Everyone knows the ponies of Equestria are awesome. But what if, when crisis befalls them, they decide to handle things with a little more common sense?
(A How It Should Have Ended Parody)
NOTE: It is highly recommended that you first watch "My Little Pony: The Movie" before reading this fanfic, just to let you know exactly what's going on.
But who am I kidding? If you're here, you've probably already seen it. Even people who hated it have seen it. I'm...actually not sure why I put this note here. I apologize for wasting a few precious moments of your lives by having you read this pointless Author's Note. Here, have a Kirin to make up for it.
FEATURED 02/03/2019 - 02/08/2019
Chapters (1)
Yes! Love this! Wish HISHE could make a video like this.
That was hilarious. Thank you.
Is this a one-shot or are there more chapters?
9436366
Nah. This is the only one I had planned.
Actually, the original idea was to have it be just about Chrysalis going to the Villain Pub, chatting a little about her recent failures, and then somehow winding up with the idea to create the Mean Six, thus setting up the eponymous episode. But then I thought about how HISHE would handle MLP: The Movie, and I just kind of went from there.
Amazing work on this! Although I must point out I saw Zecora was already in Canterlot in the beginning of the film. Other than that, this was great!
I enjoyed the movie for the most part, but I'm willing to admit that it had its fair share of Idiot Ball moments. You've done a really good job reexposing them in a way that is simultaneously humorous and not too rage-blinded.
Also, thank you for reminding me how much I love HISHE. I'd almost forgotten. Have a Like. :)
Really? No I am the night line with batman only to have Luna appear to give him a death glare?
9436457
Man, I wish I'd thought of that. Oh well.
Oh, by the way...hello there.
Ha, this was great! I really enjoyed the alternatives you've presented. Boy, there were a lot of ways for Tempest to get beaten here and I'm actually surprised there wasn't much of a negotiation in the movie with Queen Novo like you showed. This really did give me a chuckle, thanks for this.
.....like the writers of the movie, you forgot about the Discord option; otherwise, this was kind of fun to read.
9436470
You know, I actually thought about putting that in there. But then I remembered that Starlight Glimmer was in the movie, and everyone talks about the Discord option. So I decided to go for Starlight, because I figured nobody had done it before, with everyone just assuming that she hid. That, and she's got a reputation that I thought I could poke fun a little fun at.)
But I'm glad you liked it all the same.
Man this was so good, The HISHE guys really need to see this or at least attempt this.
I loved it.
9436387
Yeah, I noticed that too.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2018/7/9/1776472.png
FIRE!!! I'M BURNING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
Coal gas is very flammable even explosive.
cat lady indeed!
gosh that was easy
Of course I did nothing for my little ponies
CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS AIRSHIP SALVAGE TEAM EXPERTS! YEAH!
Beats they're wrecking Ponyville
Oh the pomanity!
BECAUSE IM BATMAN!
Hehe, I love HISHE vids :)
Great takes on it!
Well not the Quicker Choice, but More logical I Guess.
I'm going with twilight with this one.
Unless The Modecan Government can gave us Permission so they won't Come all the way to Canterlot to "Contain" Her, they always do that.
Lol on shining armor point of view
Alternative
Next week: How the Fallout Moises series Should Have Ended
Liked it, but come on, man. I think we can all agree that (royal guard or not), no ponies could stand up to a good, strong punch to the face.
Haven't as of yet read your story, but I can appreciate the challenge you took on. I've always felt that the movie had enough plot holes to sink a battleship. (I'm not dissing it...necessarily...just the fact that for the story to make sense, one would have to throw out at least half the canon)
Which reminds me :
Batman : "I am Batman!"
Owlowiscious : "Who?"
Batman : "I am Batmaaan!"
"Who?"
"I AM BATMAN!"
Yondu : "I'm Mary Poppins y'all!"
"Who?"
Spiderman : "You shouldn't have brought your pet..."
*Twilight groans*
Man, this was a good one. Nice job!
The down votes are lifeless husk, or just lack any humor... Awesome parody there!
I actually made a HISHE for my most popular story, The Pony of Vengeance. You kinda have to read the original first, but believe me, it's well worth it.
This was fantastic. I loved your execution of the fic and how it felt like a real HISHE. Not to mention, you made it funny. Like, laugh-out-loud funny. This is going into my favorites box.
Congratulations on getting your story featured, Jade! I knew you could do it!
9436370
If that is the case, why is it incomplete?
9437861
Fixed
I love the YouTube channel. I hope they do this.
9437740
Thanks! I was kind of hoping this would make it in–I always do–but I didn't really think I had a chance.
