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The story of how Lily, the pony with the hedgehog cutie mark got her super strength. Lily ventures into the Everfree forest in search of her missing pet hedgehog. Her adventure will lead to her having to repeatedly outwit a resident of the Everfree and bring her to posses a gift that she never would have imagined.
Written for the group that named her Lily Longsocks.
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A story about Hedgehog Filly!
Al of my yesss!
I'll give ya an upvote.
6601474 I'm glad your excited. I hope you like it.
6602802 Thank you.
6604041 No prob!
That's brilliant, actually.
it's ruined by the fact that she uses the wrong "they're" three times in the next few paragraphs, but stillNice idea, but the sentences seem weird. I am assuming you are not native English speaker? Anyhow good luck writing, I am looking forward for more.
Chapter 2!
6604039Ow, I like(d) it
6604895 I am what I am.
Thank you. I'll give it my best.
6605051 Chapter three is in the works.
6604322 It's an MLP play off an old trick riddle from years ago that I randomly remembered.
A fanfiction for Lily Longsocks! That is great!
Almost a month since she had her debut and now there's finally a fic! I hope there will be more!
This fic is already great! Her talent makes a lot of sense, so much sense even, that it already pricks and hurts (everyone except for Lily herself, of course), aligning it with animals who can prick you with their body is even better!
And quite classic, it is an origin fanfic for Lily and her super strength!
I'm amazed by this! I don't know what quality standards this group has, but I submitted it to the Writer's Group. Many need to see this fic! And once you're done with it, I'm going to write a little review for it to bring more awareness of it's existence!
6607464
I can't wait to read it!
This is a charming little fairy tale. I will be following this.
6611311 Thank you so much. I am glad that you like it. I'll try to make it the best that I can.
I hope that they accept it, though I am bad with grammar.
6611617 Thank you. I hope you enjoy it.
6613741
So far it was not removed from the group. I hope they keep it in it.
Dont ya mean forest? Also I thought Fluttershy is the element of Kindness? But these are nitpicks nice story so far
6614126 Me too.
Thank you so much.
6614737 I was trying to swap up trees & forest to keep from sounding redundant but yes I do mean Kindness. Thank you. It's fixed.
(how this story makes me feel...)
That dragon is not the most intelligent.
Won't she run into something?
The Everfree Forest is suspiciously quiet so far.
6616954 Nope he's not. One thing you should know about him though. He, like many of my OC are based off people I know or have known. The dragon is no different. He's based off a few people actually. A few people I know who always has to "Win" especially when discussing or arguing or something. They make things up as they go or say things that they themselves really don't believe just to "Win". If one has to do that they probably should rethink their point.
Just as the dragon gets angry when Lilly tricks him he's like a few other people I've known. Whenever something bad happens or someone pushes back they can't comprehend or wont comprehend that it happed because they were doing something wrong in the first place. Whether it's the consequences of their actions or someone reacting to defend themselves they always blame circumstances or the other person.
Except for a manticore encounter I was going to have her mostly sneak around monsters because I didn't want the mood to get too dire. It didn't seem too farfetched since Apple Bloom is able to walk to Zecora's in peace but your right. Needs more monster action so here is chapter four with extra monster trouble.
6615020 that makes me feel
This continues to be excellent. I have to ask, was the "Get Lost!" dare inspired by the New Twilight Zone episode "Eye of Newton"?
Um... if I publish a Lily Longsocks story somewhere in the future you will understand that I was already outlining it before you published, and I am in no way trying to steal from you?
6620664 No, I never was a fan of the Twilight Zone but I might look that episode up.
Don't worry, I won't. I was expecting other stores about her to pop up sooner or later. Please send me a link when you do.
I call this: lilly and the pricks
6621409 Lol
Hahaha, oh my god!
I totally thought some monster is meant with the thing when I started reading, but that it would be Lily herself? That's super genius!
Love it how one little filly outwits so many monsters here.
This is easily one of my all-time favourite fics now!
What I noticed this time, though, is, that there are a lot more typos this time.
Have you thought about getting a pre-reader?
6620493
And it's amazing!
Though for Applebloom visiting Zecora, I always wonder how people got that notion that the Everfree Forest is more harmless than it first seemed just because Applebloom made it to Zecora safely.
Twilight and her friends met dangerous creatures there, Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle went into it carefree and were almost killed by a cockatrice and then, Applebloom does a few steps into it without running into something and suddenly the forest is assumed more harmless?
I could never follow that logic and still don't.
It became even more strange after the timberwolf attacks we saw in Season 3 and the massive attack the whole forest launched once the Tree of Harmony couldn't hold it back anymore and when people still insisted on that.
6621629 It's amazing what the unknown and confusion can do to creatures even if they themselves are scary.
I thought it would be fun to have a filly sending the monsters running. I also wanted things to stay fairly light so I had to go comedy.
I was going to have it that she was just lucky like Apple Bloom had to have been and she was just going to sneak past all of them without incident but yeah more monsters is better. Thank you so much. Without your suggestion that part would not be there.
I do need a proof reader. Can you point out the typos for me?
6621946
Exactly! And I know better what you mean than you probably think.
That sentence by you reminded me on the times I played "Thief" now.
And it's not even just comedy. In "Thief" you sneak around monsters and undeads in the later levels all the time. But if they get you.....
I inspired this part, really?
Wow, I feel honored that my question made an impact on you. I have actually thought you had planned to let her run into some monsters eventually anyway, so my question was more rhetoric. This really surprises me now.
There are so many to list here. But maybe I can, next week or something, try to put the whole thing into Google Docs and correct them all for you, so that you can swap it out. I think that would be more efficient.
