Featured In28

More Stories4

  • T Love and Barriers

    A young colt saves Cadence from some bullies; a couple decades later, she finally gets a date with him.
    16,501 words · 2,351 views  ·  376  ·  4
  • T Designing Intrigue

    Rarity uses her wits and social skills in service to The Solar Throne as a spy
    11,814 words · 5,065 views  ·  422  ·  5
  • T Rites of Ascension: Fireside Tales

    A collection of small, self-contained, often single-chapter mini-stories set in the Rites of Ascension universe.
    7,101 words · 1,274 views  ·  227  ·  2
  • T The Rites Encyclopedia

    A collection of silly, fourth-wall-breaking, bite-sized skits explaining and expanding on the world of Rites of Ascension
    8,417 words · 1,514 views  ·  211  ·  3

Blog Posts242

  • Today
    When it rains... (Update 10/21/14)

    Hello everyone.

    I don’t have anything new to report on the medical front just yet. I still have the symptoms, still have the nightmares, and everything else I’ve been talking about.

    I do, however, have an update on the housing front. Unfortunately, it is not good news. The inspector finally came around, and we ran into a giant wall of red tape. Due to a small mistake, it looks like I won’t to be able to move until at least January.

    Now, let’s back up a bit and let me explain the full situation.

    Our landlord is trying to build a new structure on a different property. This new house has a detached garage that is already mostly built. Over this garage is a one bedroom loft-style apartment. We’ve been trying to move into that for months.

    The problem comes in with some technical classifications on the building permits, and the fact that this is a detached garage with a loft over it. (It would be easier if this was an attached garage.) Now, this can be corrected, but the city is fairly backlogged, and getting it done is going to take until at least January.

    The main building, sadly, is nowhere near as complete. The loft needs gas, Internet, a small amount of work in the bathroom, and some appliances. After that, it’s done. The house itself, meanwhile, may not be completely sealed and insulated by the time the cold weather rolls around. We’re getting close to that point, and I’m even helping the install of the insulation since that’s something that doesn’t hurt my hands, but we have a long way to go. If the weather turns especially cold before it is fully insulated, we will have to shut off the water to both the house and the loft.

    Even if we pull off the insulation in time, it is not legal for us to inhabit the loft space. At least, as a residence. Now, we might be able to move in anyway, and just accept the punishment if some inspector does come around and finds out about it. There is no criminal violation there as far as we can tell. That being said, as I am a permanent resident and not a citizen, we are trying to be especially careful.

    There are a number of regulatory tricks we can employ here, but none that will get around the wait time the city currently has. So, the priority is to get the house completely sealed and insulated so we can keep heat and water active. Then, we are going to focus on finishing a particular corner of the house that has a suite. Worst case, we can move into that suite first before any of the others are ready. That, however, probably won’t be until spring.

    As such, I’ve been looking to find a middle ground. It’s become clear that I’m not going to be able to type any time soon. Any typing I am doing is either through voice dictation, like this blog post, or on my phone. As you can probably guess, using a phone for typing out a story isn’t exactly something that’s viable.

    Unfortunately, I still don’t have any privacy here. There are times during the day where I am the only one here, and that’s what I’m trying to utilize. However, it isn’t always viable to do so. I often have other things I must do during these times. In addition, I’m probably going to have to seek out a part-time job fairly soon, which will cut my available time even more. (The doctor gave me clearance to work provided the cash register isn’t too high up physically.)

    Even without having to pay for health insurance, things are still really tight. There are a number of factors going into this, but the truth is that we are starting to run fairly low on funds. Fortunately, even a part-time job, as long as I actually get hours, would be enough to stabilize things. I don’t even need to work a huge number of hours. An honest, reasonable, part-time job would probably stabilize things enough. (Even though I dread the idea working retail.)

    We’re also trying to work something out so that I can use my voice to try to write a little bit more frequently. The current idea is to transform the loft into a kind of office. The law says that I cannot stay there as a residence, but it says nothing about sticking a computer in there and using it to write. I just have to go home to my normal place of residence to sleep. As long as there is heat and water, this should work.

    Now, this won’t be without some kind of investment on my part. In order to pull this off properly, I’m going to have to re-purchase the voice dictation software. The voice software that I’m currently using is on the desktop computer. (This needs to stay at home because my wife often needs it for work.) The desktop computer is a PC. My laptop, however, is a MacBook Pro. A fairly old MacBook Pro. I’ve tried running Windows on it in the past, and it is outrageously slow running Windows, and it also chews through the battery extraordinarily quickly. Even just booting into Windows is going to guarantee at the laptop also runs rather hot. I’d also need to re-buy Windows to pull that off. (I do not like using pirated software.)

    Thus, I would have to repurchase the voice dictation software. Now, the dictation software built into Mac OS X is actually the same algorithms that I’m using right now. But it has a lot of the features stripped out. Features that I am going to need if I’m going to be writing fiction. So, I do need to repurchase and hope I do not get the problems talked about in customer reviews.

    The MacBook could also stand to see some upgrades. It’s a model from mid-2009, and it’s certainly starting to feel its age. Its battery is also basically toast. Thus, it would make a lot of sense to replace the battery, and also upgrade the hard drive to a solid state drive.  Those of you out there who are running their operating system on a solid state drive know the difference it can make. Not only would it breathe new life into the machine in terms of speed, it would also help its battery because solid-state drives have no moving parts and use far less power than a hard drive.

