• Member Since 23rd Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Saturday

CommissarAJ


Just so we're all clear, I'm putting on my glasses

Comments ( 61 )

I truly love this Indigo, also, I so want to laugh so hard at the finger challenge.

Yeeeeesssss, excellent, let the shipping commence. Seriously though, this is shaping up to be amazing.

Like this story can't wait to read more.
There only a few stories where Sunset meets Sunset and usually the human Sunset is utter bitch or in some worst.

“Oh god, we are so the evil universe.”

Ain't it the truth. Ain't it the truth.
Looks like this ship was sunk before it even left the harbor.:twilightoops:

Wow...human Sunset is a maximum level bitch...something tells me she needs friends...or to be knocked down a peg or two. You got this Indigo!

“Oh, like in those TV shows where the hero goes into the mirror dimension and everyone is evil and has those bitchin’ goatees,”

Well, at least she's watching the right kind of television, :raritywink:

s6.postimg.org/5ul2jmext/continue_Monkey.jpg

This is going to end in the angriest hate sex, isn't it?

Cool. A Sunset paired with a Shadowbolt. Don't care if it is the Human Sunset. Great story and looking forward to more updates.

Indigo is going to stop going to school or stop trying to be her best. She is completely broken. I don't care what this is. I no longer want Indigo paired with Sunset. There is no way for it to happen now that would make this believable for me.

Shimmer you've gone and fucked up...you broke Indy's goggles...I imagine a few sencerios.

1. Shimmer gloats rubs salt in the wound and Indy snaps and kicks her ass

2. Shimmer attempts to apologize after getting verbally ripped a new one by the other shadowbolts

3. Indigo snaps and tries to fight Shimmer only to either lose or have it end in a draw by way of break up

I love Sunset Shimmer...truly I do but dammit if she doesn't need a kick to the twat right now lol no magic rainbow is gonna fix this one but something tells me fists are about to start flying. Great chapter can't wait for the next one:pinkiehappy:

Hahaha damn! Human Sunset has no chill...Indigo needs to gain some dominance cause damn that was hot. Great chapter:pinkiehappy:

8139475 you sir are a twisted genius ya know that?:rainbowlaugh:

Warning: The following comment contains spoilers. Read at you own risk.

First,

At this point, she would’ve been happy to accept defeat if it meant she could get that damned girl out of her head. It seemed like every time she closed her eyes all she could see was Shimmer with her sultry, rosy lips curled into that tantalizing little smirk. And those eyes, so vibrant and radiant; they were equal parts terrifying and alluring, like they could strip down every layer of her defenses and expose the very heart of her soul.

Where the hell did this come from? There was no indication that Indigo found Sunset attractive before now.
Second,

She once more donned that wicked smirk of hers before wedging the plastic caution sign underneath the door handle, jamming the door shut. This brought about a moment of surprise for Indigo, but she didn’t have time to react. Sunset stepped up to her again, grabbed her by the head, and then pulled her in for a deep and lustful kiss.

Again, where did this come from? Completely, outta left field. But at least, I can chalk it up to angry sex, but it's a start. Right now, they are, at most, rivals-with-benefits.
Finally,

“Okay. I was on the countertop and then Sunset was slipping them off. She held them in her hands and then—” Her thoughts and heart froze as the realization sank in. “And then she shoved them into her pocket.”

Looks like Sunset got herself a trophy after all.:rainbowlaugh: Now, Indigo has to somehow earn her own trophy.:rainbowkiss: She better get to researching.:rainbowwild:

8145058 Indigo isn't gonna go down without a fight...but then again thats what Sunset wants huh? For Indigo to fight for her 'torphy'

Can I say that this turnaround of events did not expect me right? However great work with this story. The interaction between Indigo and Sunset I like a lot, even if such a turn would be nice between Rainbow and Aria (well, let's just say I'm out of bed). Anyway I hope to see a new chapter as soon as possible and see how the Sunset and Indigo relationship evolves, and I do not know why, but I have the impression that the Indigo goggles will make a difference between these two, given the affective value they have for Indigo . And after this poem I end by saying that I like this story more and more and I congratulate you for the work you are doing.

I think you just caused a forest fire.
Because this was HOT!!! :pinkiecrazy:

“Fuck you!”
“Fuck you!”
“Fuck you!”

