parties later. All in all, it was a rather productive day.
"Finally! This is the last grievance," Celestia nearly cheered. "It's about time. You do the honors, Twilight."
"Alright! Let's see here... Dear Princess Celestia, I would like to complain about security in the castle kitchens, as it was far too easy to get past, as well as compliment the quality... of... your... cakes. Signged,"
"NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!!!!!!"
Nick was sitting in his room, idly reading the latest Daring Do book, when he heard that scream shake the castle. He sipped his tea, put the cup down, and counted. "Five. Four. Three. Two, One..."
The door SLAMMED open, revealing a very pissed off alabaster alicorn behind it. Nick spun in his chair to face her. "Ah, I see you got my complaint! I thought those were supposed to be anonymous, though. Tell me, however did you find out?"
"Moat. Now."
"Aw, why not a plea bargain? I tell you how I did it, and you let me go this time? The moat's getting cleaned anyway."
Celestia glanced out the window at all the equipment checking the moat for various things, and realized that it would indeed be too risky to toss her human friend out there. "Fine. Just this once. Follow me," and they were off. Upon arriving at the cake storage, Celestia unlocked the door and ushered Nick inside. "Now then, Nick. I have this place heavily guarded, security wards in place, alarms spells everywhere, Celestia and even a few mousetraps for good measure. Now please, explain how you bypassed security even Pinkie might see as a minor obstacle."
"Oh, that? It's simple, I walked in the front door."
Celestia stepped back, looking at the the heavily barred, magic-proof door she had installed a few weeks back. "Impossible. There's no way this door opens for anypony but the chefs and myself. There's even a magically-scanning inner lock that requires a physical key I keep copies of to trap any would-be thieves inside so they can be punished."
"Exactly! And you just opened it for me! See ya later, Celly!" Woth those words, the normally regal and calm Celestia had a door slammed in her face, the inner lock clicking closed.
"Okay, so I've got probably thirty minutes to snack on anything I want. I hope the moat isn't too cold today... Eh, worth it! Cake time!"
Outside the door, a burning mad princess had to concede defeat to her cakes once more. Next time, she'd have the upper hoof, though.
Phfffft, I didn't see that one coming, and neither did she!
9330787
Literally my brain:
Quick this chapters too short throw in a munched chapter
But then it'll be too long
So just walk in and take the cake! Duh
locate stupendous sock Signged Dine
..... I'm conflictred on weather that was deliberate or knot.....
Well, shit. That was pretty good actually.
Also theres several typos.
9330795
And I'm conflicted on whether or not to mention that none of the letters are signed in this chapter, so odds are that's not a real typo.
Yes, I reread the whole chapter anyway. I found a few other types, so thanks, I guess?
Honestly, I surprised cadence hasn't joined the prank war too considering the fact that she's also an alicorn... and for that matter why hasn't shining armor joined in?
I think you meant 'stipend', there.
No matter how high or low these chapters are, it always makes me laugh.
No you won’t
That was awesome, I love this story and the ideas they go back and forth with.
REFERENCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9331093
#shamelessplug #sameuniverse
I’ll go check out that story.
I was laughing out loud at the end! Good job on this one!
replace red with green
9331112
touche
Is this an incredibles reference?
Also, great chapter
9331455
CORRECT! Have a virtual cookie
Clever human is clever. Honestly though....Celestia should have seen this a little sooner. Though I imagine she was in too much shock to really think clearly. Clearly this is what she gets for being Worst Princess.
9331569
*noms cookie, regret sets in* Should have stashed that cookie. . .
(rolling on the floor) can't.............. breath!!! .............. to.................. funny!!!
9331972 Twilight is CLEARLY worst Princess. She's so bad she's been replaced as the main character of the show by a bad OC with a synonymous name!
9335815
Twilight is NOT Worst Princess. After all who has saved Equestria numerous times both with AND without the Elements of Harmony? In fact the only thing that Celestia has done since loosing her connection with the elements is LOOSE. She has NEVER solved ANY kind of problem or really helped much to do ANYTHING in a very meaningful way. At best she gives some basic yet important information.
Meanwhile Twilight has taken on MULTIPLE enemies. Solved friendship crises. Healed the Tree of Harmony. Unlocked Elements of Harmony version DBZ. Cleaned up Celestia's messes. Saved an ENTIRE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE, before helping to save it again. etc.
What does Celestia do? She plays support. She smiles all day. She plays Politics. I've yet to see Celestia actually DO anything of real value herself. The best she does is help guide some other ponies to their potential, but that's something even Luna could do. Any time there's REAL trouble it's "Twilight go solve this crisis" or "Twilight you must deal with my Failed Former Student who I let become a Total Mean Bitch". Etc. Hell let's not even forget that Celestia helped create Nightmare Moon by being a shitty sister. Even AFTER that debacle when her sister comes back, it's TWILIGHT and friends that manage to help change her image an get her friends.
9336057 And so we ask... what has Luna done?
Other than almost unleash the Tantabus.
Luna is actually Worst Princess.
9336057
Imma insert my thoughts here. Worst princess is Princess Platinum. Shes not even alive anymore.
Best princess is clearly Flurry heart while backed up by Nick.
