Dinky considered herself an average sort of filly. She didn't quite have her cutie mark yet, but it wasn't late enough to have any worry about it. She was a bit shy, and a bit bookish, but that was probably Twilight's fault. The library never had a lack of interesting material.
Her mom was amazing, but that was just a given.
She never considered herself a hero, though. She was never particularly brave, particularly smart (though her mother told her otherwise), and she never had any real talent with magic.
So she never considered that such a simple decision could have such a big impact on so many ponies. She never thought that she could have this much responsibility.
And she never thought that it could have this much impact, personally.
That's what she thought, at least.
It was the first decision that started it, yes. But that first decision would have ended up getting her killed. It was the second decision that made her a hero. A hero to the changeling race.
Few errors like extra letters and stuff here and there.
But it's christmas, so hey... they happen.
Now though... i need some zzz.... it's 2:30 AM in finland and i'm exhausted.....
8628539
Thanks. When you aren't totally exhausted, I'd love it if you could point them out.
Xenophobia is spelled with an X, not a Z.
8628555
I knew that...
It's fixed now.
8628563
Other than that, I didn't notice any glaring mistakes.
IMHO, depending on how you handle this story, I feel this fic has the potential to be a really good 'Pony becomes Changeling' fic. I look forward to seeing where you go.
8628577
Thanks! I have quite a bit written out (on paper, that is), and while it needs a bit of editing, I think it's going to at least be reasonably good.
As in, there is a bigger plot than just "Dinky has to deal with being a changeling."
I don't think celestia has much place to talk down to twilight
8628605
Maybe not. But she would probably still do it.
8628632
Thanks!
Just curious, do you like the interrobang, or just find it distracting? I just don't like the multiple punctuation of putting both, but sometimes need to.
I can't say I liked this. The characterizations are jarring (pretty much everyone, but especially Dinky), the scenario feels messy and contrived, and the tone and themes established in this chapter clash with both canon and what the story itself has established.
I liked Guiding Light, but what I thought were minor issues in that story are dealbreakers here.
8629000
Could you be more specific? I really am interested in what you felt went wrong.
8629610
Regarding characterization, everyone except Twilight is being super chill about some seriously messed-up stuff, and you haven't provided substantial justification for that. Especially for Dinky; unless you've seriously aged her up, she's a preteen-to-early-teenager, and and she does not act like it. Even if she were an adult, though, I'd still say she was straying into Sue-like territory.
For everything else, you've made so many changes to the events of the episode, the characters involved (especially Chrysalis), and what was already established about Changelings during just the episode (minimal though it was), that the similarities feel almost incidental.
8630416
Yeah, I understand the lack of reactions being a strange thing. Trust me, the first reaction to huge changes, especially in the heat of the moment, is not instant panic as one might expect.
Freakouts are definitely coming later, once reality sets in. Now that I think about it, I probably should have released this once I had a few chapters done, just so it didn't seem that weird.
Also, the changes to the "episode" is the main reason this story is tagged "Alternate Universe." If you've watched Antony C's review of the episode two-parter, then you know the plot has gaping holes in it.
I would have avoided using any scene from existing episodes if I could, but for this story to happen at all, there had to be an invasion.
A lot of the similarites, like Twilight whispering "Go to him!" were to give the readers a visual representation, when none of the characters would actually be witness the exact details.
Thanks for telling me all those, though. It makes sure I pay particular attention to those things that would easily become flaws if I'm not careful. (For example, in my first draft of this story idea, Dinky really was a Sue character.)
And if there's anything else you notice, please be sure to tell me.
8631935
It's not just her lack of reaction to the changes. Dinky here is far more collected, proactive, and competent in this capter than someone her age and in her situation has a right to be.
I'm not familiar with Antony C, though I'm familiar with the episode and its numerous issues. But if you're using an existing story as the base for an AU, then your readers are going to use that story as a frame of reference. My issue is that you've recontextualized the story without establishing the changes that put the story in context. I used the original episode as my frame of reference because the picture you've painted of your AU is incomplete.
Also, one last thing (because you said please
), the CMC are flower-girls (flower-fillies?), not bridesmaids.
8632410
Ah. Yeah, I gave her a far more proactive character in this one. Probably due to my headcanon regarding her mother. (It is rather difficult being a single mother.)
Hmm... yeah, you may be right; I probably should have started things from an earlier standpoint, to better establish the divergence from the canon show.
And whoops... Yeah, I should go fix that detail. Serves me right for trying to use my possibly year-old memories of watching that finale.
Of course, you don't have to, but if you feel like still reading any future chapters I write, I would really appreciate hearing of any more flaws you might find. It isn't often I get feedback this useful.
My feelings on this chapter mirror the ones I had for the last one, and for much the same reasons.
I think I have to stop here. Sorry.
8716181
Okay. It probably just boils down to my characterization of Dinky, but thanks anyway.
8716654
Yeah... I have a problem with writing too many things at once. Also being sick and procrastinating. But I'm working on that second one.
I'm guessing your going with Changelings having tracheae; Equestria must have a really high oxygen concentration to support a bug that big.
