After the events of "Broken Spirit", things couldn't be better as everything is once again in perfect harmony, and Equestria has gained a new guardian. When things first begin to affect the land, nopony pays much attention until utter destruction begins to take hold, particularly on Equestria and the realm of Disarray. The rulers of the lands find themselves powerless and desperately seeking the source of the madness, unaware of the darkness they will find in the truth.
Now Discord, the princesses, and the six must team up with an old foe to find answers, and fast. As secrets are revealed, the realms suddenly find themselves launched in a war against the threat, and in the midst of the journey, Discord finds himself becoming more acquainted with his background than he'd like to be, as questions are answered. Is he really the product of demons? And what was his life before he ended up in the care of Aegeus and Astraia?
Intrigued as hell about this- great premise
Sequel to 'Broken Spirit'!?
BUCK YES!
So much WIN!
SEQUEL!
Please, do go on
Oh goody goody, we're back in action! And my oh my did Discord behave at the wedding. That's married life for you. Already she's tying him down. Poor fella.
I can't wait to see what Maelstrom and Nefarious look like.
Well, maybe not Nefarious. He seems like he came down with a nasty case of dead. But Maelstrom seems like he could be a pretty nasty guy. He's already geared for being the most sinister babysitter of all time from the looks of things.
YES!
*before reading* Sequel? to broken spirit?! insta like and fave!
*After Reading* i knew i picked the right choice in insta liking and faving
Hello, what be this? A sequel to Broken Spirit? I'd say this is worth a gander...
(Later)
SO MUCH WIN!
Loved it!
Only one problem.... how the heck does equestria know what mexico is? xDDD
933177 They have Ponyxco.
933180 I'm... not sure if I should feel stupid or not for not understanding your joke... (Wait; was it a joke...?*Feels more stupid*)
So much foreshadowing...are the "babies" in Tartarus Changelings?
Btw, insta-faved!
looks great!
just like your last work.
can't wait to see where this goes.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_grin.png
So much
Wow looks great, but I guess I have to read Broken Spirit first to understand what's going on, right?
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The short version is that Discord got out, Twilight accidentally beat him up, Fluttershy took care of him, and then he married Celestia. But it's equally awesome, so go read it anyway dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
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And what about the realms or Aegeus and Astraia?
I think I won't understand sh*t, if I just dive into this one without knowing anything about the universe.
I guess I just have to read Broken Spirit then.
Normally I don't touch "Discord-has-a-change-of-heart-stories", because I like Discord how he is and I think Equestria already has enough good guys.
But I will give it a try anyway.
Let's see if it's worth it.
1011867 If you don't want to read it I can give you a quick summary on each chapter. :D
1011867
I don't remember the realms bein introduced prior to this, and Aegeus and Astraia are Celestia and Luna's parents and Discord's adopted ones. (MEGA SPOILER: he kinda accidentally killed them but it wasn't totally his fault if I remember correctly.) (It's also totally worth it
)
1011904
)
No thanks, I think I will survive it.
It's nice of you to offer it, though.
But I would feel kinda bad asking the author something like that.(Also I don't want to look like a wuss
1012177 Ha, well I just know that not everyone has a lot of free time and "Broken Spirit" is kind of long, with chapters ranging between 12-19 pages so I wanted to make it easier for you. ^^ In any case, hope you enjoy the story. Only the first two chapters have been professionally edited by my editor, but story wise it's still a nice read. I think so at least. :D
You don't know how much I'm with you on that last point. There are way more stories with Screwball in them than stinkin' Fleur...
Always love to see new updates from you!
1013571
>"professionally edited"
Oh stop it you c:
1018194 You know it's true.
You dislike derpy?
Okay not that I LOVE her, but she's adorable.
Okay seriously. An excellent update and a hell lot to worry about for the future. I hate maelstrom already.
1083473 Yeah, I dislike her. She may have a tiny bit of a part in this story just because it'll be a big story, but I dislike her. The character caused so much drama it's unreal, and she isn't even that great. I mean, anyone can make a Derpy. Just make a dumb pony with kooky eyes. She's just like a GIR or Cheese from Foster's Home, ya know?
Oh yeah, Maelstrom is a dick. But I love him. He's my baby. My evil, evil baby.
Hmm, this is like The Stand, pony edition. Captain Trips strikes again! And you were right, I did love the ending.
