Will Ye No Come Back Again?

by Judge Holden

Sammy is Forgetful

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour feels like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second feels like an hour. That's relativity."

-Albert Einstein

---

The paperwork ended up taking the better part of the afternoon. I killed the time by playing with the mane of the Pink Menace. My goal was to figure out what sorcery lied within it. If you're curious, I was unsuccessful.

I swear I pulled out a Louisiana license plate, a super-ball I lost when I was younger, and a slingshot I used to use to torment the squirrels in my yard.

Real quick: Never shoot a squirrel with a slingshot. They hold grudges.

The paperwork was incredibly tedious. I was amazed that Pinkie didn't mind me messing around with her mane, and more so that nopony thought it was weird that I was pulling such random odds and ends out of it. I was grateful to be allowed to do these things. I would have gone crazy with boredom otherwise.

I was told the work was all necessary, though. The papers she signed that day put me on record- when I was found to be completely off the grid, I was told I needed to have identification and also become a citizen. In addition, the paperwork to get me into school was also sorted.

I found it kind of strange that I needed to come to another town in order to be allowed into school in Ponyville. The big problem was the fact that the place was a one-room schoolhouse. The school system in this place was far different from the one I was accustomed to. For one thing, a school year was only half as long here as where I came from, but first grade, second grade, third grade? They threw the entire grade system out the window. For better or worse, you're in school until you turn 18 here.

The grading system, on the other hand, was very much the same as where I was from. A- average, B- Bad, C- Can't Eat Dinner, D- Don't Come Home, and F- Forgotten Forever.

I may be exaggerating.

Each school day lasted around 6 hours, but there were two sessions- 9am-3pm, or 3pm-9pm for the older kids. There were two teachers- Ms. Cherilee, the morning teacher, and Ms. Ribble, the evening teacher.

I wasn't going to judge. I was assured that my teacher, Cherilee, was a very kind one. I only hoped she beat my first teacher, Mrs. Dinkin. We all called her Stinkin' Dinkin.

There was only one day off a week, though we were also to be given half days here and there. Homework was given on occasion, but it was mostly forsaken in favor of letting students rest their minds- some nut jobs where I am from would say that homework is bad for a kid's education, but I say if I had to do it plus extra work for beating someone with a trash can, share in my misery.

Anyhoo, school was half as long as I was used to, and it covered a lot of stuff I was familiar with, but also stuff that I had no idea of anything about. It was going to be very difficult to continue withholding certain words that made the list if I am forced to write them down on tests.

School for me would begin on Monday- the day today was Wednesday, so I still had some time to get my affairs in order beforehand.

I knew the day because I found a calendar in Pinkie's mane, but that's neither here nor there.

When we were done (FINALLY) with the paperwork, Pinkie asked me if I wanted to see the princesses. I personally could not wait to be out of the palace. It was nice, don't get me wrong, but I felt so out of place there it wasn't even funny. At this point, I just could hardly sit still. I almost felt like hopping around as Pinkie was fond of doing, as if that would make me feel better. I hadn't felt so cooped up and dying to do something since Pauly was killed.

Wait, that's not right. Jimmy.

No, uhh... Air Heart?

I felt my eyes widen. This can't be. What's my name? Sammy. What's my brother's name? Stevie. Mom? Maggie. My cousin that got killed? What was his name?

Benjamin Cat?

I felt my eyes moisten. This can't be happening. What was my cousin's name? He was my best friend, wasn't he? How could I forget his fucking name?

I let out a choking sob. By now Pinkie's attention was on me again, but she wasn't saying anything. She was just eyeing me.

I heard Pinkie ask me what the matter was after a few more moments of silence. All I managed to say was, "I'm losing." I then did what I had been fighting to avoid for so long: I burst into tears.

She didn't know to say much, but she did pick me up and begin carrying me out of the palace. I could do little else but continue with my sobbing. Pinkie was very quiet, though not due to lack of caring.

I could even feel eyes on me of other ponies. I knew that some were feeling pity for me, while others were turning up their noses at me. Really, though, I couldn't care less. I just wanted to go home.

I buried my face in Pinkie's mane. I wanted to hide in it. Or perhaps I thought the memories that had fled from me would be within it.

"Sammy."

I didn't respond. I was absolutely hysterical. I could have been being addressed by God, and I would not have responded.

"Sammy."

Why was this happening? I can sort of understand my new life, in a weird reincarnation kind of way. But why was I losing my memories of before?

