Number Fifteen
It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Twilight Sparkle was spreading friendship wherever she went.
At least, she had been.
It was but a mere fifteen minutes ago, the Princess of Friendship was at her local Burger King—the first one to have been opened in Ponyville, and one that she herself had been at the opening ceremony to. It was her that had cut the ribbon, and it was her that had the honor to order the very first meal there. She ordered a number fifteen: a salad with extra vinegar dressing. A colt who had to still be in high school gave her the order and she made her way back to her castle, trotting past a swarm of ponies that rushed into the fast food joint.
Back home, she sat down to have her meal. After a sole, single bite, Twilight spit the food out. It was terrible; low quality and tasted of something that made her stomach churn. She ran off to a nearby bookshelf, grabbing a six-thousand and fifteen page behemoth of a book off of it. She flipped through the pages as she rushed back to the table, running into several inadequate objects that cost her hundreds of bits to purchase, until she turned to the page that was needed at this very moment. It was then that she realized what she had tasted. That unmistakable flavor.
Hooves.
The distinctive taste of sweaty, fresh-off-the-market horseshoes was crammed into the dressing-coated lettuce. Twilight slammed the book down onto the table, shattering part of it. “Oops.” She lifted the book up and placed it gently onto the table and she turned to her meal. Her horn lit up and a magical aura surrounded the lettuce. Twilight narrowed her eyes, glaring angrily at the vegetable. Through the magic, she could see dirt particles on it, along with specks of dust. She cringed at the thought of another pony stomping around on such tasty veggies. The horror of what this pony could have done to the other food items at the restaurant.
It was just too much for her to handle!
“Hi, Twilight!”
Twilight dropped the lettuce, which landed on the table with a resounding lack of a sound, and looked to the doorway. Spike waved to her and finished up his gem burger. “Man, I don’t know how we went so long without a Burger King here!” He walked into the room and up to Twilight’s side. “Hey, what’s with the forensic lab setup you got going here?”
“Well, I’m very glad you asked!” Twilight grabbed the book off of the table and dropped it in front of Spike. “By using a spell made by Starswirl—one of the first ever made might I add—I’ve been able to discern this lettuce—” Twilight pointed a hoof at her salad accusingly— “was stepped on by an employee at Burger King!”
Spike glanced down at the book. “I see…” He looked up and rubbed his chin, narrowing his eyes. “May I ask how you know what hooves taste like?”
Twilight’s face went beat red, a few beads of sweat running down her face. “W-well, you see.” She coughed, and giggled. “I, uh… well, after Starlight became my student, I realized that I had the opportunity to, perform some experiments with a pony that I was close to.”
Spike raised an eyebrow. “And so you asked her what hooves tasted like?”
Twilight stomped a hoof. “That’s not important!” she snapped. “If we don’t find out why my salad tastes of somepony’s nasty hoof, I’m going to have no choice but to file a complaint against the Burger King, and I will not have the tabloids on my back about how I’m suing the restaurant that I cut the ribbon for!”
“You could just report it to the manager,” Spike replied. “I’m certain that he’d be more than willing to listen to you.”
“But what if he was the one who stepped on the lettuce?!” Twilight shivered and gulped. “What if I have no choice but to taste every employees hooves until I find out who stepped on the lettuce!?” She collapsed to the ground, shaking. “So… many… dirty… hooves!”
Spike rolled his eyes and muttered some incoherent mixture of swears and wishes for aliens to abduct him under his breath. “Twilight, you’re being melodramatic.”
“I am not!” Twilight shot upright and took on an aggressive stance. “Melodramatic would be me fearing that the pony in question had runner’s hoof.” Her face stiffened and her pupils shrunk as the words exited her mouth. She danced in place, letting out an array of nervous cries. “Oh no, oh no, oh no, what if—what if it’s contagiou—”
Spike slapped Twilight upside the head, grabbing the bottom of her head and bringing her down to eye-level. “Twilight, it was Starlight that stepped on the lettuce.”
Twilight blinked, a nonchalant expression on her face. She took a step back and cleared her throat. “What?”
