A thousand years in Equsetria's past everything seems bright for it's citizens but unbeknownst to them their rulers are still young and immature by Alicorn standards. The newer generations barely regard Luna as a major part of their leadership or their lives setting Luna on the path to become Nightmare Moon. But this is all changed when close to her breaking point Luna meets a creature who can grant her what she wants, to be loved while her elder sister is scorned. Her wish is granted but at a dire cost. What she thought was her dream come true became a nightmare that the princess of dreams could not escape.
Note: I made the possessed Celestia a little more darker than Nightmare Moon or the series's Daybreaker.
Chapters (13)
A little short, but I'm interested enough in seeing where this is going and how you turn the anger from Luna to Celestia. By the way, "Scorching Sun" does have a nice ring to it over..."Daybreaker".
Oh and I noticed a few typos.
"soli" should be "soil"
"Here" should be "Her"
"bee" should be "been"
Aside from those, I found your writing style to be quite enjoyable. I look forward to more.
There isn't much here at the moment, but I am interested to see where this goes.
8195915 Thank you. I hope that you enjoy it. Thank you for letting me know about the typos. I'll fix them.
8196469 Don't worry, there is plenty more to come.
Oh, Luna... this will not end well...
As for the name Scouring Sun... I get you don't like Daybreaker, but Daybreaker is a reference to both daybreak (Dawn) and someone who is trained to break a horse out of its wild phase. Scouring Sun... it sounds too much like a rip-off of Nightmare Moon to be... well unique
8242557
I never thought of it also referring to breaking a horse. I just considered Daybreaker, as the breaking of dawn and revering to dawn of the reign of day without the night.
Scorching Sun was meant to be sort of a mirror reflection of Nightmare Moon just opposite as day and night are opposite.
Anyway, thank you for the like. I'll have the next chapter up soon.
8249672
I get you want to mirror 'Nightmare Moon', I do. But 'celestia' means 'sky', not 'sun', thus there is not the mirror between the sisters in their unfallen state, thus I argue that fallen state names shouldn't have to mirror each other.
Now if Celestia's name was something like 'Sola' or 'Sols', something in a Romance Language that means 'Sun', then I would fully agree with your desire.
BUT I will end this here, it is your story, your call.
8249715
It was more meant as Nightmare, something bad about the night and then Luna's cutie mark the moon. Thus Nightmare Moon. I tried to equal to with something bad about the day such as being caught out in scorching heat and Celestia's cutie mark the sun.
I don't know, maybe I put too much thought into it but Daybreaker sounded more comical than frightening to me. Especially when I had in mind a little more darker tone for later chapters. I loved the design though. I like it better than that of Nightmare Moon.
Anyway, the next chapter is written and I'll be editing. It may be a little sower because I'm working on two stories at once but the other will be finished soon.
8252898
Fair enough
That should have Luna's first clue that something was going to go horribly wrong. Well, let's see what's happens next.
8257112
Yep. The brief look at his dream should have also been a red flag because it shows he does not like ponies. Luna though is not herself and was a step away from being Nightmare Moon when she made the wish. She will figure things out shortly.
The "what have I done" moment is slowly being built to. I feel sorry for Luna.
8259225
Good prediction.
, that's a long underused use of the word 'will', normally there is another verb, but it seems that Celestia is slipping into archaic speak, it's only a matter of time before she starts using the royal 'We'.
Overall, the temperature is rising, and ponies are going to get burnt...
8276144
I did consider full ancient speak but I thought that it would be too tiresome for readers. Things will heat up though and there will be heat and fire.
Except for a few minor mistakes, this is good I'll keep reading.
Please continue. You have an upvote from me.
It just got real... oh Luna
8292392
I may have to slow down a little with starting a new job but I will still continue it.
Thank you.
8292417 I said that there would be smoke and fire.
8292888
Please do at your own pace, but still hurry because I don't like to wait.
Or do as you please.
8292907
Don't worry, I'll try not to keep people waiting too long. I'll be working on the next chapter tonight and whenever I have time after that. I shouldn't be delayed too much but I wanted to let readers know just in case.
8294258
Okay.
8294262
8294268
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/269/1/7/pinkie_pie_does_derp__by_lulikat15-d5g01ek.jpg
Ooo! When is next chapter?
8302091
As soon as possible.
8302229
Kk
I can see only one solution... The Elements of Harmony... but can Luna make it in time?
8312140
You'll just have to wait and see.
MOARR!!!!
...... Please?
8328377
There is more now.
8329864
. When is next chapter? I love this story!!
Yay
8330391
As soon as possible. I'm so glad that you like it.
How will Daybreaker be different than Nightmare Moon?
8330491
Okie dokie lokie!
8330519 You'll just have to see.
https://www.tenor.co/Erfg.gif
8340124
The magic is coming. Just a few chapters left.
Cliffhangers.... I should have expected it.
Stupid cliffhanger! Why must thou torture thy like this?
8343671
8342952
Sorry you two. I am working on the next chapter as fast as I can. I'll try to not leave you hanging too long.
8344081
Heh, I should do that too. I haven't worked on one of my stories in months.
Chaos Reigns
8344828
Work on it. Sometimes stories take a lot of work but they are usually worth it.
8347044
I try, it just doesn't feel as good as the rest then.
8347057
That happens. I've been there many time before.
Is that is it?
Aw, it's over....
It needs to keep going
I wonder how Luna will interact with, I assume, Twilight when Twilight reads this on the eve of Daybreaker's release.