• Member Since 16th Feb, 2017
  • offline last seen Mar 22nd, 2019

Jonah Smith


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Diamond Tiara can't forgive herself over her previous actions before being reformed. She can even less understand why the pony she personally tormented came to her aid. It's time to find the truth!

Edit: It got featured in popular stories? What is wrong with this fandom? I couldn't be more thankful.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 26 )

I like this! I really like this! I love the way you potrayed Diamond Tiara's guilt here. They say the best way to punish someone who has wronged you is to forgive them; this story shows why. The way you had Apple Bloom explain everything to Diamond was just... haunting. But in a good way. :pinkiehappy:

The only criticism I have is the dialogue. I know Apple Bloom is mature for her age, but she's not that... shakespearean.

Besides that, good job! :yay:

8081256 Thanks!:pinkiehappy: And yeah I know, the dialogue is a little bit weird in the story, first time writing an apple member and considering how this was the big turning point for the cmc I thought a little maturity would be in order. Although I'm beginning to think I went a bit overboard

8081260 Noooo... You think? :trollestia:

Still a good short story regardless.

"You just mentioned how we apples consider family such a big deal, imagine if I had been born and my sister had stayed in Manehatten. I’d still have my big brother, Macintosh, but there would be something missing and I would find out sooner or later.”

"Knowing I had a sister that left before Ah was born coulda badly hurt me emotionally. Ah would most likely assume she didn’t want me to be a part of her life, knowing that Ah would have taken my anger out on other ponies, our roles could have been reversed.”

You would have stayed that way, but remember mah sister left for Manehatten, a place full of ponies like that. If Ah saw a pony acting like a pony mah sister could have possibly become, Ah woulda take my anger out on you one of the few ponies who would remind me of the pain I had gone through.”

In most of the stories I read where the sonic rainboom didn't happen, this is the case.

8081330 Any noticable examples? I love these (what I like to call orangejack) stories but can't find many except for one called a minor variation.

I'd say that the first letter of your titles could use capitalization.

The story's a bit on the short side; overall a nice bite-sized piece with an interesting premise and reasonably well execution.

I see Diamond Tiara's pain through her dialogue, but not as much in her actions, although that may a personal preference of mine rather than an actual issue with the story? :unsuresweetie:

I wouldn't say that Apple Bloom's was quite Shakespearean in this story, but her explanation does seem a bit forced. However, the sentimentality is there, and I would say that I can see her saying something to that effect. I do interpret her as being capable of showing this level of maturity from time to time. Given Diamond Tiara's circumstance, I would say that your portrayal of Apple Bloom here isn't contrived.

Overall, I enjoyed it, so have a like. :pinkiesmile:

8081379 Thanks! And the capitalization has been fixed thanks for pointing that out.

Oh yes again like always if you dislike my story please explain why so I have advice on how to improve in the future rather than just dislike and leave

8081409

I noticed! :pinkiehappy:

I look forward to reading more from you soon.

8081339
Well here's one.
...
I'm sorry. I thought there were more than this. If I can find them again, I'll try to remember to let you know.

This was very sweet! :twilightsmile: In regards to the note at the end, why did you like Diamond so much even when she was still mean?

8081556 It's a thing with me, I love the antagonists in the show (besides one) and feel as if they're the characters with the most potential I think it started once I fell in love with Trixie.

Hmm... this is a very interesting piece, which I'll give a far more thorough review to later. In the meantime, have a favourite. :pinkiehappy:

8081867 my favorite author on this site liked my story... somebody pinch me, I'm dreaming

8082050 Okay. (Pinches you). :trollestia:

Now that that's taken care, I have a question. You said you love the antagonists in the show... besides one. Who would that be?

8082050 Listen... I'm not too good at this 'hero worship' thing... can't you just send me money, instead? :rainbowwild:
Also, don't get too ahead of yourself... I fave a lot of DT fiction, she is the best character in the show by some considerable yardstick... it's just a shame the producers seem to disagree. :pinkiesad2:
Now, down to business... oops, it would appear as though someone has beaten me to the punch regarding your pinch. :flutterrage: Wait... is that an unblemished patch of skin I see on your right elbow? Okey-Dokey then... PINCH!! :pinkiehappy:

8082109 Svengallop nothing redeemable nothing at all interesting.

8082192 Yeah, I figured. Well, on the plus side, he's probably the show's most effective hate sink.

8082160 At least pinches are better than spanks wait were pinches the review? Okay then I guess I got something like what? a 7 out of 10 for screaming too loud?

8082050
8082160

I know, right? Feels good, huh? (Dead is one of my favs as well)

There's also the fact of the Zap Apples, the Apples made them, but the Riches SOLD them, the dynamic could have easily been reversed.

8082192 Let me do a little test here. I just released a story and I would like to know if the antagonist(s) are on the same level as Svengallop.

It's called Derpy's Parents Come to Visit.

While Crusaders of the Lost Mark IS my all-time favorite episode of the show, this was a nice followup.

Great job on this!

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