Once again you do not fail to deliver writing gold...
6622020 I did just plan to have her sneak past the monsters but that question did make me realize that it would be better with more monsters. I was only going to have a couple encounters with a manticore which is coming up and that was about it.
I probably just write the stories out too fast and my mind often moves faster than my fingers when typing it out. That can't be helped but I probably do need to slow down as well as get a proof reader.
6622105 Thank you. I joined Fimfiction to get more practice and advice and I guess it's paying off.
I'm still enjoying this. You do need to proofread again. Also, internal dialogue, such as the dragon's inner voice, should be in italics.
6625678 I went back through and wow, I did make a lot of mistakes. It is hard to proofread your own work but I also wrote nearly all of it as well as proofread it in one day.
I'm glad that your enjoying it though. I've always been better at ideas than grammar and proofreading. I'm going to work on it though and maybe find myself a third party proofreader.
Cute.
And that, ladies and gentleman, is how Lilly got her awesomely amazing super strength. A little while later she would proceed to show up Bulk Biceps, Iron Will, and every other heavily muscled entity in Equestria and become the reigning arm wrestling champion of the world, all with Prickles Pricklebutt at her side, cheering her on in his small hedgehog.
This is still tagged as incomplete. Are you planning to add more chapters?
6630721 Cute new story idea for her.
6630741 Nope. I just forgot to change it. Thank you for the reminder.
Loved it!
paul harvey
now you know the rest of the story.
6630920 I'm glad that you did.
6631031
Oh my god, she lied to him!
Even twice!
She's smart. So smart.
She does not hesitate to use everything that can be used to get her out of trouble.
I like her. I really like her!
And so, Lily got her super strength.....
A light went on in my head and I knew this is how she will get her super strength, to be able to free Prickles, once I had finished the second-to-last chapter.
That's such an amazing idea. Considering her hedgehog cutie mark and that hedgehogs have indeed the habit of crawling under stuff and hide there, the special talent you gave her here and the reason why she has the super strength might even be true.
Too bad that we will probably never find it out in the show.....
Anyway, it just fits so perfectly that it might be the case with Lily for real. And then how you tied the fanfiction in with the actual events we've seen in the episode, with Diamond Tiara wandering around and happen to see Lily and then deciding to use her knowledge about that secret.
That was perfect.
I've rarely read a fanfic that tied in so perfectly with an episode of the show. It's just the second time, actually, and here it's even better than with the first one where that was the case.
You are a top author. The only things you need are a pre-reader and editor for the grammar stuff and a regular writing schedule, then you could make it to one of the big ones here.
I'm only a little sad that my sequel I had in mind for your story here won't work anymore now, with the end you wrote. But I love the story the way it is!
And thanks for the shoutout in "The Thing that stalks the berry patch"!
6633565 I did want her to be clever& tenacious. She would have to be to make it all the way. I grew to like her more as I wrote.
It takes place after the class election & Lilly puts her super strength to use in Ponyvile. What was your idea?
I figured that most people would guess but I didn't think that it would be a bad thing. Sometimes I enjoy a story where I know what the ending will be but eagerly wait to see just how it will turn out.
You never know about Hasbro. I swear that they read our fanfics & watch the YouTube reviews. If we talk about her enough they may bring her into the foreground.
I'm glad that u liked it so much. I didn't think that it was going to be that good. I do need a proofreader though.
I do have a sequel in the works.
Your very welcome for the shout out. Credit should be given where it's due.
6635831
Same here.
I think I could start to like her even more than I like Dinky and Chirpy Hooves.
Although, I barely have read fics about them (and the latter one barely has gotten any), so I can't say for sure.
Exactly what I think too. That's one of the reasons why I never get it when someone criticizes a fic or episode of the show as "predictable".
Sometimes the path is more important than the goal.
Because of the 100th episode? Where the ideas to make it a Brony fanservice episode came surprisingly from Hasbro and not from DHX (M.A. Larson was even against it and told Hasbro that it shouldn't do this)?
That would be a point, but this was a special celebration episode. It didn't hurt there to go wild a little.
But for the regular plot of the show..... It's actually DHX who is responsible for all the ideas, Hasbro only says "neigh" in very rare instances and waves 99% of the stuff that DHX wants to have for the show through.
And even though DHX is very close to the brony fandom, I doubt it would especially cater to bronies because one pony gets especially popular. Except for Derpy, but Derpy is special and the fandom largely responsible for her role in the show, with all the theories it exchanged about her.
And they can't do that too often without screwing with their own ideas and artistic visions from the show.
The only thing that makes me holding up my hope that we will see more about Lily and her life in the show is that the special talents of Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle turned out to be helping other ponies with their cutie marks and own special talents.
This will give a lot of background foals more appearances and roles in the show once Season 6 rolls around and maybe Lily is one of them?
But then again, she already has her cutie mark, so it's hard to tell. I would say the chances here don't stand better than 50:50.
You should be able to find one in the Writer's Group where I submitted your fic.
Awesome! I'm craving more stories about her!
I thought back and forth if I should write it down here, but then I decided to send you a message so that one one snatches my idea, even though I can't write it anymore, as I'm maybe can at least use parts of it somehow.
6636277 Yep, it's not bad when u know what's coming especially when it's an old classic for a movie type or series. You would feel something missing if it wasn't there.
Yep, that & how the CMC got their cutie marks. The idea of all of them getting them all at once & over helping others with their cutie marks was out there before the fifth season. Though the idea was helping others get a cutie mark instead of helping them figure it out.
6636277 Here's the sequel Lilly Mare Do Well
Overall it's a good fairy tale. I like the way it's written and characters are really well built.