I guess I was wrong. :)
9436961
Well, I don't think it had plot holes as much as it had clichés.
Also, I don't really think you need to ignore the seasons prior for it to work. All you'd really need is to come up with a good explanation for why neither Starlight Glimmer or the Royal Guard lifted a hoof to do anything to stop the invasion.
Although that's kinda bad enough in & of itself.
Personally, I would've liked to see the darker story that they were initially going to do. Have you seen some of the concept art from that phase? Some of it is really awesome.
Hehehe I totally ship those two.
I have a weird sense of comedy and I don't laugh at much,but you managed to make me giggle and grin.
Classic HISHE!
I'm surprised you didn't do a take on the part where Twilight attempts to steal the pearl while using her friends as a distraction.
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Captain of the Royal Guard of Canterlot: "We were too drunk and just didn't give a shit about any potential threats that might emerge, because Princess Twilight and her friends are there and if anything happens, they're just shooting their friendship lasers as usual, which instantly friendships every threat and turns it into an ally which means the guards don't have to intervene and it also means that us guards don't have anything to do anymore and get paid for drinking booze the entire workshift, shit, now that I think about it, being a guard here really sucks....."
And Starlight ended up getting snagged by Discord, together with Trixie, moments before Tempest's ship arrived, because Discord just absolutely HAD to show them his lawyer collection in his own dimension and could not wait until after the Friendship Festival with that pressing matter.
Problems solved.
Seriously, all of the movie's "problems" so many seem to talk about are easily explained if you allow to let your brain gears turn a little.
Celestia's and Luna's quick defeat and why neither of them tried to fight Tempest: Right when Tempest started to actually attack, she was immediately firing a black, magical sphere from the remains of her horn, a kind of spell we have never seen in the entirety of G4 before, despite that it had its fair share of spells, including combat spells, presented to us over the years.
Then the spell hit Cadance, after she unsuccessfully attempted to stop it with one of her shield spells (one would think that alone made everyone realize how powerful that spell is), and she got turned to stone in front of Celestia and Luna.
Followed by Celestia's face turning into pure fear and swiftly turning around to Luna and telling her to leave to get the help of the Queen of the Hippo(griffs).
The subtle answer in this lies within Celestia's expression in that moment. Celestia is the one who taught Twilight magic. And she lives for more than a 1,000 years. There is probably not a single spell she doesn't know about and has studied herself. And she has more experience in defending Equestria (it's also of note here that we still barely know anything about what happened during the 1,000 years Luna spent on the moon) than anypony, other than maybe Luna herself or Cadance, can even imagine. Celestia has done it all and she has seen it all.
And she has seen that spell Tempest used before, too. It was all in her eyes in that moment.
And what do you do if you see your kingdom getting attacked by a powerful unicorn with a dark spell of which you know that it is nearly unstoppable and that it will, despite your 1,000+ years of combat experience and your alicorn magic, get you down if you try to resist it?
You bail and try to get the help of more powerful allies.
Which in that case, were people of a faraway land who possess a magical pearl that can turn anyone into any creature, including creatures that even make Tempest's advanced and dark spells look like toys for foals.
But you don't try to fight, because you already know that fighting will be pointless and just delay the inevitable.
TL;DR: Celestia and Luna didn't fight because they know what else that spell could have done if they would have tried to resist it and know more about that spell than the audience does, so they knew that fighting it would be futile.
Really, again, Celestia's horrified expression after she saw that spell wasn't there for nothing. Picture language. It's a movie, not an unillustrated novel. Pay attention to the animation, not just the writing.
Why didn't Starlight help? See above. Maybe she doesn't know that spell like Celestia does..... but if you see your 1,000 years old princess and ruler being helpless against a threat, you can pretty much guess that your ~20 years of magical knowledge and training won't help.
Why didn't they call Discord for help so he could have snapped with his fingers and turned the storm guards into beautiful little flowers and give Tempest an impression for how it feels to get encased in stone? Because Discord.
Discord, while being on the good side since Fluttershy took care of him, is a chaos being and he only does what he wants. And the only reason why he occasionally defends Equestria is for Fluttershy, to protect her. The Season 6 Finale has made that abundantly clear. He wasn't interested in helping until they mentioned that Fluttershy had been captured. And Fluttershy wasn't in immediate danger when Tempest attacked, because Tempest wasn't after her specifically and even if she would have ended up in one of these cages, Discord would have just come and freed her from it later. Only her, because he doesn't really care about anypony else. Maybe he would have stepped in sooner or later, when getting annoyed by it that his tea parties with Fluttershy aren't possible anymore or that the Storm King's takeover made any other amenities he is used to impossible, but that's really the most you could have expected from him. In that moment, there was no immediate need for him to be there.