Who was our Princess? Did my home even have one? Who rose the sun and the moon?

What the fuck was happening to me?

"Samantha."

Being given a new name? My responding to it as if it were my own? That's just twisting the knife.

Pinkie finally pulled my face out of her mane, and turned my head for me. She put a tissue to my nose, and I wiped the tears from my eyes, though they were quickly replaced.

"Look!"

I was set on the lap of the Pink Menace facing away from her. I couldn't help but gasp at the sight.

She had taken me out of not just the palace, but Canterlot. I was atop a hill overlooking the city with her, and we were watching the sun gradually creep towards the horizon. It caused an almost halo effect over the already stunning city.

I sniffled. The tears began to slow down at last. I still felt Pinkie rubbing my arm comfortingly.

"Whenever I was sad here," she said. "I would come to this place and look down at the city."

She sighed in nostalgia. "I spent hours here sometimes. One time, I failed a very important test I had been expecting to pass. I came out here to sulk, and I was on the verge of throwing in the towel and taking a W in the course. That means withdrawal, so you know."

Like she had for me on that bench outside the castle, I listened intently as she told her tale.

"It occurred to me while I was watching the city and shame eating a red velvet muffin, though: I'm still breathing."

I could feel her grin.

"I was disappointed, sure, but I knew one thing for sure, and that was that I was loved by the ones who knew me. The Princess herself loves us all as well. It's never possible to say you are unloved, much like it's never possible to cry forever."

She wrapped her forearms around me tightly.

"Smile, and the city seems to smile back," she said. "Seriously, try it! Smile smile smile!"

I didn't smile at first. Who was this and what did she do with the Pink Menace?

Pinkie moved her head to my shoulder and I could feel her grinning at me. I wasn't looking at her, though, but she has this uncanny ability: anyone she grins at ends up smiling as well. Needless to say, I could feel my resolve wavering, but my face wasn't cracking.

The issues that came up were weighing too heavily on me. I knew I was forgetting things that were important to me, and that terrified me. How long would it be before I forgot who I was?

I felt a jolt in my side and I let out a gasp. When I looked for the source, however, I found nothing. Pinkie was whistling Fare You Well Old Joe Clark innocently.

There was a jolt in my other side and I let out an involuntary squeak. I shot my head to investigate, but again could see nothing.

This time, however, I turned my head again, on the off chance that my other side was affected again.

It was. Pinkie's hoof found my side gently, and I felt myself jolt away from it.

She took that as a green light and began a full on assault of tickling.

Try as I might, I could not keep the giggle fit suppressed. My first giggles encouraged the Pink Menace, and she kept at it. No matter what I tried to do, I couldn't get free of her.

I did my best, too. I even tried, in my desperation, to tickle her back, and yeah she began to giggle as well, but... I guess there was a reason she was the Element of Laughter and I wasn't. By the time our horseplay (pun intended) was over, I felt in much better spirits. It was almost as if I couldn't remember what I was so upset about.

Come to think of it, what was I so upset about? It's the darnedest thing, but I can't remember.

"Feel better?" she asked. I gave her a smile and a hug, and that was all the answer I could afford her.

"Good, now let's see about visiting Canterlot!"

She grinned. "I own three restaurants here, and eleven hotels- I call them 'Hotel Pinnkies!'"

She giggled at her own joke. "Get it? Because inn?"

I nodded, and laughed a fake laugh to humor her. Then, my stomach chose that moment to growl. As if in response, hers did too.

"Good idea," she said. "Let's go get something to eat."

That's just what we did. Pinkie, meanwhile, wouldn't stop looking at me. It was as if she were daring me to start breaking down again. At this point, I couldn't even remember what I was so upset about. That in and of itself annoyed me. What causes me such a scene, then just fucks off like that?

I felt my eyes widen slightly again. That's right, my cousin. I forgot my cousin. It's okay, though. I remember now. His name was Red Wing. It was an odd name choice, though, considering he was not a pegasus. What killed him, though? I can't remember that now!

I felt a growl try to escape my throat, and when I forced it back down, it echoed through my stomach instead. Pinkie only giggled.

We found our way to this little bistro that was apparently a guilty pleasure of one of the princesses called Mareo's. It was a faux italian looking place where the wait staff all had false moustaches. Even the mares.

Speaking of, it was one of the mares who would be taking care of us that night, and she seemed to be absolutely thrilled to be working there. I mean, she was wearing the moustache kind of crooked, her eyes were half shut, and she addressed us in this very fake italian accent while at the same time being the most monotonous creature I'd ever then known.

