Airship Mauled

by Darkonshadows

Character Sheet # 4 "Special"

Author's Note:

Well the last two chapters need to be written and finished now, but this is a special fourth character sheet chosen by a randomizer.

Also there is no such thing as 'that' society.

Name: The Cabbage Cart/ Cabbagus Transportus.

Race: Cargo Cart.

Gender: Hermaphrodite.

Orientation: Asexual.

Class: Destructible Object.

If you find yourself being crushed, abused or otherwise destroyed in a funny manner by the hero, villain or otherwise, then you are a reoccurring destructible object.

This class has one unique feature, the ability to be destroyed violently in numerous ways when someone is being chased.

You could be a chair, a table or even everyone’s favorite target in the middle of a chase… a fruit stand! Whatever you are, you’re possibly incapable of feeling pain… unless you’re a poltergeist that has to possess these easily and frequently destroyed objects.

Bio: At the turn of the century the first invention was made… it was a club. The basic broken tree branch to use as a weapon against predators.

Eventually someone would invent wheels and figure out how to effectively use them by attaching them to box like constructs.

Ever since the first cart was created, it was known to transport vegetables or other goods. In the case of a rickshaw, carts were used to transport people.

This cabbage cart was first made a few hundred thousand years ago, when the first cabbage was placed within it and moved a mile by the pony who owned the cart. It proved to be a joyous occasion, it would have been more joyous if the pony in question had bothered to transport more than one head of cabbage at a time.

It took almost three weeks to move the first twenty heads of cabbage. Eventually the pony in question would figure out how inefficient they were being.

The first cabbage cart was eventually destroyed in a meteor related accident and from that moment on the words ‘My Cabbaged!’ were first uttered, in whatever odd nascent language that was around at the time, the cart gained several incredible mysterious mystical properties. For one it can exist in multiple places at the same time on all planes of existence in Equestria, another is that anything carting cabbages tends to have a somewhat strong family resemblance with the very first cabbage cart.

Somehow, from the point that particular cabbage cart was destroyed, every race instinctively knew how to build a new instance of the cabbage cart. Every cart used to carry cabbages tends to meet nearly the same fate of untold destruction if left unattended or alone for too long when filled with numerous fresh cabbages.

There has been said to be a curse of Discord on all cabbage carts that have ever existed that eventually gets around to them, but Discord consistently denies that it is his fault and doesn’t understand why things happens to cabbage carts the way they do. If he ever finds out, he’ll be completely honest and will actually tell everyone the truth.

Even Discord doesn’t entirely understand the mysterious power of the cabbage carts as it has been happening for longer than he has been causing trouble as a Lord of Chaos, this phenomenon even predates him coming into existence to keep the world in balance.

No matter how much Discord tells anyone about it, no one ever believes him when he says he’s not the cause of what happens to cabbage carts everywhere. The only exception is a concerned Fluttershy, who either doesn’t understand the importance of cabbage carts or why Discord constantly insists that they are not his fault at random whenever holding a conversation with her.

No matter the era, the lowly cabbage cart would always eventually be reborn or rebuilt in new and interesting ways to carry cabbages again!

There are minor suspicions that the destruction of cabbage carts are a secret plot to discredit Discord or make him seem more clinically insane than he already is. Obviously no one believes anyone would be plotting against Discord or has the wherewithal to do so against someone so powerful using something so mundane.

Appearance: Usually a wooden, two wheeled cart, that is inevitably loaded full of cabbages. Sometimes comes with protective metal plating, others have four wheels and in the distant future it is a container with a science or magic powered hovering ability that still carries cabbages to be sold at the market.

There is no such thing as the secret society of ‘My Cabbages’! If there were, then people would have at least some hint of its existence and anyone who says otherwise is clearly a crazy person you should walk away from slowly.

Positive Trait/s: Carting.

Neutral Trait: Cabbages.

Negative Trait/s: Highly Destructible.

Racial Trait: Repairable.

Able to be repaired from any state or is capable of being fixed if damaged. Even if turned completely into sawdust, it will continue to exist again as another cart somewhere else at some other time and in some other form. So long as someone has a need to move something around, mostly produce of the cabbage variety.

Racial Bonus: Increased Carrying Capacity. Automatically adds points to strength.

List of Skills: Rolling Downhill, Violently Exploding.

Special Ability: My Cabbages!

Everything is alright with the world when this ability is used. The world could be coming to an end, but when this ability happens any apocalypse in progress will immediately be averted by the glory of cabbages exploding and sending bits and pieces of themselves all over the place.