Please tell me this was a reference to that moment in Dragon Ball Z Abridged when Vegeta and Bulma are screaming at each other and they basically do this exact same thing only with insults before saying Fuck you? Cause OMFG this story is gonna be a top favorite for me if it is xD

8146358

In retrospect, there was probably some subconscious influence, but that had not been my intention. Still, wouldn't be the first time something like that has slipped in.

8146896 it took a minute for it to click in my head cause i was rereading the chapter during an episode of Dragon Ball Super and I then got into an 'arguement' with my friend and we were like

fuck you

fuck you!

FUCK YOU<insert slur here>

and i was reading and i was like...wait a second?! lol

Alright human Sunset is a lot less of an asshole now knowing that she was actually just lonely and felt like she was being punished when all she was trying to do in the beginning was be nice(and get freaky) Fuck that school and her pops for their reaction. I got a feeling the next time they 'go at it' Indy is gonna show Sunset a dominant side thats gonna turn her entire world on its head. Great chapter, good feels and surprisingly funny :twilightsmile:

Aww, that turned out kinda sweet. And we get a nice lead in to the next story.

Congratulations to this chapter, I liked it a lot even if I expected that Sunset and Indigo approached in another way (if you remember in my previous comment I said Indigo's goggles would have played a key role) but I really liked this too Version you wrote. I just want to ask you one question: the next chapter will still focus on Sunset and Indigo? Because in the title there is written part 4 so I have to deduce that they will still be the protagonists? However still compliments for the story. You continue to go great!

Indigo burst into laughter. “I don’t think Sunny Flare’s into girls like that.”

That's was she thinks.:rainbowlaugh:

ouch i just got burned cuz that was hot. one of the best eqg sex scenes i have ever read

if sunny flare and lemon zest arent together id kinda love to see that threesome lol

8153937

Who said we're done? We're only halfway through this tale. :trollestia:

“I’ll accept compensation in the form of mango smoothies and lemon tarts,”

How appropriate, :derpytongue2:

“I don’t think Sunny Flare’s into girls like that.”

mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-2243688-1-OhBoyHereWeGoRainbowDash.jpg

Oh I can tell this is gonna get steamy the night of the dance:trollestia:

So, was Lighting just that wasted, or does she just give exactly zero fucks?

sorry but indigo and sunset having a threesome with lightning dust would be hot.

Ohohohoho Sunset you sly bitch you! Indy really must love a challenge eh? This is gonna be fun

Then we begin with order:

1) Sunset's father must die of a thousand deaths by Akuma's hand

2) Sunset's father must suffer a thousand sufferings for Joker's Hand

3) Sunser's father is a fucking asshole.

If in my case I was not quite clear, Sunset's father liked me like a rough nail in the ass.

Instead, the chapter generally liked me a lot, I do as usual my compliments for the work you are doing. I am increasingly eager to read the continuation of this story.

Only a question I would like to ask you: in the description of the story you said that in addition to Indigo and Sunset there will be other ShadowBolts as protagonists, I wanted to know but their stories, when you come to write the chapters to them, will be set parallel to that of Indigo And Sunset will be set after all these events are taking place? Still compliments for the story.

8170702

Parallel. All three stories happen over the same approximate two-week stretch before the gala. There's already been passing references to what the other pairs have been up to.

Food and porn? You'll spoil us. :derpytongue2:

And now they go back home and make sweet passion wanton love and Indigo takes her second prize for the night! I was half expecting her old man to show up and be like 'Fuck this lesbian bullshit you shall come home right now daughter!' but I believe Sunset and Indigo deserve a happy ending...I don't regret any of the puns I may or may not have made:trollestia:

I wonder where Lemon zest was during this awesome Chapter, it was really well done.

8177365

Bringing in Sunset's dad was tempting. And I mean really, really, really tempting.

And now I can't remember why I decided against it...