    So right now the idea is to try to upgrade the laptop and get it the software necessary for voice dictation. In addition, we have rescheduled the plumbing and gas inspection so we can at least get heat to the loft and eventually the house as well. As long as I have water, heat, and electricity, I can treat the loft as an office. I’ll pack up my laptop in the morning and take it to the loft to do some work in privacy. I’ll even pack up my modified desk/table/thing and chair and take it over there. Purchasing a microwave would also probably be a good idea.

    Now, since I’m not actively writing, and editing is going so slow, I’m not able to have a Patreon account at this time. I’m going to have to spend an awful lot of time practicing with voice dictation in writing before I can really get up to speed. That being said, I am looking into how to set up a PayPal tip jar up in the bio. Once I manage to figure it out (last time I tried I couldn’t quite get it and just said send it to cvbrony [at] gmail [dot] com) I’ll put it up, but at present I have no plans to constantly advertise about it. It’ll just be up there in the corner. The hope is that soon I will be good enough with voice dictation software to get up to speed with writing again, or somehow I’ll be healed enough to resume typing. At that point I can set up a Patreon account properly.

    I should have another blog coming up soon because my next doctor’s appointment is tomorrow. Hopefully things won’t be cancelled and moved again.

    I also want to thank everyone who sent me positive comments or private messages in the last few months. Well, last several actually. I know I haven’t been able to respond to you guys because I’ve been trying to avoid doing typing. I want you all to know that is very much appreciated. Many of them were incredibly personal and heartfelt and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’ll see about trying to get back to you guys at some point.

    A few people have also mentioned the idea of switching keyboards or keyboard layout. I do have a rather new ergonomic keyboard that I have been using. It isn’t enough to simply use that and watch the pain go away. I tried using it and the pain just got worse. I think the injury is bad enough now that no matter what keyboard I use it is simply going to get worse if I do a lot of typing. Switching to a different keyboard layout would also necessitate a rather lengthy adaptation period. The amount of time it would take to get used to a new layout is honestly probably similar to the amount of time it would take to get used to voice dictation. Since voice dictation has an extraordinarily low chance of furthering the damage to my hands, I’m going to be using that.

    Again, thank you all for your incredible patience. It means the world to me. You guys are amazing.

    -Cv

    7 comments · 122 views
  • Friday
    No news is bad news in this case (Update 10/16/2014)

    Doctor office called me this morning and cancelled the appointment. Apparently the doctor was not in the office today. The new appointment isn’t until October 22. So I have another whole week to sit here and slowly lose my mind.

    In addition, the inspector that Violet and I are waiting for has not shown up yet. The initial appointment to examine the new building was Tuesday. Tuesday the sixth. He’s now a week and a half late. Until this inspection goes through, we cannot move. Until I move, I can’t write via voice. They’re still just no privacy here where I’m at right now.

    Also, it appears real life is crushing all of my editors. So editing has been extremely slow lately. It doesn’t help that I cannot type in a chat to communicate with them right now.

    The initial two week rest my doctor initially prescribed hasn’t borne fruit. While my hands might not hurt quite as much at idle, during typing, they are as bad as ever.

    The nightmares are getting worse all the time. I simply can’t get a full night’s sleep anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to do to get to the next appointment. The doctor thinks this is a repetitive stress injury. If that’s the case, it isn’t healing anywhere near as fast as he predicted. The way the symptoms are manifesting also lends itself to being neurological rather than an injury, at least in my uneducated opinion.

    At this rate, I am seriously considering switching doctors. The only good news I have to report is that I did get an MRI fairly quickly. It was last Sunday. So, the results should be in by the time I see the doctor again.

    I’m just getting roadblock after roadblock after roadblock. Treatment, painkillers, privacy, a good night’s sleep, I need something. At this rate, I can kiss any kind of career goodbye.

    -Cv

    17 comments · 196 views
  • 2w, 1d
    Further News Update 10/06/14 (Please Read)

    Hello everyone.

    I wanted to elaborate on everything that’s been happening, however, until now I have not been able to use the computer to type up a new blog post. I also wanted to discuss the issues surrounding the voice recognition software.

    As I have stated in the past, using voice recognition software to write the story simply is not an option at this time. The reasons break down into two primary factors.

    1). The biggest issue is that where I currently live, I have no privacy. My wife and I rent a room in a house with a large number of other people in it. I cannot stand it when people look over my shoulder to see what I am writing, so speaking it all would be even more problematic.

    2) The second issue is one of neuroscience. Put simply, writing by voice and writing by typing are two very, very different things. At this point, writing by typing is second nature to me. I can write as fast as my fingers can type. Before this injury, this meant a pace as high as 8000 words per day. In addition, I was able to maintain a level of quality I have never achieved before. I was ready to write original fiction, I was getting that good.

    Writing by speaking is much, much more difficult for me. I have to spend a considerable amount of time on every sentence to think of what I want to say, and even then, the quality does not match what I have been doing before. It is going to take a considerable amount of time and practice in order to get as good as I was with typing. In addition, this injury prevents me from doing any real work. Even in the retail sector. Which means, I have no income. This makes things even more difficult.

