**ON HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE, WILL FINISH**
Treasure Planet is no more. Its remains are now ash in the nebulae of space, and the Loot of a Thousand Worlds is lost forever.
Or so the official reports say.
When a second map is found on the strange, paradise planet of Equus by a "Princess Twilight Sparkle", the RLS Legacy and her crew are once again sent to investigate. What they find could change the course of the galaxy's history forever.
For there wasn't just one Treasure Planet out there --- there are six more, and each one has a dark secret.
And someone in the deepest reaches of space isn't so keen on letting anyone find the others.
Pirates, man-eating plants, rogue robots, carnivorous space krakens, and several grouchy Flatulan merchants --- the motley crew of the RLS Legacy and their newfound Equestrian allies will face all these and more in their greatest adventure yet. Loose the solar sails, ladies and gentlemen, and may the winds of the Etherium guide you on your voyage to glory.
Takes place before Season 9.
Looking good so far I think, there may have been a few grammatical errors here and there I think a re-read by you should be able to catch, but otherwise I think it's solid enough writing, and I look forward to the next!
What a good start.
An interesting premise, and a god start. I always thought Treasure Planet was underrated, so it's nice to see it get attention where the characters are more fleshed out like this. Plus, with this being the MLP universe, we don't have to worry about pesky questions like: "How can they breathe in space?" or "how can they travel between stars with breaking the light barrier?" and so on. Magic and wonky physics solves everything.
So far, you've done good work with characterization, especially on the Treasure Planet side of the cast. I like how you've kept the epilogue of the movie, with the captain marrying Doppler, and Hawkins joining the navy as well. Your pony (and dragon) characterizations are pretty good too, though we haven't seen the full breadth of their emotions yet. Your OCs are likeable and have nice characterizations as well.
Plus, your grammar is excellent!
Look forward to seeing where this goes; it has potential.
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Thanks a lot for the kind words! I'm glad you're liking the story so far. As for the ponies' characterization, you'll be seeing more of them in the next chapter, so I can start fleshing them out a bit as well. Can't wait to start writing Pinkie's and Starlight's dialogue.
this looks really good i love the treasure planet and I look forward to reading more.
there is only one thing that bothers me Jim call the planet Equus but they have not had first contact so why would the mapmakers name that planet Equus it makes sense when they have had contact with the ponies but it's not just them on that planet so I do not think the other creatures and their nations would have agreed on that name
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I knew someone was going to ask about that. Don't worry, I thought about that.
Ask yourself this: why is the map also on the planet? Maybe Equus has been explored before, a long time ago?
And if so, I wonder why nobody came back? Hmmmm...I smell a mystery!
And so the adventure begins! Im hooked! Keep it up!!!!
Oh boy, here we go!
Also, is anyone just waiting for Dash to be caught off guard by the speed of the ship? I can imagine it now:
Captain- "Brace yourself, Miss Dash."
Rainbow- "For what? With how slow this thing is going we won't even-AAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
crashes into the wall behind her
Can anyone else see that happening?
I look forward to this meeting
FIRST CONTACT APPROACHES!!!! I CANT WAIT!!!!
I DON'T like how Twilight is treating Spike here. This makes the depressing fan theory that Spike is just a slave to Twilight practically TRUE in here!!!!!!!
What's that supposed to mean? Is it because they have meant Pinkie, and are freak out by her antics?
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No need to freak out, I have no intention of treating Spike in a bad way; this is just the beginning of the story, and I really enjoy writing Spike in a very snarky way. Just remember that in the show Twilight can often get a little too excited about new things, which causes her to lose focus on other things (in this case, Spike having to lug all that stuff around without help). Spike will have plenty of moments to shine in this story, and Twilight's familial relationship with him is still just as strong as ever.
As for your other question about the author's note, you'll just have to wait and see. Fun times are ahead for everyone involved.
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Okay. I just feel a little sour on Spike's treatment in the past seasons, or even Neglect and Betrayal Fan Stories in here. And I'm not the only Fan that is upset with Twilight's or Rarity's behaviours.
...Really? Twilight? Epitome of bookworm and anxiety attacks related to even slightly peeving off her mentor; a prankster? Methinks it is Tia who has pranked Luna by insinuating that Twilight is a prankster to begin with.
i LOVE BEN, i'm so hooked, WAS I EVER DANCING WITH AN ANDROID NAMED LOOPEY??
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...I can neither confirm nor deny that insinuation.
Why do I have the feeling that Silver is somehow tied to the Guardian?
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I can confirm that the Guardian and Silver are completely unrelated to each other.
You'll have to wait and see.
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That's good.
Considering what he did to Ben, it would not be that out of place to screw with cyborgs
Well. Tempest and Graven will likely get along swimmingly.
Well, for the record that DOES work on Graboids
that Chapter Title, Soon may the Wellerman come to bring us Sugar and Tea and Rum, one day, when the tonguing is done we'll take our leave and.. goooooo~ i love that song, :3
in fact let's start a song, :D, i'll begin,
Ahem, There once was a ship that put to sea, And the name of that ship was the Billy o' Tea, The winds blew hard, her bow dipped down, Blow, me bully boys, blow, (HUH,)
And so the two arrows collide!!!!
This is getting tense!
cant wait for the next chapter!!!
Really dude!
Enough with the dark humor. Twilight and her Friends are definitely good natured beings, that they can't be "candidates" as "Overlords".
I mean, they already took down the other real villainous would-be overlords in the past, and reform some of them ( Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra, Tirek, Sunset, The Dazzlings, Starlight, Shadow Pony, the Storm King/Tempest Shadow, and recently Cozy Glow ).