Magical Talent: Carry.

Can carry a volume of almost any substances or objects, so long as it can fit within the body’s empty space.

Cutie Mark: Mushroom Cloud with a cabbage at the top.

Stats: Measuring from 1 to 10, 1 being weakest for given species, 5 being average for given species, 10 is strongest for given species. Anything above 10 for every 2 points has a title that goes from ‘SUPER-natural’ to ‘Demi-god’ to ‘Godlike’ to ‘Minor God’ to ‘Outright God Of This One Thing In Particular’.

Strength: Physical prowess of the character. 10*/10.

The cabbage cart is a beast when it comes to carrying things, especially this cabbage cart

Star Stat: Carting maxes out strength stat, if it hasn’t been already. Does not increase stat beyond 10.

Constitution: Injuries the character can take before death and the amount of stamina they have. 0.5*/10.

Well the cabbage cart has lived a good life, for about the next ten seconds after it’s initially seen in the middle of any kind of chase scene that intersects paths with it.

Star Stat: The ‘Highly Destructible’ trait lowers the constitution stat.

Dexterity: How fast a character moves or reacts to their surroundings. 5/10.

Like any other cart of the same make, it will have a similar speed when rolling down a hill.

Intelligence: Knowledge and the ability to use it. 1*/10.

You probably did not want to know that a wooden cart is actually one of many major focal points for chaos magic as a mobile genius loci. Though the ‘genius’ part of it is up for interpretation and great debate within the same vein as the philosophy of hummingbirds and bees.

Also any assertion that the ‘My Cabbages’ society exists because of the average intelligence of a cabbage carts is to be completely and utterly ignored. It’s just the mad ramblings spouted by a mad god named Discord.

Star Stat: In general cabbage carts and only ever have the one intelligence point.

Wisdom: Common sense, self-restraint. 0/10.

There is no common sense with cabbages or the carts that carry them. Even if the cart had the wherewithal to have common sense, it would not be able to act on it by itself or warn anyone of any impending doom.

Charisma: Leadership, persuade, adorable antics. 6/10

The cart is not elegantly constructed, but those are some good looking cabbages at the very least.

Luck: Determines if good or bad things happen. ?*/10

The luck of a cabbage cart is in its placement and timing, before it pounces like a honey badger into the path of a chaser or it is more sufficient to say it tends to be pulled into a chaser’s path by the one being chased. The luck of anything involving this character is questionable at best.

Star Stat: If bad things happen to the cart, good things inversely happen for the owner of the cart, its luck is therefore questionable at best.

Skills: What is the character good at doing?

Rolling Downhill: If your character is good at this, then they likely have wheels or have a body for handling rolling around at the speed of sound. Going downhill isn’t a problem at all for the character in question.

In any case the character can hit with a large amount of force, like a truck even, but will take always take some recoil damage from whatever is hit. The larger the thing hit, the more recoil damage done.

Violently Exploding: If a twelve to fifteen year old kid pops you out of a ball and immediately yells, “‘Insert name here’, use Explosion!”, would you seriously listen to them and immediately spontaneously combust in an utterly violent manner? Then this might be the skill for you, it ultimately drains all your constitution down to ‘0.01’ percent health. So it’s theoretically survivable!

In any case this skill involves being self-destructing as if someone just pushed the big red button just to see what happens. In the case of this character, ignoring the call to run past them in a chase is a bad idea. It will cause negative chaos particles to build up to a point that the soonest something touches it, it will go up in a completely volatile manner that would make no sense otherwise if chaos magic wasn’t somehow involved.

To this end, your character has to have one point of intelligence. Just enough intelligence to be angry that someone is ignoring the need to run by you, but not nearly anywhere near close enough to being smart enough to understanding that violently exploding is a bad thing.

This is not related to the 'My Cabbages' society in any way, shape or form, because said society does not exist.

Exploding twice doesn’t help make things better either, but has been known to happen infrequently to things in Equestria.

Traits: Natural positive, neutral or negative things about the character.

Carting: This positive trait allows you the strength to carry an excessive amount of weight, in return you tend to lose less health with excessive pressure being placed upon you.

Cabbages: These are your best friends in life, up until they are scattered to the four winds and leave their remains all over the place. They don’t help you in the slightest and they aren’t exactly a hindrance either. They tie into the positive and negative traits Carting and Highly Destructible respectively.

They are sold for monetary value, but also makes for an impressive form of fireworks display that doesn’t necessarily need fireworks. Whether these heads of vegetation actively attract trouble is left up to interpretation.