    The doctor suspects that this is a repetitive strain injury. Although some of the symptoms may disappear as soon as a few weeks from now, provided I don’t do any more typing, the actual injury could persist for years. This means that, were I to resume my old pace any time soon, the injury would simply reappear. In fact, I may never be able to write that fast again.

    One of the big issues with that is that a professional writing pace typically means between 8000 to 12,000 words per day. In order to make it as a writer I have to be not only good but also capable of producing about that much content. Writers make their money by selling their copyrighted material. The more copyrighted material. We have to sell, the greater our potential. This does not mean that quality is not an issue. Far from it. In fact quality is critical, because if your writing isn't good, no one will buy it and it will not matter how much you have to sell. However, unless you are George RR Martin, you really do need to be prolific.

    I was using Rites of Ascension as something to launch my writing career. Something to practice on. While I got better and became more of a capable writer. It also doesn't hurt that I can point fans of Rites to my other works when they are done. The original plan was to find a part-time job doing something else so that I could have some income while I did this. My injury, however, precludes this possibility.

    Even worse, it precludes my ability to complete Rites at a pace I was truly hoping for.

    Now, I have tried this software. In fact, my MacBook Pro actually has it built in. OS 10 Mavericks has a dictation tool that is powered by the exact same software as Dragon naturally speaking. Apple basically just handed Nuance a giant bag of money to use the algorithms. (Love them or hate them, the one thing everyone has to admit about Apple is that they do have giant bags of money.) I found the software to be surprisingly accurate. But, the software built into Mavericks is not sufficient for my needs. In particular, it does not have a way to add a custom dictionary. When writing fiction, this is absolutely necessary. In addition, its ability to use Google Docs is shaky at best. Most of the time it just doesn't work.

    Also, the reviews for this software are not particularly good, especially on the Mac side of things. Apparently, there is some kind of critical blog that makes writing anything of substantial size very difficult. This is a shame, because I really, really like using my Macintosh computer over my desktop PC. The PC version had complaints and reviews of install failures. However, those who got it working seem to find it pretty good. Hence, I went out and bought the PC version. I’m actually using the software to write this blog post. There would simply be no way for me to write all this with my hands the way they are.

    Now, it is going to take me a very long time to get used to this. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask for everyone’s patience once more. While the story won’t change at a high level, the quality in the details is going to suffer a little. It is also going to be much harder to do editing. Which is going to decrease the quality further.

    The other issue is the aforementioned privacy issue. Before I can get back to work on Rites, I must move to a place where we have more privacy. The good news is that plans for this are already underway. The bad news is, it may be a little while before we get there. Even worse, this is going to be a more expensive place to live. In the best case scenario, we could have this new place by the end of the week. In the worst case, it could be months longer.

    Once I am set up in the new place, I’m going to need some help. The software does not use Google Docs that well. It does however integrate pretty decently with Microsoft Office. I am going to be looking for someone to help me. While I am getting used to the way the software works, there are inevitably going to be a ton of mistakes. One of the most common mistakes is going to be missed. Punctuation. This is going to be especially true of quotation marks. I’m going to need a person or a small team of people willing to do an initial editing pass on everything alright with this software. This is not necessarily full-blown editing (although if you spot a more complicated mistake, you are free to point it out), but rather a light pass to catch mistakes as I make them, so I don’t have to focus quite so much on that. This would save me an enormous amount of trouble. Note, however, that use of Microsoft office will be required. In particular Office in the cloud, which is a lot harder to get away with not paying for. In an ideal set up, this person would correct things as I write them.

    I’ll post more details about this after the move.

    Now, as for the injury itself, we aren’t still completely certain as to what this is. It could still be that I have a pinched nerve in my neck, and I have an MRI scheduled for this Sunday to determine that. If it is a pinched nerve, plans change up a bit. However, the doctor is pretty confident that this is simply an RSI.

    My hands ache very frequently. I have pain in the joints, as well as in the muscles. Even a small amount of typing causes them to hurt very badly. This means that I am no longer able to participate in the chats as things stand. I might find a way to make Dragon work with them, however, that is still in doubt.

    Even worse, the pains have gone up my arms and into my shoulder and neck. This is accompanied by a pins and needles feeling. From the symptoms, I was fairly certain it was carpal tunnel. However, the test has ruled that out completely. This whole thing has been absolutely devastating, emotionally and physically. The nightmares still haven’t stopped.

    That having been said, I cannot just stop. As I have pointed out, I am currently basically unemployable. The only avenue I have left is writing. If I stop, I become nothing. So, I cannot give up. I literally have no other choice but to move forward using the voice dictation software. This is going to take a lot of getting used to. It’s going to be one hell of a bumpy ride.

    I hope and pray that the move is going to take place as soon as possible so I can get back to work. I have had a string of terrible, terrible news days. About the only thing that’s gone right in recent memory is the smooth move to Canada. Do not get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful to the cosmos for that having gone smoothly. But I need a little more luck than just that. As soon as I am settled into the new place, I will resume work. It’s going to be very slow going at first, I can tell. The only way to fix that, though, is practice, which needs to happen after the move, which has already been delayed over and over. Here's hoping that it actually happens this time.

    I have started the commission for the new cover art. The first payment has already been sent. The artist is Silfoe, and you can check out her works over here in this link.

    Note to editors: I’m going to need your guys’ help more than ever.

