Proof-reader/Editor by FTR2017 https://www.fimfiction.net/user/303596/FTR2017
Rated T for Teens Swearing
I had a pretty normal life...HAD being the choice word here. I lived with my grandmother who I swear we are too much alike...Which isn't a bad thing mind you. My brother, having two children who I loved to hyped up on sugar; and me a few weeks away to see my mother face to face, something I haven't done in a year or so.
My day started off normal like any others, get up, get something to eat and then maybe chill in bed before playing on my game system...that is until I was whisked away into another world because, someone decided to mess with a old magical book, and I made it worst by punching said person across the face...did I mentioned that said person; was the co-ruler of a land known as Equestria.
However, if she thinks she can say sorry and everything will be hanky dory with me...she has another thing coming!
My name is Brandon, and this is my story and why...sometimes, Sorry isn't Enough.
Death to ponies! A species to stupid to survive and advance BY THEMSELVES! THE ONLY reason they haven’t been wiped out is the leader tied her soul to the sun as the ultimate dead-man switch, stand against her ponies who’s souls she sold out to order and she sun glazes your species as a warning to all others not to stand against the superior better to die free, than live as slaves, off her and you just destroyed the sun dooming the world. There’s evil and then there’s evil. I hope he broke her nose.
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right...okay then.
Damn. That's at least a legimate response for what happened to him. I mean, it's not like he had nothing to live and wished for this to happen. I'll track this and see where this goes.
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Other than the rant that’s the basis for my contempt and dislike for tia and how the entirety of the air-headed race of hers works, tia is just like a lot of families I ever hear about. Doesn’t matter just how F
stuff the they do, we are supposedly required somehow to forgive\forget, rinse and repeat until they finally get you killed, IF you are lucky.
So I think it’s quite funny that she just hopefully got her nose broke.
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thanks im slowly thinking of how this story will go on, and such. need to write notes think of time frames and how this story will evolve.
I've read Monster of Canterlot where Discord spends most of the chapter telling Fluttershy that it's human nature not to forgive easlily. This is the first story I've read where it becomes a plot point where ponies think that if something major happens, we dance, we kiss, we smooch, we carry on, we go home happy. Whilst with humans, that process is much longer, to the point of not even happening.
How soon can you update?
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haha im happy you like this so far and ive read that story loved it. im gonna update this as soon as I can but this type of story im doing notes on where I want this story to go and such as well as looking for editors and hopefully one day get a cover art for this story
I haven't been this entertained in a long time to the point I wanted to read the chapter over a few times again.
Keep it up and update soon.
Punching Princess for whisking him from Earth, sound kind of familiar to a different story verse.
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Really? haven't read any like that before, will have to look it up
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Thanks! plan to!
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I fucking love that version of Hades.
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Who doesn't?
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Apparently the movie isn't/wasn't popular for some reason. I honestly don't know why though, it's awesome!
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Here's a good one: No, I Am Not A Brony, Get Me Outta Equestria!
It has plenty of sequels and spinoffs too, so you'll love it long time.
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I think I may have to put this in the next chapter as a sort of joke
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Just finished reading, and I loved it. I just have one question... Did you rely on autocorrect? Because there were a few instances of words being switched with ones that are spelled similarly yet mean something entirely different, such as this:
Dafuq is a Super Attained? In addition to that, there are just a few more general errors than I'm used to.
Overall it's an interesting start and I'd love to read more, especially once it's edited.
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I do yes, that's why im looking for a editor right now as well for this story I want this story to be something great and not having a editor I know will hold it back
How the hell did this mess get an upvote? Are people really that desperate to see Celestia get bopped on the snoot?
Could use some work, but I am willing to see where this goes.
I am intrigued by the premise of this story, though I will need to see more to ascertain whether or not I will truly like this Fic.
You have caught my attention. Do not lose it.
This does have the potential for some heavy conversation scenes, especially between Brendon and Twilight if Celestia tries to have her befriend Brendon and perhaps convince him to forgive Celestia for her mistake. Only for Twilight to realize it is not that simple and never will be that simple.
^One thing that popped into my head after I had read the chapter.
I like the way you handled the characterization of your character - and how, despite everything, he truly had a lot to lose to some experiment done by a third party.
The character exposition was good, since it actually explained why he did what he did to the one that literally "screwd him up" - it would have been jarring if he was in the hippie plan of "forgive and forget" that plenty of people like.
And yes, Bronywriter's work is another fine example of a hot-blooded character. :)
Hope to see more of your work.
PS: If you can't find an actual editor, I could assist in giving it a proofread to correct some mistakes, then send it back through email.
For the life of me can't figure out how to send a Private message without the buttons!
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I think it's a matter of how the concept is interesting more than anything else. It's something that, if not 100% original (I've read a few recent manga about people summoned to another world who were immediately unhappy about it, and instead of saving the kingdom or whatever, dedicated themselves solely to trying to find a way home), doesn't get seen a lot in Fanfiction. Most humans in Equestria either fit in comfortably right away, eventually find a niche, or outright take over the place. In short, while shocked, they're mostly happy about their change in envirornment, as the usual MC in these kinds of stories either have a terrible family, or no family at all, no friends, and no romantic interests before they are suddenly transported. A fic where a guy had a perfectly happy life but is taken against his will, and has plenty of incentive to want to get back home, and is more than a little angry about having been dragged off to what is, for all intents and purposes, an alien world against his will is a bit more original than most fics. Mind you, this certainly needs a lot of spit and polish, and a lot of proofreading, but credit where its due, at least he's trying to do something different.