1083489 Dude, we authors love our original characters. the evil ones included. sometimes the evil ones get more attention than the good ones. your evil baby is such a son of a evil baby that I want to stove his face in.
Thats a good thing because that means your villain creates a sense of revulsion in your readers.
I can't wait for the next update. How the hell is discord going to deal with being a father... with a plague on the loose... and a few more disasters to come...
1083540 Oh yeah. Villans are the most fun to write! I wrote one villan, and he was an evil mofo! But damn, he was so fun to write! It's so fun to have him making witty comments, and just downright evil acts. Let your bad side out!
1083625 I SUCK at villains... I don't have the witty touch, i just make him evil... but not nearly evil enough... I wonder if that's a good or bad thing... That's probably why my current story has situational villains and the characters faults fighting against each other instead of actual singular villains...
1083659 Mine mixes the two. Two characters will be arguing back and forth, and while they're doing that, the villian is pulling the pistol from his holster and cocking it. And while villians don't have to be witty, it does help. They don't even have to be funny in the least, just have them be dynamic. A villian could be a straight up cold mother fucker, and be cooler than the funniest character. My favorite villian archtypes are: The bald headed, black suit wearing assassin, who will not hesitate to plant a bullet in your skull for a price. The girl with a MAJOR grudge against the main characters, and nothing to loose, to the point of her going to great lengths to kill them. And finally, the guy who Is just an evil dick.
1083659 Hm...villains are hard in general. The first thing you need to decide is what kind of character you want him/her/it to be. Are they gonna be a manipulative bastard like Discord? A villain with a sick sense of play, lethally charming, and down right evilness like Maelstrom is? Or do you want them to be all out destructive? Most importantly, what's their story? What made them evil? Were they born evil? Is it a tragic villain in which a trauma has made them evil? Or is it a little bit of both? That's what Maelstrom is.
Most importantly, you need to think about what you want your readers to feel. Do you want them to feel sympathy because of their situation of why they're evil? Do you want them to be afraid? As for me, I want my readers to downright hate him for his malice, but love him because he's a cool character. I want them to feel intimidated by this dick (that sounded hilarious) XD
Those are the first things to think about with your villain before you worry about appearance. I drew Maelstrom after I figured out everything. Trust me, it takes time to make a good villain.
1083809 Muahahahahaha... would be the most appropriate in this situation. Thanks for the pointers!
My bet is that Applejack died in the hospital however Discord brought her back, we know he has this ability because in the story "Hearths Warming, Hearts Breaking" also written by Cryssy-miu. Assuming this is true that means that no pony affected by this plague has recovered yet, except Applejack due to Discord's intervention. So when the doctor says that some will die and some will live that assessment is based on him believing Applejack simply recovered, and if im right then this plague has killed each pony it has had contact with.
Now this "Plague", i doubt is a plague at all more as a knife than a sickness. Now a sickness, virus, plague are all based on the body, immune system, age, hygiene, etc... Now each person's body or in this case pony's, will deal with a sickness differently. (Ex: Time it takes for the body to fall to the sickness, how fast or slow the stages of the sickness progress, etc..) Anyways the way this "plague" has progressed, it doesn't seem like any kind of plague or sickness. There is no transfer between ponies it's simply they just get it, there are no survivors (excluding Applejack)
Back in the 1900's and before if you poisoned someone with a poison that left very faint physical evidence but stabbed that same person multiple times as well, then the police or whom ever would believe that the death was caused by the stabbing. Now if you sliced someone's Jugular vein open it won't matter who you do that to they will still die no matter what, if they are not assisted. Maelstrom i believe is doing this with his magic, not the Jugular part but rather the definite kill method. And if you shroud however he is killing the ponies with body symptoms before they die then it would have the appearance of a plague.
Also if it does turn out that Applejack just so happens to be the first to survive the plague without someone or something's help then that will be a red flag for bad writing because she is important to the story and that is why she must live. And unless Cryssy-miu explains why and how she survived and was the first to survive it will be a slight dissapointment.
Anyhow this story is great it is definitely one of my favorites, well this whole set of stories that connect to each other that Cryssy-miu has written.