    Bear with me everyone, as this is got a lot more difficult. Thank you again for sticking with me after so many issues.

    I’ll post additional updates as news happens.

    -Cv

    P.S. Please forgive any typos. I'm not near used to this software yet.

    20 comments · 372 views
  • 2w, 5d
    Bad news

    Guys, I got back from the doc. He thinks it's a repetitive stress injury. This could go either way. There's a good chance I'll not be able to type professionally ever again. I'll know more in a few weeks. Until then, I'm going to be almost silent, holding on to the tiny embers of hope I have left.

    I'm sorry.

    39 comments · 366 views
  • 3w, 3d
    Lines everywhere

    I'm at the Edmonton comic con. In a line 100 people deep for food. Crazy busy here. Will update this blog post as I move around.

    Update

    Lines were so bad we left via LRT to find food. 25 min, no movement.

    Wandering around now.

    Watching costume contest thing. In theory. Video playing right now.

    Heading home now.  

    2 comments · 97 views
  • ...
 2,281
 14,695
Source

A different take on alicorn ascension. Sixteen years after arriving in Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle is excited to have invented a brand-new kind of spell, but it will come with consequences she cannot possibly anticipate. Meanwhile, threats in shadows around the world conspire to overthrow the Solar Throne. With her world turned upside down, she will have to come to terms with the role that fate has dealt her while straining to keep Celestia in power.

Now with a TVTropes page! Please show it some love! Also check out the official side stories, Designing Intrigue, and Love and Barriers! (With even more in my stories page!)

(Please Note: This story was started before any season three information was available. All episodes in season three and later are non-canon for this story, which also means there's no Crystal Empire in this one. In addition, the promotional map released close to the beginning of season three was also not available and is not compatible with this story. While the OC tag is active because there are OCs in the story, they're really just supporting characters. The focus is on Twilight.)

Also be sure to check out the Rites of Ascension Expanded Universe Group! We're working to develop the resources needed for other authors to try their hand at writing stories set in the Rites Universe!

The cover art was lovingly created by the fantastically talented Violet Squiggles! Author's Notes, including proofreader's credits, can be found here!

"This is 100% Approved by Twilight's Library!"

First Published
22nd Jul 2012
Last Modified
30th Aug 2014

Hello everyone! Thank you for reading my story!

First off, I want give a HUGE shout out to my editors! I'd be lost without them. In no particular order:

John Perry has some really fantastic stories and you should all go and favorite all his stuff. He’s been a huge help for me.

The Equestrian Gentlecolt lives up to his name. He definitely knows his stuff!

werewolf435 tore my story a new one, and it is much stronger for it!

FanOfMostEverything put a lot of effort into this and it’s hugely appreciated! Everything is much snappier thanks to his help!

AlicornPriest has put some serious thought into his editing and it shows.

Bronymaster has become enough of a fan to be willing to make this story one of the very, very few he still edits for. Thanks Bm!

I also want to give a massive shout out to Kobalstromo, who has been a great friend to me here on FimFiction and is also writing an alicorn Twilight epic. His new version of On Wings of Change is just mind-blowingly-good. You all should go over there and favorite all his stories and comment that his writing is much better than mine, ‘cause it is.

I also highly recommend that everyone that writes join the Author Support group. It's a wealth of advice and aid for starting and veteran writers alike!

Please feel free to leave comments! I love seeing comments from readers!

I write in large blocks and do at least two passes through the editors. I have 40,000 words in the first block; enough for seven chapters plus the prologue. Chapters 2-7 are undergoing final editorial review. Chapters 8-11 are still being written.

I do not schedule writing or posts. My muse comes and goes. Stuff gets posted “when it’s done”. If I gave you guys a timeline, that would just jinx it, trust me on that one!

I have no idea how big it’ll wind up being in terms of words. I’m bad at predicting that stuff.

Expect some innuendo and violence and dark moments, even steamy and violent moments, but no explicit sex and nothing “gore for the sake of gore”. It also won’t get grimdark, I can’t read grimdark so I definitely can’t write it.

Standard disclaimer applies, I don’t own MLP or it’s characters, just the story and my original characters, blah blah blah. The cover art was made and is copyrighted by my wife.

Awesome story and I look forward to more, but at this point I'M SO VERY CONFUSED!!!

>>951512

LOTS will be revealed in the coming chapters! :pinkiehappy:

I hope to get chapter two out as soon as editing is done, possibly chapter three as well. Things will slow down after that so I can keep a buffer.

..................................... :rainbowderp:

Dude... I don't think words exist for me to say how good that was... Just... Wow. :twilightsmile:

>>951535

Thank you very much! :pinkiehappy:

Interesting concept, most Alicorn Twilight stories make the change instantaneous, it's refreshing seeing a progressive ascension instead of instant growth to the size of Celestia OR Luna, the sudden appearance of wings and a bigger horn just because.

I´m interested in where are you going to take this, although if your inspiration to write is going to be erratic I'd rather wait a day or to for each new chapter than finding myself tomorrow with chapter 7 and then waiting and unpredictable amount of time wondering when the next chapter is going to be released. I'll be seeing were this goes.

>>951560

Thank you!

I don't plan on dumping all the chapters out at once, only the first few as editing is done to get exposition out there. After that it'll slow down to about the pace of my writing, but I won't release any chapters in the current "block" I'm writing so I can keep the near-term foreshadowing accurate (among other reasons).

