Rather interesting, I'd like to see where this is going...

I get the feeling this is going to be a good story. please continue as fast as you can.

Consider starting a new paragraph when you change speakers, it is the common practice for dialogue.

>>908982908982

Thank you. I've never been very good at dialogue, and that is exactly the kind of advice I need in order to improve. Any further comment? Drop me a message if you have more advice.

The plot thickens

Well, this is indeed an intriguing story to come. Proceed.

The plot thickens

>>924738924738

You haven't even seen me thicken the plot yet. Stay tuned, sh*t's about to get crazy.

This is becoming interesting...keep it coming!

brace yourselves the plot thickens

Twilight's entire life has been a eugenics experiment. along with every other pony in equiestria ...

When the mind control fails (and it will fail) Twili will be Pissed.

Luna was right Celestia. You should have waited.

Sweet little Twilight is soooo not going to take this quietly.

Oh noes I smell the shit inching closer to the fan

Oh man can't wait

JFKSAF;LKJDSAFDHGJDA;LKGJF;J

Lurve ya

Ooooooh snap the battle rages on

>>974160974160 oh noes I am even more lost now

How will Celestia justify this?

Had some Antichrist vibes from this chapter with that fox corpse. But I suppose it wouldn't be saying "Chaos reigns" in this case.

Either way, things are getting interesting. Horrific definitely. But interesting...

First comment, and a great story in one night. Perfect

first comment,   good story

I sense heartbreak in Twilight's future.

The story gets more and more interesting. And because I can't resist...

*channels Linkara* ADAMANTIUM RAGE!

Twilight "Hi Celestia! Remember all that Mind Taking you were doing to every pony earler? Meet Chekhov's Gun!"

This may be the most gentel clifhanger i have ever seen.

It is almost like a horror movie where you just KNOW that around the corner is ther psycho with the bloody axe.

Poor Twily. There is nothing you can do to stop it now. Celestia is Very good at making plans and whatever it is ... well its definitely going to happen.

And now we know why Spike is bound in chains under Canterlot. When that dragon gets free some ponies are going to be in a lot of trouble.

Today's ceremony is inspired by three things. The first is the ancient Roman triumphus, a procession honoring great military achievement or exceptional valor.

The second is the Royal Wedding, which was largely overshadowed here in America because of the fact that Osama Bin Laden was killed just prior to the ceremonies. Nobody I talked to seemed to mind that much.

The third is the opening ceremonies from the first book of the Hunger Games, an excellent young adult series that I highly recommend.

We've had peril of a physical nature so far. Be sure to tune in next time as Twilight takes on her biggest challenge yet, the dangerous world of Court Politics!

Great story i only found this today but I'm already in love with it. keep writing I look forward to wahts going to happen next.

Twilight now has all the tools she needs to bring the whole scheme down around Celestia's ears. All she has to do is retrieve the clue hidden in the archive and put all the pieces together. My estimated guess is about 4 months story time before the story gets back to where the first chapter begins. (six months original - one month pre trip - one month journey and recovery)

Things are abut to snowball and i do not think Celly is actually ready for the soid waste to hit the rotary air oscillator.

Twily reading her new books

Twily understanding her new books

Twily putting all the pieces toghther

Well, this is about as "erotic" as it gets. I'm trying to keep it PG-13 for now, so if you're here to complain about any "rampant use of cloppery", then simmer down and bear with me. For the rest of you, enjoy!

Another excellent chapter. It's gonna really hurt when Twilight learns the truth.

>>10772321077232

I'm gonna bring the whole corrupt system down around Celestia's head...it's gonna be biblical.

>>10772881077288

Can't wait to see that bitch princess get what she deserves for messing with my favorite pony.

Getting intense. Maintaining interest. Can't wait to see the plot unfold...further. I await the bringdown of biblical proportions.

"And so the Great Spicy Soup Bet would be passed down in common talks, making a legend of Miss Sparkle with the iron stomach. Though gossip mangling and the telephone game would transform the Nova pepper soup into a pot of lava, thus increasing Miss Sparkle's valor and strength tenfold."