1084019 Ah...hmm...quite an analysis that I will read more in the morning. XD Indeed in "Hearths Warming" Discord says he can bring back the dead, but just to a point. If the victim has critical damage that impairs with the spell than he can't. Say for example they die from severe organ failure, then there's nothing he can do. It's the reason he couldn't bring back Fluttershy's mother. Technically, he could bring her back to life, but only into a body of disease where she'd only die again after being in more prolonged pain. This plague's magic however he can interfere with. Applejack is only the first to show signs she'll be well, but that doesn't mean she'll be the only. You are correct in assuming Discord's power can easily bring back a victim of this disease. However, Maelstrom's magic exceeds far beyond Discord's, and thus attempting to bring back the lives of everyone in Equestria would kill Discord because it would take all the power in him, including straining or ending his own life. He is incapable of bringing back everyone and thus, he keeps the fact he can bring back somepony from this illness hidden or else ponies all across the land would be begging for him to help them. If one of the girls, especially Fluttershy or his sister died than obviously he'd bring them back no questions asked. for obvious reasons.
Anyway, you've read farther into this story than I've even put out. XD And you've already figured out quite a bit with this analysis.
1084060
Now the way that Applejack recovered, further defends my thoughts on the possibility that Discord did bring her back from the dead. One moment she was dreadfully ill/dead and then the next she was seemingly good as new, which could only mean Discord. Now referring to what you said about Discord's ability to restore life, Applejack's body seemed fine as soon as she was revived/resurrected. Which means that her body didn't sustain any physical damage due to the "plague", what this does bring to light is what could of caused this sickness?
The brain controls your body, thoughts, emotions, etc... Now when it comes to the brain, we know that it can be tricked and manipulated by drugs, stress, injuries, perceptions, etc.. I believe that all the physical symptoms "Fatigue, shakes, dizziness; the victim becomes disoriented and stumbles a lot. The heart can go really erratic if it's a bad case." are mentally based. If a outside force, in this case magic from Maelstrom, were to mess with a person's brain (pony's) to make it believe that it is suffering some illness the pony's body would take on physical symptoms because the brain thinks it should.
An allergy is created when a person's body can't properly deal with certain things, like dust, pollen, food, etc... Since their body can't process it right it tries to remove it through sneezing, in more extreme cases the body freaks out and produces hives, swelling, blood pressure spiking, etc.. The point is, the body can't deal with the objects even though the object isn't harming them. Which validates my point that the brain can be tricked.
Now for the Resurrection that that Discord were to preform on Applejack that would require her body to not have taken physical damage from the plague. Should this have been the Black Plague or Tuberculosis where the body it's self is injured there wouldn't of been anything he could have done. However this is not the case, she bounced back from death to taking in seconds, which means that what ever was affecting her was most likely brain oriented. People can die from too much stress, pressing on the actual brain tissue for too long and hard, forgetting to take your next breath (Alzheimer Disease), etc... A lot of ways people can die are based around the brain.
Now what im thinking is that this "plague" or rather the magical force Maelstrom is using to implement this death upon the ponies is going after the brain when it reaches a new target it's metaphorical knife goes into the brain (which is all the symptoms) and the twist of the knife (the instant kill which causes the death.) Think of it this way using too much power causes the fuse to blow except only Discord can repair the fuse. If it was this then it would be simple to get the brain and body going again.
Your saying that Maelstrom's magic is well beyond Discord's, i wish to challenge this. The land of Order is the physical realm which is home to Equestria, where as the land of Chaos is the physical realm of Discord, and finally Tartarus the land of the Dammed is the semi-spirit/semi-physical realm ruled apparently by Maelstrom.
TARTARUS*ORDER~CHAOS~TARTARUS*ORDER
Chaos is the middle realm between order and tartarus as you wrote before, now when Discord is in Disarray he is basically absolute in power (it seems), now should a being whom is all powerful in His realm leave and travel to a neighboring realm he would never be his 100% in that realm. So should someone from the land of order or tartarus travel to Disarray they would never be at their 100%. Lets say that their power is now at 83% maximum, this 83% becomes their new 100% while in this realm. Now the larger the jump between realms the larger the difference in power becomes. Since Tartarus is semi-spirit/semi-physical realm (it holds the dead who were the most evil while alive and the imprisoned (like Maelstrom
)) the farther you go into tartarus the lower your abilities will drop.