8178288 hahah trust me I totally get the feeling xD It'd have been so satisfying to see Indigo or Sunset...or both; to tell him to go eat a dick and then basically say to his face without directly saying it "We're gonna go back to Indigo's and fuck and you can't stop us bitch"

Cause oh my God that would've been priceless :trollestia:


Apparently we arrived at the end of the story of Indigo and Sunset. I must say that the end of the story between Indigo and Sunset left me ... melancholy. I'm not saying it's a bad end, actually it was written and done well. However, being a fan of the "happy ending" I was hoping for a more rosy finish for the protagonists. In short, to see that the initial hatred of each other was unmoved, a feeling of affection blossomed not only driven by a carnal desire, and then to see or better read that anyway they will have to separate because of Sunset's father , Left me some bitterness. But in the end, did not the bittersweets finish like this? I'm doing my best compliments for this narrative arc, I look forward to reading what happened to other ShadowBolts during Winning Her Heart events.

Sunsets father can eat a bag of crusty fried dicks...how dare you stand in the way of love you bastard! Love this story and can't wait to see what you do next:pinkiehappy:

8186010 apparently he can't, otherwise he'd understand being gay

I enjoyed the story quite a bit, but I'm kinda surprised the other Sunset Shimmer never actually showed up. Human Sunset could just as easily be an OC, you know?

(Although, if pony Sunset's family is as controlling as her counterpart's, maybe that's why she's fine with staying in the human world instead of going home...)

8208560 You're right and I'm an idiot.

I guess I forgot because they didn't really interact at all.

Since Indigo Zap didn’t want to take any chances with people dodging her calls, ignoring her texts, or otherwise withholding the answers that she now so desperately wanted, she chose to arrange for a meeting with Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer, and refrained from giving the exact reason as to why. 

Okay, something's wrong here. She arranged a meeting with Twilight AND Sunset, without giving any information. She has every reason to honestly blow up and demand Twilight bring Sunset to her, but she doesn't, and that's fine. However . . .

Indigo Zap has no idea about the other dimension at this point. She knows that something is drastically different about Sunset Shimmer, but she isn't even thinking about the possibility that it is someone different yet the exact same.

So why is it that she reacts to Sunset Shimmer like this?

“Hey, redhead!” Indigo shouted as she raced over to them. “What’s your name?”

Twilight and Sunset turned their heads to the oncoming Crystal Prep student, both looking perplexed by the question. “It’s Sunset Shimmer,” the girl in question answered. “Did you really come all this way just to ask that?”

“Or so you claim!” Indigo accused, pointing a finger at her. “But if you’re Sunset Shimmer, then how do you explain this picture?”

She's acting like this isn't the same Sunset that was at her school, yet we have no explanation for why this is and an actual good reason for her to think this. Yes, as I said, she notices differences, but how can she rationalize those differences as so different that it couldn't be Sunset Shimmer? Once again, she has no idea about another dimension. In fact, they don't even know enough about Sunset to truly be able to say whether or not this is something she wouldn't do.

My main point is what's the point of bringing Princess Twilight into EG universe to prove to Indigo that it is really real if she was already thinking it wasn't Sunset anyway? She didn't even really approach Sunset aggressively in any way. The sister of Lightning Dust isn't being aggressive? That seems a little odd, especially considering what happened to Indigo.

And, sure, Indigo said she wouldn't have believed what Sunset said if the Friendship Games hadn't happened, but that shows even more how contrived it seems to be to have Princess Twilight suddenly pop up like this.

If this entire scene had been redone, then it could work out just fine. However, I have a problem with how you've handled this chapter currently.

Otherwise, this story has a massive amount of potential, and you're normal mastery of characters is showing very broadly here. I love where this story is going, and I'm going to be following this story intently.

8492040

Well Indigo wasn't 'blowing up' because she's at least trying to be a nicer person to Twilight, given how prior said behaviour played a part in her turning into a magic-crazed demon who tore open a hole between dimensions.

As for her approach.... hrm, guess I hadn't thought about the implications of her exact word choice. I'll go make some tweaks...

edit: Tweaked

8492566
Fantastic! I love the edit far more, and I can understand why Indigo doesn't want to blow up on Twilight Sparkle because she feels bad about how she treated her. I was merely saying there is no reason why she shouldn't blow up on at least Sunset.

The scene feels far better, and Princess Twilight showing up doesn't feel as contrived. It still seems really odd to just . . . drop everything crazy on Indigo at once, but then again, that's been the trend thus far. Of course, Sunset said it'll be just a minute, so she won't be there long.

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