For Sunset Shimmer, letting a group of impressionable high school students in the know about another dimension where magic reigns and talking ponies are the norm is not the easiest thing to handle. It does not help that the portal to this dimension is right in front of the school.
Sooner or later, though, she has to deal with more than mere questions about Equestria. Twilight becomes curious enough that words won't cut it for her anymore. She wants to see this dimension for herself.
So, Sunset begins by offering to bring her camera through the portal to take pictures and videos of her next trip there in Equestria.
Chapters (34)
will this lead to them actually visiting Equestria?
9043392
Who? the humane 7?
This is really good, but i feel sorry for the poor table Sunset almost crashed into.
Sunset
you're a unicorn
9043572
A better question: would the phone even work?
9043468
yes
It still gets me that, in the first and second Equestria Girls, the Mirror Portal was walk in, walk out. But since then, it's walk in, be thrown out.
Portals do NOT add or subtract momentum. Speed you go in is the speed you go out. Just ask the folks at Cheyenne Mountain.
9043786
Maybe Twilight tinkered with it and spitting people out is a side effect?
9043572
Those are questions Twilight is asking Sunset, not that she's asking herself. Granted, she did forget about magic in Mirror Magic.
Not to mention, with the phone if it still functioned on the other side, if it's a touchscreen there's little likelihood it would work via telekinetic field.
This. This is probably the first even remotely good excuse for Sci Twi not going I've ever heard.
Ah, the eternal question: How do ponies grasp things with flat hooves that have no grasping appendages?
9044289
I shall needlessly answer your rhetorical question!
Magic.
The epitome of a Hand Wave that uses a Phlebotinum.
In my headcanon – which is scraped together from the show, various stories, and my own deductions – hooves have their own special kind of internal (and slightly external, I guess) magic which prevents most things like dirt from sticking to them, and also acts like a magnet for anything that a pony wants to hold.
You might ask why it repels dirt. To that I say, with what do most ponies handle their food? You can see how that would be necessary for any modicum of sanitariness.
Sounds like Luna, alright.
I just had a thought, what would happen if the magic phone/camera from Rollercoaster of Friendship was taken to and used in Equestria?
OK. When I published this fic, I was hoping it'd have the same ratings as Changing Ways at most. Maybe a bit higher but I wasn't expecting a middle spot in the Featured section plus surpassing the ratings of the fic I've worked on for almost a year.
Anyway, time for the replies:
9043392
Assuming you're talking about the Humane 7: Maybe, maybe not. Finding about it yourself is part of the fun.
9043572
I know others clarified the context, but if others need to clarify for the author, then the author might not have done a good job there. This is the first time I've written text messages, so I did a little search-around to see how one would do it.
To risk going off on a tangent: It's first a question about choosing quotation marks or italics. On one hand, you don't speak texts out loud, so that's one point for italics. On the other hand, texts are ubiquitous, maybe second to actual speaking, so that's one point for quotation marks. However, what sold it for me was, right before the texts begin, I was already showing Sunset's letter in italics. I felt that italics were better—and, of course, skimming a professional writer's blog post about it sealed the deal.
The next question is, with italics, how will you present the text conversation? Coming from that same blog post, the best way is to not use tags (like, Twilight: Blah, blah, blah), use context (make sure the phone is noted as a significant object in the scene), and, if I may add, never show their thoughts in a texting scene unless absolutely necessary—if you use it recklessly, you'll be drowning your poor reader in confusion on whether it's a thought or a text.
9043786
I've learned a long time ago to take what happens as it happens.
9044619
actually I wasn't talking about the italics, I know how italics work, I was more jokingly referring to to the "how the hell do you use a phone with hooves" when Sunset is a unicorn with a horn
c'mon Sunset
derpicdn.net/img/view/2018/4/20/1712566__safe_screencap_starlight+glimmer_sunset+shimmer_equestria+girls_mirror+magic_spoiler-colon-eqg+specials_animated_book_cute_female_gif_in+the+h.gif
9044686
Alright. Sorry for the confusion.
SO AWESOME!!!!
Because that is a lame excuse to never have them come over. Let's face it, Twilight never wants them to come over period and just wont say it.
