When the energy of the Crystal Heart shattered the evil King Sombra's body, everypony thought the ruthless tyrant destroyed. But it is not so...
King Sombra was more prepared for defeat than anypony thought. Deep within the frozen arctic, the Crystal Tyrant revives his body and reconquers the Crystal Empire overnight, incapacitating both Shining Armor and Princess Cadance in the process. Sombra has also learned from his past mistakes, wreaking havoc when the Equestrians least expect it.
War is coming, and Sombra has no intention of losing a second time. It will take all the strength of Twilight, her friends, and many of their previous enemies to stem the tides of darkness and stop King Sombra once and for all. And this time, the Power of Friendship may not be enough.
Rated T for some depictions of war violence and gore, along with some swearing.
Cover Art is not mine. It was borrowed with permission from KyssS90 on DeviantART.
Vassal state, eh? Interesting observation. I wonder if there's some history to be read here...
Very well-written, I'd have to say. I'll have to favorite this one.
The plot thickens!
Hmmm... Having read through this all I must admit a bit of a liking to this fic. However I also think you made a few bad choices in the plot which could have been done better.
First of all - pacing. Quite a lot of your fic seems to happen too quickly and I think you could really do with some more reference to a timescale so as to spread the attacks out a little. As it is, in reading it I couldn't help but feel as if each attack was almost literally happening the day after the previous one. Everything happened too fast and I think it could have been improved with more 'downtime' interaction - for example after the ponyville attack you could have spent a fair bit of time just having characters really reacting to what had happened. Especially true with Dash and AJ, who were pretty well primed for heart to heart talks with ponies due to having recently made their first kills.
That said your combat scenes seem pretty nice so far, I quite enjoyed the recent Griffon vs Obsidian Guard fight. I think you could maybe try and make some of the battles seem bigger and perhaps more chaotic but so far they've been more like mid-size skirmishes rather than full battles so that's not too much of an issue.
Dash and AJ really should have had more time to reflect on their first kills, plus it would have been nice to see them (and Rarity) dealing with their sister/sister-figures... especially in the wake of what happened to Derpy and DInky.
My biggest problem currently is Discord... While I can't fault his reasoning on why he would side against Sombra I do believe it was far too quick for him to join up. Perhaps you could have had a deeper look into his views on the funeral - I could easily see him mourning less the dead ponies themselves and more the loss of chaos that their deaths mark both in terms of what they would have caused and in terms of what their loved ones would have caused. (eg: Him looking at Lyra or Sparkler and seeing not the fun pony who would amuse him but a dull, boring pony who would now focus on revenge or somesuch).
And why, why, why did you pull a 'he killed my parents' on the dragon? I cringed so hard on reading that. So damn hard.
Had you just left it as the draconequui and elder wyrm races having been old enemies I could have gone with it, even if Discord and the Wyrm hated each other personally. But the whole 'he killed my parents' thing just made it too cheesy to take seriously. That said the following fight wasn't too bad, though it could have done with Discord acting more Discord-y (even if in a malevolent manner) than he did - even while running away I'm sure he could have been summoning exploding rainclouds or something to cover his flight.
As to hints of changelings in the future... Well Sombra sucking all the love out of things is definitely something that would annoy them, but it would be nice not to see them join up with the growing alliance so easily. Discord is stretching it a bit with how easily he was accepted, Gilda and Trixie were really little more than jerks so nothing stopping them, but the changelings were an actively hostile invasion force - I can't see them joining to be so simple.
Ahaha... I really hope this wall o' text doesn't come off too negative. I do like your fic and simply would love to see it improve as it goes on.
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I am not bothered at all by walls of text. Being an avid reader sort of warrants that. And you raise a great many points. I admit, talking to a friend of mine about Discord's scene after killing Karzakathul made me realize I made a bad move with the "killed my parents" part. I could take some time to find another way to make the fight against Sombra more personal for Discord. And as for the exploding rainclouds bit, I should add those in, definitely.
I've decided that the next chapter will be mainly focused on Applejack and how she deals with all of this, and yes, it will be a "downtime" chapter. Sometimes it gets a little difficult writing for so many characters, so suggestions are always welcome.
