Sombra has returned and has control over the Crystal Empire and all of northern equestria. Most of Twilight's friends have been captured, unable to stand by and watch Twilight confronts him directly. Will she be able to stop him and at what cost?
This is something in the same vein as soarin and is just me practising writing again. Since I love writing action scenes and badass Twilight moments I wrote this. Typing and editing this took me 35 minutes so it their is any mistakes please kindly point them out to me.
Cover art is not mine and is more of a placeholder. The art belongs to Anzhyra.
Like I said it's a placeholder so if anyone wants to make a cover for this then please go right ahead!
If this story gets 100 likes I'll make a sequel.
Chapters (1)
For God's sake, I hope not.
8814294
You obviously didn't like it, why is that?
8814749
So, the reason I didn't like it is because it was just too violent and inconsistent and edgy. The characters were out of place, there were spelling and grammar errors galore and so on.
I think if a bit more work in the refining process was put in it'd have been better.
8814755
I can understand spelling errors, but i don't get the rest. The story is mostly meant to be a fight scene set in an AU. Also complaining about being edgy and violent is a bit odd when I have put a violence tag. Could you elaborate more so I can understand?
So... this is a dragon ball z crossover, right? It's a bit... melodramatic.
8815618
No just something I did on a whim.
*waits for more*
Can you use the Long Description box for a summary of the story too? It's nice to know the notes behind it but I got no clue what the story is about.
8815888
Hmm yeah that's something I should definitely keep in missed. Thank for the advice, I don't know why I didn't think of doing it in the first place.
8816003
It happens.
8814749
oof, you should space out the action into different paragraphs to make it less intimidating and easier to follow.
The bigger the paragraph, the less likely it is to be read. The biggest paragraph is nearly 1/4 of your story. (405 words)
a description would be nice, so i know the gist of what i'm about to read
Description is meant for the story. Authors Note is for your personal notes. I don't have a clue what this story is about.
Nice descriptions, but many errors.
8816231
I'll keep that in mind, thanks for the advice.
8816745
Could you point out the errors so I can avoid them in the future.
8816517
8816479
Yeah I know I'm just now getting around to it. Thanks for pointing it out though, it really helps.
8816790
ah much better, thank you
8816844
No problem.
What do you mean by that? Did you write a story starring him or something?
8817426
Yes I did. In fact the story was named soarin.
There's alot of consistent errors, i.e "your" instead of "you're" suggesting that author either doesn't know grammar or doesn't care. And that is said by someone for whom English is third language. This can't be an accident, because one of those error is first word of the story. It's impossible to miss.
Offencive, tandrals, collor... and factual error that Twilight's magic isn't lavander, it's purple/pink.
Paragraph devision is horrible. And villain is as flat as floor board... with alot of "WHAT?" going on.
8914914
Um thanks for the help. I have problems with your and you're because I really heavily on spell check.
I've always had problems with spelling and I'm still working on it.
As for the color of Twilight's magic... that's a bit of a nitpick don't you think? I said her magic was lavender because that's the I perceive it as.
I thank you for pointing those out and I'll attempt to fix them in the near future.
No.
9063299
Okay
More?
I want to see a sequel.