Also, the gradual ascension was definitely on purpose. I didn't want to just give her all that power, especially on an adventure story. And, as you noted, a lot of Alicorn!Twi stories do that already (better than I could do in many instances), although there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Some of my absolute favorite stories on the site do that, and they're fantastic! But I definitely wouldn't stand out amongst that crowd of established stories if I went that route.

So an "Equestria plunging in to civil war" sotry that doesn't involve Celesita being villain? Count me in

>>951587

Yeah, I'm definitely going for a more nuanced story than the typical "Rawr! Celestia evil now!" (Not that such a story couldn't be both good and nuanced, mind, but I doubt I could do it justice anyway and there's already a LOT of them.)

Hmm rites of ascension got the idea from this story ?

Story :3

Either way, i like the story and keep it up :twilightsheepish:

>>951915 actually I'm fairly certain a lot of inspiration was drawn from this story, as well as a desire to explain a few things in CV's headcanon about Tia.

At any rate, I love it. Good work man, it took all of two months to prep; but you finally got it out.

Cheers, best of luck, and let's see where this takes you.

Love and tolerance,

-Koba

Enjoying it so far, keep up the great work :D

It will be interesting to here more about the why of this... :moustache:

:twilightoops: Oh Twilight, you should have learned from your encounter with Discord that somethings are impossible for a good reason. :moustache:

Glad I kept an eye out for it.

Sent here by JohnPerry's blog. On my Read Later list. Looking forward to it!

A well written Twilight becomes an Alicorn story?

Count me in for the long haul! :yay:

Wow, it's finally up. Cool. I'm glad I was able to help, and I look forward to more.

Well, this is definitely looking up to be one epic story. I'll be eagerly awaiting the upcoming chapters :pinkiehappy:

Normally I'm not really fond of chapters that follow minor characters up until they run into one of the protagonists (who inevitably ruins their day,) but you kept it short and to the point, so I can't really complain.  Normally it's also a bad idea to go for ominous foreshadowing before you have the reader's attention/interest/suspension of disbelief, but "okay guys, we're gonna KILL TWILIGHT SPARKLE" is blunt enough to avoid that, so I can't complain about that either!

So, good job!  Keep on not screwing up—that's how it works :pinkiehappy:

Sent here by both The Equestrian Gentlecolt and John Perry, and I am glad they did.

Sounds very epic indeed, and I love what you have written so far. Looking forward to more! :twilightsmile:

Wow. What an infodump. If the story is moving this fast to start, I shudder to think on how I'll keep up. Excellent work and I eagerly await the rest as it comes!

Oh, that line. "Welcome to the alicorn race." Wow. Oh wow. That just hammers it home, doesn't it? If I'd really been paying attention to the description of this story, I would have known this was the case, but I still managed to figure it out when Celestia was telling her that Unicorns can't cast magic through their hooves. She isn't telling you it's impossible to cast magic through your hooves Twi, she's saying unicorns can't do it. Oh man, This is going to get good, and I always, always love a good story about powerful Twilight. Love 'em to death. I can't wait.

This is an awesome story.

Though, I have to ask: Why is it always Twilight? Why not one of the other Mane 6? Why not a background pony? Why is it Twilight who becomes an alicorn?

Hm... a new fic idea has just taken hold.

Faved, liked, looking forward to more!

>>953671

Actually, there is one about Fluttershy becoming an Alicorn, but I forgot its name. And "Duties", featuring all of the mane 6 as alicorn (I think, I've never read it).

Anyway, making Twilight an alicorn is probably seen so often because it seems to be the most logical choice. Canon built Twilight up as the most powerful unicorn known about and she has close ties to atleast two, but probably all three of the alicorns known up to date. Her studious nature and huge knowlegde about the arcane would also increase her chances to somehow stumble about the secrets of the Alicorns and her positions as element of magic and all-team coordinator as well as her overall demeanor establishes her as a pony capable of a leadership position. Besides, while we did see some more stories featuring another mare of the mane 6 in a prominent position, Twilight can still be considered the main character of the show.

So, all together she is probably just the most logical choice in concern of alicornification.

>>953782 I know. I just wish more people tried to rationalize the others as alicorns from time to time.

>>953671

>>953782

And Twilight is more likely to have an interesting story beyond just becoming an Alicorn. While the other characters could be involved in something interesting, it is less fitting.

For example, Applejack would be quite likely to stay on the farm and continue working as usual.

A good plot is very important to a successful story, so low potential for doing such things with the others is a big turn off.


Personally, I think "Twilight is an Alicorn" is very rapidly becoming a tired trope. It's second only to "Luna is SAD," in standard approach to writing MLP Fanfiction when plot twist is required.

Still, I liked this one, so I'll give it a chance. Can I see Twilight working as a second-class (ala Cadance) Alicorn? Maybe. Certainly not as a "Number Three Royal Pony Sister Super-Alicorn-GO" controlling the weather or somesuch.

Sorry it took so long to get to this but I had things to do earlier. I barely had time to read the prologue when I woke up.