Highly Destructible: They say pop goes the weasel, but the weasel just really likes popcorn and nobody ever considers the mulberry bushes feeling in all of this.

In this case however, your character is basically made of glass in a Chineigh shop run by minotaurs with extremely short fuses and are exceedingly easy to anger just for saying a single word even if it was to start an entirely normal sentence as a proper customer of said Chineigh shop. Oh and the shop is also full of lit candles and bundles of precariously placed dynamite sticks.

As you can already tell, there’s a reason this is a highly negative trait, this automatically put Constitution at a number lower than one, but higher than zero.

This trait is mandatory of the Destructible Object class.

Worships: Farmers, the ‘My Cabbages’ society which obviously doesn’t exist.

Loves: Cabbages.

Likes: Carting.

Dislikes: Being useless or kept in storage for too long.

Hates: Being ignored or avoided in a chase where it would ultimately be destroyed.

Allergies: Chase scenes.

Most known for: Blowing up Shining Armor with no regrets, of which Shining Armor had many afterwards.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

The Cabbage Cart is in the same Class as Sekhet/Airships, and Jackie/The Blackcap?

Wouldnt the CMC have little toy carts full of Sprouts?

[Herald of Opera]

Worships: Farmers, the ‘My Cabbages’ society which obviously doesn’t exist.

Hey, lots of people worship things which obviously don't exist, and nobody religious can get annoyed at me for saying that because they think the same thing about all those other religions.

Oh, and Mythbusters managed to literally get a bull into a (mockup of a) china shop. It turns out they're actually smart to be careful around things that aren't currently sharp but will become so if you break them.

[theblackwolf]

!!!YESSSS!!!

We finally know the truth.

[Darkonshadows]

10316099

Well I did say they have short tempers and added the dynamite and precariously placed candles...

[jimerjam]

I must say that although i enjoyed the beginning, the middle was not as good for me and by the end I was just bored.
I will aplaud you for the exellent story. But I will say I am glad it is over

[Darkonshadows]

10455876

No, not at all.

I still prefer instrumental version of 'Can't Defeat Air Man' though.

[Fresnor]

Rather fun read, though a few holes stood out. Such as Leviathin not being the target of a revenge riddle, and the fact that Jacky never found out the name of the pole eater. As a side not for Jacky, she seems to have a hidden trait that influences her Blackcap Curse. While she constantly has bad luck going on around her, it seems that eventually enough of it builds up to cause massive backlash ending with a single instance of impossibly good luck. Can't escape her home for years? Suddenly meets the one person to take her away and gives her a family. Destroy ships for years? Get a ship that is high indestructible. Even more instances of it throughout her life, and it's always a massive swing.

[Darkonshadows]

10501109

Can confirm, she's so unlucky that it full circles quite a few times.

You'd think the luckiest she's ever been is when she used the cursed coin, but Teatime flipped the coin first and it gave him bad luck and the end result of him having bad luck is that Jacky's flipped the coin and temporarily got neutral luck out of it on a twenty five percent chance for it to happen.

Jacky still gets chased, has explosives chunked at her and is nearly crush and drowned, that's what her luck was like while it was sitting on neutral.

As for the ten foot pole eating monster? It's called a Egneversmd. (Pronounced something like Eegin-ever-smid)

It is otherwise known as DM's Revenge spelled backwards, it's a creature specifically engineered for getting sustenance off of specifically ten foot objects. Usually adventurers poles.

Thanks for enjoying.

[Mocha Star]

Starting this tomorrow,I how to be done by next Friday. Here hoping given the response thus far.

[Pensive]

10728634
Same thing happened to me. Been a while since I've seen this story. Hmm, last time I read this story I was halfway in chapter 52... Perhaps I should get back to reading this one again.

Even now I'm hoping jade comes back soon(Well, there was that one time... But that spoilers!)

[jimerjam]

10853125
a horse???

[Fresnor]

Second read and was disappointed three things never happened. First, two words- Spaceballs Pukwudgies. Second, casting chocolate milk. And third, Snickers and Cadance teaming up.

[Screw]

[Kieren]

I'm super impressed ! This story is so cool, very refreshing, and OH so funny.
I really don't know why it's so underrated, it's one of my favorite story by far, and I read a lot here since 2012.

Thanks again for this, the french guy I am really needed that =)

Have a good life Darkon, you earn it !

Hug and kisses 😘

[Heretics Everywhere]

Well then, the story is over. I have nothing to say but I love it, My most favorite story on this site.
Probably going to read it again soonish.