>>10775531077553

"Her stamina and skill were largely attributed to her part dragon, part Alicorn heritage. It was rumored that after she had finished off the entire pot, she had proceeded to laugh and violently beat Princess Luna over the head with it, while proclaiming herself 'Queen of the Cosmos'."

>>10775771077577

"And then, she further proved her valor by ejecting into the open night, screaming her proclamation to the skies above. And the legend of Miss Sparkle would live on."

Ah, what fun.

>>10775911077591

Indeed. I bid you a pleasant evening, my good brony. The hour is late and my battery runs low.

So Luna knows about the conspiracy against Twilight and has the lunar guards watching her. Glad to hear somepony is watching her back.

God, I'm dense. It took me eighteen chapters but it finally clicked. Morning Star? Morning Star?! If that isn't foreshadowing, I don't know what is. (inb4 it's not foreshadowing at all and the author just likes the name.)

>>10904231090423

Aaaaand we have a winner. That's intentional, btw. Well done.

>>10904231090423 >>10915511091551

I knew he was a traitor but WOW ...

I never suspected THAT.

You Sir are amazing.

poor Twily. This is gonna hurt. a lot.

>>10917631091763

I'm lost...Someone care to explain?

>>10940011094001

The Morning Star is a very important figure in Christian mythology.

Lucifer. God's #2. The original traitor.

I did not even think of it until TSG mentioned it.

Oh, I would't know anything about that...i'm not exactly the most religious of people.

>>10940011094001>>10941311094131

He was the most beautiful and perfect of God's angels, until he fell from grace. "Lucifer", the word for the Morning Star, became Satan, from an ancient Israeli word, "shaitan", meaning enemy or adversary.

>>10942291094229

I did not think about something until after my other post.

Who will Lucifer betray? Twilight? or Celestia?

The corrupter would betray Twilight.

The original(?) Lucifer betrayed God (Celestia).

I can't wait to see how the story unfolds. cause its gonna be good.

>>10942901094290

Something else I noticed about Twilight's name. Twilight Sparkle, who's cutie mark is a very large and bright star. Twilight, or evening, and star. What deity does that give you?

Hesperus (Evening Star)

PHO′SPHORUS (Phôsphoros),or as the poets call him Heôsphoros or Phaesphoros (Lat. Lucfer), that is, the bringer of light or of Eos, is the name of the planet Venus, when seen in the morning before sunrise

like i said earlier .. Amazing!

I prefer to think of Twily as The Bringer of Light instead of Lucifer BUT in this story i Really hope she kicks Celestia's flank.

(to be honest i had to google it to find that. )

>>10943701094370

I've always preferred the term Hesperus anyway. Although, if she makes it free, how do you think Twilight will look to Equestria? Especially if Celestia is still in charge?

>>10943991094399

Assuming that Celestia has been effected by an outside force ..and can be healed ...

A Hero!

If this is a Solar Empire Celestia?

Poor Twily may be boned.

I still have no idea what Celestia's real plans are.

The best i can come up with? Celestia is trying to manipulate the bearers in such a way that they channel the power of the Elements of Harmony into Celestia. If Celestia can absorb the power this way she may be able use the power any way she wants (regardless of the will / restrictions of the Elements themselves). It may even make the power a permanent part of herself.

>>10944851094485

Keep in mind that there are other powers in play besides Twilight, Celestia, and Morning Star.

>>10946081094608

Thanks i will.

So far this story is all but impossible to predict. I love it!

I'm not quite sure how to react...but I know I want more. please?

Something tells me that the elements shoudn't be trusted. That and it seems as though they or something else can force Celestia and Luna to do what they're desired of them whether it is what they want or not.

I hope Luna's scheming accelerates Celestia's plan. I am dying to find out what happens.

And why is it that you have to hurt all my favorite ponies!?

Luna...

*possible spoilers*  *AKA WAG*

We knew that the Elements had their own personality (they can choose bearers after all) but now we know that they have their own specific goals.

Celestia did not seem happy about her actions. Almost like her actions were not by her own will.

Theory ...

Luna never used all of the Elements at one time. The powers were evenly split when her and Celestia defeated Discord. So the Elements have some power over her but more limited compared to Celestia.

