Starlight glimmer gets mad at Twilight once she realizes she's used mental magic more than once. Karma really does stink doesn't it?
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Jonah Smith
Joined 16th Feb, 2017 ·
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Christ one dislike seconds after being approved. Again if you're going to dislike this story please explain why before doing so.
Short, sweet and with some good references. A few errors here and there. Usually with speech marks and you also repeated the MatPat reference the line after finishing the first time. But overall good. Liking and favouriting.
8038853 Thanks and the mat pat joke has been corrected, thanks for pointing that out.
Starlight sure is pulling a lot of stuff from her behind in order to lecture Twilight. We have no idea what a reformation spell would've done. Considering Fluttershy claimed the bats would help Sweet Apple Acres after the whole mind-control issue, we can assume they didn't all starve.
And, as always, she's missing the point of it all completely: If Twilight's own experiences with it were bad, why in the world would it be wrong for her to tell Starlight not to make that mistake? That's not hypocrisy, that's trying to be helpful, while Starlight is looking for excuses.
I think Starlight is the one to get an earful from Celestia.
You're missing another " at the end I guess.
In this case, make up is two words, you kiss and make up. And another " is missing.
Same line twice in a row, a double " at the end of the first and a period missing behind one of them.
Is the edited version of this story somewhere else? You say that editing was done, but there was a lot of stuff in here to say otherwise. I don't really care for going through the whole thing and pointing everything out because that would mean reading it a third time.
8038898 the pony theory quote was corrected while you were typing. The quotation marks are a problem I'll have to fix real quickly so thank you for pointing these out.
So, one might say that Twilight can be something of a. . . hypnocrite?
Why would a reformation spell make anyone act their complete opposite? The purpose of it is to reform someone -- that is, to make them behave in ways society finds acceptable. If they already conform to what society expects, a reformation spell would likely just make them more like that, or perhaps, make it hard to act out in the ways they do have flaws.
A reformation spell could theoretically have destroyed Discord because he's the Spirit of Chaos and forcing him to behave the way society expects is his antithesis, not because that's what would happen in general. The spell was probably normally used to make shoplifters quit stealing and that kind of thing.
8038966 I've dreamt for somebody to tell a bad pun on one of my stories. It's now been eaten.
8038968 Oh hey i've seen you. You write the elements of opposition, right? Love that story. As for the reformation spell I like to thiink of it as the spell Discord put on Twilight and friends thereby not making him the spirit of chaos anymore and that screws with the balence of everything..... that was what I was trying to show anyway.
8038898
The answer to most of these is that it was lost in translation, well, except for the makeup one... that's entirely my fault.
8038898 The storie's actually that bad that you can't read it again? Gosh
8039080 The idea of the story isn't bad, the execution was just off. I didn't really find anything funny (EDIT: but that's just me and doesn't mean you're at fault), it was mostly just painful trying to ignore the mistakes and keep reading.
I saw the fruit bats! They were given their own section of orchard after Twilight undid the spell.
A good premise, and nice dialogue, but it suffers from pacing issues, I sincerely feel like bits of the narrative have been cut out.
8039854 which parts in particular?
8040213
For example, you forget the " when Starlight is speaking, and it feels like you just RUSHED through her bringing out and reading the list.
You can has review!
Okay, who introduced Starlight to Franziska Von Karma?
Hah! I was waiting for the Smartie-Pants “want it need it” spell to come up, that was definitely one of her worse moments lol.