“Starlight stepped on the lettuce. It was a prank set up by Rainbow Dash,” Spike said. “Rainbow dared Starlight to do it because she knew about what you two had done. She could hear your, uh, ‘sounds’ outside and decided to have Starlight step on the lettuce since we all knew what you were going to order at the grand opening.”
Once more, Twilight’s face turned red as a tomato. “O-oh.” She let out a nervous laugh and sunk backwards, her legs shaking wildly. “I, uh, I had n-no idea!”
“Sure you didn’t.” Spike turned around and exited the room, shutting the door behind himself.
Twilight dragged herself onto the couch and stared blankly at the salad bowl. A smile crept onto her face. She levitated the bowl over and picked up the lettuce. “Oh, Starlight, I knew it was you all along,” she said, holding the vegetable in her hooves with a lustful look in her eyes. She thrusted it into her mouth and chewed it, letting out a satisfied sigh as she swallowed it. “You taste so good…”
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Love how this went from a joke idea to complete story in about an hour.
9031087
You mean 6 months
The last thing you want have in a burger king burger is someone's hoof in it.
b u t t h a t m i g h t b e w h a t y o u g e t
9031087 I have so many regrets.
9031119 Funny thing is: I was curious if anyone had made a story about the meme since MLP has a tendency to spread to any and all memes that become even remotely popular (at least, that's what I've seen). When I couldn't find a story or even blog post related to this, I had the thought to do one. I was hesitant given how long it'd been, but since Star had (jokingly) told me to, I, in my infinite wisdom, did so. I am very sorry.
9031131 Read it in Chills' voice. Was as wonderful as I expected.
Number 15
9031344 B U R G E R K I N G F O O T L E T T U C E
9031345
#BestMeme
Lets try and keep the Likes/dislikes at an equal Ratio, for the memes
I thought this meme is dead along with ugandan knuckles and Logan Paul
9031459 Friend egged me on to write it. I'm a sucker for writing stupid shit, so I couldn't resist.
9031459
legends never die
Like to dislike ratio is perfectly balanced,as all things should be...
Does the end hint that Twilight had tasted Starlight's hooves before? And that that's what they were doing?
14 likes and 14 dislikes.
Perfectly balanced
...as all things should be.
You shall be tortured... WITH EDITING COMMENTS
Later.
That took longer than I thought.
I assume this is supposed to be "You taste so good..."? If not, you mixed up 'to' and 'too'.
I...don't like the implication in the last few sentences. Does Twilight have some sort of Starlight hoof fetish?
kek
i lik ur stry. is gud
9/10
Needs more hoof crust
This maed me feel like eeting my own toes.
This shit belongs in a museum. Fuckin' work of art
I came
10/10
How do YOU know what Starlight's hoof lettus tastes like?!
That ending...
Oh ho ho, no! Twi, you gotta be more quiet!
Keep your hoof fetish a secret!
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How on Earth did this story blow up? Where was it linked?
10584261
I saw it in the popular stories tab, so I guess the site's algorithm blessed you?
10584267
Maybe. I was just surprised to see it got 11 more likes. I seldom check this website as I have my own blog I operate, but I still check back here from time to time. This story was something I wrote solely as a dumb joke. Man, it amazes me that people liked this nonsense. Though hey, if it got you to laugh, it makes me happy.
10584261
It was in the featured box I think.
10584271
Cheap one-shot meme stories like this tend to do well provided they're somewhat competently written. Plays to the site's culture.
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Well, whatever makes people happy, right? Right...
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Eeyup. I liked it a lot.
10584261
...The Barcast may have something to do with it ;)
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I'm flattered.
smarttechbuzz.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/confused-7.jpg
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For your enjoyment! It was certainly for our enjoyment. (please excuse my upset noises during this, it's kinda my shtick.)
10627675
. It means a great deal to hear you all laugh at the nonsense.
You flatter me even more
what. the fuck. did i just read
Number 9: pony fanfiction
The last thing you want in your internet browsing is someones’ crackfic
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Don't make me write Chills in Equestria.
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I am partially intrigued and also partially terrified
Please do it
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I'll think about it. I haven't been able to write a crackfic in ages.
https://youtu.be/_F-2k_23yaA
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I have no regrets.
I read this in Chill's voice.
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Based.
9031167
Man I was so glad I managed to finish my Trash Dove story