Celestia used some of the Elements to defeat Discord but had to take up all of them to send Nightmare Moon off to her prison. This gave the Elements a greater deal of control over Celestia. Not controlling her thoughts (her will is still her own) but her actions (i count spoken words as actions) are not always her own.

A pony controlling a single Element would normally have free will (or very close to it) But if the pony bears the Element long enough (or the pony uses its power long enough) the Element can synchronize with that pony more effectively. Essentially gaining the control that having multiple Elements would normally require.

This brings up the question.. How did the Everfree Lady gain freedom from her Element? Is Celestia carrying a massive burden for her?

I may be thinking about this story too much But ...

I love this story! The planning and details are Professional quality!

You Sir deserve all the in Equestria!

Well, the Discord cameo was interesting.

I Rarely say this  but ...

Please oh Please say that there will be a TwilyXSpike ship by the end of the story.

Ummm...What just happened?

Binds often break amidst chaos.

>>11339361133936

Unfortunately, no SpikeXTwilight in this story, just some d'awww inducing friendshipping. I really am committed to showing the deep bond Twilght has with Spike, though. Stay tuned, I'm trying to push a new chapter tonight!

>>11446851144685

I really really like how you treat their relationship.

Right now it feels like Spike is the only one that Twily can trust unconditionally. Everyone else is either under the control of another power or has limited power to act on her behalf.

How do i see their relationship?

Love, Trust and Support.

You win all the

it will be a tragedy when Celesita (i assume she did it anyway) imprisons Spike under Canterlot ( because we all know that it is coming sooner or later).

>>11448691144869

JRR Tolkien said it best. "It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him." Don't count Spike out yet. Plus if you thought he was kind of scary before...just wait until you see what he is really capable of. There's a reason some cultures revered dragons as gods.

>>11449001144900

If it matters (and if i ever get off my lazy flank and post what i have written) i plan on making the Twilight Spike relationship exactly like this. IMHO it is Perfect.

>>11450631145063

I think you'll like this chapter. I've been wanting to post it for a while, but had to wait for the story to progress first. It's very Spike-centric, which I don't do much of.

The wrath of a goddess and a dragon?

Somebody is in for a very very bad day.

Spike and everyone involved being that casual about the taking of sentient life is rather shocking.  Get in a fight with him and if you don't back down he'll just sever your jugular and kill you?  And it's still not punishment enough for Celestia?   Yikes.

>>11479671147967>>11492091149209

To all, a bit on Gryphons.

I love Gryphons only slightly less than I love dragons on the hierarchy of "Creatures that I wish existed". That being said, that previous update did not portray them well at all. A simple mistake posted a very poor draft before it was ready, and as a result I felt the need to work in a major edit. Luckily, I was able to enlist the help of This Guy, who is an excellent writer, especially when it comes to Gryphons and their mindset. I'd like to thank him for his help, and encourage the rest of you to read my new and improved chapter!

>>11583101158310

That's a very different version of the chapter, indeed...  Thanks for drawing my attention to it, otherwise I probably would have been very confused come the next chapter!

Khanate.... that's such a cool word.

Also; Embassies are always tricky places to end up in political stories.

>>11583101158310

interesting changes ...

in the original i assumed that the gryphon was a noble and an ass. To a noble like that smacking around a peasant is not such a big deal (even if the peasant gets wounded, they are just property after all).

Spike's actions were perfectly understandable. Dragons have anger issues (that Spike keeps under control) and the gryphon hit All of his "react with deady force" buttons. (rememer Twilight got a permanent scar out of the incident for merely being polite)

Celestia's actions confused me a bit. She demonstrated ritchous anger when someone hurt / threatened her prized student (tool created for the use of the elements of harmony). Her actions could be interpreted many different ways and i was not sure witch one was true. Protect the student? Protect the tool? or (less likely) Protect what is Mine? My mind was buzzing as soon as i saw it.

new version ...

Spike is prepared for violence but it is not his first choice (this option should have been easier because Twilight was not hurt).