Any way, now that I've read through this I have to say you did a really good job with it. The characterizations were well done and rather believable. NMM in the prologue still confuses the ever loving buck out of me, and while I have theories, and I'm positive that the prologue is there at least partially to get readers to start making theories and WMG's about that, you do an excellent job of keeping us in suspense and only giving out just enough information to build upon those theories but not enough to confirm or deny any of them. I find that to be an excellent way to both capture a readers attention, immerse them in the world your building, and to screw around with people like me who sometimes over analyse things like this. Honestly I usually don't get very analytical with stories, including those from games and movies, but when I do I find myself going along and enjoying the story more.

TL/DR: this story is awesome and you should feel awesome.:pinkiehappy:

Holy crap 64+ people hit that fav button :rainbowderp: I am just utterly blown away!

First off, thank you everyone for the compliments! I'm a feedback glutton and positive feedback is my fuel! :pinkiehappy:

>>954119

Yup, I want people guessing! And I'm like that too. Whenever I'm real into a story I try to make my own head-canon as to what'll happen next episode/issue/whatever and I'm almost never right! But it's sooo much fun!

>>954047

I kinda is, but I still love it, which is why I wanted to try a more unique take on it. I hope I succeed!

>>953917>>953790>>953782

There are some others that try to alicornify the rest of the Mane 6 but so far Twi's been the most interesting to me. Probably because she's so damn adorkable!

>>953572

The show itself is fast and loose with continuity and usually doesn't have the production time for a lot of worldbuilding, so I have to rush out a lot of exposition at the start. [sings] "Exposition, exposition, rush it out A-S-A-P!" [/sings] I try to make it interesting using heartfelt stories from Celestia and [spoiler]. This does mean I'll have to ignore future episodes that Joss me, but oh well.

Also, soon there's going to come a time for show instead of tell! :rainbowdetermined2:

>>952329

Truth! Go read this guy's story, people!

>>953438

I'm glad my story overcome those stumbles! It means a lot coming from the author of Sharing the Night! :yay:

I haven't seen any Twilight is alicorn fics where the change is gradual, you have my fave for that and good characterization. I'm looking forward to more world building too, I like what I've seen so far.

A question- Celestia seemed quite upset, but from the way ascention works here, shouldn't she be expecting Twilight to become an alicorn? Celestia took her as a student because she was ridiculously powerful from the start. Why wouldn't she warn Twi about it well ahead of time to prevent panic and magical disasters?

So Equestria and the Spoilers for Season 3 are the only nations left with Alicorn protectors and the other pony nations have been on their own for 4000 years.  One of those nations envious of Equestria's wealth and good fortune is the most likely candidate for the fic's antagonists.






>>955431

Actually... well, some of my response I can't yet say because of aforementioned

BUT, I will say this: don't assume ANYTHING in season three or later counts in this story. It goes purely off of one and two. If the two conflict, my story assumes said episode(s) never happened. There's no way I can go back and re-write stuff when I get Jossed, 'cause there's a LOT of world building that will be introduced will inevitably be in conflict with later episodes, I just know it.

HOLY S####!!! Two chapters in (prologue included (obviously)) and this is already freaking epic. COUNT ME IN!!!:pinkiehappy:

Much more engaging than the first chapter, I have to say.  I guess this could explain a few things; I mean, it must be awfully difficult to murder a pony who is flying through the air on flaming hooves :rainbowlaugh: (if indeed this is even the same night)

"Screaming like a little filly and flailing one’s legs about is not one of them”

Kinda nitpicky, but the 'and' here feels at odds to the usage of it as a singular action ('one of them.')  "Screaming like a little filly while flailing one’s legs about is not one of them," would be my suggestion.

"[...] a warning of what the Unconquered Sun was capable of."

Exalted reference? :pinkiecrazy:

Also, not sure why but I felt there was some awkwardness about giving the last alicorn aside from Celestia and Luna a name, or Celestia's usage of it.  It could just be that the title of "Lord" gets used by all the wrong people though, or maybe I don't have the feeling she would be using the title?  Maybe I just  felt like he should have been introduced with a "his name was" rather than just slipping it in, I really can't say :unsuresweetie:

Anyway, a couple of hiccups here and there, but overall it looks interesting so far.  I like the idea of Discord separating all the nations by growing the world—though it tested my suspension of disbelief when it was implied that ponies hadn't figured it out yet.  Mathematicians have known the circumference of the earth since around 240 BC and didn't need to leave their country to do so, so I'm not so sure about that.  Math, how does it work, right? :derpytongue2:

>>953671

>>953782

There's also one with Rainbow Dash as Celestia's daughter, which is one of those things where you look at them side by side and go "...well OBVIOUSLY."  I liked the original one-shot more than the sequel that another author did, but it's neat enough.

>>954047

This might seem a little ingenuous—me being  an author of a certain other alicorn Twilight story (at least, I am when I actually get around to updating it :fluttercry:)—but I'm a firm believer that any concept can be executed well.  A good concept can attract readers and provide an author with a myriad of opportunities, this is true  Also, as a representative of the subject matter, the concept certainly can and will define your audience.  Ultimately though, a body of work has to stand on the quality of its writing to be considered good by those who DO read it, and the concept—along with the quality or number of others who have used it before—become less important in the wake of the actual content that makes up the story.

TL;DR: Concepts are like book covers, comic book art or kittens—attractive, but ultimately irrelevant.

>>955724

Thank you for the feedback! It's an honor to get such detailed thoughts from you!