I think it's possibly Billions of Innocents!
Considering that they are MANY MLP Races out their, besides Ponies.
P.S. Does the Young Six and CMC be involved?
Yes, she does know more than most think ....
Heh, Fluttershy was nervous about the Everfree despite Rainbow recalling all the times she's been there, and then what happens? She invites one of the most fearsome beasts there over to dinner at her cottage. Classic Fluttershy; we love ya!
He landed on an alien planet and decided not to take boots or footwear with him? That's gotta be a violation of the naval uniform code.
Also, apparently ponies speak the same language as every other sentient species in the universe, despite having no recent contact with them. Convenient plot devices are magic! 😝 (No offense intended; afterall we all talking about a crossover with a universe where space is breathable and interstellar, faster-than-light travel is possible using solar sails alone...which use said light to push them. 😉)
Still, despite the convenient plot devices, this story does actually take itself rather seriously, and you've put a great deal of effort into your characterizations, as is evidenced by Tempest's introduction here. I will say I personally would've kinda liked Grubber to be included here, kinda as a helper and solid support system to Tempest in the same way Spike is to Twilight (it's much easier to make a life-changing transition when you know you have a loyal friend at your back). But I'm sure you have much planned out for Tempest anyway.
Heh, I hadn't thought about Tremors in so long! Great reference! Now I'll haveta check and see if there are any crossover fics for that one!
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I meant the "grass underneath the feet" thing as more of an expression, but I see your point. I'll change the wording a bit.
Thanks for the kind words! This is my first foray into the world of fanfiction, so I was really hoping I nailed the characterization for the canon characters. It's good to know that it looks like I did.
And yes, I've got some cool plans for Tempest in this story. I love writing her.
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Nah, the Young Six aren't going to be featured in this story except maybe in a brief mention. Same with the CMC, although I might sneak in a cameo at some point. I just don't have any plans for them in this story, sorry.
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Well that sucks that they will miss the Space Adventure.
YES! Treasure Planet was an absolute GemStone of my childhood. Apologies, dear author, but you've got some expectations to fill! The first chapter has certainly impressed enough to leave me reading the second. Good start to this journey.
Now... Let's see the spread of your sails & just where your map takes us~
You captured the characters in this chapter quite well. Very pleased & eager for more. Also... this Graven is interesting. Hm.
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Agreed.
Oh.....boy.
This party will be EPIC!!!!!
Cant wait to see whats next!
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Well, "epic" isn't quite the word I'd use to describe it, but...well, no spoilers!
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Well good luck!!!
How did they know the name of the planet they've never been to or heard of before?
Also, of course the ponies have rum, despite the exact same drink known throughout the whole universe, even though they've never made contact with any of them (or did Captain Flint introduce them to it?)
And of course Jim knows what apples and pomegranates are, despite never having been to (or heard of) Earth or Equus. Fruit, like rum, is apparently, and quite literally, universal.
And Twilight dreams of Noble Prizes. Whether they are named after a unicorn who was named Noble by pure coincidence, or just named so because the prizes are given out to ponies considered to be of noble character, we may never know.
...in other words, Disney magic meets pony magic! 😉
Excellent characterizations. I love how you write Pinkie Pie. And Spike is pure gold here. He doesn't even have to speak, just point and deadpan, and he brings a princess to her senses; ha! Jimmy has their first impressions of the ponies (and dragon) down pat.
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As Jim said, the planet had been charted before, just not thoroughly:
The first chapter after the prologue also established this when they received their orders to go there (I just edited it to make it a bit clearer). And Captain Flint was on the planet a few centuries prior (we never really know his age or species in the movie so I made his species long-lived for this story, sort of like how some reptiles can live for a century or more and his species is vaguely reptilian), so it's certainly possible that he learned about the planet's name and then it just spread from there.
As for apples, pomegranates, and the rum...suspension of disbelief. This is a universe where space is breathable and where literally hundreds of alien races exist and yet most of them seem to speak the same language.
As for the Noble Prizes, It's actually more of a pun on the Nobel Prize, since MLP loves to take human words/names and mix them around a bit (Manehatten/Manhatten, Canterlot/Camelot, Vanhoover/Vancouver, etc.).
Oooooh, the band's getting back together! Can't wait to see how Graven reacts to Scroop!
Oh boy, new faces and old friends and enemies are johning together!
This is getting intense!!!
Planned to work on a writing project.
Saw title.
John Long Silver: "Change in plan, lads!"
And with Silver there, I get the feeling Tempest is going to have someone else to talk to!
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Oh, she's gonna have plenty of people to talk to soon. Maybe a little more than she had bargained for when she decided to visit Ponyville again.
Aw man, I hate cliff hangers
Pinkie grabbed Spike and shoved the small dragon in the alien's face. "Will this do?"
Odd how, in all their time and adventures in the Castle of the Two Sisters, Twilight and Co. never stumbled across the Pony of Shadow. I guess he could only appear if his name was called specifically?
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I had thought about the "Spike'd punch" visual pun, but I couldn't think of a good way to do it in the context here. Maybe at some point.
Well, this got dark really quickly! Then again, the Original Disney Movie isn't afraid for some action scenes, and even death/casualties.
P.S. Should we be concerned of Celestia from earlier?
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No spoilers!
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Really, now? Your pulling that card?
Very well, fine then!
Well, that is a promising beginning!! If the rest of this story holds true to this prologue, I think I just found my new favorite!