As for the pacing question, it really is supposed to be taking place within a short timeframe because Sombra is trying to take out his biggest threats as quickly as possible. As plan after plan fails, he'll soon get fed up and just focus on building a strong army, thus slowing the pace as everyone prepares. It's also partially because I wanted to give Sombra the screentime he badly deserves, instead of being more of an enigma like he was in the show. The show gave us Sauron. I'm giving you guys Ganondorf.
Yes, so far the battles are only mid-level skirmishes so far, but that's because the war isn't in full swing yet. Rest assured, as time goes on, they'll get bigger and badder.
Lastly, the Changelings won't join the Equestrians immediately because Chrysalis's pride still stings from her last defeat. It isn't until circumstances lead to a really bad situation for her hive that she sucks up her pride and appeals to Celestia. And it will be a while before they show up again anyway.
Again, thank you for your long, informative review. I always strive to improve myself, so if anything else comes up, feel free to point it out!
Dude, the hate that you would receive from this, keep one eye open while you sleep.
Anyway, good writing.
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I sleep at night with a shotgun now.
Great story so far, well written
Although, I may have to kill you for killing Derpy
Interesting backstory for Discord.... With the Sky Emperor killing the draconequi (Right spelling?).
A tad cliche with the "he killed my parents part"
Touching nonetheless.
This looks great! Going to definitely read it later.
VIOLINIST!?!?!?!OCTAVIA IS A CHELLIST
Do be faster...
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This story is officially on hiatus for an indefinite amount of time. I don't know when I'll get back to it.
Whats the catch? Spells like that are banned for a reason.
4123642
Mostly on moral grounds, as that magic is meant specifically to cause harm and defy nature. Using it also corrupts the caster, but Sombra was Evil with a capital E to begin with.
Yaaay! This calls for a party!
]4127210
No time for that.
treasure.diylol.com/uploads/post/image/628122/resized_winter-is-coming-meme-generator-brace-yourselves-a-shitstorm-is-coming-1a23e4.jpg
It's about damn time
, for two reasons:
1/ Like you said in the author notes, Spike in his current form is useless. It's a huge fireball (I would say bomb
), and I have a feeling that it's not just coincidence that Spike's father of all creatures is not only in Equestria, but also that he's here to guard Ponyville, which so happens to be where Spike is.
2/ Sombra's all about the heart, and wanting to take the Empire back by force, but he still remembers that it wasn't the Elements, nor the Royal Sisters over 1000 years ago. He knows that he was defeated by a combination of the Crystal Princess (Cadence) and the Crystal Savior (Spike). He's already incapacitated Cadence, and now he's going after the other half of his defeat. But thanks to Spike's dad, I have a feeling that when it comes to arms inevitably against Sombra, Sombra's gonna get a big, scaly, magical surprise.
And as a sidenote, the way that Spike's dad referred to his mom, I have a feeling that Spike's mom is either dead already or considered a traitor and is allies with Sombra and his army. So as much as Twilight's feelings about this and potentially that she has to see ponies die as well as having enemies die by her hooves, it's gonna multiply for Spike because he's gonna have to face facts with his own species, and possibly has to kill his own kind for the safety of his friends and adopted family (the ultimate identity crisis--this would put Dragon Quest to shame.)
4144106
I'm glad you liked this, and you're right on the money about Spike. His mother is indeed dead, and we'll find out the details very soon. And Melvekar being in Ponyville is no coincidence; he asked about where his hatchling was, and when he found out he lived in Ponyville, Melvekar specifically requested that he be assigned there.
And there are so many people out for Sombra's blood that I can't even decide who will confront him in the final showdown or who gets the pleasure of dealing the final blow. Ah, the curse of writing a villain who has wronged a lot of people, and all of them are important heroes...
4148806
Well, here's my two bits into the pool for "Who's gonna be the one that puts the dagger in Sombra".
--Discord's too obvious. Other than the fact that he's such a huge troll, he's basically a Gary Sue compared to the other ponies, and especially Celestia in her current state. Plus, he's on their side for once.
)
--The Elements of Harmony are also a big HELL NO! because it takes all of them TOGETHER to even have a shot at getting Sombra a critical hit. Plus, everypony knows that Twilight was possessed by Sombra before. Probably a brilliant move on his part--incapacitate the Element of Magic, easily the most powerful of the elements, and the rest will fall like dominoes.