And there are going to be references ALL OVER this story! :trollestia: (Including at least one already-written one to Sharing! :pinkiehappy: Another Sharing one got a bit too obvious so I had to tone it down. It's not as funny, but I want to try to make them somewhat subtle, not just a meme dump.)

Glacien is named specifically because

Ah crap, that's right, I can't reveal that yet X) Well, there's a reason!

As for the size of the world, I was worried about that and it's a weak point I haven't been able to shore up 100%. But, in-story, there are additional difficulties that Equestria has that Earth does not. For one, the position of the stars keeps changing due to Luna's influence. (And there's a thaumatological (sp) explanation for that even when she's gone, too. In fact, there's a reference to it in chapter one! See if you can find it! :pinkiehappy:) Another problem is that even at great heights the sheer size of the world makes figuring out the curvate rate tricky. The globes are actually a mis-mash combination of past maps and what new geographical data than can uncover. Two more issues are, well...

You all CANNOT POSSIBLY IMAGINE how much fun I'm having with this picture :D

Anyway, thanks again for the feedback Cast-Iron!

I like this explanation for alicorns.

Leads me to wonder if pegasus ponies and earth ponies are incapable of ascending, or it's just that much harder because their natures are expressed in much less blatant forms.

Very interesting, I like how you've got things for Spike and your pacing is quite nice.  Celestia's sad stories are sad enough, and momentous, but they're sad, not whangsty, and I like that a lot too.

Write on!  :twilightsmile:

I did read OWOC and my only complaint about the first version was that it was taking so god damn long for Twilight to grow those wings. Plus she's freaked out about the feathers like holy shit did you never go through puberty you silly mare! *pant* *pant*

Anyhow. Came here because of Equestrian Gentlecolt. I've been craving for a good adventure fic for a while now and this looks like it might satisfy this itch. Ponies, especially Twilight, ascending to Alicornhood has gotten pretty bland for me, but this might actually go someplace.

I will keep an eye on this good sir. Have a good one!

>>955361

You might also ask why she never taught Twilight proper self-defense magic (She doesn't use a dedicated combat spell until the changeling invasion) when she expected her to recover the Elements of Harmony.  Sure she didn't stand a chance against Nightmare Moon directly either way but the elements were still in the heart of the Everfree Forrest and its denizens were likely to be stirred up big time by the unnatural night.  One random pack of Timberwolves or a Hydra that had nothing to do with NMM could have ended everything.

>>955995

That always did bug me! I have a flimsy explanation with... well, that's spoilers too. :applejackunsure:  But I can't hope to resolve all the Fridge Logic in the show, it's a kids' cartoon after all.

This is a very well written piece of work, and I really look forward to reading more of it. I do have to note that the TITANIC size of Equestria's world (It's bigger than Jupiter! :pinkiegasp:) creates some... interesting results with gravity. Celestia weighs about 14,309 pounds or 6490 kg on a planet that size, assuming it has an Earth like density. It by no means detracts from the story however. The more you know...

>>955995

I actually thought she was taught to defend herself, she uses a miniature version of Shining Armor's shield spell in the Discord and Gabby Gums eps, and the Ursa didn't give her much trouble. My assumption was the Changelings were the first mooks she encountered that she didn't have a problem damaging. The manticore and ursa weren't really malevolent, they were just wild animals, so I assumed she wouldn't want to damage them. The dragons are intelligent, even if they're brutes, and they cooperate with each other enough to migrate together. Attacking one might lead to a crowd of pissed off dragons descending on the antagonist. The hydra was a direct threat, it would have made sense to use combat magic on it, but then, in that ep she seemed to have forgotton she could teleport too :twilightoops:

The only time Celestia withheld really important information (as far as I can tell) was in the Nightmare Moon intro eps, and it made sense there. If Twilight had gone into Ponyville looking for ponies to wield Elements of Harmony, instead of looking for friends, she might have tried to force her friendships and failed to forge real bonds.

I can see your point though, we don't really know what sort of preparation Twilight received for her role as an Element, and my last argument on the Celesita/NMM disclosure is a bit weak because she had years to send Twilight out to make some friends but still waited until the last day :trollestia:

>>956465

This would be true! The grav WOULD extremely high, but remember, this is Discord and crazy magics we're talkin' about here. Logic doesn't need to enter into it :raritywink:

In fact,

Damnit X) Must write more! So much I want to saaaaaaay but can't because of spoilers! :rainbowdetermined2:

Also, thank you for the compliment!

Thought it would be more appropriate to reply here. Bear with me please, it's going to be a long comment.

Firstly, you're welcome for the fave. I'm already liking this story because of how it seems to be pacing itself nicely.

Rather than this: Transformation-->Shock-->Adapting-->Resolution

You have this: Shock-->Transformation/Adapting/Ominous world-shaking conflict-->Resolution

A nice variation from the overnight transformation that seems to be the norm for this type of story...about purple magical unicorns obtaining magical powers beyond comprehension. Maybe "norm" isn't the right word to use...

Also like how you had Celestia flat-out tell Twilight she is ascending into alicorn-hood (that's a word right?). Nicely decompresses the situation, so that we as readers and Twilight herself now have a vague idea of what is to come so that the story can move on from there. Twilight gets to deal with the initial shock almost immediately into the story, and we can (presumably) get into the flow of the rest of the plot and the big conflict alluded to in the summary. At the same time, because you are making this a more gradual change you managed to avoid revealing the rest of Twilight's transformation and we get to come along for the ride as she deals with said changes as they occur.