8278023 You got names for those manga? And were they any good?
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They're shaping up pretty well. There's KONJIKI NO MOJI TSUKAI - YUUSHA YONIN NI MAKIKOMARETA UNIQUE CHEAT (Sorry, copypasta being a jerk with the all caps), where the MC gets summoned accidentally with four other people (It was supposed to be four, not five) and when asked to save the country, basically just says, "Nope", and takes off. He isn't intent on finding a way home, but he isn't exactly super-excited about having been kidnapped out of the blue... especially when he notes the inconsistencies between what the king tells him and the other summonees and what is actually going on in reality. While he does get a cheat-like ability, it takes time to level up to the point where it is really useful.
There's also TONDEMO SKILL DE ISEKAI HOUROU MESHI, which has a similar start with the accidental summons, but unlike the guy in "Unique Cheat" (Accidental summons along with other people, noting glaring inconsistencies between what the king says and reality), he doesn't get a super-powerful god-tier cheat-like ability, he just gets the ability to be able to (for a modest fee) summon cooking ingredients and cooking utensils from the modern world to the world he's stuck on. The fact that he can get, for the standards of the world he is stuck on, exceptionally high grade ingredients (Modern Table Salt and Pepper are extremely high quality luxury items, for example, given the purity of the salt, and fine grain of the pepper) give him a bit of a leg up, but doesn't change the fact that he's been permanently uprooted from his life without warning with no way of returning home.
Dungeon Seeker, one where a guy is uprooted with several classmates by a guy who claims to basically be God, and gets dumped into a fantasy world with crap stats. Not to spoil too much, but he ends up getting dropped into basically the RPG dungeon you don't go into until after you beat the final boss, where the average strength for the weakest monsters tend to be 'Above Demon Lord Strength', and quickly go up from there. In this manga, 'God' is a total bastard, and he literally dumped these guys on this fantasy world for sh!ts and giggles, knowing full well exactly what would happen to all parties involved.
Grimgar of Fantasy and Ash, people are regularly uprooted and dropped into a fantasy world without rhyme or reason. The story follows several people who, well, just kinda suck at adventuring, but there's literally no other way for them to make a living due to the way society works there. There's no way back, though, so they have to find a way to muddle through somehow.
Those are off the top of my head. I don't have the names of a couple of others that are better examples (And don't feel inclined to go searching through a long list of japanese names in my favorites menu), but the plot of two that spring to mind involve a guy who was summoned and not only immediately refuses to assist with the demon lord problem, but immediately starts researching magic to return home. The other involves a guy who was summoned and nearly enslaved, and then nearly killed during his first few seconds on the new world. He manages to kill the summoners, escape, and begins trying to find a way back home. If you can find them, they do make for a good read.
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all of those sound amazing, thank you.
i'm off to see if i can track down those two that you haven't got the names of before i forget about them.
Oh man... I missed some mistakes!
This is why one lets the work rest for a day before tackling it again! (>_<)
I'll check the chapter again, since some mistakes went past me.
I'll send you the re-checked version once I'm rested.
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Don't worry about it mistakes seen bond to come and go, we just need to look out for chapter 2 eh?
Very good so far. And I love the concept. Even better when Brandon is Canadian xD
Please continue!
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Maybe he should be asking the guard-mate for some maple syrup eh?
F**k you Princess Celestia! Do that to me and I'll show you why my friends call me Sabueso.
P.S. LOVE IT!!!
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happy you like it so!
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the update will happen soon, I just sent it off to be edited!
8284180 So when's the next chapter?? I really like this story my friend?
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sent it to a editor so its waiting on that now
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Sweet. Gracias
It's very good, I'm waiting for more.
UHOH, Twilights involved!
Also, welcome to the harsh reality of the US’s injustice system. Which makes the fact that it’s STILL one of the best justice systems on the planet a horrid realization.
Oh fusspot
Ahh, great chapter. Though you should probably go back and put in some more spaces. Alot of the paragraphs are bunched together.
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You have Brandon start to make pancakes (which promptly disappear) and pouring a bowl of Raisin Bran(d). Oops?
Here's hoping that Brandon punches Twilight too.
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While it is a legitimate question (and a point that went over my head (u_u;)), I interpreted it as him eating out from previously made pancakes, as he kept them company with the raisin bran cereal.
Maybe I am too accepting of strange diets?
(I'll ask eragon13666 about it, though - and how does he want to address that bit.)
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So if its the best... Then I don't want to see what the worst is
And now he meets Princess Purple Smart.... this should be interesting. Have to wonder how Twilight will react to Brandon punching Celestia... just like TD Powell.
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He from Canada, happened in Canada heh
I like that this chapter is a bit lightdrycker and not as bitter as the previous, for while i think Brandons anger is justified, i do want him to lighten up eventually
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Thats the idea of the story, he will only be pissed at those who have wronged him, as it said in the first chapter he still hasn't forgiven her for a year (this story is just leading up to that) but that doesn't mean he mister angry pants all the time.
It will take time but that what this story is about, a story where now he has to love his life in a magical land that he knows barely anything about and a sinple sorry will not change anythinf
Good storie. I can't wait to read what happend next