Five private heavens have gone horribly wrong, leaving behind five little ponies just trying to find a way out.
Now in Chinese, courtesy of hehelover!
Now with a Spanish translation by Spaniard Kiwi!
Chapters (5)
Skywriter
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Why are they all from Our Town? Shouldn't they be from different towns if they're going to different heavens?
Starlight Glimmer, Professional Psychologist owns her own retreat in the mountains where overstressed ponies fed up with the worries and problems of modern life can go. It's a nice place with friendly ponies, lots of smiles, and a growing population. You're going to enjoy it so much you'll never ever want to leave. We promise.
8009423
Read story before posting :p
Well done Skywriter, now waiting for Double Diamond's chapter.
Echoes of the Winchester House?
Yay creepy cultist mare.
#StarlightShouldHaveWon
Exquisite stuff, this. Surprisingly few people have asked what brought these ponies to Our Town. Your takes on what brought them there are believable and deeply impactful. Definitely looking forward to the others, especially how you handle Starlight, and at what point in her life.
I see someone else isn't entirely happy with the Wonderbolts as they're portrayed on the show...
A very well written story so far, does a good job of showing how Ponies might get to the point of rejecting their Cutie Mark without any "Starlight brainwashed them" shenanigans.
Edit: given how badly he managed to shake Pinkie Pie, I wonder how many careers Cheese Sandwich has inadvertently brought to a juddering halt? It must be like going to an audition with a juggling act, and finding that the guy before you is juggling six (operating) chainsaws, three Ming vases, and a pipe smoking Amish midget in a rocking chair.
Shouldn't you say in the chapter titles whose POV is taking place?
*snerk* Brilliant.
Good stuff so far! I look forward to seeing who else shows up. It's important to remember that those ponies all had reason for doing what they did, and when betraying something so fundamental as their mark and talent, it should be for compelling reason.
I would love to see this story end with Starlight and see what you can do to expound her little history of pain.
Oooh. You're turning this into a full story, then!
Awesome.
You know, this is probably the best Watsonian explanation of the Appaloosa pie-fight that I've seen.
Oh man.
Yes this is happening.
8009662 Was just thinking the Whinnychester Mystery House,
Interesting that even after being disillusioned with everyone else, Night Glider still believes in Wind Rider. I hope she never finds out the truth about him.
My goodness, this is fascinating. I love what you're doing with this- Keep it up!
When I saw the blog post with the chapter that started this, I was super worried that it was one of those all-too-autobiographical pieces that don't bode well for the future. It may still be that, but you're really making something out of it! I have to say I didn't expect the other ponies' stories to be able to stand up to that first one. It really hits me hard. However...
It's not every day that a legit FiM story explains how friends are a terrible thing.
Your ability to embrace and extend parts of FiM canon that plenty of people are content to pretend simply don't exist is the stuff of legend. Dear Celestia, guilt over making War Pies is the one of the funniest things I've ever read. I read this on subway on my way back from PAX and I'm sure I looked real silly giggling my ass off in the midst of a crowd of stone-faced phone-gazers.
Hey, nice to see this get another update! The Starlight here was different than we'd see, you can see her sinister edge coming in. Diamond's personality here certainly seems to fit what we'd seen of him.
Nice job!
This is interesting on several levels. Not just Starlight's manipulation—though that is horrifying—but also how Double Diamond bucks the trend. While the others all came to Starlight of their own volition, he just happened by. Possibly with a little intervention in ensuring the crash, but still, he was happy with his talent. It took weeks in the propaganda hut to get him on board, and even then, his attitude was generally positive. That attitude would carry on later on; while those who questioned their purposes would go on to question the regime, he would blithely coast along as he always had.
No wonder he was Starlight's loyal enforcer. There's no zeal like that of the newly converted, especially the newly converted who isn't exactly the deepest of thinkers to begin with.
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have just one little thing
Oh, would you please finally bring
Me that tiny glass
Of water?!
More seriously, Starlight's getting worse here, her utopian dream already starting to slide into that dystopic cult thing... I really want to see the finale!
This was a very thought-provoking story. And I enjoyed the narrative turnaround in this final chapter.