9336066
Luna fights against the nightmares of her people. It is a constant battle. She also does GREAT work, despite often times being so UNDERappreciated. She also hangs special plants daily in the Palace to make sure those who sleep within get awesome sleep. Hell Celestia tried it for one night and got OWNED by a SINGLE nightmare. She was unable to control that single nightmare much if at all. Meanwhile Luna did a GOOD job of filling in for Celestia, until she had a SINGLE slip of a smile. Hell even the Tantabus was Luna trying to make ammends for her past sins. What has Celestia done to atone for her mistakes? Go back and try to help her Former Student? NOPE! Try to Rehabilitate Discord? NOPE! Do much of ANYTHING for letting Discord escape? NOPE! As far as I can tell, all Celestia has offered in the wake of her fuck ups is just say, "I'm Sorry". "Oh I let Discord out who almost fucked over Equestria again. SORRY! I did NOTHING to persue my former student allowing her to come back and steal one of THE most important artifacts for keeping us safe. SORRY!"
Cadence is a good Princess because she takes an active interest in ruling her kingdom. MUCH more hands-on than Celestia. Not only that, but she helped to defeat Chrystalis as well. She's taken a Kingdom that was out of touch with the ENTIRE WORLD for THOUSANDS of years, yet you wouldn't even be able to tell the difference once the Crystal Games started. Not only that, but BEFORE she had her own Kingdom, she would fix romances to strengthen bonds between partners.
So yeah all Celestia does is Politics, and even then what policies has she pushed forward that we know of that have made an actual difference in more recent years? None that I am aware of.
9336109
Princess Platinum WAS pretty terrible. Also we KNOW she worsened the Windigo attack as well.
Flurry Heart & Nick IS a pretty fierce combo....but I prefer Luna & Nick. Mostly since while Flurry Heart has the "Young & Cute", she hasn't really figured out how to weaponize her cuteness.
Meanwhile Luna knows how to be crafty AF. She also has the powers to manipulate people's dreams, so she could prank you in both the Waking AND Dream world >=)
9336115 Ah... nightmares. The thing we all have as kids and which most of us outgrow without a magical dream guardian horse.
When Luna actually had to fight, the changeling drones just dragged her away.
Frankly... it seems all the alicorns are pretty much useless. And now so is Discord, as an OP filly beat everyone and everything in the world except the student 6... wiiiiithout ever telling us how a filly knew how to do any of it, or where she came from, or what her motives were... and none of the characters even bothered asking those very obvious and natural questions... god damn, the show's writing is getting really lazy.
9336291
Actually that's not true. The filly figured out how to do stuff with the help of her pen pal Tirek, remember? Plus her motives were, she wanted lots of power for herself. Plus, Cozy had no real power of her own, she only drew power from some runes that got power from the Elements of Harmony. She didn't have any real power of her own, and it wasn't even like "I am empowering myself directly from others" the way that Chrysalis was able to defeat Celestia.
I don't remember Luna having to fight changelings in the main canon that was ever actually shown. I know there was that time when Chrysalis come back and the changelings did some sneak attacks that were carefully planned out. Was this from the comics? O.o
Plus in terms of nightmares...not everyone gets over those so easily. Look at how people get clown phobia from watching Steven King's IT, even after becoming 18+. It's not just the nightmares themselves, but comating the SOURCE of those fears which spawned those nightmares. Plus that's assuming these are Mundane Nightmares, when they could be Magical Nightmares with a lot more power.
9336605 SHE... IS... A... FILLY!!
Where did she get this insane ambition? And even if Tirek told her how to do these things... how many 10-year-olds do you know who could perform intricate and multi-layered actions in series and maintain enough attention to complete a complicated plan involving lying to dozens of people for months?
It doesn't make sense. Not at all.
Unless it turns out she's actually an old A-hole stuck in a filly's body, I can't buy it. The only time the super-genius-villain children works is when it's a farce. Like Mandark from "Dexter's Laboratory".
And you've forgotten Luna getting grabbed by a bunch of drones in the episode Chrysalis kidnaps everypony offscreen and we never get any explanation of how.
9338125
Yeah except 10 year old fillies are NOT the same as a Modern 10 year old child. I mean just look at the age when Pinkie Pie was allowed to set off for her Destiny. Heck look at how Mature the CMC are. Plus her age is never mentioned, she may end up being 12 or 13. Hell just look at how old Tempest was when she set off on her own. Without knowing ANYTHING about her background that could have. I mean she has a CUTIE MARK which actually puts her probably more. For all we know she could have been gromed by Tirek for 3-4 years or more depending on how much time takes place between each season.
I'd say that most of this comes from Tirek. Cozy Glow was more the front woman who did all the actual dirty work.
9338561
9338125
Good God it's like I'm reading Twilight's
collegekindergarden thesis over here. I'm not sure whether to applaud or cringe, or both. I think both.Maybe I'll just make another chapter instead. I actually get a ton of ideas just from reading the comments these days...
9338561 *smirks* And it was up to the episode to explain that or have characters ask those obvious questions, even if Cozy refused to answer.
No matter how you try to explain it away, the writing gave the viewer nothing about her, and what we do have is an over-powered child who behaves as if she's 20 years older.
Okay I gotta know before reading it, is the potion shop story a direct reference in this chapter? If it is I like both already!
9424041
Yes it is. In fact, the protagonist of Potion shop, due to popular demand, actually appeared in a few prank war chapters. It's not required reading, but... I would recommend it.
Clever human... That sure was a impressive way of tricking someone into letting someone do the work for them.