I couldn't resist. When she asked us for our drinks, I told her I moustache her a question about the legal drinking age. She scowled.

"The legal drinking age is 21, missy. Uhh, I mean- Mama mia, you are far too young to indulge in alcohol, young lass!"

Why was she Scottish now?

I grinned at her. "That's all well and good. I think I have a flask stashed somewhere around here."

She didn't react, so I repeated myself. "Stashed."

Her eye twitched. I smiled sweetly. "'stached.'"

Pinkie was far too absorbed in the menu to notice what I was doing to the poor waitress. I wasn't afraid of her spitting in my food, though, because most of the stuff here was all pony safe, which meant no meats of any kind (there were a few meat options for carnivorous visitors to the country) on most of the dishes. What that meant is, there were many different salads I could choose from, and you can't spit in a salad, now can you?

The waitress uttered, "I'm going to get you some water." She practically flew away. Funny, she wasn't a pegasus.

Pinkie giggled. "Gosh, did you see the 'stache on that one?!"

---

I had another problem.

Where I'm from, I loved steak and beef. I agreed that meat was murder, though. Delicious, succulent, mouth watering murder. There's room for all God's creatures right next to my mashed potatoes.

I was fond of telling people that the word "vegetarian" was ancient tribal slang for the village idiot who can't hunt, fish, or ride.

I told myself, when I first saw advertisements here for "delectable dandelions and roasted roses" that I was never going to partake in flowers. Or grass. Salads, fine. Even I enjoyed a good salad every now and again back home. Pallet cleanser and all that.

For some reason, when I looked at the meat options on the menu, I felt ill, like the thought of eating meat disgusted me. I tried to picture my favorite supper back home- sirloin steak with garlic mashed potatoes and spinach.

The thought of it now, though, specifically the steak... it made my stomach protest and I no longer felt I might have a problem salivating over the thought. Thoughts of my favorite types of meat disgusted me now- had I really eaten that stuff?

The salads, vegetables, fruits and even mushroom steaks, however- they sounded appealing to me.

Why was this happening to me? Come on already- enough's enough!

I did enjoy my salad at least. It was one of the more delicious salads I'd ever tried.

Pinkie ordered a plate of something called "Fries Quatro Queso Dos Fritos," which were potatoes with four cheeses inside them beer battered and deep fried. She gave me one with a smile, and I couldn't not try it- nothing of the sort could have existed where I was from. It would be too much for the human pallette to handle; a flavor seizure!

We had a very pleasant lunch together, though Pinkie did end up reprimanding me for my moustache puns when it looked like the waitress was at her wits end. I swear I heard Discord's voice complimenting the prank. Great, I hear voices.

Another problem came up, however, when Pinkie asked me for one of my marigolds.

My response was a blank stare. She pulled her fork back and I saw a look of mild disappointment on her face. She hid it with a smile.

"That's okay, you eat!"

I blinked. "Wait, what marigold?"

She giggled, then pointed at my plate. It was only then that I really took note of the flower petals sprinkled in my salad. I had unknowingly eaten flowers, and I actually liked them.

Hey, remember the part where I didn't want to eat flowers? Apparently I didn't.

"I'm so glad you enjoyed them," she chirped. "At least I know one other pony that actually likes them!"

She took a petal and stuffed it into her mouth.

"Too sweet to the others. I say it's just right. Tangy!"

I wanted to be more upset about it, but I couldn't will myself to be. I guess I had exhausted any emotions I could have felt dealing with that Red Wing business earlier.

The plus side is, I remember what killed him- if you could call that a plus side. It was the fish heads. They used some kind of new spell on him during an ambush. Probably shot him in the back. I remember I wanted so badly to show them where they could stick their "honor."

I admit that I held no love for the Japs or the Krauts. I would end up giving some Kraut mare shit one day at Rarity's shop. Apparently she was a very popular seamstress looking to discuss business with Rarity, and I nearly ended up costing her the entire meeting. I was asked to leave and was not permitted to help Rarity again until I made right with the Krau- Germane mare.

Also I may have had to get sensitivity training from Fluttershy for six weeks.

When I was finally jostled out of my thoughts, we were no longer at the restaurant. I really had to get a handle on this thousand yard stare of mine, as Discord called it. I was never like this back home. I mean, I don't think I was.

We were standing before a store advertising paraphernalia for everything from the Daring Do series I'd not even given two looks to down to some flying team called the Wonderbolts. I kind of wanted to call the latter Blue Angels for some reason, though, so that was a problem.