Vagadar is very different. Less pompous noble and more Actual Noble looking for a diplomatic solution for his peoples problems. (IMHO the gryphon problem is Food Not Land. Food exchange treaties could easily solve this problem without war. This assumes that there are barriers that prevent free trade of food to happen with the Gryphon Kingdom) WIthout Lord V (i assume he is a lord) it would have had to have been much harder to get in the history lesson. Especially a history lesson that showed Celestia using the Elements of Harmony as a weapon of mass destruction. (i am not saying that she did not have reason but that is still how she used them)

Celestia herself? The scene where she was potentially protecive of her one time student changes to one of anger in stead. How much of that history lesson did Celestia want to remain hidden? (from what i have seen so far .. All Of It)

Twilight has new information. New clues to piece together Celestia's goals. ex. 1) mass destruction weaponized EoH 2) Weaponized EoH can be used to kill innocent gryphons (the vast majority of the kill count was innocent if Lord V is telling the truth) 3) Celestia was willing to do both 1 and 2 when achieving her goals (this is the scary one) 4) (i do not know this one yet) History may have been recorded differently from what actually happened (common in human culture, i do not know abut pony culture).

Will Twily be able to calm Celestia down? (ask her if she wants tea or something?) or will she take an ass eating from Celestia? (potentially to help protect her new gryphon friend Lord V?)

No matter how things fall out i expect that Twily has some Serious Book Reading to do! (not that book reading bothers her any )

BTW the first version was Not a poor draft. I loved Both versions. They just raised different questions and gave different clues.

anyhoo ... Keep Going! The Game is Ahoof!

Tis now the very witching hour. So have a short chapter about a witch.

Celly is good.  She *almost* had me siding with her, particularly since she shares my hatred of slavery.....

....

....Until I realized that like so many sympathetic villains she has only become what she sought to wipe out through acquisition of too much power too quickly without the maturity necessary to wield it.

I hope she signed a will; cornering our avian friends is a fantastic euphemism for suicide.

And Twi? Dear Twi? When will you learn a healthy dose of Paranoia?

You cannot *trust* the *System!* (Yes, that means dear Brother, and dear Beloved)

They switch the flip, they bring out the satellite, and you're fried with harmony.

>>11600161160016

Keep in mind that nopony in history has ever needed to doubt Celestia. Others, yes, Celestia no. It's like asking you to distrust Abraham Lincoln, if he were also Jesus.

>>11600801160080

I'd say I'm a special case of psychotic paranoia.

And for the record, Lincoln was an alien.

Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m31it2d3BU1r06cho.jpg

>>11600981160098

I think it is because it is so late that I find that so funny. I'm going to bed if the drunk in my hallway decides to stop shouting soon.

Oooooooooooooooh man Celestia is gonna spring her little trap soon isn't she? Just knowing what is coming and yet not knowing why or when is driving me crazy. I need to know what happens.

Soon, all shall be made clear.

dis gonna be Good!

i can't wait.

This has to be my favorite chapter so far.

Goodbyyyyyeeeeeee Morning Star

You ticked off Spike.  You want to hurt Twilight.

Ye have sown the wind.

Damn it! now I have to wait...Horsefeathers...

Morning Star .. You just hurt Spike ...

Words can not describe the depth of your error.

Twilight will not be .. gentle with you

Take Celestia down HARD!

Twily don't have to go all super saiyan to be a bad ass.

I am probably screwing up the quote but ...

"thus armed with knowledge, Twilight went to do war with her enemies."

Celestia does not know what she has called down upon herself and it will be glorious.

Fight for the truth, Twilight. I'm counting on you.

...

Mmmmm..... She has a Dragon, a power like-unto Nightmare Moon, a mind 10 times as acute as Celestia's, Discord is 'betting on her horse' (ha ha) and in the end, entropy is absolute.  Yeah.  So much for 'the plan' Celly.  So much for the plan.

I'll be honest, right now, I'm routing for Celestia to win. So far, we know that Celestia has been practicing breeding programs which, as morally ambiguous as it is, isn't exactly cause for attempting to usurp. Hopefully, more information will be given that will show us just how "evil" her plans are; because the way it's going, Twilight's going to doom Equestria at this rate (yeah, take down Celestia, the only person that can control the sun. That'll end well.)