Peculiar case for Discord though, if this were to work the way i described it above it would mean that Discord would lose part of his power by entering the land of Order and it would continue to decrease should he travel into tartarus. Now this i could understand how his magic and power would be much under Maelstrom, however should Discord force him into the land of Chaos Discord would be at full strength and nearly a match for Maelstrom. For story purposes Maelstrom would still be stronger and thus needing the bond between friends to strengthen each other while they fight to stop the enemy together. (And they all lived happily ever after till the next bad guy comes in) Quite honestly im hoping that you write a cooler ending such as after everyone has given their all Discord still fights on no matter the cost but realizes that in all his Chaos his life has become so touched by Harmony that he realizes that his life is truly Organized Chaos. He would then be magically pulled apart by Chaos and Harmony because he would embrace Harmony as well as Chaos so he could win and each of his body parts grows into its corresponding animal but in a chaos form or something. And after Discord wins his body reforms back into his normal self and whatever else ending
NOTE: I am NOT trying to tell you what to write really at this point im just writing what ever im thinking. Most of this is just thoughts and possibilities on how some of this stuff would be possible. Also that last part (the cooler ending than the of course ending that you can see from a mile away) was stupidity wrapped in bad writing. I have high hopes in your ending it shall be marvelous!
Furthermore i noticed that you dodged saying if Discord did or did not resurrect Applejack
Well, he took that better than I thought he would.
I've been waiting for this!
Excellent chapter! I wonder what an alicorn/draconequus hybrid baby would look like...
Oh, and just for the sake of it.
As someone who's scared of really sick people or any hospital equipment id have to say...Great chapter! Will their child be both Alicorn and draconesquus or will it be one with the qualities of the other? Personally i think it would be the best thing ever to have an Alicorn Screwball
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We don't actually know if Disarray is Discord's "home" realm, only that he rules it, especially since he mentioned it existed before he became its ruler.
There is definitely something more to the relationship between Discord and Maelstrom than what we know at present. It seems most likely from Discord's dream that he is a demon or something similar, and that his mother managed to send him to Equestria to protect him. It wouldn't surprise me if Discord was Maelstrom's son since that is the general trope for these situations.
That ending...
When I read Maelstrom's "gift" to the changelings, I wanted to yell "What's the catch?!" Surely he's not doing it out of the kindness of his heart.
Ten bits says it will irreversibly corrupt them into monstrous slaves to His Chaotic Jerkiness.
1087877 He's a friggin demonic psychopath--of course it isn't out of the goodness of his heart. XD He only gave that gift to the changelings because he's using Chrysalis to get the mane six, and the royals to Tartarus and he can't have her die on the way there.
At first it was ADORABLE DOOM AND BLOOD AND EVIL! YAY! but then the wedding was all HAPPINESS DIABITIES! HOORAY!
I was half expecting Discord to start singing a polka song in the middle of everything.
Not that shabby for an unedited version, gotta say.
Screwball is just precious in this. I still can't believe there isn't a character tag for her, but they give one to Philomena and Hoity Toity. I just don't get it...
I'm excited to see what sort of dynamic we'll get with this bunch on their journey. There's no doubt that the Fluttershy and Discord relationship is adorable, but after a whole story around those two, it's going to be refreshing to see more of how the other characters interact with each other, Discord, Screwball, and Chrysalis.
Hm.
Certainly in character but they should realy have made a few backup plans there considering that their opponents seem to have the very rare but nonthless dangerous trait of being competent :)
Is it possible to do something like an anchor for quick teleportation in the setting?
Hmm, this version is pretty good. I see only a few missed capitalisation in the dialogues. But there's one continuity error: Twilight already knows the way to Tartarus and back and the journey was shown to take one day (as it's evident from Spike's line in Season 2 Episode 20: "I wish Twilight would go on epic adventures more often. Best night's sleep I've had in weeks!"). Well, unless that was disregarded for your story.
Suddenly, a pulse of magic erupted from Twilight's horn and shot a colossal, magenta spark into the sky. It gave a loud, crackling pop, like a fire cracker. Everyone instantly shut up. Satisfied she had her friends' attention, Twilight gazed at the mares with a somber look. "Girls, we all have things we need to do...but Equestria needs us. It needs us now more than ever. We are the bears of harmony, and it's our job to protect our land against this threat. Maybe Tartarus isn't the source of the problem, and our journey will be for naught...but what else can we do? What other choice do we have?" She glanced back at Discord and Celestia, as if she expected them to give an alternative solution, but they stayed silent.
Bears of Harmony indeed.
1205313......Craaap. I completely forgot about that. I guess we'll say it was disregarded for the sake of my story. X_X