Pinkie grinned down at me.

"C'mon! We still have a few hours before we need to catch the train back to Ponyville. If you see something you like, let me know!"

Was she trying to bribe me? I couldn't tell. Perhaps she thought my crying was as annoying as I thought it was? Granted, I'd not done a whole ton in front of her at the same extremity as before, but... crying. Stevie was a sympathetic crier.

I didn't ask her to buy anything. She had to pry things that I liked the look of out of me. I was never comfortable receiving gifts. It was a by product of growing up in the 30's. Almost everypony was pinching their bits back then due to a massive down swing in the economy. Getting gifts felt wrong.

Additionally, she'd thrown me two parties in the span of two days, and even got me onto a super fancy train for the first time in my life. I didn't want to overstep any bounds, and I made a mental note to find out the birthday of the Pink Menace so I may get her a gift too.

When I got older I would try to do as she did and prepare a surprise party for her, and though she would act surprised all the same, I knew she never really was. No matter how airtight I kept the secret, she found out. Even Discord had no answer for me other than "Pinkie Pie."

When we were done at that shop, Pinkie had purchased a few books about that Daring Do character, a poster depicting her, and a doll. In addition, there was a poster of the Wonderblue Angels, and a calendar that had humorous cartoons depicted over each month. She also bought some caramel apples and a box of chocolate mints because her sweet tooth can never be satisfied. I was amazed that her teeth were so clean all the time.

When we had finally gotten back onto the train, it was later in the evening. Pinkie was once more yammering on about everything and nothing at the same time, while at the same time trying to get me to talk more about my past.

That was a problem, considering I'd not exactly been recalling my memories clearly of late. Pinkie's prying was not helping, and she stopped when she saw the stress in my eyes.

I felt hope flutter up in my heart. Stress! Perhaps that had something to do with my amnesia? I mean, I had no trouble with my memories when Red Wing was killed, and I didn't have any trouble when the Krauts wounded me. Once I woke up in those woods as a filly instead of a foal, however? It was like someone poked a hole in my psyche and over time my memories had been leaking out through it. Patch the hole, and I save my memories!

I gave an elated chuckle. How silly was I being before! All this time I was terrified of losing these memories when it was just stress induced. If I could come to terms with the stress, I just knew I could work on regaining the memories I lost so far.

I was practically vibrating on the seat with excitement. I could remember my Daddy again! I could remember my friends, my home- I'll remember everything I thought I lost just as soon as I can come to terms with my stressors.

The thought made the trip back that much more enjoyable.

The one thing I was willing to talk about with her was Stevie. I grinned at the thought of his vacuous eyes. I may have only resolved earlier in the day that I would never forget him, but being able to recall his name with ease and speed made me feel good, like I was finally going to beat back this amnesia.

I told her everything I could think of telling her- Stevie's fascination with balloons and how they stayed in the air, his love for all those he met regardless of how they treated him. I think he would have loved to meet Pinkie. If anypony could make him laugh, it would be her, and Stevie's laughter was rare, though his happiness was not.

I smiled up at her. She was listening to me ramble on intently, as if storing away my words like a squirrel acorns for the winter. We were by now just disembarking the train.

"He laughed so rarely, but it wasn't because he was unhappy. Laughter was just... complicated for him. My Daddy used to say that his laughter was a sign of good luck."

Pinkie gave me a smile. "Did you ever make him laugh?" she asked.

I nodded. "Sure! It was hit and miss, though. He knew what funny was, and when something amused him you could tell, but... like I said, he just showed it a little differently. When something was really, really funny he would laugh."

I giggled. "Dad got this sculpture of a lady's leg. Its name was "Artistic Appreciation," and nopony other than him appreciated it. Stevie one day knocked it to the ground, but only chipped it, and Dad threw a fit when he found out. I remember trying to cover for him by saying it was trying to get a leg up in this crazy world."

Pinkie giggled. Okay, it wasn't that funny, but it made Stevie laugh, and so it's a masterpiece of a joke in my books.

I saw Pinkie's smile slowly fall. "What happened, anyway? To your brother."

My smile fell too. As far as I was aware he was doing just fine back home with my parents. Yet, I told everypony here that they were dead. Or I was dead to them.

I really didn't want to talk about it, especially after having felt my spirits lighten a bit. I waved a hoof dismissively.

"I wonder what the weather's going to be doing tomorrow?"

End of Chapter