So, why didn't they call him? For the same reason why they didn't call him against the Pony of Shadows, why Twilight and her friends didn't think about taking him with them into Starlight's village as backup and why they didn't ask Discord to fix the Crystal Heart after Flurry Heart destroyed it: Because they knew he wouldn't come. Simple as that.
Discord isn't evil anymore, but don't assume he's a selfless hero or a good ally either, because he isn't.
What's with the guards then? Wouldn't they at least try (not that any of them would have been a match for Tempest) to help? That's the easiest to answer..... It doesn't matter. With the way the events unfolded, it simply isn't relevant that we haven't seen them trying to defend Canterlot.
Have you seen any guards in a close proximity before Tempest's airship landed? There were no guards nearby, so they needed time to 1. notice the invasion, 2. react to it and 3. arrive in time before Tempest has made short work of three from four of Equestria's princesses.
And there wasn't enough time. Tempest managed to enact total control in a matter of minutes. Before they arrived, everything was over and the audience of the movie wasn't in Canterlot anymore. Most of all of the movie shows places very far away from Canterlot, so anything the guards tried happened after we got whisked away from Canterlot.
And that's about it. The guards weren't seen in their fight to defend Canterlot because the attack didn't allow enough time for us to see their arrival, their fight and their eventual defeat.
And I think that covers it all. None of this is a plothole. With a little knowledge of the characters and with some easy-to-make thoughts about why we didn't see the guards fighting, everyone who watched the movie should be able to answer these questions for themselves, without having to resort to cop-out arguments about the movie's length or petty accusations of careless writing.
9438380
I did. It's the part where they're talking to Queen Novo, and Twilight casually explains how the world is going to end because Celestia and Luna are petrified and can't move the Sun and Moon.
9438406
Wow...those are some very in-depth rebuttals to the movie's most common criticisms.
And some pretty good ones, at that. :)
Although personally, I only think that they had just a few of those Obsidian Orb things. In the Prequel comics, I got the impression that the remains of the Misfortune Malachite that the Storm King smashed were repurposed into the Orbs. So I don't think they had a lot of them on hand. So I'm not exactly sure if Celestia had necessarily seen that particular spell before.
Keep in mind, though, this wasn't meant to be a serious attack on the movie. I actually really liked it. Yeah, I might have done some things different (like, really different), but I still enjoyed it all the same.
9438406
I've always found the whole idea of the princesses receiving absolutely no warning to be hard to swallow. Canterlot, according to the maps that fan sites have available, is in the center of Equestria. And there is good implied evidence that there exists in Equestria a certain level of communications technology. And yet, as some say, the whole country fell at once...and NOBODY had an opportunity to say "Canterlot...we've got a problem"?
9438014
I have given that some thought, but there are a lot of bugs to work out first. And unfortunately no, I haven't had the chance to see any concept art. I am curious though.
Okay, I had to use Robot Chicken Palpatine for the voice. It just makes too much sense.
You should still write the Chrysalis villain pub chapter, if you have time.
No Discord either?
He would've ended it really quick.
9438717
I almost put him in here, but then I figured everyone would be expecting that. So I went with Starlight's solution (AKA, total annihilation) instead.
9438618
Maybe the reason there was no advance warning was because there was nopony not captured to actually give the advance warning?
Bit of a stretch, I know, but that's all I got for now.
9438728
Should've made his own point. Here, allow me.
You have a near god like spirit of Chaos that owes you one. Use it!
"Oh, you want me to help? Me, the one that Celestia laughed at my suffering at the Gala?" Discord said, stepping out of the shower after Twilight used the summon spell.
"You owe us one."
"Fine. But only for Fluttershy."
One moment later, Tempest now has a horn, is cheerful- bouncing up and down like Pinkie Pie because she was Discorded. The troops she brought are now being soaked in jello, and the ships they came are now being used as his personal bathtub toys. "I better get an invitation to these kind of things from now on..."
9438734
My own thought is that it was a straightforward decapitation strike. While there may have been a fight going in, the plan was to take down the Princesses, with the expectation being that everything else would simply collapse without them.
The movie animation sucks when compared to the show.
Sounds like when the aliens vaporized everyone in War of Worlds, speaking of which I need to read that again.
All the allies scene is missing is a swarm of changelings, a couple of dragons, and an armed flock of griffons hovering just outside the castle.