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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I can't wait for the next chapter this is going to be good
I want MORE !!!!!
Loving it
I'm sorry, I don't even know that much about Hellsing...
But having every single characters power?
No. Too OP.
AND their skills?
Look, it's already too OP, and the grammar isn't that good based off the description.
Try to pace things, let him learn how to use his powers and not know right off the bat. And maybe tone down the pace of the romance? Clop on the fifth chapter is a bit fast. And maybe get an editor if you don't already have one.
7975667 you do know Alucard is the Lord/Prince of darkness as says here http://hellsing.wikia.com/wiki/Alucard in all understanding (for those who watch hellsing ultimate) know that Alucard is the most powerful vampire to exist in HU to the point that not even humans could kill him besides 1 human named Van Hellsing when Van Stab Alluy in the Heart with a wooden stake which has a high chance that it might have put alluy to sleep instead of out right killing him
Oh shit!
Ummmm I hate to be the guy to point it out but (hypnotised/hypnosis/hypnotise) is spell as so
Luna might need a therapy. She has good reasons for her behavior but daaamn... She is slightly unstable.
Celestia is a lying & backstabing bitch... Im very surprised Roy forgive her that fast & simpel.
Bloody hell is Celestia a hypocritic slut...
She only is respected for her Alicorn nature i guess...
Cant see what else...
Alucard seem to enjoy himself Lets hope he stays... Entertained.
Im surprised that Luna didnt kicked Celestias ass trough half his castle.
Yay... Two doggos for Roy. One to cute and one to deadly not to like em
Love the story, especially since I just ended up with a run of three rather bad ones in a row. So this is a burst of fresh air.
BUT, why did you have to make Nightmare a damsel in destress? Really having the hero push her out of the way of danger is a disservice to the character who is a battle mage. I think that one of the worst mistakes writers make is when they have the hero do everything. Hero walks in, and makes the banquets dinner, then goes and forges some armor, then pushes the captain of the guard to safety before taking out the tribe of bandits. And at the end of the day, he takes the maids duster and dusts the entire sixth floor.
It's unrealistic. While yes, pushing the Nightmare out of the way from the arrow is reasonable, it would have been better and more realistic if she knocked out the second griffin. But even that really does the character a disservice. Realistically, it would have been him that noticed the danger and her stopping the arrow in mid flight with magic and killing the archer with the counter strike. Leaving the hero to knock out the second griffin.
But I can understand why things went down the way that they did. It's a habit to think the heros actions through and having the supporting casts responses as a secondary consideration. It's the way we write, but it creates unrealistic scenarios and really hurts the secondary characters because it makes it harder to come up with dialog and ideas for what to do with them. After all what can you say to them when they arent contributing to the story. But if they take part, now you can have banter and dialog that comes more naturally.
Just a few thoughts that I think may help other writers on the site.
Monk
"Mavis, for crimes against royalty, I hereby sentence you to the sushi bar!" the judge said, as chains wrapped around her, and dragged her away." -darkmage1997