I'll also point out that, since the story's began, I've plopt it into an AU, because my Willing Suspension of Disbelief would be vaporized if this were seriously taking place in the canon universe. (Tyrantlestia fics never fare well in the canon universe.)

I want this to end in Celestias favor...

>>12093441209344

>>12098351209835

Well, if you are looking for reasons to dislike Celestia, stay tuned. We've only just now hit the tip of the iceberg. However, I assure you she has her reasons, so if you are looking for reasons to support her, you shall have those as well. Either way, things are going to get far more confusing and clear at the same time.

Enjoy, and thanks for reading!

Of course...I'm addicted...I want her to win...I just wish Twilight wouldn't fight it...it'll make things so much easier.

>>12128551212855

Gods damn it. Remember yourself, Brony. Mind control equals bad. Your thoughts are your own. You are free willed. Trust me, you want no part of Celestia's world.

Mind control is good... besides...who needs free will...

Herd Spike?

Clearly the Elements induce mass delusions of grandeur.

You don't herd a Dragon, you fight it (if you're foolish or desperate)... and Ponies are not creatures suited to doing that.

Who's up for some free glue?

>>12195951219595

Keep in mind that even without Twilight guiding them, the Elements are still very powerful magical items. Spike may be in over his head if they catch up. If being the operative word here.

>>12138391213839

The protagonist of my story was willing to blast one-time friends to slivers in the name of free will.

Freedom and security of mind and body are about the two most valuable things one can have.

>>12196851219685

Meh; I have faith in Spike.

When it comes to Gryphons, Dragons, and to a lesser extent Minotaurs, I tend to think they're the best suited to bring 'the stomp' when it needs bringing.

Magic has uses, but like technology it can become a crutch.  The most well equipped warrior is the one who, if stripped naked and left for dead in a ditch, could still constitute the definition of a living weapon.  Hooves are nice.  Claws are better.

Put in Human terms; Jason Bourne and Aaron Cross are better than Master Chief any day because they constitute weapons themselves without having to plug into a suit.

>>12197241219724

While I disagree with your manhandling of one of my favorite video game characters, I likes the cut of your jib, mate. Just wait until you see what Spike is really capable of.

Also, your Cross/Bourne/Chief mash up has so many fanfiction ideas swirling around my head right now, you have no idea. Maybe throw some Bond in there, and Downey Jr.'s Holmes for the sophisticated side of things. Hmm...that might actually be one of the coolest teams I've imagined yet.

Oooooooh Luna's plotting something and is finally making her move. MORE I SAY!!

>>12198081219808

Heh, dun get me wrong, Spartans are on the right track, and the Chief outstrips a *ton* of the competition when it comes to game characters, especially when paired with Cortana, who being alive is an exception to 'technology as a crutch.'  But I'd still be happier if I knew, for example, that he could do truly well for himself sans suit or rifle.

I dunno if I've ever seen the kind of mashup you're talking about, but if you're looking for 'Aaron Cross + Jason Bourne... but with a Gryphon' then 7-4 is writing something you might like.

Any way you slice it; 'be the weapon' is the true warrior's mantra, or as it was once put by a very wise man; 'there are no dangerous Weapons, only dangerous Men.'

>>12200411220041

I must confess, my love for the Chief is based mostly on one of the novels, namely The Fall of Reach by Eric Nylund. He's been permanently augmented using a highly lethal and experimental cocktail of chemicals and hormones designed to do things like enhance reaction speed and depress the libido. To me, the Master Chief represents one of mankind's most beautiful and terrible creations, an ultimate joining of man and machine.

As for without the suit and gun, he managed to, at the tender age of fourteen, beat a squad of Helljumpers to death with his bare hands after being augmented before being told to stand down by his commander. A terrifying soldier, to say the least. I'm excited to see what 343 does with him.

In my opinion, however, the most terrifying warrior is the one who gets others to fight for them, and remains above suspicion. I love Luthor, Moriarty, and The Count of Monte Cristo. A good mastermind is a good villain. Hell, Holmes showed us they can be a good hero, too.