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The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine
PreviousThe Rise of DovashyNext
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PreviousThe Rise of DovashyNext
Comment posted by meme-asaurus deleted at 11:22am on the 3rd of April, 2013
#2 · 111w, 6d ago · 7 · ·


Tropes! My ONE weakness!

Must... resist... clicking...

#3 · 111w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

Good chapter, but isn't the library called Golden Oaks?

#4 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

Please ignore the crazy pink pony behind the curtain!

#5 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

Breaking the 4th wall, completely, is fine in short doses, or when it's the central point for the story. Honestly, it's really not in this case, but Pinkie keeps throwing the lack of 4th and canon at everything.

It detracts from the story and the general premise of your standard harem situation. The Pinkie/Pinkamena dynamic would be enough insanity to get by, but top that with 4th wall and it's a bit much. I'm not saying to cut it out completely, and the random comment or two is fine, but I don't think dialing it back would be uncalled for.

#6 · 111w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

Tropes, Tropes everywhere! Still, Barney's graph still applies.

#7 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

Hmm I wonder if there will be a jealousy snap on Dusk's end if he spends the whole day with Armor and the mares.

#8 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

"Royal Boyfriend" :rainbowlaugh:

#9 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

HUZZAH! Our Princess of the night returns. We shall celebrate this occasion with a party. I'll invite everyone I know. *picks up the phone and dials* Yes, can you get me in contact with DIscord....What do you mean he's not available...Being trapped in stone is no excuse...Oh, so he's not trapped in stone, eh...Get your facts straight woman. Is he or is he not in stone?...What do you mean maybe? *growls and hangs up* I'll handle this...

*Discord pops up* You rang.

*I jump out of my seat and scream. The spirit laughs, while I scowl at him.* Not funny.

(DIscord) Now, what did you want me for?

(Me) We're throwing a party for Luna, so I thought you could gather everyone.

(Discord) Little Lulu. It'll be my pleasure. *He looks off screen with a serious expression* Prepare yourself Lulu, for the party of your life. *He disappears in a flash*

(Me) In hindsight, that may have not been the best idea.

[Oh, and I'd love to see more interaction between Celestia and Dusk. She acts so much like a mother to him. She wants the best for him and for him to be happy, while also enjoying making him squirm. Besides, she's like the perfect mom...beside his own mom of course.]

#10 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

I literally lost it when Luna referred Dusk as her "Royal Boyfriend."

#11 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

More twists! It's good that you are deviating from the canon in a significant way each 'episode'.

Also, the "Royal Boyfriend" bit was hilarious. Interested in seeing how Luna acts around Dusk here.

#13 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1193267Congratulations! Your Princess Celestia evolved in to a Harem Nanny!:trollestia:

#14 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

I think Celestia has a favorite and not in the student department. "Female student, meh no military guard for her,"

"Male student! protect him with your LIFE, oh and send my sister just in case,":facehoof:

#15 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

I demand more!

#16 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

this if fucking brillient my friend keep this going

#17 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

It seems that there is a shortage of males in MLP.

#18 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

now that was nice....sooo many possibilities :pinkiehappy:

#19 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

Luna making it ten times better.

#20 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

Nice story but, for the love of the sun and the moon, tone down the 4th wall breaking.

#22 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

OMG this story pinkie is best pinkie pie

#23 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

“Ignore her, and you’ll stay sane.”

We are talking about Pinkie? she focuses on you if you try to ignore her, and will drive you insane if you run.

#24 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

All right, memesaurus. I'm only gonna say this because A) you keep making it a big deal by bringing it up and never doing anything about it, and B) I really think this may be what you need to hear. Or read. Or whatever.

The reason people keep bringing up how annoying it is that Pinkie Pie breaks the 4th wall constantly is that it's obnoxious for her to keep doing it. What made Pinkie Pie funny in the show? She was random, with her behavior being unpredictable. The thing is, she's always doing this same tired joke where she breaks the fourth wall, and that robs her of her unpredictability.

I like the whole Pinkamina angle though. It adds another dimension while still giving popular fanon a nod.

The thing you would need to do, though, is to cut back on the 4th wall breaking and focus more on what made Pinkie Pie fun. Make more jokes based on her incomprehensibility. You did a great job of balancing both in this chapter: her 4th wall moment addresses something that bothered people about SA, while Dusk Shine comments on her bizarre behavior. That's what you need to focus on: appropriate timing. Breaking the 4th wall should only be done when it would be funny to do so, which obviously is not most of the time.

I'm only writing this because you keep ignoring people who are giving you constructive criticism as if they're trying to bring you down. That is not the attitude that an author should have. I like the story so far, but Pinkie's predictable 4th wall breaking isn't funny.  

#25 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·



"addressing Shiningg Armor,..."

You added an extra "g" to "Shining"

This chapter was way too short.

>>1193610  So this fic has a Tropes page?

#26 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

- "Talk about Mary Sues!"

- "Bitch what?"

Oh, yes and it would be appreciated if you toned down the 4th wall thing a notch. Other than that, I'd like to see where this goes.

#27 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1193160 noo!!!, must. resist. clicking. on. links.

whoo, my day isn't going to go down the can. just must not think about the tropes, must not click links.

Okay I am good now. bad author, leaving that many tvtrope links just lying around like that? last time I went there it took me like a week to escape.

#29 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

Wait, what did I just do?

(looks at newly opened tab)


and I was planning on being productive today. should of known better.

#30 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

Great chapter really see how things are different than in the show. Will Dusk get out of his brothers shadow or has he already done that? Something tell's me if he's spying on the elements Discord is loving Dusk's love life because if that's not chaos than the Royal Voice isn't loud.

#31 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·


So how many hours or days of your life did you end up losing to find those specific TVTropes pages?

#32 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

Ugh... Can somepony get over here and help me clean up the shards of the fourth wall? We need to fix it... again.

#33 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

Dude, you've got typos and errors. Again. Do you want a proof reader?

#35 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

Oh boy, I sense a lot of frisky behavior happening in the next chapter.

#36 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·


On a side note, I wouldn't say Luna being awake during the day at the end of ep. 1 is 'the most enraging plot hole in the series.'

Trust me, there's A LOT more annoying plot holes in Return of Harmony and especially the Wedding. God, there's more plot holes in that one than the holes in Chrysalis' legs.


#37 · 111w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

It was funny for a bit but the constant Pinkie breaking the fourth wall and referencing the canon series is getting out of hand.  Try having her reference something else for a change

#39 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·


I agree on the fourth wall thing.  The fact that she so completely knows she is fictional is pretty jarring.

#40 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1193294 I think it was more of Luna's insistence....

#41 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·


Is her third form Molestia?

#42 · 111w, 6d ago · 1 · ·


I feel like the maid; I just cleaned up this place, can I keep it clean?!  For ten minutes?!

It has been said many times, but I shall say it again.  The constant fourth-wall breakage is obnoxious.  Please tone it down.

That said, I am glad that this chapter took a break from the wackiness of the previous ones.

#43 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

Luna should join the harem.

#45 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·



#46 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

Tropes: W-w-what are these! I-I can't even! T-there's so many! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!

#47 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

If Shining decide's it is a good idea to try to go for Rainbow Dash.

Guess who's pissed off


#48 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

UGH!! whats the fun in making sens!!

#49 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·


Tropes, sexy, sexy tropes.

I do not wish to pursue a relationship that is purely based on sex.

That is best line.  Dusk seems, conflicted. :rainbowkiss:

#50 · 111w, 6d ago · · ·

Yay! Shining Armor. I can't wait to see him and Dusk interacting more in the next chapter

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