--Cadence is stoned, literally. (couldn't resist
--Ditto with Shining Armor.
--The only one that can do it will be Spike, with assistance from Pop. Why? He found the Heart the first time. Sombra's coming after Spike, but his fatal flaw (I speculate) is that Sombra still believes Spike is still that little baby whelp that escaped from Sombra's traps after Twilight was captured. How wrong he's gonna be. I could also believe that Spike's got a bit of the Heart's magic in him as well (remember, he like everyone else, were crystallized, if only temporarily) and I think that somehow the Heart resonates with him the same way as Cadence.
4149262
Well, when you put it that way, I guess I can give Spike this dubious honor.
King Sombrero is best hat.
Anyway, on with the reading! Once I get caught up, I shall give you a like and a favorite!
Wow. I was listening to the season 3 soundtrack of Game of Thrones and the song 'Dracarys' just happened to pop on when the attack on Ponyville began. It was epic.
Alright, finally caught up. I like the epic scale of this World War, however just be careful not to let it become too much of a clusterfuck. Also, your King Sombra is really really evil. I love it! Though it is a bit off-putting that his powers exceed that of Discord, since the dude, you know, plays with the sun and the moon like yo-yos.
Either way, liked and favorited!
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It's more that Sombra is a better planner and takes everything perfectly seriously. When it comes to raw power, Sombra on his own might not match up, but he would more than make up for it with his cunning. Of course, now that he's directly using the corrupted Crystal Heart to empower himself, (not to mention I'm considering throwing in the Alicorn Amulet too) that might just give him the push needed to really ruin Discord's day.
And if you think Sombra's evil now, just wait for some of the other atrocities he commits down the road. Expect some feels to be had as a consequence as well, because I'm a right foul bastard like that.
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4281426 Good, good. Just as long as you don't veer off Dark into outright Tragedy I'm okay with eviler Sombrero.
4281442
Well, that really depends on who else gets offed.
Yaay! Something expect My Little Koopalings. Not that I don't likeit, but I wanted more EWM and Echoing Shadows.
Alright, those Crystal Heart Rays of death terrified me. What's to stop Sombra from simply spamming them all over Equestria without stop? Yikes.
They also gave me flashbacks from Darwinia. The spam-emails look just like the new-weapon intel the player can pick up, but are blood red, and during the level periodically release red laser beams onto the player's islands. The lasers create new viruses to fight, obliterate anything the player controls, and corrupts darwinians to fight for the virus. Your Crystal Heart lasers gave me really big spam-email vibes.
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Oh, there probably isn't anything stopping him. He just hasn't done it yet because he thinks his current minions will get the job done.
Can't wait for the next chapter! I just finished reading all up to this one!
Don't worry, I won't try to pursue you with torches and pitchforks. Not that I have any, actually...
Holy shit.....
I was wondering where is the calvary, but damn!! That was way too close.....and daddy now knows his son is dating a pony...
howecver, Spike's found his hoard.......
Sombra, your move......
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Ponyville may be safe, but Canterlot, Stalliongrad, and Cloudsdale are all still in deep trouble. And most of the army is in Canterlot, still undergoing training...
1000 years of peace has really bitten Equestria in the butt.
Sombra still has a lot going for him at this point.
This is actually better then I expected. I came here looking to read something to stow away boredom, i leave wanting to read more.
Good writing. I was kinda worried that all cannon characters will survive and you will be killing of oc's. I wonder who else will die. I do expect a bittersweet good ending, but I do wonder who else will die.
4125787 was he? Perhaps he was originaly cirupted by the dark magic. And as time went on his corruption inly grew. We shall sadly never kniw the true cannon reason.
Would it kill you to update anything in FimFiction? Or hay, just upload anything?
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Hey, gimme a break. I was sick most of this week.
And yes, I do have something to upload, just not here.
5028676
Well, at least I found out you're still alive
Why all of the good stories are dead
10236833
Well, in this case, years of living in isolation led to severe depression that sapped me of my motivation to write anything.
10237072
Awww
Sorry
4123642
Since it’s dark magic you’ll probably get corrupted like Sombra