I'm intrigued. Good start
9044357
Mine is pretty much the same, tactile telekinesis that also extends to mane and tails. Strongest for earth ponies, really weak for unicorns. Not quite as good as fingers unless you REALLY practice, but...
Wait, doesn't the portal contraption require Sunset's journal to be in the human world? Why did she bring it?
Poor Starlight. I can definitely empathize with her. It's hard seeing someone else fumble at something that you're really good at. I guess I just need to remember that I was once at that point too. Patience and positive reinforcement, right?
Overall, a decent start. A few overly long sentences or clauses here and there, but no major grammar or spelling issues, which is always a good sign. The premise is intriguing and the characters are well-written. I will definitely be tracking this.
It's already trouble enough to deal with one Pinkie and one Rainbow. It's best to keep them in seperate dimensions.
Wow, that's even more of a mouthful than the actual game title.
(For those who have never heard of it, it's Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes, or KTANE for short.)
9045486
Huh, mine doesn't differentiate between tribes.
May I ask why you do?
9045562
It's too late for Pinkie Pie, if you consider the Friendship Games bloopers to be canon: skip to 2:08 of the following video.
If you notice a certain something about the cover picture of the video, the person who posted this seems to like sneaking little... discrepancies, and I can't find anything else, so please don't blame me... eep
Scratch that, found something else.
The YouTube brony community is pretty fun.
If Sunset could take some pictures or a video of Flurry Heart....
Oh my god I nearly forgot that game exists.
9045534
I was just about to ask the same thing. It seems logical to me that not having a book on each side of the portal to keep it open would cause it to close and trap Sunset in Equestria.
9045534
9045554
9046669
Two reasons: One, she wouldn't want it just lying around in her house. What if robbers come in and steal it? Two, the contraption only requires a connection to Sunset's journal and it doesn't need to be in the human world. Granted, this is an argument from silence, but I think reason one overrides the flaws of reason two—but, hey, at least you found something even I didn't find!
And, if all else, retcons are available.
I've been there, too, and it's not that easy to hide my frustration over something that, to me, should be easy to understand/or do.
Also, it's good to know that at least it starts decent, and thank you for pointing out my lengthiness. I'll keep that in mind.
9045564
It's a shame that the popularity around Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes died rather quickly, and one reason, I guess, is that, once you've mastered all twelve modules, it really isn't that hard anymore. However, there are about 200 modded modules in the game's Steam Workshop and most of them are harder than what's shipped.
And that's what I've moved on to, really. When I play KTANE, it's usually only mods and I also usually expert for myself (able to look at the manual but having to take up both defuser and expert roles, turning the game into a frantic single-player experience). I discovered that one side-effect of going it solo is that there's a lot less shouting or arguing involved.
Only got two criticisms/complaints
The portal operates as a link between the two worlds using the link between the two books. With both books through the portal that would seal the portal till the next time it would naturally open.
And your descriptions are a little on the heavy side. The opening establishing description was over the top but that's how some authors are so I gave it a pass. It seemed like it continues throughout the chapter though. I'm not a professional though so I could be wrong but I'm comfortable saying it reads a little too description heavy. I wouldn't say it's purple prose necessarily, but it's less too flowery and more too contextual. Like I said I've seen professional writters who open their story with hard and heavy descriptions to sort of set the mood but after that I think it's kinda overkill.
Edit* just saw your post, was on a tab that hadn't updated that post yet apparently. Still think it's a continuity error but if you're not going to fix it that's your decision.
9046763
First, point taken about the portal and the journal. I'll see what I can do about it; I don't want plot holes to distract from the story. This early on, those kinds of things are usually fixed by changing up some lines or two.
Second, you're right that I'm description-heavy, which is strange because I'm the kind of guy that wants to trim things down when it comes to writing stories. I do try to spice up dialogue scenes with what the characters are doing while they're talking, and when it comes to establishing shots, I go all in, but when it's a revisit, the descriptions are toned down a lot. Even then, if I'm being too description-heavy, I'll look into it, but I don't think I'll change it much if all—I guess that's a side-effect from having lots of public domain e-books from Project Gutenberg.
Somepony don't know how to hide their curiosity.
9046775
For the descriptions it might just be personal preference for me, I don't know. I'd say you're fine unless someone who knows more about it comes by. And even then I'd say just take it into consideration for future writing rather than change much if anything on this story for that.