8243450
Glad you liked!
Have to agree with 8243450 here. Makes you think, and I like that in a story. Also, I do love the twist in narrative here for the finale.
Once more, done properly.
A wonderful series of shorts, this, especially how it all ties together at the end with a much better role model. Thank you for it.
A fine ending for a fine story!
(Really liked that montage quip, too.
)
Ah, a very nice conclusion. Thank you for bringing this full circle and filling in the various pieces we didn't have of these five.
Just one thing narrative wise. Should this
not consist of all questions?
Because Starlight is asking for clarification from Twilight on those points.
Again though, a nice look into the various damaged lives of those ponies
8244542
By absolute proper punctuation rules, yes. Those are all questions. I found it more evocative of SG's delivery style to have that vaguely sardonic falling tone to her voice, which was better accomplished with periods.
an end
Lovely little finisher to this story that I had forgotten existed.
8244725
Thanks for the catch!
Ah, I see you're doing a bit-by-bit sequence for each of the Equal Four. I can see Party Favor being eaten up all too easily by his supposed insignificance, particularly next to the likes of Cheese Sandwich.
Also, I got that Peanuts reference
If Sugar Belle had a fortune to build a house full of mazes...
You know, given Pinkie Pie technically inspired Cheese Sandwich to go into parties as a career, I guess this is the second member of the Equal Four who the Mane 6 inadvertently sent into the welcoming hooves of Starlight Glimmer.
Somehow, I think it would shake Night Glider even more to find out that Wind Rider's also a pretty douchey guy. That was more a 'ten seconds out of my life' moment for him, even if it shook Night Glider to the core and affected the rest of her own life.
This is definitely a different take compared to the other ponies. Double Diamond appeared to be actually satisfied with his life, but since Starlight had him as basically a willing captive (even if he wasn't aware of it, given that she was looking after his health), she was able to manipulate his reading materials and their conversations until she altered his very perception of things. When the time came, it certainly made him her right-hoof pony, a lot harder to shake out of the Equalist ideology (well, at least until Starlight's deception was revealed for all to see).
I still feel, if anything, that there should have been more than a three-second bit of Starlight seeking forgiveness from the Our Town ponies. Ditto here. Ah well, still a nice short fic.
8309774
Yeah, this was an attempt at emulating canon, not fixficcing (of which I agree SG's story needs a little, TBH, though she's gradually growing on me a little).
Thanks for reading and responding throughout!
Ok, that's the best mix of emotional and unintentionally hilarious ive ever seen. This is definately going on the "out-of-context quotes" list.
...ouch.
that... that hits a little close to home.
It's not dramatic or super emotional, but it's scarily on point. This isn't some far-removed epic tragedy; this is life, and an all too life-like loss.
here's to you skywriter.
8445121
Thanks so much!
A great take on how easy it is to take the wrong path when you're hurting. This last chapter really stands out, as SG isn't totally onboard with reconciling what she did with who she wants to be, but is desperate enough to want to get there. The crying really feels natural at the end not just because of the enormity of her situation, but because the walls she built up for herself and others are crumbling.
8451640
Thanks! Glad you liked!
Really lovely, this. It was creepy and sad but well written and thought provoking...until the final chapter. That pushed it into epic ness. Thank you so much!
8489983
Thanks for reading!
Some of this sounds rather introspective.
Eddie the Eagle reference is appropriate.
8509660
Good eye.
8509676
Accidental!
It got creepier.
8650285
Indeed it did.
R-r-reversal!
Me likey this reversal. ^^
8735130
Thank you!
The ending of this is kind of creepy in a way; it recasts Starlight Glimmer's reformation in a rather disconcerting light. She was a pony who was telling other ponies what they needed, when they actually needed something else entirely. When it is reflected in the end, I'm left wondering if Twilight Sparkle actually knows what is best for Starlight Glimmer, or if Twilight is just supplying an answer for Starlight based on her own biases, that Starlight is eager to lap up because she's empty on the inside?
I liked this piece, though I wasn't sure about it after reading the first three stories; the last two made me realize what was really going on. Well done.