An unexpected alteration turns a leisurely hike into a strange adventure for two good friends. Will they be able to return to their own world? Will they even want to, after all is said and done?
This story is something to relieve writer's block, but it will be taken seriously, and it will be finished.
However, it won't have as predictable as an update schedule as my other series, Circadia. (Guding Light and Breaking Dawn.)
For those looking for a specific flavor of HiE: This story both contains a pony transformation, and a human that retains their form.
Chapters (1)
This has a terrific start! I like the pony/non-pony dynamic you've set up and the idea is interesting. Looking forward to reading more!
8271361
Thanks! I found the concept interesting, and I noticed not a lot of fics did it.
(Also, it kind of goes along with my personal headcanon on MLP's magic and soul theory.
)
8271374
That sounds interesting. I can appreciate Shannon's idea of think of himself as a pony, even to the point of thinking like a pony. I've done this myself. Hope that doesn't sound strange!
8271390
Nope! The feelings that I described from Shannon's mind experiments are actually from personal experience.
I actually convinced my brain that I had hooves. Typing was rather hard after that. And I can still give myself realistic-feeling phantom ears pretty much with a fleeting thought.
You definitely don't have to worry about sounding strange.
A useful side-effect of those experiments, though, is that I have so much control over my subconscious that I can force myself asleep in less than 5 minutes.
8271486
That is pretty cool! Sometimes I've been able to feel as though I have wings, if I can get the right frame of mind and a good song! I'm glad that I'm not the only one.
There isn't a whole lot that distinguishes this fic from other HiE stories so far, other than Shannon's mind experiments. Also, Jason's appearance is never described so I'm just picturing a generic white dude. I know it can be difficult to describe a first-person narrator outside of the looking-in-a-mirror cliche, though.
8273438
Don't worry, there is some uniqueness coming up. This is just the first chapter.
And yeah, I noticed that there was no way to describe him in a non-obvious way, so I plan to have that next chapter.
Pretty fun start to a bronies in Equestria story, and having one transform into a pony but the not other makes it a bit more interesting. I'd rather see them explored the world first, instead of going directly to Celestia, but oh well. Also, a nice touch would be to have the guard wear leather armor instead of the normal golden plate, because flying at those altitudes must be pretty rough.
The dialogue was the only weak part, as it didn't feel like they had any real conversations. They were simply talking for the reader's benefit in way that was a bit too blatant. Their random discussion topics on top the mountain didn't really fit in either.
8283783
All right. Thanks for the input.
I'd still consider myself new to writing, so things like this really help.
Huh... I'm liking the concept so far. It's the first time I've seen an idea like this one with two humans but one of them being changed, though I'm surprised I haven't seen anything similar. The idea definitely has my attention and I look forward to the next chapter.
I will have to agree with what Snuffy pointed out, too. The dialogue was... lacking. Part of it kind of fit with the scene and showed the required familiarity between your two human characters, but the rest was, more or less, useless banter to fill space. However, I will admit that it got me thinking about how the mental exercises would play into the rest of the story (even going as far as thinking that this entire story might just be one big hypnosis experiment).
Aside from that, there were just a few spots that caught my attention with wording. I'm about to hit the hay, but if you'd like, I could point them out at a later time. Overall, I wouldn't worry too much about it since it doesn't distract from the quality of the chapter. I only noticed them because (with my self editing) I try my best to find the little things that don't stand out (even then I still miss things every now and then).
Still, it's a good read and I thank you for making it. I look forward to reading more of your stuff.
8347238
Just in case you're interested, I'm starting this up again, and the next chapter is coming out rather soon. It's only around a third done, and it's mainly just a conversation on the chariot (much more important than most of the dialogue in the first chapter), but I have a lot better idea of where this is going than I did before.
The infrequent updates are due more to the fact that I want this story to have the best quality possible. My other stories often lack good description. Also because I start way too many projects at once.
The reason I'm telling you this is that I really value your input. And it seems like you were interested in general.
8747897
Oh, cool. Yeah, I’d like to see what you have in store next. I’ll keep an eye out for the next chapter.