Mistakes happen. Twilight Sparkle knows that as well as anyone. What she didn't know was how annoyed one could make their girlfriend by making one bad mistake in bed.
Until tonight.
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- Member Since 4th Dec, 2014
- offline last seen Saturday
chillbook1
One day, you will all come to my funeral just to make sure that I stay dead, but today is not that day | https://ko-fi.com/chillybook
chillbook1
Joined 4th Dec, 2014 ·
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This story is weird and makes me cringe. But it also made me laugh multiple times. You get a like for that.
Shark Tale reference, I love this story already!
This.....is amazing.
Oh gods that ending
Shouldn't this be Mature?
How had it never occurred to me that this might happen before?
this should be rated M
8229693
8229714
This story does not contain the aforementioned detailed descriptions of sexual acts, therefore, does not require an M rating.
8229337
Shark Tale is one of my favorite animated movies of all time. I'm glad someone caught the reference.
8229743
I caught it too.
Oh, man, that story was embarrassing. I was expecting that Twilight pulled a Leonard from "The Big Bang Theory".
8229880
Haven't seen The Big Bang Theory in ages, and don't actually know what you're referring to.
8229883
8229741
That's really close there to explicit. Considering that the only reason that the situation is even funny is because of what they are in the middle of.
If the activity can't be replaced by baking and still retain the humor, it's probably M rated.
Funny story though.
8230328
I stand by the rating. I don't give any detailed descriptions of the sex, therefore, it passes as Teen.
That said, thanks for reading and enjoying!
8230344
I'm sorry you feel that way. Thanks for giving it a try and donating your time.
I don't get what she could've said to make her so mad?
Understandable, have a great day.
I was expecting Twilight to be faking her orgasm
Dude, this needs to be mature.
What logic did you use to not make this mature?Edited to sound like less of a dick. Sorry.
8270262
That is in excerpt ripped directly from the "Tag Information" section of the FAQ. I was concerned when posting, so I double checked the actual rules and came back with this. No matter how you slice it, there are no detailed descriptions of sexual acts. Any descriptions of sex are extremely vague.
If it's really bothering you that much, PM a mod and ask them. If they agree with you, I'll be more than happy to change it. Til then, this remains T.
Firstly, this is really stretching the barrier of what qualifies as a teen rating. I would've marked this as mature, personally.
Secondly... neither of them felt in character, like at all. The ideas aren't necessarily bad, but the execution was poor. I'm not usually one to bandy about "show don't tell" because that's a rule that people uphold without understanding it should be broken sometimes. But this is a case where showing us would've been much better than telling, specifically in their emotions. But also, just... this didn't feel like I was reading a story involving Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle. It felt like I was reading a story about two random teenage girls whose names happened to match up.
Also I don't think the conflict here makes any sense anyway. Sunset was from Equestria--she surely knows that Celestia's name is invoked as an expression since she's used it herself, and that it would probably be used in sex too like someone saying "Oh my god." So... yeah, I didn't really feel it. Sorry, but this story gets a thumbs down from me
Wow, Twilight was a naughty little freak, growing up wasn't she?
This made me laugh and both Twi and Sunnybuns felt in character.
Is it weird that I can actually believe Twilight would be a voyeur?
8294849
1. You said personally, you would have given it an M rating. But it’s not your story. OP was sticking to the rules, if they weren’t this would’ve been taken down.
2. You complained that they were OOC. It’s FANFICTION. It’s meant to be OOC, that’s why it has the word ‘fiction’.
3. “This is a case when showing us would’ve been better than telling”. Are you an English teacher? This. Isn’t. Your. Story.
4. “It felt like I was reading a story about two random teenage girls whose names happened to match up.”
That’s on you, buddy. Interpret it how you like.
5. “Also I don't think the conflict here makes any sense anyway.”
Even though Celestia *is* used as a replacement for ‘Oh my God’ sometimes, surely people/ponies would refuse from using that whilst having sex? Also, it’s clear that Twilight must have said ‘Celestia’ or ‘Princess Celestia’ or something along those lines, but if she *had* said ‘Oh my Celestia’ then there wouldn’t be a problem.
Constructive criticism is OK, but next time please keep any hate to yourself.
10474660
Appreciate it, but bring that fire down a few notches, uce.