Backtracking a little now. Loved seeing Luna in the prologue. It was a little disorienting since it dives right into an assassination attempt on Twilight with no context but it certainly serves its purpose as a prologue in grabbing attention. I particularly like how you didn't really show what it was Luna was doing to that mercenary, letting our imaginations take the vague descriptions you gave us and scare ourselves with thoughts of what Luna can do when she's feeling protective.

And now my favorite part of any epic story, the worldbuilding. Oh, the worldbuilding!

Glass Desert? Loved it. Well within Celestia's power I imagine and a terrifyingly impressive display of power and sacrifice on the part of Celestia's soldiers.

Discord expanding the entire world to try and get the upper hand in an ancient war? Very cool. Considering in the show he demonstrated he could wrest control of the sun and moon from the Royal Sisters, mess with gravity, and just about anything else he puts his mind to, expanding the world certainly sounds within his abilities.

Other alicorns? Kind of ambivalent on this one. I'm generally of the opinion that having many alicorns in a story detracts from the nice duality of Celestia and Luna but I have seen it done well (The Immortal Game aka Ponies Make War being a prime example). At the same time it is clearly established that the alicorns are mostly gone in this continuity so I can't really object to something that isn't there. Although you did mention one specifically by name so I'm curious to see how he and the other alicorns' impact will play out.

I'm eagerly looking forward to the next chapter. Out of curiosity though, may I ask if this story is currently completed and is simply being posted chapter at a time? Some of your prereaders' blogs alluded to events later in the story (no spoilers) that makes it sound like you have the whole thing more or less written out already.

Best regards

Alfalfa Falafel


>>956788

Thanks for the feedback, and you pretty much hit the nail on the head! :ajsmug:

It's not very spoiler-y, so I can do ahead and say that you shouldn't worry about me tossing in overpowered gary-stu/mary-sue alicorn OCs that muck things up. I know that puts people off, it puts me off too, it's not going to go down like that, period.

This story isn't anywhere NEAR done. I've written 65,000 words and it's not even remotely near done. But, I've got a buffer going. I work in large blocks to maintain consistent near-term foreshadowing. I don't have every detail of the story planned out like Koba has his, but I have high-level long terms plans fairly solid. The big events I can foreshadow at any time. The smaller details aren't always known until a few chapters before I start writing them, and even then they can change. Working in blocks lets me make the right foreshadowing and set characters up to react the way I need them to. I will never post a chapter in a block that isn't done, because stuff is too fluid then.

To give you an idea, the first block encompasses the prologue through chapter seven, and is about 40,000 words. Even then, a LOT of stuff happens in those 40k words. That block is mostly done, the remaining chapters are just on the last editing pass now. The major events aren't going to change at all.

The initial writing of block two is... eh, half done? It's really, really hard for me to estimate this stuff so don't quote me on that. After that, it goes through the editors, I fix stuff, and then they edit that. THEN it's done and ready for posting. While I wait on editors to look at a block I normally start the next one.

That's my process :twilightsmile: I'm doing this as practice to write original fiction eventually. FimFics gives me a wonderful community to practice with and great characters to start on.

How long will the whole story be? Pfft, I HAVE NO IDEA! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

-Cv

>>956856

Thanks for explaining your process. I have tried my hand at writing a long fanfic (not MLP) and made the mistake of attempting to chug through it all and post each chapter as it was written. As you can imagine plot holes sprung up like mad, threads of half-formed ideas ended up left dangling and eventually I had to scrap the darned thing because there was no way I could resolve it in a satisfactory manner. :pinkiecrazy: Maybe that works for some people but it didn't for me.

So kudos for being far more prudent than I and taking this "block" approach to writing :twilightsmile:

40,000 words in the first block alone? No idea how long it will actually be? :pinkiegasp: Music to my ears good sir! :pinkiehappy: I do enjoy a nice long epic tale. But I assume you already have the end in mind, at least in general terms? That way you know what everything else is building up to.

Again, looking forward to your future updates and thanks again for taking the time to reply.

Best,

Alfalfa Falafel

>>956885

That's EXACTLY the kind of thing I'm worried about. I hope to have "episodes" or "missions" that can be relatively stand-alone but each has a tiny piece or three leading up to the major crescendos, with the last few in an arc dealing with said crescendo. This SHOULD, in THEORY, minimize major plot holes.

The best way to avoid them is to take Koba's route and plan the whole damn thing out down to the minute, but I'm too indecisive to do that. Stuff changes too quick, I'll be making plans for eternity and never writing. It just won't work with me. So, I have the major players in mind and what they'll do, and I'm filling stuff in around that. I'm also carefully planning stuff already written, which helps find conflicts. Worst case (if this works as it should in theory), there are some OCs that go sadly under-utilized.  

-Cv

Tentatively tracking, mostly because TheEquestrianGentlecolt was recommending this. Let's see if it descends into the usual Infinite Power Wank or not.

>>956923

Fights and action will happen and will fluctuate in power and intensity over time - but not all obstacles can be smashed so easily with power alone! A sledgehammer has an awfully hard time attacking a shadow directly, after all. All you do is wind up damaging the floor!

0 39849 627848
Login or register to comment