8838955
Yup. The atmosphere is a lot denser in general.
I read that with the single nerve impulse before. I know how hard it can be to adapt, but Dinky can be proud of herself for her action It’s very rare to see such a proactive filly in a story.
8839061
Also, in regards to insects and breathing, since in your chapter note you were researching insect anatomy. For smaller insects air transfer is mostly passive, but larger insects need to pulse there muscles in order to pump air in and out of their tracheae. This is due to the problem of surface area to volume that larger insects have. As the insect gets larger the volume of the internal cavity and therefor cells that need air grows at a much faster rate then the surface area of the exoskeleton. This is actually a major physiological constraint for all kinds of organisms, even down to singles cells. So, in order to get air into their deep tissues you will see larger insects pulsing there muscles in a manner that looks like "breathing" to move air deep inside their tissues. If you have any insect questions I may be able to help, I have taken classes in entomology and I keep honeybees. So, I like to think I know a little bit about insects at least something about eusocial ones.
See video:
8839443
Ooh! Thanks! I'm planning to have a research session with Twilight, where a lot of those things will be analyzed. (Probably in an optional bonus chapter, so people who aren't interested don't have to read it.)
In the interest of not writing the chapter again, though, I'm going to just say that such a respiratory system is even more automatic than lungs are, and not exactly noticeable to a panicking filly.
I might just ask you questions in the future, though, so thanks for the offer.
8839443
Oh, and just to make sure you are aware, in a previous comment, I explained that Equestria's atmosphere is denser.
Since I know that even with an active breathing system, it would be nigh impossible to sustain an insect as large as Dinky with a comparable metabolism to a pony.
And it also kinda explains why pegasi can fly. While I like the idea that they fly using magic (and that's still true in this universe), this means that they can fly while putting out a reasonable energy output of magic. (Keeping an object as large/heavy as a pegasus in the air requires a ridiculous amount of energy - something that is more plausible with a combination of magic and muscles than just magic.)
8839683
Oh, I wasn't suggesting that you change the story. I was just giving you some extra info; as in your chapter notes you mentioned you were researching insect anatomy. I don't think you have to worry too much about being overly realistic in a story about a magical pony who gets turned into a magical insect pony.
8845618
Sure! I liked learning about it regardless of whether I can find a way to integrate it naturally.
Short but Good
8965531
Thanks!
8965600
Your Welcome!
8965601
Oh, if you follow any of my other stories, I'm pretty much just writing down the next chapter of Breaking Dawn. (I realized that I probably have a chapter's worth already, and I should just publish it before people start to give up.)
8965609
Thanks for the Info. I found this Story as dinky is my favorite Background filly. And while i write Stories with her, your Level of proactivity for her is impressive
8965632
Thanks. Her personality was a bit difficult, since it's easy to run with the proactive part too far and end up with no emotional vulnerability. (That's actually some of why it updates so slow, and why I had to scrap almost three-quarters of my pen-and-paper work.)
8965711
I see. I'm impressed that She goes that far. In my latest Story and planned Sequels, i make her proactive by helping in any Way she can, even if it's dangerous
8966366
Some of both. She was already thinking the newspapers weren't telling everything. And as she started to be considered a friend by Dinky, the mental block started to wear off.
Things are starting to get interesting.
8966475
*in caveman voice* You write. make next chapter. update story. *proceeds to make ape noises*
9592776
Wow. I'm actually doing that right now.
(Glad that at least you are still waiting instead of just giving up.)
9595673
YAY! Did I get you to smile or laugh?
Eh, I might edit this sometime.
Looking back, the tone is a bit off from what I wanted it to be. Too much telling and not enough showing. And the mood is all over the place. Like Celestia's reaction seems out of place without some context that I had in my head, but didn't really transfer it well into writing.
But my priority probably will be new chapters until this is further along. (This might change if new readers show more discontent with it.)
It probably is so "bad" because it is one of the few relatively untouched chapters from when I wrote a whole bunch on a whim, then scrapped most of it. The rest of the story ends up a lot slower paced.
9595706
I actually find this chapter alright the way it is.
9595684
Yes.
9595746
That's pretty vague.
9596529
I was just being silly.
9597745
I couldn't tell.
9598177
Sorry, I often forget that tone is not often translated well on the Internet.
IT'S BAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ending was fine.
Most intriguing. The beginning could use a little work—yes, the changelings have died, but considering Twilight's experience with them, she can be forgiven for struggling to change her perception of them—and Twilight sometimes sounds more like Pinkie than herself, but the premise definitely has me intrigued. Looking forward to more Changeling Princess Best Filly.
9768876
Yeah, at the time I wrote this I was desperate to get anything out. So while I had the general ideas solid, some parts were indeed rushed, and editing was almost non-existent.
Wow Celestia, way to put responsibility on like a ten year old -_-
9772101
From Celestia's perspective, it's the only way to get her accepted by common ponies without other changelings being present. Dinky's the only one they've seen in Equestria? That's because she is royalty.
And we all know how Celestia plans far out before she actually thinks about the ponies it would affect.