As for the journal just from reading a bunch of these stories most writers have Sunset leave it in her locker or with a friend, main person being sci Twi or Fluttershy pre-sci-twi era. Just some ideas, there might be an easier way to do it .
9047004
Alright. I'll take note of that. Thanks for your constructive criticism.
And I haven't even thought of that.
But, they're good ideas, nonetheless, and, surely, storing the journal in a safe place isn't that important to the story (at least how I'm thinking of it now), so I'll do some line changes before I do the next chapter.
I'm really interested in seeing where this will go, as I get the feeling we haven't even entered the main conflict yet. For the most part, I've really liked what I've read so far though.
9046690
I haven't had the chance to, but I've heard KTANE is way more fun in person than over the internet, especially with multiple experts. I haven't actually played through all the default bombs myself, but I may try the solo method, as well as subscribing to some mods.
Nice chapter, good work.
Starlight is a light purple not pink
I've got a feeling that the Princess would enjoy showing her 'cousin from out of town' around Ponyville. However, I wonder if Sci-Twi's questions would quickly become tiring or if they'd enjoy all the SCIENCE! that they'd end up doing.
Prediction: Having been told that she could never do it by her other-worldly counterpart, human!Trixie will dedicate an unfeasible amount of time trying to learn unicorn telekinesis. She'll probably drive poor Sci-Twi demented with her demands for lessons!
9046763
That would be interesting, though; Sunset unintentionally trapping herself in Equestria by bringing her book through, while something goes down in human-world.
The ponies would have to scramble to create a second portal-opening hack before that threat, which since the portal's down they'd have no clue of, manages to win.
I wonder what wizardry Starswirl can do using modern-day magical knowledge; he'd still know how he created the original portal, so it should be possible to update and upgrade the process. Then you've got Starlight, who managed to recreate an ancient time travel spell (which really should've only been accessible by registered magical theoreticians and like, but eh), and Twilight, who completed a spell 'swirl never finished (whether it's because he was trapped before he could or he lacked the friendship/Elements needed is unclear) - creating a second portal hack, or a brand new portal altogether, shouldn't take too long with these three on the case.
Nope; that Sunset Shimmer has not yet been canonically mentioned, let alone found. This is Equestrian-born Sunset Shimmer.
9049032
Well, technically, that's correct, but since Sunset lives there most of the time and has most of her friends there as well, it wouldn't be wrong to say she's from the other world.
9049023
It's not really that unclear, his personality was pretty much an arrogant dumpster fire before Twilight got to him.
But I completely forgot about him, wow it would be interesting to see the Siren's reactions to him still being alive in a fanfic that has them reforming under Sunset's guidance.
I am really enjoying this, somewhere in the back of my mind it always rankles that in most stories, the human! six never display the slightest interest in the mirror portal. Sure, SciTwi crosses over here and there, ditto Sunset, there was that one time Principal Celestia fell through on accident...ect. ect. ect. But by-the-by no one ever seems to care. I guess most authors just don't want to contemplate the mechanics of writing the interactions of six pairs of mirror duplicates over a long-term narrative.
Zog, I don't want to contemplate that either...
But this seems to be going very well indeed. I still hold out hope for an equestrian excursion, perhaps a weekend trip? Tell all and sundry they're going camping? Also, there is no way Cheerilee didn't hear that, heck, I think she was eavesdropping... That'd be a curveball, I do like Cheerilee, she doesn't get enough screen time.
Atch, now I'm just rambling. Keep writing this man, ya got something special here.
9049239
Um can you explain more on when exactly Principle Celestia fell through the portal into Equestria? Because I don't remember that ever happening.
Keep talking and no buddy blows up.
9049297
Eh? oh yes, its not anything in the "canon" canon, dang omniversal view of fiction messing with stuff... lemme get that story for you.
.
.
.
Huh, after looking for the past 15 min. or so, I cannot find that dratted story anywhere. Either it was deleted, I'm crud at searches, or it was all a dream. All equally plausible theories. Never mind I guess, sorry 'bout that.
9049297
Oh no, we're alright! I found another one! hello from the other side! And human!Luna's in it too! Imma go read this now, have a good day mate!